515-New Years Resolutions with Hope

Happy New Year!

If you're reading this a couple days into 2026—welcome. And if you're reading this in the middle of 2037, it still applies.

Because God is still on the throne.

He is still a good Father.

And He is still interested in crafting and molding your heart—especially in the middle of real life… including the hard parts.

Put Your Growth Mindset On (Yes, Literally)

If you've been in our Delight Your Marriage sphere for any length of time, you know I'm a little obsessed with growth. So, the New Year is one of the things I look forward to the most.

I want to share something that we do in coaching calls. It can honestly look silly… but it works.

We put our hands over our heads like a hat and we say:

"Put your growth mindset on."

Why?

Because the posture matters.

A growth mindset says:

• "God can change me."

• "I'm not finished yet."

• "This isn't the end of my story."

• "My marriage isn't stuck forever."

A fixed mindset says:

• "This is just how I am."

• "Take it or leave it."

• "This is all there is."

For us as believers, a growth mindset is a reflection of our faith.

Our hope is rooted in a God who raises the dead (Romans 8:11), who changes hearts of stone into hearts of flesh (Ezekiel 36:26), and who redeems the years the locusts have stolen (Joel 2:25).

Having a growth mindset is a reflection of the hope we have in Jesus.

A New Year Reflection That Actually Changes You

Here's what I like to do around the New Year (and yes, if you haven't done it yet, you still have time).

I go month by month through the previous year and write down what I remember—hard things, good things, major moments, heartache, breakthroughs.

Then, I pray:

"God, what do You want me to learn from this year?"

Because honestly… if He doesn't bring it to mind, maybe it isn't the thing He wants me to carry forward.

Then after I list the moments, I write two categories:

• Wins

• Learnings

Not because I'm trying to build a scrapbook of accomplishments or places I fell short, but because I'm trying to build wisdom.

When You've Been Crushed… God Is Doing Something

There's a passage in 2 Corinthians 1 where Paul describes being:

• utterly weighed down

• crushed

• despairing of life itself

And then he says this:

7 And our hope for you [our confident expectation of good for you] is firmly grounded [assured and unshaken], since we know that just as you share as partners in our sufferings, so also you share as partners in our comfort.

8 For we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about our trouble in [the west coast province of] Asia, how we were utterly burdened beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life [itself].

9 Indeed, we felt within ourselves that we had received the sentence of death and were convinced that we would die, but this happened so that we would not trust in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead.

10 He has rescued us from so great a danger of death, and will rescue us; on Him we have set our hope [and confident expectation] that He will continue to rescue us.

-2 Corinthians 1:7–10 (AMP)

That suffering was to keep them from trusting in themselves… and to depend on God who raises the dead.

Friend… what if that pain you walked through wasn't proof God forgot you?

What if it was proof He was calling you deeper?

Not into self-reliance.

Not into "I'll just manage."

But into dependence.

And yes, dependence feels vulnerable.

But it's also where hope is born.

And we have a God that we CAN depend on.

So wherever you relied on yourself this past year… know you can rely on God.

The Subtle Trap: Distracting Yourself Instead of Depending on God

Sometimes sneaks in during suffering:

Distraction.

When we hurt, we're tempted to numb.

A screen. A scroll. A snack. A show. A YouTube rabbit hole. A constant something to get us away from feelings that are uncomfortable.

And the question becomes:

What am I trusting to comfort me?

Is it God?

Or is it a coping mechanism—even a "normal" one—that quietly replaces Him?

If we want to be dependent on God, it must be for our comfort too.

You Can Do "Christian Things" and Still Miss Love

In thinking of resolutions for the new year, we need to also think about the heart behind it.

I want you to take into consideration 1 Corinthians 13.

It is not just a wedding reading.

It's a mirror.

You can do all sorts of impressive things:

• serve

• teach

• sacrifice

• prophesy

• lead

• build

• give generously

…and Scripture says:

if it isn't done in love, it amounts to nothing.

So here's a New Year question that matters more than "Did I hit my goals?"

