Surrender Your Masculinity to Jesus: Interview with Aaron Smith

Consider this question:

If your marriage never changed...

Would Jesus still be enough?

That question is at the heart of this week's conversation with Aaron Smith.

For four long years, he and his wife struggled with painful intimacy issues that nearly ended their marriage.

Like many couples, they kept praying for God to change their circumstances.

Instead, God began changing their hearts.

One of the most powerful moments in our conversation comes when Aaron realizes that Jesus didn't wait for His Bride to become perfect before giving Himself for her.

He loved first. Sacrificially. Completely.

That's the invitation for every one of us.

Not because it's easy.

But because it's the way of Christ.

To love first.

Let this conversation encourage you to remember: God cares about your marriage. He is worthy of your surrender. And He is still working.

With love, The Delight Your Marriage Team (Shownotes written with AI assistance)

PS - Are you ready to take the leap and become the person God created you to be in your marriage? Schedule a free Clarity Call and see if our programs are the right next step for you.

PPS - Here is what (another) recent Coaching Graduate had to say:

For years, I felt so dissatisfied, frustrated, and angry toward my wife. I was living in a repeating cycle of expecting sex, not being fulfilled by it because of her lack of desire for me, being angry at her for not trying to connect with me in the relationship, holding it in for as long as possible, then trying to "fix it" by talking to her about it or lashing out at her, then back to the expectations.

My wife, kids, and myself, all felt unsafe and dissatisfied with life and who I was...

This program has helped me so much to learn how to handle not only my emotions, but hers as well. She is truly seeing me as a safe place and I want to protect that at all costs...I have also learned how to speak to my wife's heart and to truly listen to her...I am now living in God's purpose and design and the pieces around me are falling into place.

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Delight Your Marriage is dedicated to helping married couples discover true intimacy and helping heal emotional, spiritual, and physical intimacy--biblically.

For more than 10 years, through our practical tools, group coaching, and podcast, we have seen hundreds of marriages transformed- from couples who were on their way to signing divorce papers to couples who had pretty good marriages but just wanted to connect more.

We are honored to get to walk alongside men & women as they become who God created them to be and see their marriages transformed in the process.

If you'd like to learn more about us and our programs, please visit https://delightyourmarriage.com/

Want more on-the-go content? Follow us on Facebook & Instagram for insightful clips and marriage coaching insights.

Catch up on the podcast on our YouTube channel or your favorite podcast streaming platform.

Ready to take the leap and do the work to heal your marriage? We'd love to chat with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call here.

Thank you for listening and God bless!

Is It Manipulation or Is It Kindness?

Whether you realize it or not, you're already influencing your spouse.

Every day.

Through your words.

Your attitudes.

Your reactions.

Your encouragement.

Your silence.

The question isn't whether you're influencing them.

The question is why.

Are you trying to get your own way?

Or are you trying to help them become who God created them to be?

That's what this week's podcast is all about.

Many husbands and wives feel guilty when they want change in their marriage. They worry that encouraging their spouse toward growth somehow makes them manipulative.

But what if influence itself isn't the problem?

What if the real issue is the motive behind it?

In this episode, we explore the difference between selfish manipulation and godly influence—and why helping your spouse move closer to Jesus may actually be one of the most loving things you can do.

With love, The Delight Your Marriage Team (Shownotes written with AI assistance)

PS - Ready to take the leap and begin healing your marriage? Our Clarity Advisors would love to talk with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call here.

PPS - Here is what (another) recent Coaching Graduate had to say: "I am responsible for changing my heart. Attempting to change [my wife] only caused her to feel worse and more unsafe.

By working on myself to be a better man she is drawn to that. Realizing that God's design is about sacrificial love with no expectations. There is a true freedom in that.

I had turned so much about my marriage into a bargaining chip for sex that I had lost the plot and failed to love my beautiful wife the way that Christ loves us. Truly a wake-up call."

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Delight Your Marriage is dedicated to helping married couples discover true intimacy and helping heal emotional, spiritual, and physical intimacy--biblically.

For the last 10 years, through our practical tools, group coaching, and podcast, we have seen hundreds of marriages transformed- from couples who were on their way to signing divorce papers to couples who had pretty good marriages but just wanted to connect more.

