Supporting Male Clients in Therapy – How to Begin a Counselling Session

In Episode 334 of the Counselling Tutor Podcast, your hosts Rory Lees-Oakes and Ken Kelly guide us through this week’s three topics:

Firstly in ‘Ethical, Sustainable Practice’, we look at extra-therapeutic factors in Supervision and how a client’s world outside the therapy room can influence outcomes.

Then in ‘Practice Matters’, Rory interviews James Hawes, author of The Secret Lives of Men, exploring how we can better understand and support male clients in therapy.

And lastly in ‘Student Services’, Rory and Ken talk about how to begin a counselling session, and what to say in those crucial opening moments.

Extra-Therapeutic Factors in Supervision [starts at 02:47 mins]

In this section, Rory and Ken look at extra-therapeutic factors in supervision and how elements outside the therapy room impact therapeutic outcomes.

Key points discussed include:

Lambert’s Pie research indicates that extra-therapeutic factors account for 40% of positive outcomes in therapy.

These include social support, life circumstances, and the client’s external environment.

Supervisors assess not just the client’s progress, but the well-being and context of the supervisee, too.

‘Recovery Capital’ highlights the resources clients have (emotional, social, practical), which can help sustain change.

Being aware of a client’s personal motivation, support networks, or external pressures helps deepen understanding of their process.

 Supervisors should encourage reflection on both internal and external influences that affect the therapeutic journey.

Supporting Male Clients in Therapy [starts at 21:19 mins]

In this week’s ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with James Hawes about masculinity, male emotional health, and supporting men in therapy.

The key points discussed include:

Men often lack the emotional language to express their inner experiences—common responses are 'fine', 'normal', or 'okay'.

Therapists should avoid directly asking 'how do you feel?' and instead help men build emotional vocabulary through tools and reflection.

Shame and intimacy are often unspoken barriers that keep men isolated.

Peer group work with other men can help ‘deshame’ difficult experiences.

Masculine norms and socialisation discourage vulnerability and seeking help.

Media and cultural influences (e.g. influencers, pornography) heavily shape male identity and perception of relationships.

 Creating emotional safety and connection is essential to engaging male clients.

How to Begin a Counselling Session [starts at 49:40 mins]

In this section, Rory and Ken talk about how to begin a counselling session, especially with a new client:

First sessions can be daunting for clients—acknowledge that and be warm and welcoming.

Invite the client in gently with open questions like 'What would you like to bring today?'

Some clients will speak freely, while others may be more reserved—be led by their pace.

Active listening and silence are key skills when building initial rapport.

Avoid assumptions based on referrals—clients may bring something completely different.

In follow-up sessions, continue to let the client set the agenda rather than directing based on previous sessions.

Note-taking becomes important to remember key narrative elements between sessions.

Allowing the client to feel heard without pressure builds a strong foundation for the therapeutic relationship.

Links and Resources

James Hawes

The Secret Lives of Men

Counselling Skills Academy

Advanced Certificate in Counselling Supervision

Basic Counselling Skills: A Student Guide

Counsellor CPD

Counselling Study Resource

Counselling Theory in Practice: A Student Guide

Counselling Tutor Shop

Facebook group

Website

Online and Telephone Counselling: A Practitioner's Guide