Did I love?

Conviction Is Kindness (And Shame Is Not From God)

In thinking about growth for the new year, consider Hebrews 12.

It says 'God disciplines those He loves.'

So, conviction is not God crushing you.

Conviction is God reminding you of truth.

The world doesn't know what to do with guilt and shame—so they do mental gymnastics, or distract, or blame, or numb.

But we know what to do.

We run to Jesus.

Because the gospel is not "try harder."

The gospel is:

Jesus lived the life we couldn't live, died the death we deserved, and made a way for us to walk in freedom.

So whatever is being brought up as you look through your past year that you feel convicted of… good.

That means you're alive.

Now bring it to Him.

Don't Forget to Thank God for the Ways He Changed You

In all of this, in looking back at your past year and all the things you "checked off", don't forget to also say thank you.

One of the most humbling moments in Scripture is when Jesus heals ten lepers… and only one comes back to thank Him.

How many times have we prayed:

"God, change me."

…and then He does…

…and we move on like it was our willpower?

When God grows you—thank Him.

Because He is good.

Because He is faithful.

Because your testimony becomes someone else's hope.

Your Identity Isn't What People Say—It's What God Says

Another thing to take into this year is that people may misunderstand you.

They may assume motives, they may hold your past over your head, even after you've repented.

And you know what?

Jesus was falsely accused too.

So yes, sometimes we process feedback and ask God:

"Is there something I need to learn here?"

But other times?

You release it.

Because your identity is:

Beloved daughter.

Beloved son.

He created you.

He delights over you.

And He is not done with you.

Do not let the misunderstandings of this past year stop you from stepping into who God wants you to be in this new year.

Jesus Has a Yoke for You—and It's Lighter Than What You're Carrying

Jesus says:

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." -Matthew 11:28-30

So ask yourself:

What have I been carrying that Jesus didn't ask me to carry?

What do I need to leave behind in this past year?

Social expectations?

Other people's opinions?

Constant stimulation?

Endless noise?

And then ask:

What does it look like for me to come to Jesus?

For me, it can look like:

• journaling on the couch with coffee and water

• worship on a walk

• playing the piano and singing to Him

• getting on my knees on the carpet and saying, "Lord, I need You."

What about you?

Because loving God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength is not just good in theory.

It is meant to be a lived practice.

Who Are You Assigned to Love This Year?

Finally, this is about WHO your assignment is this year.

In most seasons, your assignments go like this:

1. your spouse

2. your children (if you have them)

3. the people God places in front of you

And yes—when someone is suffering, priorities shift. We don't walk by wounded people like the Pharisee.

But we also don't try to become the Holy Spirit for everyone.

So here's a New Year question:

Who is God calling me to love well—consistently—this year?

Final Thoughts

Maybe as you read this you're realizing:

• "I'm not patient or kind… not at home."

• "I don't know how to love my spouse well."

• "My spouse was so mean last year."

• "I was misunderstood by my friends and family."

• "I'm exhausted and numb and discouraged."

We are here for you.

And here's what I know after years of seeing real transformation:

When God changes a man or a woman from the inside out… the marriage changes too.

Not by manipulation or control.

But by genuine love.

We believe that this new year can be a year of incredible personal growth as well as beautiful transformation in your marriage.

Don't let another year go by.

We are here for you and we are rooting for you.

Welcome to 2026!

With love,

The Delight Your Marriage Team

PS - If you want help taking real action—especially in your marriage—your next step is to Schedule a free Clarity Call. It's a conversation to help you get clarity on where you are, what's happening, and what support would actually help. You can find it at: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PPS - Here is a quote from a recent Coaching graduate:

"My biggest struggle was frustration that while my wife and I were both committed to the LORD and faithful in personal prayer and devotions, as well as church attendance and fellowship with other mature Christians, we did not feel like our relationship was thriving… I felt alone and abandoned, didn't realize I craved respect, and rarely ever felt it. Intimacy was fairly regular, but very regimented…[Now,] I have the tools…I already see a lot of personal change in so many specific ways in which I interact with my wife, how I focus on her…we've just enjoyed being together more, with mini dates to delight her, and so many little practices I'm implementing to revive her spirit"

514-40 Years of Broken Trust to Safety & Celebration: A Christmas Miracle (Laura's Story)

There is a kind of marriage pain that does not look dramatic.It's not an outward struggle.Just a quiet ache.A marriage that functions but does not feel alive.

