Delight Your Marriage

We are thrilled to be sharing Joel's Transformation Story with you today!

After 28 years of marriage, Joel felt disconnected from his wife. He was unsure of what to do and or where the disconnection was coming from. In searching for answers, he spoke with his sister about it and was introduced to the DYM podcast. After a few episodes and some topics really hitting home, he signed up for the Clarity Call and was accepted into the Masculinity Reclaimed course. 

Through the Course, not only did Joel begin to see a change in his marriage - with the reconnection he had longed for, more playfulness, and a better understanding of how to love his wife well - but his wife even began adding his Coaching Calls to their calendar! She was THAT impressed by the changes! 

We hope this transformation story inspires you and reminds you that the work that you do for your marriage does matter.

Love,

Belah & Team

PS - If you are looking to reconnect with your spouse, learn how to love them better, or figure out just how in the world to bring playfulness back - we would love to talk with you. delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PPS - Here is a quote from another recent graduate:

“The program has given me the tools I need to have a thriving marriage. More importantly, the program has changed my mindset and outlook. I now have a renewed hope that a thriving marriage is possible! I no longer fear that our marriage will end. Our intimacy isn’t just physical like in the past. It is now emotional, spiritual, and physical. It is new and AMAZING!”

Maybe you've been incredibly successful in your business pursuits.

You're the kind of guy who sees a target, attacks the target and brings home the game.

And year after year every chart goes up and to the right.

But unfortunately, what you have done that got you great success in business is what has actually torn down what you have wanted to build.

I mostly focus on men in this episode because I find they often need this sort of clarification of how God designed marriage. 

The truth: marriage is extremely different than business :)

A businessman might see a problem and want to fix it, when he uses the same tools that have made him successful in business with his wife... 

It drives her away.

It makes her feel she's not good enough.

Or it causes her to grow cold towards him.

The strategies that work in growing your business, conversing with coworkers, or motivating your employees will not be the things that work in the closer, intimate relationship you have with your spouse.

So, if you feel you're throwing punches in the dark and nothing is working and it's incredibly frustrating -- based on the success you've come to expect with your typical approach to life... then this episode is for you.

Blessings,

Belah & Team

PS - If we can help you with your marriage, we invite you to schedule a Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc 

This is a free consultation for us to see if we are a fit for your needs and if we would expect wonderful results from a program.

PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:

“I have come to realize that I need to be very intentional every day about romancing my wife. Especially recently, with some new business pressures, I have realized how easy it is to slip.  Interestingly, I am seeing some significant effects in my daughters.  Both of them are saying that they would like to have marriages like my wife and I have.  Praise God!!!”

Listening is a superpower.

It makes people feel heard and safe and brings down defenses. It lets them know they are cared for.

In today's society, it can be hard to have a conversation without wanting to defend a point in disagreement or wanting to make sure your opinion is heard, as well. It's even worse when this seeps into your marriage.

Today we are going to be talking about how to have a productive disagreement without losing connection, how to stay on the same team (even when you think your spouse is totally wrong!), and how to be a curious and compassionate listener, even in the midst of disagreement.

We hope this episode blesses you and leads to many wonderful, deep conversations and a deeper understanding and connection with your spouse.

Love,

Belah & Team

PS - You can find the Marital Health Assessment mentioned in today's podcast here: https://delightyourmarriage.com/health/.

PPS - If you're thinking this listening stuff is great for someone else, but not you and your spouse- they never listen, they don't want to share, they are so closed off... we would love to talk to you and see if we can help. https://delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:

"My biggest struggle coming into the program was hard heartedness, unforgiveness and resentment... It's required me to be more reflective.  It has shown me the power of positive habits that build into an attitude of gratitude. I am learning to see my wife in a kinder light.  I am spending more time connecting with my kids and have been more patient, kind & gentle with them.  I am becoming a better friend, messaging and calling friends more, and making time for them."

In honor of Darcy's anniversary this week, I wanted to re-release this episode! I’m excited to share that my wonderful friend Darcy is here to share her story and advice for you!