We are honored to get to walk alongside men & women as they become who God created them to be and see their marriages transformed in the process.

If you'd like to learn more about us and our programs, please visit https://delightyourmarriage.com/

Want more on-the-go content? Follow us on Facebook for insightful clips and marriage coaching insights.

Catch up on the podcast on our YouTube channel or your favorite podcast streaming platform.

Ready to take the leap and do the work to heal your marriage? We'd love to chat with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call here.

Thank you for watching and God bless!

Not a Bad Marriage, But the Future Looked Disconnected: David's Transformation Journey

One of the biggest lies couples believe is this: "This is just what marriage becomes."

The excitement fades. The connection weakens. The emotional intimacy disappears.

And we convince ourselves that's normal.

This is where David found himself.

His marriage wasn't falling apart, but it wasn't thriving either.

He was starting to see small cracks ("micro-fissures" as he called them) in the foundation.

As a couple, they were functioning fine–paying bills, raising kids, managing life– but somewhere along the way, they had stopped truly connecting.

When looking for advice, he would hear things like: "That's marriage." "That's life." "Honeymoon's over."

But God offers something different.

Marriage was never designed to be two people surviving under the same roof; it was designed to reflect Christ's love.

To be life-giving. Refreshing. Connected.

When David stopped focusing on what was missing and started focusing on becoming the husband God was calling him to be, everything began to shift.

His wife became more vulnerable. Their conversations deepened. Their friendship grew. Hope returned.

And perhaps the best part of the story is this: his children started noticing.

They watched their dad plan surprises for their mom. They helped him prepare dates! They saw affection, intentionality, and joy.

That's generational impact.

You are not meant to settle for a marriage that merely functions.

God has something better than survival.

And the beautiful part? The journey starts with just one willing heart.

With love, The Delight Your Marriage Team (Shownotes written with AI assistance)

PS - Wives, want to know more about the free Course we're currently offering? Check out Wives, The Path Back to Warmth to sign up and learn more!

PPS - Ready to take that first step and begin healing your marriage? Our Clarity Advisors would love to talk with you. Schedule a Free Clarity Call; it starts with one willing heart.

PPS - Here is what a recent Coaching Graduate had to say:

"I've become much more aware of my harshness and demanding nature...I've been working at lighting up and letting people be themselves around me, including [my wife]...

I really like DYM and appreciate [Belah] and the program very much.

The step-by-step nature is good. It's both simple and hard at the same time. Your content makes me think and ponder very deeply, which is not something I've done much and really makes me want to improve as a person. No other program has touched me as deeply."

If you've ever looked in the mirror and felt disappointed...

If you've ever believed the lie that your body isn't beautiful enough, desirable enough, or worthy enough...

I want you to know something.

That voice is not God's voice.

The God who knit you together in your mother's womb did not make a mistake when He made you.

Your body is not something to be ashamed of.

Your story is not something to hide.

Your weaknesses are not proof that you've failed.

In fact, some of the sweetest intimacy in marriage happens when we stop pretending we're perfect and allow ourselves to be fully seen.

Seen physically. Seen emotionally. Seen fully & honestly.

The enemy would love for you to stay hidden behind shame.

But God invites you into freedom. He invites you into connection. He invites you into the warmth that comes when we stop performing and start being known.

You don't have to arrive at perfection before you allow yourself to be loved.

You are already loved.

And that changes everything.

With love, The Delight Your Marriage Team (Shownotes written with AI assistance)

PS - Wives, want to know more about the Course mentioned in this episode? Check out The Path Back to Warmth, sign up here! delightyourmarriage.com/wivespath

PPS - Ready to take the leap and begin healing your marriage? Our Clarity Advisors would love to talk with you. Schedule a Free Clarity Call and take the first step towards healing.

PPS - Here is what a recent Coaching Graduate had to say: "I was not good at giving him compliments. I thought them but I didn't tell him. I'm not good at being playful. Learning how to be more playful has helped our marriage... [He] is my eternal companion and I know we make a great team. Having my girls see how we interact and see our happiness will be a great example for their families."

In case you need this reminder today:

You are allowed to be in process. You are allowed to say, "I do not have all the answers yet, but I want to learn." You are allowed to be growing.

That is not failure.

