A Fine Marriage, Now an Extraordinary Marriage: Bart's Story

Bart is a Christian leader. He’s the head of a childcare agency working with traumatized children and teens. He’s been married for nearly 20 years and has four beautiful kids.

And by his own admission?

He was tired. Burned out. Irritable. Or, in his words—“crusty.”

He wasn’t in crisis. His marriage wasn’t “on the rocks.” But it wasn’t thriving either.

And Bart knew something had to change.

Christian Leaders Get Tired, Too—But That Doesn’t Mean You Stay There

One Saturday morning, Bart’s wife tried to be playful with him—and he snapped.

He didn’t mean to. He was just worn out, juggling too many roles, feeling the pressure of leadership, family, and ministry. But his wife’s gentle confrontation was a turning point.

She didn’t yell. She didn’t threaten. She just called it what it was.

And Bart—rather than shutting down—responded with humility and self-reflection. Not because he had to… But because he wanted to grow.

Why “Good Enough” Marriage Isn’t the Goal—Even for Ministry Leaders

Bart described his marriage as “a 9 on a bad day.” No major fights. No betrayals. No one was threatening to leave.

But deep down, he knew something wasn’t right. The joy was fading. The connection was inconsistent. And his presence at home was… thin.

Too many leaders settle for “fine” because there isn’t obvious brokenness. But lack of crisis doesn’t mean abundance of health.

How One Christian Husband Reconnected With His Wife (and Kids)

Bart didn’t just learn new tools—he let God change his posture.

He took a long, hard look at his own heart. He asked his wife, with full honesty, "Have I made intimacy feel transactional to you?"

She said no. But Bart still made changes. He apologized for things from 20 years ago. He went to his kids, one by one, and asked for forgiveness for being emotionally absent.

And the impact? Laughter returned. Confidence rose. Connection was rebuilt—at home, where it matters most.

When You Lead at Work But Struggle at Home

Bart’s job requires emotional intelligence, patience, and deep listening. He gives that to kids, to employees, to families in crisis.

But when he got home?

He was depleted. He admits, “I was giving my best to strangers—not to the people who mattered most.”

The CIRQUE listening framework helped him shift. Not just in knowledge—but in behavior. He started seeing his wife again. Not as someone who was “doing fine,” but as someone he was called to serve and cherish.

Intention Without Action Won’t Heal a Struggling Marriage

One of the most striking moments in Bart’s story? The first time he walked around the car to open the door for his wife in years.

She paused. Surprised.

It had been that long.

But it wasn’t about the door. It was about intentionality. About pursuit. About loving her like the daughter of the King she is.

Christian Leaders: Your Marriage Doesn’t Have to Be Broken to Be Better

Friend, maybe your marriage isn’t “bad.” Maybe no one knows how empty or tired you feel. Maybe your congregation thinks everything’s fine.

But you know.

You know you’re not showing up the way you want to. You know she deserves more. You know God is calling you deeper.

Don’t wait for a crisis to choose transformation. Don’t wait for regret to become your motivation.

Start now. Invest now. Lead your home like Jesus—by going first.

With love,

The Delight Your Marriage Team

PS - Are you ready to take the leap? Schedule a free Clarity Call with one of our Clarity Advisors at delightym.com/cc

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PPPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate: Being in ministry together and having raised 5 children under the pressure-cooker stress of the mission field, much of our life and conversation related only to family, ministry or solving "issues”…[Now,] there have been so many [celebrations] it's hard to list the biggest! I celebrate the peace in my heart that has allowed me to be non-reactive and non-explosive in some very difficult and high-tension situations…I celebrate the new playful way that we are connecting in the bedroom…I celebrate that my wife is now telling my children that "Dad is different!"