Laura lived in that space for decades.

From the outside, her life looked good. Forty years of marriage. Seven children. A faithful husband. A stable home. A shared faith. Everything a good Christian marriage is supposed to be.

And yet, beneath the surface, something was missing.

Emotional Safety.Real connection.Being fully seen.

For a long time, she told herself she had nothing to complain about. Her husband was faithful. He wasn't an alcoholic. He never abused her. He provided well for his family.

But inside, Laura carried a question she barely allowed herself to ask: "Is this really all there is?"

The Hidden Cycle That Brought Broken Trust

Even with her husband's steadiness and Laura's determination to be grateful, there was a painful habit that entered their marriage early on that would consistently rear its ugly head.

Her husband was addicted to porn.

This was their cycle for many years:-Her husband would confess porn use.-There would be repentance and renewed effort.-Then, pressure would follow.

Laura would put the blame on herself, thinking, "If I did better, this would not happen." She read tons and tons of books, trying to better herself.She kept respect for her husband.She pursued intimacy, knowing it was important to him.

And still, the cycle kept returning.

So, she did what many wives do–she minimized her pain.She told herself others had it worse. After all, he worked hard. He stayed. He was a good man.

Why complain?

But the heart does not heal simply because we silence it. And this belief that Laura had that it was on her was not only a lie… but it was heavy and destructive.

Decades of "Just Okay"

Laura kept carrying the weight of keeping the peace and enduring that vicious cycle of porn use.

So, she poured herself lovingly into family life. She homeschooled their children.She kept their home while he went to work, the way they were taught to do.

And yet, beneath the surface, she felt emotionally disconnected.

Alongside that, she felt there was no safe place to process her pain.No one equipped to walk with her.Even when reaching out to a Christian counselor, it wasn't quite enough.

So, she pushed her own pain down...for decades.

But pain does not disappear because it is ignored.It simply goes underground.And it shows up as numbness, distance, or quiet resignation.

Eventually, Laura realized something had to change. She could not continue living like this.

She told her husband he needed help for his porn addiction and that if he did not, they may need to consider divorce.

Her husband obliged, and they tried counseling together, which helped some. But it wasn't until he entered the work privately through the Coaching program that something different happened.

When Safety Was Introduced Into Her Marriage

Though Laura didn't know he was taking a marriage course (He shared he was taking an online class), she started to notice a difference in the way he showed up to their marriage.

He did not try to fix her or pressure her.He did not demand that she change. He began bringing home flowers, letting her know she was beautiful just the way she was, planning dates.He became emotionally present.Humble.Gentle.Safe.

He changed.

For the first time in their marriage, Laura began to feel celebrated for who she already was instead of feeling like he wished she were different.

She no longer felt like she had to earn love. She felt cherished, emotionally safe, and truly loved–just the way she was.

And it changed everything.

From Feeling Skeptical to Feeling Hopeful

After having heard a DYM podcast episode several years before these changes, Laura had closed herself off to the thought of DYM. But then, upon hearing an episode that we created for wives, she began to see the full picture more clearly and open herself up to the program. She decided to try it herself, even though she was still a bit skeptical.

She realized that what made the difference was not only the content, but the context.She was no longer alone.She had community.She had a specific place to ask her specific questions about her marriage.

For the first time, Laura had a safe place to speak honestly and to process pain without being blamed.

She learned she could have a voice in her marriage. She could ask for help.She learned intimacy did not have to be driven by pressure.She learned she could say no to certain requests without any fear.

Most importantly, she learned she mattered.