That is humility.

And humility is often far stronger than we realize.

Sometimes we think confidence means having everything figured out before we take a step. But that's not real confidence at all.

Real confidence says, "I'm willing to learn." Real confidence says, "I don't know everything, but I'm going to move forward anyway." Real confidence says, "I may make mistakes, but I'm not going to let fear keep me stuck."

Because transformation requires confidence.

Not confidence that you'll do everything perfectly, but rather confidence that God can help you grow.

Remember: you are not starting from zero.

There have been times you loved your spouse well.

There have been moments that brought a smile to their face.

There are ways God has already grown you that you may have forgotten.

You are a good spouse who wants to get better.

Bravo to you. Seriously.

And if fear has been whispering that you shouldn't try unless you can do it perfectly, don't listen.

Perfection isn't the goal. Becoming more like Jesus is.

So take the next step. Ask the question. Receive the help. And move forward with confidence.

Love,

The Delight Your Marriage Team (Shownotes written with AI assistance)

PS - Sometimes the most courageous thing you can do is raise your hand and say, "I need help." That's exactly what a Clarity Call is. It's a humble, confident first step toward the marriage transformation you're praying for. We'd love to walk alongside you with coaching, encouragement, accountability, prayer, and practical next steps. Schedule your Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc.

PPS - Here is what a recent Coaching Graduate had to say: "I have grown in patience and understanding that I must love my wife without any expectations. I have learned that the old way that I was attempting to change my wife was one of the main ways I was driving her away. Understanding that safety is not just about physical security but also her feeling safe emotionally."

#confidence #growthmindset #marriagecoach #lifecoach

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Delight Your Marriage is dedicated to helping married couples discover true intimacy and helping heal emotional, spiritual, and physical intimacy--biblically.

For the last 10 years, through our practical tools, group coaching, and podcast, we have seen hundreds of marriages transformed- from couples who were on their way to signing divorce papers to couples who had pretty good marriages but just wanted to connect more.

We are honored to get to walk alongside men & women as they become who God created them to be and see their marriages transformed in the process.

If you'd like to learn more about us and our programs, please visit https://delightyourmarriage.com/

Want more on-the-go content? Follow us on Facebook for insightful clips and marriage coaching insights.

Catch up on the podcast on our YouTube channel or your favorite podcast streaming platform.

Ready to take the leap and do the work to heal your marriage? We'd love to chat with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call here.

Thank you for watching and God bless!

Sometimes Christians speak about the body as though it barely matters.

As though spiritual growth and physical stewardship are completely separate things.

But Scripture paints a very different picture.

God created your body intentionally.

Jesus came in a body. Jesus rose in a body. And one day, we will receive glorified bodies.

Your body matters to God.

In this episode, Justin Roethlingshoefer (Own It Show, The Power of Ownership) explained how many people live disconnected from their bodies entirely.

Ignoring exhaustion. Ignoring stress. Ignoring burnout. Ignoring emotional pain.

Until eventually the body begins sounding alarms we can no longer ignore.

Anxiety. Fatigue. Autoimmune struggles. Hormonal issues.

And often we wonder: "Why is this happening to me?"

But perhaps sometimes the better question is: "Have I been stewarding what God entrusted to me?"

Not from condemnation, but from invitation.

Because God is not trying to shame you.

He is inviting you into abundant life.

And at the center of that invitation is identity.

Justin shared that for years, he believed his worth came from achievement and performance.

But God taught him that he did not need to earn what had already been freely given through Christ.

You do not have to prove your value. You already have value.

And from that secure identity, you can begin making decisions that honor the life and body God has given you.

And when you care for your body fully, you can also show up for the things God has for you fully.

We hope this episode blesses you!

Blessings,

The Delight Your Marriage Team (Shownotes written with AI assistance)

PS - Want to learn more about Justin and his work? Check out his website at https://justinroethlingshoefer.com/. His books are available at here and his newest book, Holy Health, is set to release this August. We are excited about it! Thank you again, Justin, for your insights and for being on the show!

PPS - Ready to take the next step in healing your marriage? We want to help. Schedule a free Clarity Call at https://delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PPPS - Here is what a recent Coaching Graduate had to say: "DYM has shown me that change for my marriage start with changing myself. Through Belah's videos its abundantly clear that I am the one that needs change but these changes are only possible through Christ and his grace and desire to see me have a relationship with him first and then allow him to present me again to my wife as the man of God she has always wanted to be with."

