10% Happier with Dan Harris

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Alexander Dreymon is the star of a great show on Netflix called "The Last Kingdom." He plays a Viking, so you're literally not going to find a guy who is more stereotypically masculine. But I've gotten to know Alexander recently and he's also incredibly thoughtful.

We cover a lot of ground in this conversation: marriage, parenting, anger therapy, sleep, human connection, meditation, masculinity, and, uh, how to show your body on Netflix without developing body dysmorphia. We also talk a lot about his show, which is awesome, although it is coming to an end — just a few days ago, Netflix posted the series finale, a movie-length episode called "Seven Kings Must Die" that wraps up the whole story.

In this episode we talk about:

• how having male friends makes his romantic relationship even better
• The importance of therapy, of silliness and of kindness
• the importance of exercise in his life and how he tries not to get overly attached to his body looking a certain way
• a whole discussion between the two of us on the Buddhist idea of non-self
• what his meditation practice looks like now that he has a toddler around the house
• what it's like to wrap up his show, the Last Kingdom, and what might be next

Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/-alexander-dreymon-585

Where to find Alexander Dreymon online:

• Instagram: @alexander.dreymon

Other Resources Mentioned:

• The books of Bernard Cornwell, on which "The Last Kingdom" series is based

Additional Resources:

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New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.

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It's likely uncontroversial to assert that Jennifer Senior is one of our finest living journalists. She's currently a staff writer at The Atlantic and before that she spent many years at the New York Times and New York magazine. Jennifer's written on a vast array of topics, but she has a special knack for writing articles about the human condition that go massively, massively, viral. One such hit was a lengthy and extremely moving piece for The Atlantic that won a Pulitzer Prize. It was about a young man who died on 9/11, and the wildly varying ways in which his loved ones experienced grief. That article, called "What Bobby McIlvaine Left Behind," has now been turned into a book called, On Grief: Love, Loss, Memory.

In this interview, we spend a lot of time talking about this truly fascinating yarn, but we also talk about her other articles: one about an eminent happiness researcher who died by suicide, another about why friendships often break up, and a truly delightful recent piece about the puzzling gap between how old we are and how old we think we are. Jennifer has also written a book about parenting, called All Joy and No Fun which we also reference a few times throughout.

In this episode we talk about:

• Jennifer's perspective on the Bobby McIlvaine story
• Lesser known theories of grieving from Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
• The work involved in finding meaning in loss
• Why – from an evolutionary standpoint – we hurt so badly when we lose someone we love
• Commitment and sacrifice
• The puzzling gap between how old you are and how old you think you are
• The power and perils of friendship
• Why Jennifer has chosen to focus so much of her writing on relationships

Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/jennifer-senior-583

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.

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Today's episode is a rangy and fascinating conversation with a titan of the modern mindfulness scene: Sharon Salzberg. She is the co-founder of the Insight Meditation Society, a renowned meditation retreat center and has written twelve books. Her latest is called, Real Life: The Journey from Isolation to Openness and Freedom.

We get personal and talk about a fascinating question: why did so many Jewish kids of Sharon's generation (the Boomers) get interested in meditation? Sharon was part of a whole crew called the JewBu's — young Jewish people, mostly from New York, who found their way to India and other parts of Asia in the 1960s and 70s, learned about Buddhism, and then came home and taught it to so many of us.

In this episode we talk about:

• The case for openness versus constriction. What is openness? Why do we want it? And how does one achieve it?
• How not to take so seriously the stories you tell yourself
• Whether shame is ever useful
• How the most powerful tools (like self-compassion) can often seem so stupid at first
• The importance of having a growth mindset versus a fixed mindset
• Why gratitude gets a bad rap
• The difference between self-centeredness and "healthy pride"
• Sharon's recent and quite harrowing medical odyssey — and how meditation helped her get through it

Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/sharon-salzberg-582

As a wrap up to our Work Life series, we want to share a preview of another podcast we love: Prof G hosted by Scott Galloway. His interview, "Scott Galloway on: the Impact of Work on Mental Health, the Role of Luck in Success, and How Much is Enough," kicked off this latest series. Scott's show combines business insight and analysis with life and career advice, and we're big fans.

