As we come to the close of another year, it is a time when we naturally look both backward and forward. In looking back, it is often a time when we (individually and collectively) reflect on passings—the death of important people in our lives. Some of them are lost through long, debilitating declines; others are lost suddenly, wrenched from us without morning. Either way, we mourn the losses; we seek ways to cope with and process our grief; to preserve their memories and find ways to move on. In today’s episode, I’m talking with Rachel Zimmerman, the author of “Us, After,” a memoir centered on the death of her husband, who committed suicide at the age of 50.  As an award-winning journalist, her story naturally begins with a search for answers: How could the man she’d married, a devoted father and MIT professor with many friends, with no history of mental illness, have done this? But her exploration ends up being much more than a search for facts. Her book examines the devastation and resurgence of domestic life; the mental struggles between private and public lives; the secrets we keep; the work of motherhood; and the rediscovery of love, and the good of what remains.  It is a deeply personal, absorbing and yes, inspiring, story.

About the Guest:

Rachel Zimmerman is an award-winning journalist who has written about health and medicine for more than two decades. She’s a contributor to The Washington Post and previously worked as a staff writer for The Wall Street Journal and a health reporter for WBUR, Boston’s public radio station, where she co-founded a popular blog and podcast. Her essays and reporting have been published in The New York Times; Vogue.com; New York Magazine’s The Cut; “O” The Oprah Magazine; The Atlantic; Slate; and The Huffington Post, among others. She received an MS from Columbia University Graduate School of Journalism and a BA from Sarah Lawrence College. She lives with her family in Cambridge, Massachusetts.

 

Several years ago, as Scott Fisher and Ben Green approached their 70th birthdays, the challenges of aging loomed large for these two lifelong friends. Scott, an organizational psychologist, and Ben, a psychoanalyst, were curious about what kept some elders going strong while others lost interest or drive, or both. And they were determined to learn as much as possible about how to make their own elder years as purposeful and fulfilling as possible. In today’s episode—the third appearance for Scott and Ben on 45 Forward—we’ll be deepening our discussion about their intriguing, recently published book, “The Aging Wisely Project.” In our previous episodes, the co-authors expanded on a number of their major concepts, particularly the emergence of a new, distinct developmental stage of elderhood, which they call “Elder Identity Revision.” They talked about the critical psychological tasks we face during this period, such as dealing with the loss of control in our lives, as well as some of the skills and attitudes (they call them “Healthy Habits”) we need to strengthen to address these challenges. Even as Scott and Ben have launched their book, they’ve discovered a somewhat unexpected, and heartening response from their readers, which they’ll reveal in today’s conversation. They call it the “Growth Mindset”: a welcome feeling of optimism—that is, amid the inevitable setbacks in our later years, people can continue feel a renewed sense of hope and expectations for improved health and happiness—a meaningful, well-lived life, all the way through our elderhood.

When we think about the career track of actresses today, we often envision a challenging path, auditioning for myriad jobs, hoping for breaks, and meeting the right director—but more often than not, working as a restaurant server or in some other temporary job to pay the rent. That’s not how Judi Allaire started her acting career. In today’s episode, Judi tells her singular journey as an actor, after starting out in the fashion business, then founding a women’s sportswear chain, then owning a Long Island winery, and now garnering multiple roles in film and TV. She’s talk about what it’s like behind-the-scenes of movie-making, what she learned from her various career “reinventions,” and what she discovered about relationships—and herself—along the way. Judi’s story is refreshing, honest and inspiring for many of us looking for renewed purpose and challenges, no matter what our age.

You can’t open a newspaper or go online today without seeing articles about anxiety, depression, burnout or suicide rates—clearly, we’re struggling with our mental health, individually and as a society. But the fact that we’re all talking about mental health is a step forward, acknowledging how important it is to move these issues out of the shadows and take care of ourselves. In today’s episode, I’ll be talking with Jamie Rosen, chair of the Mental Health Law Group at Meister Seelig & Fein, who specializes in representing individuals and families in crisis situations relating to mental health as well as substance abuse disorders. Jamie will highlight some of the emotional and complex issues of mental health law, which often affect parents of adult children with serious mental health issues, and in some cases, adults managing elderly parents with mental health issues. She’ll explain some of the obstacles people face when trying to get their loved ones mental health treatment. And she’ll break out some specific areas of practice, such as psychiatric hospitalization, assisted outpatient treatment, guardianship and estate planning. There are myriad challenges—but also success stories—and you’ll want to hear them.

As National Family Caregivers Month comes to a close, we have the unusual opportunity to take a different view of caregiving from abroad—from Hong Kong. In today’s episode, we’ll be talking with Grace Cheng, the founder and CEO of Agewhale, a social organization whose mission is to provide solutions to help caregivers of older persons identify suitable services and resources so they can age well in place. Grace has always had a deep connection with older people. She took care of her grandparents in their final years and experienced firsthand the numerous challenges faced by family caregivers. She’ll describe how caregiving practices and policies are implemented in Hong Kong, which has one of the longest lifespans and lowest birth rates, and where the economic needs of the elderly exceed those of children. Grace will talk about the challenges confronting the caregiving field in Hong Kong, and how her organization strives to help businesses ensure that their employees effectively balance work and caregiving responsibilities. “Caring for our loved ones shouldn't come at the cost of our career, personal life and health,” she says. With the right resources, guidance and community, caregiving can be a positive and meaningful experience for all of us. Our loved ones deserve to age well—and so do we.”

