10% Happier with Dan Harris

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.

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Simple tools you can knit into your life both for when you're actively freaking out, and for preventing future trips down the anxiety toilet.

Dr. Jenny Taitz is a clinical psychologist and an assistant clinical professor in psychiatry at the University of California, Los Angeles. Dr. Taitz completed her fellowship in psychology at Yale University School of Medicine and achieved board certifications in both cognitive behavioral therapy and dialectical behavior therapy. Her new book, Stress Resets: How to Soothe Your Body and Mind in Minutes, is out now.

In this episode we talk about:

• The difference between stress and anxiety
• Jenny's take on the use of benzodiazepines
• What she means by, "negative core beliefs", and how to untangle ourselves from them
• How to prepare in advance for stressful situations
• The benefit of giving yourself a deliberate panic attack
• And why stress, while uncomfortable, is actually part of a healthy and meaningful life

Additional Links:

How to Be Single and Happy by Dr. Jenny Taitz

Breathe • Calm down • Meditate

Three-Minute Breathing Space

Related Episodes:

Can Anxiety Be a Gift? | Dr. David Rosmarin

Zach Braff On: Anxiety, Sobriety, Insomnia, Grief, Social Media, and the Meaning of the Tattoo on His Wrist

For tickets to Dan Harris: Celebrating 10 Years of 10% Happier at Symphony Space: click here

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Our favorite playlists on: Anxiety, Sleep, Relationships, Most Popular Episodes

Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/jenny-taitz-730

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.

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What 40 years of research tells us about how to cultivate good relationships in our lives.

World-renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce prediction, Dr. John Gottman has conducted over 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples. He is the co-founder of The Gottman Institute and Affective Software Inc. as well as author of over 200 published academic articles and author or co-author of more than 40 books, including The New York Times bestseller The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.

Dr. Julie Gottman is the Co-Founder and President of The Gottman Institute and Co-Founder of Affective Software, Inc. A highly respected clinical psychologist and author, she is sought internationally by media and organizations as an expert advisor on marriage, domestic violence, gay and lesbian adoption, same-sex marriage, and parenting issues. She is the co-creator of the immensely popular The Art and Science of Love weekend workshop for couples and she also co-designed the national clinical training program in Gottman Method Couples Therapy.

In this episode we talk about:

• how to talk (and listen) to your partner in moments of conflict
• what to do before you start trying to solve a problem together
• why "there's no such thing as constructive criticism"
• the details of John's research findings, which have allowed him to predict with stunning accuracy whether a couple will get divorced
• how the Gottmans themselves do when it comes to operationalizing their findings/advice
• how and why betrayal occurs
• when a couple should consider separating
• the role mindfulness can play in healthy relationships
• and the role of humor in relationships.

Related Episodes:

• Six Buddhist Strategies for Getting Along Better with Everyone | Sister True Dedication
• The Science of Emotional Intelligence | Daniel Goleman
• Improving Your Relationships - Buddhist Style | Martine Batchelor

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Our favorite playlists on: Anxiety, Sleep, Relationships, Most Popular Episodes

For tickets to Dan Harris: Celebrating 10 Years of 10% Happier at Symphony Space: click here

Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/gottmans-418-rerun

Additional Resources:

• Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install

Conflict doesn't have to suck. These iconic relationship researchers tell us how.

Fight Right: How Successful Couples Turn Conflict Into Connection is the name of a new book by esteemed guests Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Gottman.

They are the co-Founders of The Gottman Institute and have completed over 40 years of research with more than 3,000 couples. John is the researcher; Julie the clinician. They have written several books together, including Eight Dates and The Love Prescription.

Even though the majority of the Gottmans' research is on couples, the advice is applicable to all types of relationships.

In this episode we talk about:

• The three principle conflict styles
• Why we often don't understand what it is we're fighting about
• Perpetual problems vs. Solvable problems
• Why the first three minutes of an argument are key
• The simple sentence to use at the beginning of an argument
• How to downregulate defensiveness in an argument
• Why the Gottmans' believe there is no such thing as constructive criticism
• Why apologizing quickly isn't always the right move
• When a fight might spell the end

Related Episodes:

• Dan Savage on how to handle disappointment in your relationships, how to get better at sex, and why "a couple" is an Illusion
• Lori Brotto on mindful sex
• Devon and Craig Hase on how not to be a hot mess
• Myisha Battle on love, sex, dating, and relationship myths

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Ten Percent Happier online bookstore

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Our favorite playlists on: Anxiety, Sleep, Relationships, Most Popular Episodes

For tickets to Dan Harris: Celebrating 10 Years of 10% Happier at Symphony Space: click here

Full Shownotes: http://tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/gottmans-726

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.

