Blended Family Breakthrough

29. What is a Loyalty Bind and what can you do about it?


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Have you ever felt rejected by your stepchild?

I know I have — and it hurts.  Especially when you're trying so hard to show them how much you love them.  

Most stepparents I've met really want to have a connected relationship with their stepchild.  But somewhere along the way, they feel like giving up.  It's not that they don't still want to build a relationship…it's just that rejection is painful.

I've also discovered that the "rejection" is most often not really about me.  It's common for that to be the reaction of a stepchild when they're caught in a Loyalty Bind…and that's a typical place for kids to get stuck in blended families.

As I started to see that Annika (my step-daughter) was stuck in this bind it changed my view of what was really happening.  I got more focused on helping her loosen the "binds" instead of simply protecting myself.

If you've ever felt rejected by your step-child — this is the episode for you.

You'll Discover:

  • What a Loyalty Bind is and how kids get stuck in them
  • How to support kids emotionally when they're stuck in a Loyalty Bind
  • Ways to help step-parents cope when they're feeling hurt from the result of a step-child's Loyalty Bind
  • How bio-parents can avoid inadvertently feeding into a child's Loyalty Bind

Resources from this Episode:

  • Episode 7 — Toxic Ex's & Hurting Kids — 5 Steps That Help
  • Episode 25 — How to Survive Time Alone with Your Step-Kids — Your Guide to Spring Break
  • Episode 26 — Are You Stuck in a "Competition" with Your Step-Kids?
  • Episode 27 — How to Set Clear Boundaries and Safeguard Relationships
  • Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child book by Dr. John Gottman
  • Article by Ron Deal on FamilyLife Blended:  How to Cook a Stepfamily

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Blended Family BreakthroughBy Mike & Kim Anderson

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