The first time I met Dr. Ken Dychtwald was in 1989, when I was writing a cover story about older workers as a business reporter for Newsday, Long Island’s daily newspaper. I remember it well. I was interviewing job experts and workers who talked about the frustration they felt being overlooked by employers—especially at a time when most companies, facing acute labor shortages, could ill afford to do so. Ken was the author of a best-selling book, “Age Wave,” (he now has written 19 books) and was the founder of an acclaimed think tank bearing the same name. At the time Ken explained what has become commonly known today: that the U.S. was experiencing a “senior boom.” Older workers were living longer; the baby-boom generation was turning forty-something; and the nation’s birth rate was continuing to decline. “A young country is growing old,” Ken told me. He foresaw a time when most older workers would routinely work longer and leave jobs in their 50s for entirely new careers. “It will happen within the next decade,” he said. “We’re tiptoeing on the edge of the ice, testing the surface.” Well, folks, we are now at center ice. Ken Dychtwald was absolutely right—as he has been about many observations in the field of aging. In today’s episode, you’ll get to hear an array of Ken’s latest thoughts—observations, reflections and sage advice from America’s foremost thinker regarding the many consequences of our aging society. He’ll talk about how we can close the gap between our lifespan and healthspan; how we need to recast the conversation about what older people really want as they age; and how many of us are choosing to redefine our legacy from success to significance. All that, and much more!

As we celebrate National Family Caregivers Month, it’s important not only to honor the contributions of 48 million family caregivers nationwide, but understand how they fit into our government-supported care system for older adults. In today’s episode, I talk with John Cochran, the Chief of Staff for New York State’s Office for the Aging, who has worked on a wide range of aging issues for decades. With a career spanning high-level staff positions in government, the state legislature and the field of government relations, John brings a rare perspective and keen insights to the challenges of serving the needs of older Americans, including how to support community empowerment and civic engagement, advocate for long-term care reform, emergency response planning, and home care support for individuals aging in place. John will describe the state’s comprehensive Master Plan for Aging, set to be unveiled next year, and outline how ideas, goals and recommendations were gathered from stakeholders across the state, highlighting what experts have found not only in New York, but across the country: That our fragmented systems of aging services and healthcare delivery lack the coordinated approach that we sorely need to serve our growing aging population.

Wherever we go these days, we feel the impact of technology. It’s part of every workplace, in our digital devices, our “smart homes,” cars, virtual reality tools and games, and, of course, the inevitable AI. Sometimes this march of technology feels relentless and overwhelming. And yet, technology is so essential to navigating—and succeeding—in our society that it has become a significant issue for policymakers and advocates, who point to a “technology gap”— a lack of access and resources, especially for older people, who are not digital natives. In today’s episode, I’ll talk with Mario Rubano, a manager for the nonprofit organization, OATS, which stands for Older Adults Technology Services, who will describe their flagship program called Senior Planet. Senior Planet, a charitable affiliate of AARP, is an incredible resource that offers free courses and programs to help seniors learn new skills and improve their lives through a host of online events and in-person classes in New York City and at locations around the country. Mario will explain how people can access these programs in areas ranging from financial security, to health and wellness, and civic participation. You can find classes in morning stretch and meditation sessions; programs on online banking and telemedicine; discussion groups that foster conversation and lasting friendships; engaging podcasts, videos and articles; demos of new and emerging technology. Indeed, after listening to Mario today, you’ll learn why Senior Planet celebrates “aging with attitude”—living life to the fullest and enjoying every minute of it, struggles and successes alike.”

If you’ve ever had a loved one living in a nursing home, you may have worried at times about the quality of their care—especially when high-profile cases of neglect and abuse make their way to the top of the news headlines. How do you make sure your family member is safe, and how can you prevent abuse or identify it when it happens? In today’s episode, Deborah Truhowsky, a renowned personal injury attorney and staunch advocate for the elderly, talks about her passion for protecting and securing maximum compensation for victims of nursing home neglect and abuse. She’ll explain how to evaluate the quality of nursing homes, identify frequently asked questions and myths about long-term care practices; outline what you need to know about regulations and resident rights; and explain how families can fight for the rights of their loved ones. And as President of the Board of Directors of the nonprofit Long Term Care Community Coalition, Deborah will describe how advocates nationwide have joined together to protect the welfare of people in long-term care, striving to help them thrive with dignity, respect, and a quality of life they deserve.

Earlier this year, I had the opportunity to host Asher Rabinowitz, a clinical social worker and credentialed counselor as a guest on 45 Forward. Asher, who has worked in the field of alcohol and substance abuse treatment for the past 28 years, has helped thousands of individuals with what he calls a “simple, but not easy” approach, which he calls, aptly, the “ABCs of Recovery”—the letters representing Awareness, Boundaries and Consequences. What makes Asher’s treatment system so distinctive is his approach to engaging people, motivating them to action, through stories that offers life lessons. In today’s episode, we’ll follow up with a closer look at storytelling as an unusually effective therapeutic tool. These stories are told in Asher’s newly released book, which includes a far-flung assortment over time and cultures, ranging from a 2nd Century B.C. collection called the Panchatantra, to 17th Zen Master Bankei Yotaku, to contemporary American storyteller Heather Forest. They are powerful tools, not only for those facing recovery, but for the rest of us seeking ways to manage life’s many challenges as we age.