40 Years of Marriage–And Hoping For Many More

"In short, it's better than it has ever been."

Our hearts filled up when she shared this with us.

Her husband is more in tune to what she needs and will go out of his way to bring in "delights"–if it's planning something special, bringing her flowers, or going along with Laura's spontaneous plans (even though he is the planner in the relationship!)

Also in the past few years, her husband has kicked his porn addiction for good and has remained in community through Delight Your Marriage, which has helped keep him accountable and growing.

As for Laura, you can hear the joy and peace in her voice as she shares, "I never expected that it would be this good."

Praise God.

There is no person too far gone and no situation too desperate for the Lord. He is a God that heals and redeems–hearts, habits, marriages, and so much more–because He cares for us.

And it is true for you too.

As we enter the last few weeks of the year, including celebrating the birth of our Savior, we invite you to remember what God has done and how much He loves you. Enough to send His son for you, as a defenseless child, to live a perfect life and one day die to pay the debt we could never have paid.

And then to send His Holy Spirit–to counsel us and guide us.

And even now, He is available to us to redeem and save the lost, heal our hearts, and be near to his children.

He loves us.He loves you.

We hope you will keep this truth near to you these next few weeks and remember once again that He sent His son to redeem everything.

With love,

The Delight Your Marriage Team

PS - Want to bring the Delight Your Marriage Coaching to your church? Our next round of In-Person Training will be launching early 2026. Check out our website to learn more about the mission & vision of IPT and how you can bring it to your small groups & churches.

PPS - Wondering just exactly how healthy your own marriage is? Are you also surviving instead of thriving? Take our free Marital Health Assessment and see what your marital score is–and how we can help.

PPPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent Delighted Wife graduate: "I took the Delighted Wife program. Coming into the program, I was so hopeless that my marriage could ever get better. My heart was full of deep hate for my husband - I had years of built-up unforgiveness and pain for all of the ways I felt he had hurt and abandoned me...I was deeply depressed and suicidal from the pain of the marriage. I constantly saw death as the only way to be free of this hole that I had dug for myself...Emotionally, I am a completely different person. My heart is full of love and joy over my marriage and gratitude to the Lord for the way He has grown me. The Lord literally pulled me out of the darkness and also has shown me how much I was negatively contributing to the marriage...This is the first time in the almost 3 years of marriage that I haven't wanted to leave. I see so much beauty in my marriage and my husband."

Christmas can feel magical.It can also feel exhausting.

If you're a parent who secretly feels pressure rising as the holidays approach—the expectations, the mess, the emotions, the memories—you're not alone.

And sometimes, the clearest wisdom doesn't come from another parenting book or productivity hack.

Sometimes it comes from children.

I sat down with my two sons for a conversation about Christmas. I expected sweetness and laughter (and we definitely had that). But what I didn't expect was how profoundly wise their reflections would be—for moms and dads who want to keep Christ and joy at the center, even when emotions run high.

May this conversation be a gentle reminder for all of us about what truly matters this season.

The Most Important Thing During the Holiday Season

When I asked my boys what makes Christmas special, their answers were simple:

• Being with family
• Giving and receiving gifts
• And most importantly—Jesus

Isn't it interesting how easy it is for adults to know that truth, but still lose sight of it when stress enters the room?

Kids seem to understand something we forget:Christmas isn't about perfection.It's about presence.

Not perfect decorations.Not perfect meals.Not perfect behavior.

But hearts that are oriented toward love.

How Christmas Gets Derailed (And What Actually Matters)

One of the most insightful moments came when we talked about what can ruin Christmas.

Their answer? A negative, ungrateful attitude.

And then they surprised me again by pointing out something many parents don't want to hear: "Adults need to remember this too."

Children feel the atmosphere of a home.Even when no words are spoken.

Tension.Unresolved anger.Stress that leaks out sideways.

Kids may not understand the details—but they absolutely feel the weight.

And when parents are overwhelmed or snapping at each other, it impacts everything.