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Delight Your Marriage is dedicated to helping married couples discover true intimacy and helping heal emotional, spiritual, and physical intimacy--biblically.

For the last 10 years, through our practical tools, group coaching, and podcast, we have seen hundreds of marriages transformed- from couples who were on their way to signing divorce papers to couples who had pretty good marriages but just wanted to connect more.

We are honored to get to walk alongside men & women as they become who God created them to be and see their marriages transformed in the process.

If you'd like to learn more about us and our programs, please visit https://delightyourmarriage.com/

Want more on-the-go content? Follow us on Facebook for insightful clips and marriage coaching insights.

Catch up on the podcast on our YouTube channel (https://www.youtube.com/@delightyourmarriage) or your favorite podcast streaming platform.

Ready to take the leap and do the work to heal your marriage? We'd love to chat with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call here: https://delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Thank you for listening and God bless!

Maybe intimacy in your marriage doesn't look the way you thought it would.

Maybe there are physical limitations. Health challenges. Pain. Insecurity. Lack of desire. Aging. Shame.

Or just a deep sadness that things don't feel the way they "should."

And maybe, quietly, you've wondered: Is something wrong with me? Is something wrong with us? Are we just broken?

This episode is for the husband or wife who feels discouraged, different, or alone in this area of marriage.

Let this be an encouragement that intimacy is more than what we often make it out to be.

It is about unity. Tenderness. Connection. Loving your spouse well in the ways you are able.

If you feel unseen or forgotten by God in this area, this is a reminder that God sees you.

You are not forgotten. You are not beyond hope. And you are not strange or weird for wanting help in this area.

This may be a real suffering in your marriage—but suffering is not proof that God has abandoned you.

He can use even this tender, painful place to grow humility, love, compassion, and deeper unity.

God bless you!

Love, The Delight Your Marriage Team

PS - If you're ready to take the next step in healing your marriage, schedule a free Clarity Call. Get some insight into the health of your marriage and what the right next step is for you.

PPS - For more information on the accessories mentioned in today's episode, please visit our website.

PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent Coaching program graduate: "The biggest marital struggle that I was feeling was a lack of connection within physical intimacy. There was also a lack of trust and feeling safe to genuinely be ourselves in different areas. It was hard to communicate without the other person taking offense, switching the subject or shifting the focus, etc. and it just made it hard to grow in a lot of areas...[Because of DYM], I've been able to truly shift my priorities to just focus on myself in the terms of how can I love my wife the way that God intended me to...[Intimacy has] been happening so much more than in the past, but more importantly, it's been meaningful, fulfilling, and it's being enjoyed without fear of strings being attached or tension from expectations..."

Can we give you an encouragement today?

Just because your marriage has felt cold… Disconnected… Tense… Or emotionally distant for years…

Does not mean that's how it has to stay.

In today's episode, a wife recently shared that for years, her husband told her he didn't feel respected — and honestly? She truly didn't understand what he meant.

Not because she didn't love him. Not because she was trying to hurt him. But because no one had ever taught her what respect actually looks like to a husband.

And over time, little hurts built up. Distance built up. Frustration built up.

She described herself as becoming colder toward affection — even non-sexual touch felt difficult.

But instead of staying stuck, she decided to ask God to change her. She humbled herself and leaned in.

And slowly, things changed.

Her husband began saying things like: "I finally feel respected." "I finally feel seen." "I finally feel like you get it."

Yes, that's possible.

When we begin loving our spouse the way God designed them to receive love, something softens. Peace enters places that used to feel tense. Hope returns.

If you know something in your marriage needs a revamp… If you're tired of repeating the same painful patterns… If you long for emotional, spiritual, and physical connection again…

We would love to walk alongside you.

Love, The Delight Your Marriage Team (Shownotes created with AI assistance)

PS - Do you have an area in your marriage that is ready for a revamp? Schedule a free Clarity Call and bring back the joy and connection in your marriage: https://delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PPS - Here is a quote from a recent Coaching program graduate: "I absolutely love how biblically and psychologically grounded and how thorough this program is. It is the best marriage discipleship program I've ever done and I so appreciate the time, love and thought that Belah and her team have put into DYM...I've been able to experience more joy, I'm a lot more relaxed, and I'm able to be an encouragement to others. I have a happier home as well and feel a lot more supported in my walk with God."

