372 Pages We'll Never Get Back

We’re on our ninth book! We now have enough bad books to field a baseball team or form our own personal Wu-Tang Clan of crappy literature. No reason to delay any further, hit play to find out what we’re reading next, and then come see us at our September 18th live show in Minneapolis!

Oh, by the way, Patreon supporters have been reading this book all weekend! Join them for just $5 a month and get every episode early! You’ll also get access to Mike’s conversation with Bridget about her fond and not-so-fond 372 memories, Conor’s conversation with Lauren about a book they hated together, and much more! patreon.com/372pages

For the first episode read Chapters 1-8.

Here’s a link to the amazon version we are using. And a link to a free ebook download.

(The giveaway mentioned in this episode is already concluded.)

We finally finish Charles E. Harris aka The Horny Grandpa’s saga Trucking Through Time. Tension is high as we finally will get an answer to our big question: will the author handle things sloppily or hamfistedly?? There’s a big military standoff, sexy-time both across the river and in the breakdown lane of an interstate, and frankly, way more James A. Garfield involvement than anyone was expecting.

Unfortunately, there’s just not enough of our two favorite characters: the Denver lunch clairvoyant and Dale’s loser son. Guess we’ll just have to wait for a sequel!

Thanks again as always to our Patreon Supporters who get every episode early and are thus will be the firstto hear about our NEXT BOOK! Last week they also got a great bonus episode where Bridget Nelson weighed in on her memories or the terrible books Mike has brought into their home. And come on out to see us on 9/18 at Sisyphus Brewing in Minneapolis! 

We’ve got a jam-packed penultimate Trucking Through Time episode! Curvy wives! Horny grandpas! Easily accessible caches of cowboy hats! A surprising amount of discussion about James A. Garfield assassin Charles Guiteau. And a reminder to wash any pre-owned buckskins you buy at the thrift store!

With only fifty pages left in Trucking Through Time, we have several questions: “How are they getting back to 2000 Atlanta?”, sure. But also, “How many more meetings will take place in the general’s office?” and “How many times will ChaDale remind us who the REAL savages are?”

Consider chipping in a couple bucks to our Patreon and get every episode early! patreon.com/372pages

We’re also got a surprisingly tricky Real or FanFic and of course Dumb Sentences and emails. Plus we turn to the dark web to examine a heretofore unreported on Wild West career opportunity, and a secret fan theory for what was really going on at the fort.

For next time, finish the damn book!

In between the General reading reports, Trucking Through Time manages to fit in some genuinely insane moments. Our heroes literally get to meet God, and it’s the second craziest thing that happens. (The first is our favorite moment in all of literature.)

We’ll listen in on some surreptitious recordings made by Harris’ family, examine the GoodReads history of a guy who didn’t care for TTT and cares for cookbooks even less, and of course, will see if Mike can separate fanfic from real Harris text.

Consider chipping in a few bucks to our Patreon! We did a call-in show last week for our supporters that was a lot of fun. Get every episode early!

For next time, read thru Chapter 16, page 285. Only two more Truckin’ eps left! 

And if you’re near Minneapolis, we’d love to see you at our live show, Wednesday September 18th at Sisyphus Brewing!

It’s our 50th episode! And to celebrate, Trucking Through Time gets a little…. sexy! If you thought groins were stirring and tightening in the mister, just wait til you see the effect Light Feather has on Chad! (He’s not going to need his last name, if you know what we mean…)

Our occasional department of Amazon review guessing returns to inspect the history of, until we started this month, the sole Amazon reviewer of TTT. We’ve also got another bit of what one listener called “Baroque Nonsense” when we visit the dark web to drop to poach content from another podcast.

For next time, read thru Chapter 14, page 234.

Having trucked through time, our heroes Chad Hand and Dale Rhea (seriously) must now deal with the perils of life in the late 17th or early 18th century. This mainly involves taping things to sticks and feeding a young boy pork and beans.

We’ll also get to meet approximately three dozen members of the Sioux tribe, some of whom manage to die before they’re even introduced. We’ll also meet members of the US army, introduced in an unconventional manner Harris employs known as “confusing the living shit out of us.”