In this episode of Prof G, Scott shares his view on the "Future of Work"— from recruiting, to mentorship, to building teams. He touches on the role nepotism plays in the future of recruiting, to securing a job post-college, and team organization in the workplace.

You can hear more episodes of the Prof G podcast here.

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.

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A beautifully weird conversation with the creator of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction.

Jon Kabat-Zinn, Ph.D. is Professor of Medicine emeritus at the University of Massachusetts Medical School, where he founded its world-renown Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) Clinic in 1979, and the Center for Mindfulness in Medicine, Health Care, and Society (CFM), in 1995. He is the author of many books including Full Catastrophe Living and Wherever You Go, There You Are.

His latest book, Mindfulness Meditation for Pain Relief, illustrates a range of evidence-based mindfulness meditation practices for those suffering with the challenges of chronic pain.

In this episode we talk about:

• The origins of MBSR and its relation to pain relief
• Pain vs. Suffering
• The accessibility of awareness
• The limitation of mindfulness meditation as a self-improvement practice
• The quote, "open your mouth and you're wrong"
• Jon Kabat-Zinn's definition of of healing

Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/jon-kabat-zinn-580

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.

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Today we have a truly incredible episode about how to meditate in hell. You're going to meet a man named Jarvis Jay Masters, who I interviewed from his cell on death row at San Quentin prison in California. Any of us who meditate do our best to apply it to life's ups and downs — but this person has been applying it in some truly extreme circumstances.

Jarvis has now spent more than three decades on death row, including more than two decades in solitary confinement. Shortly after Jarvis's death sentence, he became interested in Buddhism, and started developing a rigorous practice under the tutelage of a Tibetan lama, Chagdud Tulku Rinpoche. Jarvis has now written and published two books about his life, Finding Freedom and That Bird Has My Wings. Both feature forewords by the renowned meditation teacher Pema Chödrön, who has been on this show, and his second book was endorsed by the late Archbishop Desmond Tutu and also by Oprah Winfrey, who selected the book for her famous book club last year.

Jarvis's current appeal sits before a federal judge as we speak. A decision on his future could be reached any day.

Heads up there are frank discussions of suicide and domestic violence in this conversation.

In this episode we talk about:

• His childhood
• His road to prison
• How he unlearned traditional (and harmful) aspects of masculinity
• How he began to write, and the impact that had on him and his standing in the prison
• How he meditates in a noisy prison
• The details of his meditation practice
• His off-the-cushion practice of 'engaged Buddhism' with his fellow inmates
• How he prepares for the possibility of release–and for the possibility of execution
• How he defines freedom

Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/jarvis-jay-masters-579

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.

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People have mixed feelings about the popularization of mindfulness and meditation over the last 10 or 15 years with some referring to it as "McMindfulness."

The critiques can be worthy and the mainstreaming of meditation and mindfulness also have helped millions of people upgrade their lives. One of the many areas where mindfulness and meditation have made inroads of late is the workplace.

All sorts of employers are offering their teams access to meditation via apps or in-person training. But does this stuff actually work? Does it really make you happier at work or better at your job? And what techniques produce which benefits?

Professor Lindsey Cameron is an Assistant Professor at the University of Pennsylvania's Wharton School of Management. Her research focuses on mindfulness as well as the future of work. She has a 20 year practice, having studied and taught primarily in the Vipassana and non-dual traditions. In her prior career, Professor Cameron spent over a decade in the US intelligence and in diplomatic communities serving the Middle East, Africa, and Europe.

In this episode we talk about:

• What companies mean when they talk about mindfulness at work
• What the mindfulness at work research says and how Prof. Cameron parses the results
• The ways mindfulness helps us counteract our inherent biases and stereotypes
• Which specific practices are most beneficial, depending on the situation
• Prof. Cameron's tips for integrating small mindfulness moments into our everyday routines
• Where she stands on the whole "McMindfulness" debate
• Prof. Cameron's research into the gig economy — and how, paradoxically, an Uber worker can feel a sense of autonomy and freedom even though the work is ultimately being dictated by an algorithm

Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/lindsey-cameron-577

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.

