10% Happier with Dan Harris

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.

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This is the last episode in our four-part series where we're counter-programming against the way Valentine's Day is often celebrated, and examining different kinds of relationships including romantic, friendship, and family.

Today we're probing a mystery: Why, from an evolutionary standpoint do we take heartbreak and rejection so hard? It can send the body and mind into a vicious spiral. As one genomics researcher has said, "heartbreak is one of the hidden landmines of human existence."

There are countless pieces of art dedicated to heartbreak. Songs, movies, poems, the list is pretty much endless. But what does science say? Why does this happen to us? How exactly does the body react to a bad break up, from a romantic partnership, or a friendship or even a job? And what can we do to get over it?

These are the questions the writer, Florence Williams decided to tackle after her own 25 year marriage fell apart. And the answers are fascinating.

Florence Williams is a science journalist and author, and a contributing editor at Outside Magazine. Her latest book is called, Heartbreak: A Personal and Scientific Journey. It is just out in paperback, and has been nominated for the PEN/Wilson Award for Literary Science Writing.

In this episode we talk about:

• The passage of time as a way to heal all wounds
• The role purpose plays in recovery
• William's three part heartbreak recovery toolkit (calming down, connecting to other people and finding purpose)
• The connection between openness and resilience
• How to become more open to a lack of closure
• The good and bad news about heartbreak
• And, rejecting some of the conventional approaches to heartbreak

Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/florence-williams-562

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.

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Did you know that having friends can make you less depressed? One survey found that the average American had not made a new friend in the last five years but 45% of people said they would go out of their way to make a new friend if they only knew how.

Our guest today, Dr. Marisa G. Franco, has written a bestselling book about how understanding your own psychological makeup and attachment style can help you make and keep friends. Franco is a psychologist and a professor at the University of Maryland. Her book is called Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make–and Keep–Friends.

This is episode three of a four part series in which we are doing some counter programming against the typical Valentine's Day fair.

In this episode we talk about:

• Why friendship is undervalued in our society (while romantic love is overvalued) and why this is damaging on both a societal and individual level
• The impact of technology on our relationships as explained by something called "displacement theory"
• The biological necessity of social connection and the devastating physiological and psychological impacts of loneliness
• Attachment style and its relationship to our friendships
• What you can do to make friends, including being open or vulnerable (without oversharing)
• How to reframe social rejection
• The importance of generosity
• How to handle conflict with your friends
• The difference between flaccid safety and dynamic safety in your friendships
• When to walk away from a relationship
• How to make friends across racial, gender, and socioeconomic lines
• How to deal with social anxiety
• And how our evolutionarily wired negativity bias can impact the process of making friends

Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/marisa-g-franco-561

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.

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If you're part of a family, you've probably experienced some level of drama. Maybe it's minor annoyances, like an uncle who chews too loudly. Maybe it's divorce, sibling rivalry, or abuse. There are lots of flavors in this noxious cornucopia.

Nedra Glover Tawwab is a licensed clinical social worker and the author of the new book Drama Free: A Guide to Managing Unhealthy Family Relationships. She's here to talk about how to handle family drama of all types.

This is episode two of a four part series in which we are doing some counter programming against the typical Valentine's Day fair.

Content Warning: There are some brief mentions of rape and incest in this conversation. We also talk about substance abuse, sexual abuse, and domestic abuse.

In this episode we talk about:

• Nedra's own experiences with family dysfunction
• The terms boundary issues, enmeshment, and codependency
• The uncomfortable realization that you might be (at least part of) the problem
• The limits of compassion
• What to remember if you choose to spend time with a family member with whom you have a difficult relationship
• Why you should not "un-become" yourself just to fit in with your family
• Why shaming people doesn't make them better–and what does
• The temptation of receding into a victim mentality, and how to avoid it
• When to end a relationship
• What the term "toxic forgiveness" means
• Some of the myths about forgiveness
• And her remedies for various family drama scenarios, including: How do you get your mom to see a therapist?

Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/nedra-glover-tawwab-559

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.

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This episode is part one of our four-part series where we're counter-programming against the way Valentine's Day is often celebrated, and examining different kinds of relationships including romantic, friendship, and family.

Today's guest hews a bit more closely to the traditional Valentine's Day theme and will do some myth-busting around all the things we tend to get wrong when we talk about romantic relationships.

Myisha Battle is the author of the book, "This Is Supposed to Be Fun: How To Find Joy in Hooking Up, Settling Down, and Everything in Between." She also hosts the podcasts Down for Whatever, and Dating White. Much of her public work focuses on the early stages of relationships, but in her private practice, she counsels people at all stages, and in all kinds of relationships.

Content Warning: Explicit language and conversations about sex.

In this episode we talk about:

• Five ways to improve intimacy and connection in romantic partnership
• The nuts and bolts of sex, and how we often get intimacy and sex confused in unhelpful ways
• Understanding men's and women's cycles to depersonalize issues in sex and relationships
• The myth of finding "the one"
• The orgasm gap
• Bromance
• And if you're looking, tips on how to make finding a partner easier

Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/myisha-battle-558

Instead of fruitlessly trying to control everything in your life, take a lighter approach and throw a party for all that comes your way.

About Jeff Warren:

Jeff is an incredibly gifted meditation teacher. He's trained in multiple traditions, including with renowned teacher Shinzen Young. Jeff is the co-author of NY Times Bestseller "Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics," and the founder of the Consciousness Explorers Club, a meditation adventure group in Toronto. He has a knack for surfacing the exact meditation that will help everyone he meets. "I have a meditation for that" is regularly heard from Jeff, so we've dubbed him the "Meditation MacGyver."