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We're dropping a fun little treat in your feed today: it's an episode of The Puzzler, a new podcast from writer A.J. Jacobs, who was my guest on Ten Percent Happier at the beginning of December. His new book, also called The Puzzler, is all about his exploration of the world of puzzles – everything from word games to jigsaw puzzles to Sudoku and beyond – and how what he calls "the puzzle mindset" can really improve your life.

So then he asked me to be his guest on The Puzzler, a daily podcast that he hosts, with so-called "celebrity" guests trying to do puzzles. I've said before that I'm not really a puzzle guy, but A.J. is a delight and it was a lot of fun getting to be on his show – and that's the episode we're sharing with you today. You can find "The Puzzler with A.J. Jacobs" wherever you get your podcasts. And thanks, A.J., for having me.

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Our favorite playlists on: Anxiety, Sleep, Relationships, Most Popular Episodes

For tickets to Dan Harris: Celebrating 10 Years of 10% Happier at Symphony Space: click here

Additional Resources:

• Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.

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You may be breathing wrong. Here's how to fix it.

At times, self-improvement can seem like a never-ending hallway filled with limitless shame and insufficiency. So when something as simple as the breath falls into this category, it seems only natural to meet that news with some resistance. Our guest today, James Nestor, argues that many of us, of all things, are breathing incorrectly but that by fixing our breathing, it can help with both physical and psychological ailments.

Nestor is a science journalist who wrote a book called, Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art, which spent 18 weeks on the New York Times bestseller list and was translated into more than 35 languages.

In this episode we talk about:

• How Nestor got interested in breathing in the first place
• Why we are the worst breathers in the animal kingdom
• The importance of posture
• The deleterious effects of mouth breathing
• Why we need to chew more
• The relationship between breathing and anxiety
• The relationship between breathing and sleep
• And we dive into a variety of breathing exercises

Where to find James Nestor online:

Website: www.mrjamesnestor.com

Social Media:

• Facebook
• Instagram

Book Mentioned:

• Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art

Other Resources Mentioned:

• Daniel E. Lieberman
• The Wim Hof Method
• Dr. Stanislav Grof and holotropic breathwork
• Dr. Richard P. Brown
• Matthew P. Walker
• More on Kundalini Yoga and Breathing
• Sudarshan Kriya
• Dr. Herbert Benson and tummo breathing technique

Related Episodes:

Three Lessons from Happiness Research | Emma Seppälä

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Ten Percent Happier online bookstore

Subscribe to our YouTube Channel

Our favorite playlists on: Anxiety, Sleep, Relationships, Most Popular Episodes

For tickets to Dan Harris: Celebrating 10 Years of 10% Happier at Symphony Space: click here

Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/james-nestor-rerun

Additional Resources:

• Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.

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Dan Savage has been writing the popular sex-advice column Savage Love for over thirty years. He also hosts the Savage Lovecast and is the author of numerous books. In 2010 Dan and his husband founded the It Gets Better Project, which was designed to give hope to LGBTQ kids. It was seen all over the world–and won an Emmy.

In this episode we talk about:

• How to handle disappointment and jealousy
• How to get better at sex
• Why so many couples lose their spark and what to do about it
• How to date in the era of apps
• Why it's so hard for straight couples to talk about sex
• Dan's contention that the idea of a 'couple' is an illusion

Related Episodes:

• Lori Brotto on mindful sex
• Devon and Craig Hase on how not to be a hot mess
• Myisha Battle on love, sex, dating, and relationship myths

Sign up for Dan Harris's weekly newsletter here

Follow Dan Harris on social: Instagram, TikTok

Ten Percent Happier online bookstore

Subscribe to our YouTube Channel

Our favorite playlists on: Anxiety, Sleep, Relationships, Most Popular Episodes

For tickets to Dan Harris: Celebrating 10 Years of 10% Happier at Symphony Space: click here

Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/dan-savage-723

Gently opening to the full sensations of anxiety and even making friends with it can actually create more calm and peace in your body.