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This is the third installment in our Work Life series. In other episodes, we cover topics like imposter syndrome, whether mindfulness really works at work, and whether you should actually bring your whole self to the office.

Today's episode is one that many of us struggle with: interpersonal conflict at work. Our guest is a true ninja on this topic. Amy Gallo is a workplace expert who writes and speaks about interpersonal dynamics, difficult conversations, feedback, gender, and effective communication.

Gallo is a contributing editor at Harvard Business Review and the author of a new book, Getting Along, How to Work with Anyone, Even Difficult People. She's also written the The Harvard Business Review Guide to Dealing With Conflict, and she cohosts the Women at Work podcast.

In this episode we talk about:

• Why quality interactions at work are so important for our professional success and personal mental health
• Why Gallo believes one size doesn't fit all when it comes to dealing with difficult people in the workplace
• Why avoidance isn't usually an option
• What the research tells us about work friendships
• Why we have a tendency to dehumanize people who have more power than us
• Why passive aggressive people can be the most difficult to deal with
• The provocative question of whether we are part of the problem when work conflict crops up
• And, a taxonomy of the eight different flavors of difficult coworkers, including the pessimist, the victim, the know-it-all, and the insecure boss — with tactics for managing each.

Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/amy-gallo-576

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.

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The phrase imposter syndrome has increasingly crept into the culture. If you haven't heard of it, it basically means that you feel like you're a fraud, despite evidence to the contrary. As this term has gained more purchase in our culture, it's also been subjected to an increasing amount of scrutiny and criticism, and also confusion. So, today we're going to try to cut through some of that with Dr. Valerie Young, who's been an internationally recognized expert on imposter syndrome since 1982.

Young is the co-founder of the Imposter Syndrome Institute. She wrote a book called, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: Why Capable People Suffer from the Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive in Spite of It. As you'll hear her explain, imposter syndrome is not just for women — men deal with it, too, as do many other people along the gender spectrum.

This is the second installment of our ongoing work/life series.

In this episode we talk about:

• The three things that define impostor syndrome
• Dr. Young's contention that imposter syndrome impacts both men and women, but tends to hold women back more
• What it means to shift from impostor thinking to thinking like "a humble realist"
• Why we need to learn to reframe competence
• Whether or not impostor syndrome is limited to the professional sphere
• The impact of identity/social group
• Three tools for dealing with imposter feelings
• Whether or not imposter feelings ever go away
• What to do if you're in a relationship with someone with imposter syndrome
• And whether there are any upsides to imposter syndrome

Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/valerie-young-574

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.

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This is the first of a four part series on work that we're calling, "Work Life."

Work can play a huge role in our sanity and happiness, or lack thereof. So today we're going to tackle some common and thorny questions with a guy who has been extremely successful at work and now teaches other people how to do so. We talk about questions such as how much work life balance should we really strive for? Is hustle culture really dead? What's the role of luck in success? How much is enough and should you bring your whole self to the office?

Scott Galloway is a professor of marketing at NYU's Stern School of Business. He's also a serial entrepreneur. He's founded nine companies, including Profit, Red Envelope, and Section Four.

He's served on the boards of directors of the New York Times Company, Urban Outfitters and Panera Bread. He's the best-selling author of many books, including, The Algebra of Happiness, Post Corona, and his latest book, which is called Adrift: America in 100 Charts. He's also the host of two podcasts, Prof. G. and Pivot. The latter, Pivot, which he co-hosts with the legendary tech reporter Kara Swisher.

In this episode we talk about:

• Why work is such a big factor in determining our mental health
• What's the number one retention factor at work
• How capitalism pushes us towards living to work rather than the other way around
• Why Galloway believes men's sense of self-worth is so often (maybe too often) based on their ability to earn
• Where he stands on the idea of "bringing your whole self to work"
• How to get over being fired
• His thoughts on side hustles, work/life balance and whether remote work will stick around post COVID
• Why he says being in the office is important for young workers if they want to get ahead, especially young men
• Why, despite making a great living, he still has economic anxiety
• The rare moments when he is able to enjoy himself and say, "this is enough"
• His addiction to the approval of others
• How Galloway handles his critics, while retaining his willingness to go out on a limb and be controversial

Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/scott-galloway-573