All Your "Godly" Accomplishments Are Nothing?

What if you could "win" in every area of life… and still lose the things that matter most?

Because according to Jesus, success isn't measured by productivity, influence, money, ministry titles, or getting more done than everyone else.

It's measured by love.

"Love is patient and kind…" (1 Corinthians 13)

That means our marriages matter.

Our tone matters.

The atmosphere in our home matters.

The way we treat our spouse and children matters.

This episode is for driven husbands (and honestly, anyone with a high-achieving personality) who may be unintentionally sacrificing tenderness, emotional safety, and connection on the altar of accomplishment.

You do not have to keep living rushed, impatient, emotionally disconnected, or spiritually distracted.

Jesus can teach you another way.

A slower way. A gentler way. A truly strong way.

And it may be the very thing your marriage and family are longing for most.

God bless you, Belah (Used AI to draft shownotes from Belah's show.)

PS - Don't wait. Take the next step. Schedule a free Clarity Call and start your journey to a healed marriage.

PPS - What is your Marital Health score? Take our free Marital Health Assessment to find out.

PPS - Here is a quote from a recent Coaching program graduate: I came into the program scoring very low in our marital health. I was very discouraged... This was leading me to moments of intense anguish, embarrassment, anger and a quiet desperation.

Joining DYM has given me space to process how we got to this place in our marriage. I have a lot of insight into how we got to where we were...I have hope where I didn't have hope. We are now a 7 or so in our marital health. I feel much less embarrassed, and far more content in our marriage than I did when we began.

From Tolerating to Delighting: Marriage Transformation Is Possible (feat. Gary Thomas & Belah Rose) Imagine this: Your husband is working nights and you are cleaning houses during the day. When you find out you are pregnant, you pursue a dream of writing a book. Every morning you walk to the coffee shop just down the street to write. One of your favorite things to do is listen to books about marriage. One of your favorite books on the topic is written by Gary Thomas. In his book, Sacred Marriage, he asks, "What if marriage is meant to make us holy instead of happy?" Now, fast forward just a few years. You are having a conversation with that author, and he tells you he is a fan of your work. Fast forward a couple more years, and you get to be mentored by this same author. Eventually, it becomes evident that he and I can help more couples by joining forces and creating a collaboration where he shares his wisdom through books and speaking, and you are able to provide coaching and accountability for people after they read the books or attend the conferences. That is the story I am sharing with you today as I announce a collaboration with Gary Thomas, bestselling author and speaker. In this episode, we share how God truly has a plan for your marriage. He is the one who changes lives, and we have been able to see that in both of our work. I want to encourage you that God can take your loaves and fishes and do something amazing. He can take your willingness. He can take your bit of faith, and He can make a marvelous tapestry for His glory. Just yesterday, we had two amazing graduations. Both individuals were changed themselves. And their spouse changed in response, though their spouses did not do the work. That can be your story, too. We would love to witness God perform that miracle through biblical principles made practical on the inside. Listen to today's podcast to understand Gary's heart and mine regarding the work we do, and now do together. Thank you, Gary, for the honor! And thank you, listener, for your love, support, and prayers. I am honored to be able to serve in this way and am trusting God for more healed hearts. God bless you, Belah

PS - Marriage Transformation is real. Schedule a free Clarity Call and start your journey to a playful, peaceful, purposeful marriage.

PPS - Here is a quote from a recent Coaching program graduate: My wife and I struggled to get along...We were so intimately disconnected that it led to months of no sexual intimacy...it was so painful. We constantly fought about any and everything...I had gone into various counseling programs, spiritual formations, soul care, discipleship...But nothing was really changing our relationship... [Now,] God is answering my prayers and faith is becoming a reality. She is opening up, sharing her thoughts and feeling safe and connected...She is trusting me again...[We] have been having sex again...I am in such a better place and praise God for leading me to Belah and DYM.