When You're Tempted to Snap at Your Spouse

So, what do you do when you're tempted to snap at your spouse? Here's where the conversation turned especially tender.

We talked about parents getting stressed—especially moms who want everything to be "just right" before guests arrive.

And my sons said something profound:

• Take ownership of your emotions
• Don't take stress out on your spouse
• Walk away if you need to
• Calm your body before speaking

They emphasized taking ownership of the way you choose to respond. We discussed Matthew 12:36 that says, "I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak,"

The win isn't never feeling frustrated.The win is choosing restraint, humility, and love in the moment of temptation.

The Gift of Calming Yourself Before You Speak

How do you calm yourself before you lose your temper? They offered practical ideas—simple, doable, grace-filled:

• Take a walk
• Drink cold water
• Take deep breaths
• Step outside or into another room
• Take a long shower with space to think

Not to avoid responsibility—but to prevent harm.

Because once harsh words are spoken, they linger.And children remember not just what we say—but how it felt to be in our presence.

If You've Messed Up Before… There Is Grace

What if Christmas in the past was painful?What if words were spoken—or wounds created—that still ache?

Their advice?

• Pray
• Go to the person you hurt
• Say "I'm sorry" sincerely
• Ask if there's anything you can do to repair

And then—trust God with what you cannot undo.

You are not disqualified from joy because of past mistakes.

Keeping Christ at the Center (Without Adding Pressure)

When I asked how families can keep Jesus at the center of Christmas, their answers weren't complicated:

• A nativity scene
• A meaningful star on the tree
• Praying before meals
• Simply thinking about Jesus

Not performance. Not religious pressure. Just intentional reminders.

Sometimes the most Christ-centered thing you can do is slow down enough to remember why you're celebrating.

Final Thoughts: What Happens After Christmas

The final question: When January comes, how do you want to remember this Christmas?

My boys said: Happy, Safe, Grateful, Hopeful.

Not impressed.Not exhausted.Not relieved it's over.

But filled.

That kind of Christmas doesn't come from doing more.

It comes from being more present.

If the holidays feel intimidating this year, hear this:You don't have to create a perfect Christmas.You are invited to cultivate a peaceful one.

One where Christ is honored. Where your marriage is protected. Where your children feel safe. Where grace is louder than stress.

And if you feel overwhelmed already—pause.

Jesus came for this kind of moment.

May your home be filled with warmth, peace, and joy this season.

And may Christ—not pressure—be at the center.

With love,

The Delight Your Marriage Team

PS - We are hosting our In-Person Training Celebration Call THIS Sunday at 6:30p. ALL are invited to hear the incredible stories of transformation and learn more about what's next for IPT in 2026. Click here to RSVP.

PPS - If you're ready for more individualized coaching, we would love to speak with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call with one of our Clarity Advisors and find out more about Delighted Wife or Masculinity Reclaimed.

PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent IPT graduate: "This program is not like anything else, any other marriage course, I've taken before. It goes deep and specific into marriage issues, and they provided practical steps to improve my marriage. After 10 years of marriage, I've forgotten how to desire being with my wife...Today it feels like the days of our early relationship and we look at each other like we were newly in love."

What Turns Her Off — and What Godly Husbands Do Instead

Have you ever wished you could just…get inside your wife's heart for a moment?

Not to manipulate, but to genuinely understand her. To love her in a way that makes her feel safe and wanted—not pressured or confused.

My husband Darrow and I sat down to talk through something men rarely get honest insight about:

Her biggest turn-offs.

And not because we want to shame or scold—but because clarity brings freedom. When you finally understand what shuts her down, you also discover what opens her heart.

So take a deep breath.You're not in trouble.You're learning—and that already makes you a good man.

Let's walk through these turn-offs together, with God's kindness leading us all the way.

1. When Affection Feels Like a Transaction

One of the most common complaints I hear from wives is this:

"Every time he does something sweet, it feels like he's trying to get sex."

A back rub, a coffee, a hand on her waist, a date night—beautiful gestures—become tainted when she senses they come with an expectation.

