You've had a tremendous loss in your personal life and your friends don't know what to say or do: Do you tell them what you need, or do you assume they should know? Here's the more important question---Do any of us know what to say and do in every situation? Probably not. And the truth is, not everybody wants the same thing when they're grieving or struggling. What worked for one friend might not work for another. What's helpful to you, might not work for your friend.

This episode is a particularly special one because it came from an unexpected, beautiful letter from a listener--national bestselling author, Steve Phillips. Steve wrote to me expressing his gratitude for episodes that helped him reframe his thoughts on friendship after the devastating loss of his wife of 32 years, Susan Sandler, who died of brain cancer in December 2022 after living with the disease for six years.

Steve wasn't pitching the show in that letter, but I asked him if he'd honor me by sharing his experiences with friendship. And he said yes! It was a really good conversation about various topics having to do with showing up, rebuilding your social life, making plans, "real friends" vs "deal friends" and more.

Links Steve mentioned in the episode:

Episode #50: "Overlooking Friends' Foibles" (with my mom!)

Episode #86: "Every Friendship Begins With an Act of Bravery"

Meet Steve Phillips

Steve Phillips is a bestselling author, national political commentator and columnist with an extensive history at the forefront of the intersection of racial equity. He is a New York Times bestselling author, a columnist for The Guardian and The Nation, and an opinion contributor to The New York Times. He is also the host of “Democracy in Color with Steve Phillips,” a color-conscious podcast on politics. Together with his wife, the late Susan Sandler, Steve c0-founded the Sandler Phillips Center, which supports organizations and campaigns led by people of color, women, immigrants, and LGBTQIA plus people, and hosts the Fannie Lou Hamer Fellowships for courageous activists.

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