She is actually our wonderful Office Manager, and she reads all of your emails and prays for all of those who are suffering and in such difficulty in their marriages. She often weeps for you, listeners, and she truly, truly cares about you and feels your pain for those of you who are in need of hope.

Her conversation today reflects what God has done in her and what she prays He does in you. The rest of this message are from Darcy:

—

Thank you, Belah, for giving me this opportunity.

God is doing and has done so many amazing things and what an honor to testify of His power, love, and goodness!

*“Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name, I will lift up my hands.” Ps. 63:3-4

I pray that God speaks to and encourages many weary hearts through this podcast.

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.” Prov. 13:12

This is my prayer for you:

Father, thank You for the one listening to this podcast. Thank You that You know them…intimately! You know how many hairs are on their head. You know their hurts, desires, and joys.

You desire good for them and desire them to know and experience You and Your love in ways that will reveal to them the abundant life that You have offered to any who will come to You in faith in Jesus and walk in the power of the Spirit of God.

Father, you see the tears. You see the brokenness. Even more incredibly, You care about them and have the power to do something good with them.

God, You know that we so often want to run from hurt and pain! Teach us to trust You…to take You at Your word…

I encourage you to read this scripture as though you’ve never read it before:

*”For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

Likewise, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Rom. 8:18-28

Thank You, Father, that You NEVER lie! Thank You that we can cling to You and Your promises through every storm, every hurt, every disappointment, and everything that we face on this planet! People may fail us, but You NEVER do! 

You use the trials and pain to teach us greater things. You may seem far off at times, yet You are more interested in the details of our lives than we could ever imagine! Teach us to relinquish everything we hold onto to You, trusting that You will never disappoint…we wait on You.

…in Jesus’ name, I ask this, amen.

So, dear listener, remember:

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Ps. 34:18

* ”Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Ps. 37:4 

And let me ask you:

How long was Joseph a slave and a prisoner?

How long did David wait for the throne or Abraham and Sarah wait for a son?

How long were the Jews in captivity?

Hebrews 11 tells us that some died not yet having received the promise, yet they looked forward in faith and believed what God said.

God asked Abraham to sacrifice the fulfillment of His promise – Isaac. Abraham was willing. He even got up early the next morning to do so. Likely not because he felt like it or wanted to, but because he believed God.

Husband…wife…are you willing to believe God? Are you willing to sacrifice what you hold dear and trust God to deliver on His promises regardless of how bad things look and regardless of how long it takes?

Faith fleshes out in obedience. Because Abraham believed God, he acted like he believed God.

What does that look like for you in your situation today?

He is worthy! He is faithful! You and I can bank on it!

Grateful for His presence and His great and precious promises,

Darcy

Office Manager

*(All verses are in the ESV Bible version – emphasis mine)

PS If you would like to grow in your walk with God in many various ways, and particularly how that relates to your marriage, we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call with our very caring Clarity Call advisor – click here to schedule

A testimonial from a course graduate:

“I was very, very nervous to try this program out. My wife still doesn’t know about my involvement and I was very nervous about doing this without her knowledge.

But it has really exceeded any expectations I had about what might happen in my marriage.

I do believe I will talk with my wife about MR, in the right time, and I think it will go just fine. But if that is the reason you are hesitating, I can tell you…it really can work!”

For the past 30 years, she has tried everything to try and connect with her husband. It left her feeling lonely inside her own marriage.

Tanya is a woman who feels deeply. She is wired to feel the world and those around her in a deep, empathetic way.

But this is not the way her husband was wired. Since the beginning of their marriage, Tanya has felt a disconnect and a dismissal of her emotions. 

Her husband went looking for marriage help and found the Delight Your Marriage podcast.

Through the podcast, he was inspired to join the men's program and that is when their marriage really began to change.

She was shocked when she noticed he started listening more intently, he became more tender, and they would go on walks in the park holding hands together- something that had been missing since their dating days.

This inspired Tanya to do the women's program and "jump in with both feet", willing to let this program change her the way it had changed her husband.