To find this meditation in the Ten Percent Happier app, you can search for “Welcome to the Party,” or click here: https://10percenthappier.app.link/content?meditation=0a0c8786-37d5-4f61-9fd1-98986a05bc3d.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.

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So many people are interested in their family tree. What kind of lives did our ancestors lead and what do their stories say about us? Today's guest, Spring Washam, asks us to reckon with the people who have come before us in order to fully understand who we are and why we do the things we do.

Washam is a well-known teacher, author, and visionary leader based in Oakland, California. She is the author of A Fierce Heart: Finding Strength, Courage and Wisdom in Any Moment and her newest book, The Spirit of Harriet Tubman: Awakening from the Underground. Spring is considered a pioneer in bringing mindfulness-based meditation practices to diverse communities. She is one of the founding teachers at the East Bay Meditation Center, located in downtown Oakland, CA and has practiced and studied Buddhist philosophy in both the Theravada and Tibetan schools of Buddhism since 1999.

In this episode we talk about:

• How Spring came to write about Harriet Tubman's life
• Her work with plant medicine and the shamanic traditions
• The dream and the "conversations" Spring had with Tubman
• Why we are all so interested in ancestry
• How we can deepen our relationship with our ancestors
• Family Constellation Therapy as a modality for doing ancestry work
• Spring's own family history
• Why she is still processing the experience of writing her book about Harriet Tubman
• What she means by the "inner underground railroad" and how it is alive today
• And, how, in the inner underground railroad, freedom equates to nirvana

Content Warning: mentions of suicide

Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/spring-washam-556

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.

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There may be a temptation in some circles to dismiss intuition as witchy, folkloric, or unscientific but there's actually a ton of science around this. Our guest, author, actress and director, Amber Tamblyn will guide us through this. Tamblyn argues that intuition is a trainable skill but that this south-of-the-neck intelligence is often obscured by being too stuck in our heads and out of touch with our bodies.

Tamblyn has been nominated for Emmy®, Golden Globe, and Independent Spirit Awards. Her work in television spans over two decades including starring roles on House M.D., and Two and a Half Men. On the big screen, she starred in movies such as The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants and 127 Hours. She's written seven books, including her latest, which is called Listening in the Dark: Women Reclaiming the Power of Intuition.

In this episode we talk about:

• How she defines intuition, and the role it plays as a bridge between the conscious and unconscious parts of our minds
• Why we are conditioned to validate rational intelligence over intuitive intelligence
• The gut/brain connection, and why the enteric nervous system is known as the "second brain"
• Practical tips for getting better at listening to our bodies
• The role of meditation in boosting intuition
• The scientific research that points towards the importance of having a relationship with nature, and how this can improve our intuition
• The relationship between intuition and creativity
• How we should think about dream life
• What to do when you're not sure whether you should trust your gut
• How to recognize the difference between anxiety and intuition
• And why our society has downplayed the importance of intuition, which has been a tool used against women and men

Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/amber-tamblyn-555

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.

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Today's episode is the first in an experimental new series called Meditation Party.

Dan takes listener calls with fellow meditators Sebene Selassie and Jeff Warren and get candid about their practices and dealing with life

Sebene Selassie is based in Brooklyn and describes herself as a "writer, teacher, and immigrant-weirdo." She teaches meditation on the Ten Percent Happier app and is the author of a great book called, You Belong. Jeff Warren is based in Toronto and is also a writer and meditation teacher who co-wrote the book, Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics with Dan Harris. Jeff also hosts the Consciousness Explorers podcast.

Call (508) 656-0540 to have your question answered during the Meditation Party!

Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/sebene-selassie-jeff-warren-553

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.

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The better you understand your brain – and the more effectively you can work with it – the happier and healthier you will be. This is the central contention of today's extraordinary guest, Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor and she makes this assertion based on two levels of deep expertise. First, Dr. Taylor is a Harvard-trained neuroanatomist. Second, back in the '90s, she experienced a severe hemorrhage in the left hemisphere of her brain causing her to lose the ability to walk, talk, read, write or recall any of her life. She later recovered, but that experience, which you will hear her describe in riveting detail, gave her incredible insight into how the brain works.

She wrote a massive best-selling book called, My Stroke of Insight, which she has now followed up with a book called, Whole Brain Living, where she lays out exactly how to understand your brain and how to work with it.

In this episode we talk about:

• Dr. Taylor's personal story and how her life has changed post-stroke
• The marvels of the human brain
• The differences between the brain's two hemispheres
• How our society is skewed towards the left hemisphere and how living too much in the left hemisphere can burn us out
• The brain's "four characters" and how to work with these characters through a practice she calls "The Brain Huddle"
• The differences and similarities between "The Brain Huddle" and another practice we've talked about before on this show called, "RAIN"
• And she describes a tool for understanding your emotions called, "The 90-Second Rule"

Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/jill-bolte-taylor-552

A busy city is an ideal place to cultivate loving-kindness and powerfully connect to those around you while you’re out and about.

About Jay Michaelson:

Dr. Jay Michaelson is a Senior Content Strategist at Ten Percent Happier and the author of seven books on meditation, including his newest, Enlightenment by Trial and Error.  Jay is also a columnist for The Daily Beast, and was a professional LGBTQ activist for ten years. Jay is an ordained rabbi and has taught meditation in secular, Buddhist, and Jewish context for eighteen years.

To find this meditation in the Ten Percent Happier app, you can search for “Loving-Kindness in the City,” or click here: https://10percenthappier.app.link/content?meditation=8466115b-afe5-4323-8827-a8296031502d.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.