Consider supporting us on Patreon. Get every episode early, plus fun other stuff. Do it or we’ll start putting ads in this thing!!! patreon.com/372pages

Fanfic this week proved both hilarious and tricky, and we unearthed a dark web interview with the author himself.

For next time, read thru Chapter 10, page 174!

(Heather’s character spreadsheet available here)

Load your cooler up with knickknacks, good buddy, we’re in for a long haul! This is our first episode covering Charles E. Harris’ “Trucking Through Time” and if the first two chapters are any indication it’s going to be quite the journey!

We’ll meet our heroes Chad and Dale, the comically mismatched duo who are more alike than many pairs of identical twins. They’re headed to the Bay Area, with nothing to keep them company but a vast library of truck stop books, plastic bags to pee in and toss out the window, and fond memories of Miss Marie. Along the way they’ll encounter authentic Western settings, harrowing tales on backs of menus, and two guys named Patch.

If you enjoy the podcast and want to support us, or DON’T enjoy it but for some reason want access to every episode early, plus other bonuses, check out our patreon. Thanks to the nearly 400 listeners who already support us!

We’ve got all our departments, emails, DSOTW, and some stepped up fan fiction. Plus a controversial segment involving a newly recast 372 Pages Players and a touching overheard conversation between a father and a son.

For next time, read thru Chapter 5!

(Oh, and here’s a link to the maps that listener David plotted out for us, as discussed at the end)

As we wrap up our deep dive into EL James’ “The Mister”, we have a lot of questions. Well, one question really: What the hell?

But also: Why was absolutely nothing resolved? Why do Maxim and Alessia treat her father like his opinion should matter at all? How much were they paying that translator? Is that another half-finished hotel? Do automobiles actually qualify as a “fun theme”? Why is our hero thinking about his mother during sex? Tickety-boo????

We’ll address some of these questions, but we’ve also got a ton of listener emails, Dumb Sentences, an Amazon review quiz, a Goodreads review quiz, a look at the role of Albanian translators in perilous situations throughout history, as well as a listen as to what Alessia’s father’s wedding toast might have sounded like.

Our Patreon supporters have a chance to win our copies of The Mister, in addition to getting every episode early and other things nobody else gets to see. Enter to win and join them here!

We ALSO have a very fun anacrostic puzzle that listener Amanda made for us. Download it and give it a shot here!

Thank you for reading along with us on The Mister, especially everyone who wrote in, created fanfic and memes, and shared their comments here! This one was a lot of fun. We’ll take next week off for the fourth but will have a book giveaway and a Trucking Through Time assignment soon!

This is now an all Bleriana, all the time podcast. Our favorite unseen character, who may or may not still be a sex slave when this book ends in fifty pages, makes another appearance, as Alessia finally recounts the story of her evil Betrothed and her journey to England. Despite her saying “I love you” dozens of times and being DTF no matter what recent trauma has happened, Maxim remains uncertain of their relationship’s standing. We examine the possible causes of this idiocy. 

We are approaching 400 Patreon supporters! Thanks to everyone who backs us on there: we really really appreciate it and it helps us push through these terrible books! We’ll be giving our copies of The Mister to lucky winners once we’re done, so get in on the fun at patreon.com/372pages

We’ll also examine the relationship between Maxim and his headmates, pause for a brief ad for Jameson Irish Whiskey, and speculate on exactly what the hell Maxim was uploading to his Instagram from the airport. We’ll also speculate on the odds that certain events happen in the book’s final fifty pages.

For next time, there’s nothing left to do but finish the damn book!

Our second favorite trafficking victim does NOT show up in this section of The Mister, but other than that, it’s jam packed. Anesthesia, post-trauma boning, and approximately 3/4 of a page of honest to god drama and tension!

Join us on Patreon! Get every episode early plus other fun stuff like cooking shows! patreon.com/372pages

Mike and Conor have been busy trying out recipes from the book, we’ll hear details about Conor’s Banoffee Pie and Mike will try some beef stew with prunes (Prunes?) live on the air. The 372 Pages Players make their dramatic return. We examine an Amazon reviewer’s other purchases. Plus reliable standbys like FanFic, DSOTW, and listener emails are all here! 

For next time, read up to Pages 442, the section break that ends with “but I hope I find my girl.”