Now, their marriage has flourished. Tanya never thought it would be possible, but here they are, more connected than ever before.

She said she feels "let out of prison". The depression has lifted and she has hope for the future for the first time in so long.

We believe Tanya's story will encourage you and inspires hope in you for your journey!

Love, 

Belah & Team 

PS - If this story resonates with you and you want to see a change in your marriage as well, we would love to talk with you. Contact us at delightyourmarriage.com/cc for a completely free Clarity Call. (A call Tanya says is still impacting her even now.)

PSS - Here is a quote from a (different) recent graduate:

Before the Delighted Wife Program:

"We were planning on how to keep a family together while breaking our family up - We were at the end of ourselves and decided it was time to give up and go our separate ways." After:

"WHERE DO I BEGIN!!! I have grown in patience, perspective, my faith and connection with God, my understanding of my husband, and peace.  I have learned how to build my marriage.  Building it is now a journey and no longer an intense, overwhelming mission impossible... 

Biggest take away from this whole course is the GOD FACTOR.  Belah always pointed us to Jesus NOT to a strategy or an idea or concept.  It was directly and purely to JESUS.  He was the main focus, and everything else just fell  into place.  It helped me to re-center everything in my life."

Clarity is a Christian's speciality. 

Amidst a confused culture, a clear understanding of God's word is what we need. 

If you're a husband, I invite you to consider how Jesus led and what the Bible says about a husband's leadership in the family. 

If you're a wife, I invite you to hear what a man can be (really) so you are happy to be led. 

My story started without good role modeling. 

And then I tried to "submit" and it was soul crushing. 

Then I decided I would NOT submit, and it was stressful, frustrating, and deeply painful. 

Then I discovered God's way  (though I still make mistakes at times), and it has made both my husband and I flourish. 

I can lead in many, many ways outside of our family -- but I love that in our home I am not the leader. My husband is trustworthy and good to me and our children. 

I hope you can catch a vision of what it can mean for you as a man or a woman to empower the right order of family. 

We are to be a light on a hill for the non-believers. 

I hope you'll curiously seek to gain perspective and growth into more and more of who God wants you to be in and through your marriage so you can do more for the Kingdom of God. 

Love, Belah

PS - We can help -- if you're a husband or a wife -- that's what we do. Check out delightyourmarriage.com/cc to learn more.

PPS - Here a quote from a recent graduate:

Before the Masculinity Reclaimed program: “I had quite a few struggles when starting the program...we were arguing quite a lot, I was defensive in my responses and even blamed [her] for the issues. I also hadn't been intentional in terms of dating or cherishing her for a long time and she was feeling neglected and getting more and more upset about the situation. 

Neither of us was very happy. I tried to do more around the house to make [her] happy, tried to act perfectly but still failed and ended up walking on eggshells most of the time. Not feeling or acting confidently or as a leader.”

After MR: “I can see now that I had been both aloof and independent towards my wife...but also very dependent on her mood and feelings/actions towards me. 

I feel more secure now in who I am, I don't get defensive much at all any more and we rarely argue… I realized that I hadn't been a very good husband for a very long time. I didn't know the extent of it until I went through each week and realized that I hadn't really been doing the basics of knowing my wife, or making her feel safe and cherished. That was a hard realization, but actually really helped me to understand the situation and where [she] was coming from and also helped me to own my part in it. 

It's been a huge change for the better. I have daily devotions now, I practice gratitude daily now. I have more confidence and less anxiety around people or stressful situations. I feel closer to God now; what could be a bigger impact than that?”

We have all felt the frustration and disappointment of doing our best to do the right thing and life still does not go the way we thought. 

For 28 years, Stephen was a faithful husband to his wife. There were no drugs or alcohol or pornography. They raised two kids in a Christian home. From the outside, everything looked like it should be going right.

But within their marriage, they were falling apart. Stephen felt emotionally and physically abandoned by his wife and didn’t know what to do.

After desperately searching “Sexual Intimacy” on Google in hopes of finding some answers, Stephen stumbled upon Delight Your Marriage.

