Psychologists Off the Clock

340. How to Create Lasting Sexual Connections with Emily Nagoski


Listen Later

It's time to have a no-BS discussion about something that all of us have struggled with at some point in our long-term relationships: maintaining a sexual connection. If this speaks to you and you feel like you’re stuck with poor advice on how to navigate the situation, meet our guest, Emily Nagoski, a sex educator and author of Come Together: The Science (and Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections. With scientific evidence, wit, and compassion, Emily joins Jill on POTC to debunk the myths we've been fed about sex, show us what real great sex can look like, offer a fresh outlook on what might be blocking us from enjoying sex, and explain how to communicate our sexual desires more effectively. Her insights are sure to revolutionize the way you think about sexual connections and give you a newfound understanding of yourself, your body, and your relationship.


Listen and Learn: 
  • The myths versus the science of sustaining satisfying long-term sexual connections
  • What distinguishes spontaneous and responsive desire from pleasure?
  • Discussing sexual intimacy and desire more effectively using Emily's accelerator and brake metaphor
  • How care, curiosity, and play can help you move closer to lust
  • The significance of the "third thing" in a relationship
  • Having a clear understanding of you and your partner's "emotional floorplan" to find your way back to sexual desire
  • The importance of following the sexual rules that work for you and your relationship
  • Resources: 
    • Visit Emily's website and subscribe to her newsletter to have your questions answered!
    • Emily's books: Come Together: The Science (and Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections and Come as You Are: Revised and Updated: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life
    • Follow Emily on Instagram, TikTok and Facebook
    • SNL’s ‘Pound Puppy’ (referenced in the episode)



      About Emily Nagoski

      EMILY NAGOSKI is the award-winning author of the New York Times bestselling book Come as You Are and The Come As You Are Workbook, and coauthor, with her sister, Amelia, of New York Times bestseller Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. She is here today to talk about her new book, Come Together: The Science (and Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections.

      Emily earned an M.S. in counseling and a Ph.D. in health behavior, both from Indiana University, with clinical and research training at the Kinsey Institute. Now she combines sex education and stress education to teach women to live with confidence and joy inside their bodies. She lives in Massachusetts with two dogs, a cat, and a cartoonist.

      Related Episodes
      • 176. Fair Play with Eve Rodsky
      • 206. Fair Play Part 2 with Eve Rodsky
      • 248. Let’s Talk About Sex & Intimacy with Zoë Kors
      • 276. Assertive Communication Skills with Randy Paterson
      • 309. The Language of Emotions with Karla McLaren
      • 315. Hot & Bothered: Menopause with Jancee Dunn
      • 318. Your Path to Personal Change with Michelle Drapkin
      • Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

        See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

        ...more
        View all episodesView all episodes
        Download on the App Store

        Psychologists Off the ClockBy Debbie Sorensen, Jill Stoddard, Yael Schonbrun, Michael Herold & Emily Edlynn

        • 4.6
        • 4.6
        • 4.6
        • 4.6
        • 4.6

        4.6

        307 ratings


        More shows like Psychologists Off the Clock

        View all
        Speaking of Psychology by American Psychological Association

        Speaking of Psychology

        53 Listeners

        The One You Feed by Eric Zimmer

        The One You Feed

        2,511 Listeners

        The Psychology Podcast by iHeartPodcasts

        The Psychology Podcast

        1,830 Listeners

        Therapy Chat by Laura Reagan, LCSW-C

        Therapy Chat

        677 Listeners

        10% Happier with Dan Harris by 10% Happier

        10% Happier with Dan Harris

        12,581 Listeners

        Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson by Rick Hanson, Ph.D., Forrest Hanson

        Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

        2,458 Listeners

        Counselor Toolbox Podcast with DocSnipes by Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes

        Counselor Toolbox Podcast with DocSnipes

        610 Listeners

        Therapist Uncensored Podcast by Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP & Ann Kelley PhD

        Therapist Uncensored Podcast

        1,379 Listeners

        Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel by Esther Perel Global Media

        Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel

        14,873 Listeners

        The Couples Therapist Couch by Shane Birkel

        The Couples Therapist Couch

        264 Listeners

        Attachment Theory in Action by The Knowledge Center

        Attachment Theory in Action

        151 Listeners

        Light Up The Couch by Clearly Clinical

        Light Up The Couch

        327 Listeners

        Unlocking Us with Brené Brown by Vox Media Podcast Network

        Unlocking Us with Brené Brown

        23,610 Listeners

        Therapy in a Nutshell by Therapy in a Nutshell -Emma McAdam

        Therapy in a Nutshell

        531 Listeners

        Dear Therapists with Lori Gottlieb and Guy Winch by iHeartPodcasts

        Dear Therapists with Lori Gottlieb and Guy Winch

        2,344 Listeners