Psychologists Off the Clock

305. The Power of Saying No with Vanessa Patrick


Listen Later

We’ve all been there: saying yes when we really wanted to say no. It happens all the time, from work requests and invitations, or favors for friends. Saying no can result in offense, awkwardness, and sometimes even trouble with relationships and reputations, so we often choose yes instead. However, in this episode, our guest encourages us to change our mindset. Saying no can actually empower us and should be seen as a valuable skill.


Author Vanessa Patrick graces this episode to teach us the ins and outs of effective no-saying in her book, The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No That Puts You in Charge of Your Life. With experience, research, and sage advice to offer, Vanessa emphasizes why mastering the art of "no" is crucial and how to use our own values to make the right decisions.


Listen and Learn 
  • What fueled Vanessa to research and write about the topic of saying no? 
  • When it comes to saying no, why do we find it so difficult?
  • The main drivers of saying ‘yes’ when we want to say ‘no’.
  • The Acquaintance Trap.
  • Why saying yes can actually backfire sometimes. 
  • The Spotlight Effect and how you can better manage this when put on the spot.
  • How to use The ART of Empowered Refusal to say no that does not invite pushback.
  • How the two-by-two framework can be used to help categorize an ask and decide if it should be answered with a yes or a no.
  • Tips to manage pushback when we say ‘no’.
  • Do people in power receive fewer consequences for saying no than those from marginalized groups?

  • Resources 
    • Vanessa’s website: https://www.vanessapatrick.net/
    • Follow Vanessa on LinkedIn (@vanessapatrick23), Twitter (@sourcebooks / @vpatrick23), Tik Tok (@sourcebooksnonfiction) and Instagram (@vanpat23)
    • Follow Sourcebooks on Twitter (@sourcebooks), Tik Tok (@sourcebooksnonfiction) and Facebook (@sourcebooksnonfiction)
    • The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No That Puts You in Charge of Your Life: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9781728251523
    • Pinkcast 1.17: Why you should say “I don’t” instead of “I can’t.”
    • How to Say No, Resist Temptation, and Stick to Your Health Goals
    • How Saying “I Don’t” at Work Can Change Your Life
    • A Policy of Saying ‘No’ Can Save You Time and Guilt
    • “I Don't” Beats “I Can't” for Self-Control
    • This Simple Trick Makes Breaking Bad Habits Up To 8 Times Easier

    • About Vanessa Patrick

      Vanessa Patrick, PhD, is the Associate Dean for Research, the Bauer Professor of Marketing, and lead faculty of the Executive Women in Leadership Program at the Bauer School of Business at the University of Houston. She has a PhD in business from the University of Southern California and an MBA in marketing and a BS degree in microbiology and biochemistry from Bombay University in India. Patrick is a regular speaker at both academic and practitioner conferences. She lives in Houston, Texas.


      Related Episodes 
      • 130. Working Less with Alex Pang
      • 163. The Likeability Trap with Alicia Menendez
      • 186. Set Boundaries Find Peace with Nedra Tawwab
      • 211. Subtract with Leidy Klotz
      • 276. Assertive Communication Skills with Randy Paterson
      • 293. Quit with Annie Duke
      • 298. Drama Free with Nedra Tawwab
      • Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

        See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

        ...more
        View all episodesView all episodes
        Download on the App Store

        Psychologists Off the ClockBy Debbie Sorensen, Jill Stoddard, Yael Schonbrun, Michael Herold & Emily Edlynn

        • 4.6
        • 4.6
        • 4.6
        • 4.6
        • 4.6

        4.6

        307 ratings


        More shows like Psychologists Off the Clock

        View all
        Speaking of Psychology by American Psychological Association

        Speaking of Psychology

        55 Listeners

        The One You Feed by Eric Zimmer

        The One You Feed

        2,511 Listeners

        The Psychology Podcast by iHeartPodcasts

        The Psychology Podcast

        1,834 Listeners

        Therapy Chat by Laura Reagan, LCSW-C

        Therapy Chat

        676 Listeners

        10% Happier with Dan Harris by 10% Happier

        10% Happier with Dan Harris

        12,588 Listeners

        Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson by Rick Hanson, Ph.D., Forrest Hanson

        Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

        2,467 Listeners

        Counselor Toolbox Podcast with DocSnipes by Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes

        Counselor Toolbox Podcast with DocSnipes

        610 Listeners

        Therapist Uncensored Podcast by Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP & Ann Kelley PhD

        Therapist Uncensored Podcast

        1,380 Listeners

        Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel by Esther Perel Global Media

        Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel

        14,884 Listeners

        The Couples Therapist Couch by Shane Birkel

        The Couples Therapist Couch

        271 Listeners

        Attachment Theory in Action by The Knowledge Center

        Attachment Theory in Action

        154 Listeners

        Light Up The Couch by Clearly Clinical

        Light Up The Couch

        328 Listeners

        Unlocking Us with Brené Brown by Vox Media Podcast Network

        Unlocking Us with Brené Brown

        23,601 Listeners

        Therapy in a Nutshell by Therapy in a Nutshell -Emma McAdam

        Therapy in a Nutshell

        531 Listeners

        Dear Therapists with Lori Gottlieb and Guy Winch by iHeartPodcasts

        Dear Therapists with Lori Gottlieb and Guy Winch

        2,345 Listeners