When affection is only a bridge to the bedroom, she feels:

• Used
• Not loved for who she is
• Like her worth is tied to her sexual availability

God never intended marital intimacy to be a negotiation.Love her without a scoreboard. Bless her without an agenda.

2. Grabbing, Pinching, or Smacking Her Body When She's Not Comfortable

Yes…wives talk about this.

And I know many husbands mean it playfully.But if she doesn't feel safe—emotionally, spiritually, or physically—this kind of touch feels like entitlement, not affection.

Her body is not something to be "snatched."She needs room to open, not pressure to surrender.

When she feels cherished—not grabbed—she wants to share her body freely.

3. Taking "Not Now" Personally

If she says she's tired, overwhelmed, stressed, or simply "not right now," it's almost never about you.

But when a husband interprets it as:

• Rejection
• Lack of desire
• "She doesn't love me"

…it puts enormous emotional weight on her shoulders.

Instead, respond with: "No worries, sweetheart. Another time would be wonderful."

That confidence and peace will draw her toward you—not away.

4. Moping After She Says No

Emotional sulking is not harmless.

Moping communicates:

• "You disappointed me."
• "Now I have to punish you with sadness."
• "You're responsible for my emotions."

This shuts her heart down.Fast.

Your steadiness and joy—even when she's not available—makes her feel safe.

And safety is the soil where desire grows.

5. Punishing Her for Not Wanting Sex

This is one of the deepest wounds wives carry.

Punishments include:

• Silent treatment
• Withholding affection
• Moving to another room
• Being cold or distant
• Only being "nice" when you want intimacy

These behaviors feel manipulative and honestly frightening.

Your wife is not the enemy. She is the assignment God entrusted to you.

Lead with love, not consequences.

6. Lack of Playfulness

Playfulness is essential to intimacy.

If everything feels heavy, serious, structured, pressured…then her nervous system never relaxes enough to enjoy being sensual.

Silliness is holy ground for a woman's heart.

Laughter lowers her guard.Playfulness creates connection.

If you want her to be playful in the bedroom, she needs to experience playfulness outside the bedroom.

7. Not Feeling Emotionally Safe

Women cannot separate emotional connection from physical intimacy.

I'll say that one more time.

Women cannot separate emotional connection from physical intimacy.

When she feels emotionally unsafe, her body shuts down.

Emotional Safety looks like:

• Listening
• Compassion
• Being slow to speak and quick to understand
• Responding gently
• Supporting her heart, not "fixing" immediately

When she feels heard, she opens.

8. Being a "Negative Nellie" (or Negative Ned!)

Constant complaining is exhausting and not attractive.

It pulls the atmosphere of the home downward and makes her feel like she has to carry your emotional weight.

There is space to process hard things—but constant negativity drains the joy God wants in your marriage.

Rejoice. Notice blessings. Bring hope into the home.

9. Bitterness and Resentment

Long-term resentment is a marriage-killer.

Bitterness communicates:

• "I haven't forgiven you."
• "You owe me."
• "I'm still keeping score."

This is the opposite of Christlike love.

Your wife cannot relax into intimacy with a man who holds her mistakes over her head.

Forgiveness clears the ground for closeness to grow again.

And if you need a little extra inspiration, let us turn you to Matthew 6:15 (NIV): "But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."

10. Being Too Serious All the Time

Intensity has a place—but not every moment.

When a man is always stern, rigid, perfectionistic, spiritual-but-heavy…it makes her feel like she can never fully exhale.

If she can't be herself around you, she won't be vulnerable with you.

Joy is a fruit of the Spirit—not an optional extra.

11. Using Slang or Sexual Words She Doesn't Like

Words matter.

Some husbands use slang affectionately or playfully.Some wives love it.Others absolutely don't.

If slang or sexual language makes her uncomfortable, embarrassed, or unsafe, it becomes a turn-off—not a turn-on.

Honor her preferences. You're not losing freedom—you're gaining connection.