After the first podcast episode, he knew this was what the Lord had for him. He was shocked that after signing up, exactly what he had been praying for came to pass... his wife greeted him with open arms, a smile, and a “How was your day?” followed by a passionate night!

Stephen had to do his work on himself. It wasn't easy and he had to have faith that God could change it all. And He did.

This is the story we want for each person listening: to be desired by their spouse, to be connected, and to be loved in a delight-filled marriage.

We are so thankful to Stephen for sharing his story with us and we hope that his story becomes your story too.

Blessings,

Belah & Team

P.S. - If you want to know more about our Clarity Calls or how to become involved in the same work Stephen did, please reach out to us at delightyourmarriage.com/cc. We would love to talk to you!

P.S.S. - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:

Before the men's program: “I often felt disrespected and controlled. To a degree I felt unloved because of the lack of physical intimacy.

I often felt I couldn’t be myself or express my opinion because of the disapproval I would feel when I did. There was anger and indifference growing in me. We were growing further and further apart…”

After the men's program:

“Tension between us is pretty much gone! Our relationship, our discussions have become much more peaceful, easygoing and playful than before. My wife has become more affectionate and has initiated intimacy more! We can now discuss physical intimacy and not argue.

She has told me many times how she likes the changes she sees in me, and is expressing more and more desire to grow in intimacy herself!...

Other people around us, even strangers, have noticed something different about us. One change that I think is the most telling of how the DYM program has impacted our lives:

Prior to the program we had been sleeping in separate rooms for years. I am thankful to say that I am back in our marriage bed, physically, emotionally – for good now!”

P.S.S.S… :) 

A few weeks ago, I had the wonderful privilege of being a guest on the 'That's Just What I Needed' podcast with speaker & author Donna Jones, who is a friend of DYM and has actually been on our podcast as well! If you'd like to listen to the episode, we talk about what you can do make your marriage better, regardless of where you're starting. You can find it here: That’s Just What I Needed

It was so great getting to chat with her and we hope the episode blesses you immensely! We want to support Donna and the great work she is doing so if you are on social media, please give her a follow on @donnaajones and make sure to check out her new book, Healthy Conflict, Peaceful Life. Thank you again for having me, Donna!

 "Throughout all of history, it is clear that humans naturally are humble, self-sacrificial, and want to be of service to others"

...said no one, ever. 

That is the right heart and mindset but it must be chosen and cultivated.

When we look back at our lives the things we are most proud of are not what came easily.

We are most proud of what was difficult, what took sacrifice and what was in service to something bigger than ourselves. 

By nature, we don't want to do "hard".

Easy SEEMS better in the short-term, but when we choose the hard, we look back and see a life of meaning and purpose. 

As a wife, it's not easy to reject the lies that society feeds us nowadays.

Lie - "Men and women are the same"

The problem is if we're the same then we'll expect to give and receive love the same way.

So, if a wife doesn't need sex to feel loved, she'll be bitter that her husband can't live without it.

The truth sets us free. And the truth is men and women are designed differently -- equal in value and dignity but different in the ways we receive love (among other things).

When I push myself towards the gym because of a doctor's wisdom, am I oppressing myself? Is the doctor oppressing me for suggesting such a gruesome and heinous encouragement that could leave me sore and in discomfort for days...

No--I'm grateful he told me the truth so I can have the results he knows I want: health and well-being. Ultimately, if I do push myself to go to the gym, I feel a LOT better once I'm there and started.

In the same way, if it is true and wise and good to go towards intimacy in marriage -- regardless of how I feel naturally -- I can change my attitude and go towards this gift that God has given. And generally with the right attitude, I'll start to enjoy it in the midst. 

The beautiful part about sex is when you sacrifice your feelings and wants for the good of God's plan for your marriage, you can actually start to enjoy, love, and relish in His good gift of intimacy!

It all starts with a choice to say "Not my will, but Your will be done in my life".

Love, Belah

PS - If you are wanting to improve your marriage and have deeper intimacy with your spouse, we would love to talk with you. Please feel free to contact us at delightyourmarriage.com/cc to schedule a free Clarity Call.