Here is an AI-generated summary of today's episode:

A New Christ-Centered Partnership for Marriage Transformation

Gary Thomas and Belah Rose announce a meaningful new collaboration between Gary's marriage ministry work and Belah's ministry, Delight Your Marriage. Their shared desire is to help marriages be healed, strengthened, and transformed for the glory of God.

Belah Rose's Story: From Brokenness to Marriage Ministry

Belah shares how her own painful first marriage, divorce, and season away from Jesus shaped her calling. After experiencing healing through Christ and through the love of her husband, Darrow, she became passionate about helping others avoid the pain she had walked through.

Her heart for Delight Your Marriage was born from the realization that marriage can either deeply wound or deeply heal—and that intimacy is often a powerful catalyst in that process.

Why One Spouse Can Still Make a Difference

A major theme of the conversation is that transformation can begin with just one spouse doing the work.

Gary and Belah emphasize that this is not about blame or manipulation. Instead, it is about reclaiming God-given influence, loving your spouse as an act of obedience to Christ, and allowing God to change the atmosphere of the marriage.

Understanding How Men and Women Receive Love Differently

Belah explains the Delight Your Marriage framework for helping spouses love each other well.

For wives, the focus is often helping them feel:

Safe Known Wholeheartedly cherished

For husbands, the focus is often helping them feel:

Respected Admired Wholeheartedly intimate

Gary affirms that while every person is unique, there are real patterns in how men and women often experience love, safety, respect, and intimacy.

Rebuilding Intimacy Without Pressure or Manipulation

Gary and Belah address the pain of sexless, disconnected, or emotionally distant marriages. They explain that true intimacy is not about obligation or pressure, but mutual joy, desire, safety, and love.

Belah shares that many spouses come into the program wanting change in intimacy, but through the process, their motivation becomes deeper: loving their spouse well because they love God.

Real Stories of Marriages Being Restored

Belah shares several powerful examples of transformation, including:

A couple who had gone 10 years without intimacy and experienced renewed connection after three months of doing the work.

A wife whose husband had been checked out through video games, but who became more engaged, responsible, and affectionate after she changed her approach.

A husband whose wife had been emotionally cold and distant, but who later began coming toward him with affection, conversation, and intimacy.

Hope for Marriages That Feel Dead and Buried

Gary and Belah are honest that not every marriage has a guaranteed outcome, especially when divorce, abuse, abandonment, or unsafe dynamics are involved.

But they also emphasize that God can resurrect marriages that seem completely hopeless. Through Christ, practical tools, humility, and accountability, many couples have experienced healing they never thought possible.

What Happens on a Clarity Call

Belah explains that the first step is a free Clarity Call. During the call, a trained advisor listens deeply to the person's story, prays for them, and helps identify what may be at the root of the marital struggle.

From there, some people are invited to a Program Discovery Call to discern whether coaching is the right next step.

Why Accountability Matters in Marriage Growth

Gary explains that books, conferences, and resources can be helpful, but many people need someone to walk with them personally.

Belah shares that Delight Your Marriage offers coaching, structure, small-group support, prayer, and accountability so participants are not trying to change alone.

Help for Good Marriages That Want to Become Great

The program is not only for marriages in crisis. Belah explains that even strong marriages can have hidden "leaks"—small areas where connection, intimacy, communication, or delight could become stronger.

Sometimes a marriage that seems good can become far better than either spouse knew was possible.

Support for Pastors, Missionaries, and Ministry Marriages

Belah and Gary also discuss the importance of supporting pastors, missionaries, and ministry couples. Many leaders feel isolated in their marriage struggles, and Delight Your Marriage offers a private, Christ-centered place to receive help.

Belah shares that scholarships are available for some full-time ministers.

Special Invitation for Gary Thomas's Audience

To celebrate the partnership, Belah shares a special offer for Gary Thomas's audience. Those who sign up and share that they were referred by Gary Thomas can receive $500 or more in savings if they sign up for a Clarity Call and coaching before May 15.

Final Encouragement: There Is Real Hope for Your Marriage

Gary and Belah close with a message of hope. A painful marriage does not have to stay the same. A distant marriage can become connected again. A marriage that feels dead can be revived by the power of Jesus.

The invitation is simple: take the next step, begin with a Clarity Call, and discover what God may want to heal.