About Leslie Booker:

After training as a yoga teacher in 2007, Booker was drawn to Spirit Rock Meditation Center’s Mindful Yoga and Meditation training which she completed in 2012. She is a co-founder of the Yoga Service Council at Omega Institute and the Meditation Working Group of Occupy Wall Street. In 2020 she was invited to be a Sojourner Truth Leadership Fellow through Auburn Seminary and was voted by her peers as one of the 12 Powerful Women in the Mindfulness Movement. She currently lives in Philadelphia with her partner and pup and is the Co-Guiding Teacher of New York Insight.

To find this meditation in the Ten Percent Happier app, you can search for “Making Friends with Your Anxiety.”

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.

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Sometimes perseverance is overrated. An argument for strategic quitting.

Julia Keller is a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist, novelist, and playwright. She has a Ph.D. in English Literature from The Ohio State University and has taught at Princeton University, the University of Chicago, and the University of Notre Dame, and was a Nieman Fellow at Harvard University. She was the chief book critic at The Chicago Tribune for many years before quitting the world of daily journalism to write books.

In this episode we talk about:

• The history behind why quitting gets such a bad rap
• What happens in our brains when we quit
• Why we don't give enough credit to quitting
• The myth of perseverance
• How to talk to our children about healthy quitting
• The power of having a community of quitters

Related Episodes:

• The Myth of the Dream Job | Simone Stolzoff
• How To Find Meaningful Work in a Rapidly Changing World | Bruce Feiler

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Ten Percent Happier online bookstore

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Our favorite playlists on: Anxiety, Sleep, Relationships, Most Popular Episodes

Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/julia-keller

Additional Resources:

Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.

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Our ability to focus is not lost, it's just changing. Here's what we can adapt.

Here's a horrifying fact: the average attention span has now declined to just 47 seconds on any particular screen. 47 seconds! How did this happen? How can we get anything done this way?

Today we're going to meet the scientist who's done this research, find out what's driving this, and what we can do about it. And the good news is we really can do things about this.

We're experiencing a fundamental shift in how we think, work, and focus. It shows up in our blizzard of notifications, zoom fatigue, task switching, and burn out.

Dr. Gloria Mark is the Chancellor's Professor of Informatics at the University of California, Irvine. She has been a visiting senior researcher at Microsoft Research since 2012. She's written a book called Attention Span: A Groundbreaking Way to Restore Balance, Happiness and Productivity

In this episode we talked about:

• Four myths about attention and technology
• The problem with frequent task-switching
• The surprising (to me) value of rote or mindless activities
• How to recognize when we are most distracted
• How to design your day based on your attentional resources
• How practicing forethought can help boost our attention and focus
• And Her thoughts on digital detoxes

This episode is part of the latest installment of an occasional series we do, called Sanely Ambitious. If you missed last week's episodes, go check them out. We talked about the science of optimal performance, and also the science of failure, meaning how to fail well. Coming up on Wednesday we're gonna talk about what the research says about when to quit, not just your job, but any endeavor. We will put links in the show notes.

Related Episodes:

The Science of Optimal Performance—at Work and Beyond | Daniel Goleman

The Science of Failing Well | Amy Edmondson

Sign up for Dan's weekly newsletter here

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Ten Percent Happier online bookstore

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Our favorite playlists on: Anxiety, Sleep, Relationships, Most Popular Episodes

Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/gloria-mark

Start your day by tuning in and learning how to feel more connected to all the little details of your life. It turns out, they matter.

About Cara Lai:

Cara Lai spent most of her life trying to figure out how to be happy, or at least avoid total misery, which landed her on a meditation cushion for the majority of her adulthood. In the past, Cara has worked as an artist, wilderness guide, social worker and psychotherapist, but at this point she’s given up on being an adult in exchange for an all-out mindfulness rampage. Her teaching is relatable, authentic, funny and sometimes crass, and is accessible for many people. She teaches teens and adults at Inward Bound Mindfulness Education, Spirit Rock, Insight Meditation Society, and UCLA; ultimately hoping to become as good of a show-off as Dan. And to help people be happier.

To find this meditation in the Ten Percent Happier app, you can search for “Embracing Life.” 

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.