PPS - Here is quote from a recent graduate:Before: "[Before the Delighted Wife program], My husband and I were at the brink of complete and utter separation.  We were not communicating.  There was anger and yelling and volatile behavior.  We were not even sleeping in the same bed, in the same room. I was feeling absolutely helpless and broken.  I feared for the future and for what would happen to our family. My health was being affected and all of the struggles were really destroying both of us.”

After DW: “Through the program, I realized that first, my husband is different than I am.  Second, I learned that I was not respecting, admiring, or being wholehearted in my approach to intimacy.   Third, I learned that the improvement that God was effecting for our marriage needed to begin with one of us and that it was me who needed to start… I learned to see my husband through God's eyes and am determined to love him with all of his strengths and weaknesses without wanting any change but instead being grateful for all that he is in my life… Delight Your Marriage opened my eyes to what the Lord has in store and has filled me with so much hope. Through the tools of the program, I have been able to see the improvements that have been affected almost miraculously.  To God be the Glory!!!”

When you see everyone else has great intimacy except you, how can you survive? 

How can you live without this vital need being met (as God even designed it)? 

I hear you.

It's painful. 

It really is. 

In this conversation, I hope you will feel encouraged and supported and also feel that God does care and there is direction.

Blessings,  Belah

PS - Do you want to improve your marriage? Do you want to see a move of God in your own life and in the life of your spouse, family, and friendships? We want to help you. Check out this link to schedule a free Clarity Call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "[Before the Masculinity Reclaimed program], I was stuck in the sin of self pity.  We were not enjoying each other's company. Our youngest two children were noticing, and it was not the examples we wanted to be showing them.

[After the MR program], I have become more thankful. I learned to focus on the positives. I have learned to become a better listener. I understand my wife's needs better.  Because of past disappointments my wife was not my #1 priority after the Lord. Now she is... There is so much in this program that is good.  I loved Belah's insights for each guy during each week's coaching call. I believe she is relying on the Holy Spirit for wisdom and it shows with each guy's reactions and progress."

If you're discontent...

If you feel you've been praying against a cement ceiling...

If you've actually felt disappointed in life and at God...

Or maybe it's less severe, you're going through the motions in life but something feels "off"...

I want you to know that your discontentment is something to pay attention to.

God does come in dreams and visions (sometimes) but often he leads us by our feelings. 

And my wonder for you is are you paying attention? 

Are you considering the feeling of "discontentment" as something

a - outside of you in your world needs to change or

b - something about you in your inner world needs to change

God gives us opportunities to change all the time.

Change the way we think, the way we are, the way we understand the world. 

You don't need to assume this is as good as it gets and that we're not going to be able to do anything to make it better.

I think God wants us to take Him at His word "we are more than conquerors" and stand on our own feet and decide to improve what we are discontent about.

Yes, there are sad and bad things going on in the world.

But as followers of Jesus, we get to DO something about it.

We have the opportunity to change things for the better, all the time.

Ultimately, I want you to take responsibility for your heart and what you choose to meditate on.

Don't be a “Discontent Debbie" or a "Wallowing Walter!”

It's not what God has for you. I promise.

How about "Determined Debbie" and "Wonderfully Wise Walter"?

And I think it has eternal consequences...

Be a wise gardener of your mind and heart, so that you can have a life and joy that brings honor to Jesus. 

Blessings,

Belah

PS - Would you like to improve your marriage? 

Are you willing to let the Lord grow in you more of His love, grace, and power in your most important human relationship? 

Would you like our help? 

If so, schedule a free Clarity call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

To fan the flame of hope, a quote from one of our program graduates:

“DYM [Delight Your Marriage] has been a great blessing to our marriage!  

After several years of feeling “stuck” in patterns in our marriage that left both of us feeling alone, hurt, unheard, and without much hope of any real and lasting change, I have found the material, ministry culture, and most importantly, the faith at work through the team of DYM to be exactly what I needed to take real steps of faith in practical ways that mattered to my wife and our marriage.”