Final Thoughts: So What Do You Do with All This?

If reading this stirs conviction…good.

Conviction is not condemnation.The enemy heaps shame.God invites repentance—and repentance leads to freedom.

Your wife is God's daughter. And He entrusted her to you.

Every shift you make toward loving her well brings you closer to His heart and closer to hers.

We're rooting for you!

Blessing,

The Delight Your Marriage Team

PS - If you want help walking this out in real life—not just head knowledge—that's exactly why our coaching and in-person training programs exist.

Men who were separated from their wives…Men in sexless marriages…Men whose wives felt unsafe for years……have seen transformation they once thought impossible.For more information on our In-Person Training programs, launching January 2026, check out delightyourmarriage.com/ipt

If you're ready to dive into the Coaching programs, please feel free to schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PPS - Here is a quote from a recent In-Person Training pilot program graduate: "My wife and I have been separated for 6 months, and the same day as our [IPT] graduation, she chose to and began moving back into our matrimonial home. I also told her about our [IPT] program that same day. Up until then, I had said I was attending a men's bible study. All praise be to God."

Forty-Five Years Married and Afraid of Retirement: Patty's Story

Patty had a life most people would admire.

Forty-five years of marriage. Four children. Seven grandkids. Retirement. A kind, steady husband.

From the outside, it looked like she had it all.

But inside?

Patty was scared.

Not because she didn't love her husband. They laughed together, they got along. But underneath the "good," there was a quiet ache.

A deep disconnection she didn't know how to fix.

And as retirement began and the rest of life slowed down, and the thought of spending more time with her husband began to feel like a weight in her chest, she realized... she couldn't keep going like this.

Love Your Husband, Even When You Don't Like Him

Every few months, things would blow up. Patty and Greg would hit a wall and neither one really understood why. To make it worse, Patty carried deep embarrassment that she hadn't "figured out" marriage after four and a half decades.

She'd tried to talk to friends. They were in same boat as her. She'd tried Christian counseling and received such troubling advice that Patty believes it would've led to separation—maybe even divorce—if she had followed it. Nothing was working. And it brought even more discouragement and hardness around her heart.

So when Greg sent her a few Delight Your Marriage podcast episodes, suffice it to say, she felt "prickly" about it (her words!) They rubbed her the wrong way and she wasn't ready to hear it.

But God was pursuing her heart.

A Compassionate Clarity Call Felt Like a Breath of Fresh Air

Three months later, in one of those hard "every-few-months" moments, Patty found herself on the Delight Your Marriage website. She clicked on the button for a Clarity Call—not quite knowing why.

What she found on the call wasn't pressure or judgment. It was peace and grace. Someone gently saying, You're not alone.

No guilt. No shame. Just a safe space to say: "I love my husband… but I don't always like him. And I don't want to keep living this way."

Letting God Change Your Heart

Patty shared with us that she had spent years thinking, "If he would just change, if he would be more tender… then things would change."

But in the program, a shift started happening. Through practical tools, biblical truth, and the ability to ask anonymous questions, God helped Patty see that healing didn't start with changing Greg. It started with a softening in her own heart.

And as she changed? Greg did, too.

He noticed her gentleness. He felt her respect. And without her asking, he responded differently.

Patty happily shared with us, "I'm pleasantly surprised. I can feel the way I did when we were first married." (What a celebration!)

Letting Him Take the Lead

Not long ago, Patty and Greg needed to have a hard conversation with their daughter and son-in-law.

The old Patty would have jumped in. She would've taken over and shut down her husband to avoid conflict with the kids.

But this time, she stepped back.

She prayed, she supported him, and she let him lead.

And the result? Peace and connection. For everyone involved. A moment of unity they never could've created in their old patterns.

"I see how God is using even this to change our family legacy," she shared through tears.

Love in Retirement

At first, Patty wasn't sure if she belonged in the program. 1) She was older than many of the other wives in her group. 2) She'd never been in a sexless marriage—but she hadn't fully enjoyed intimacy in a long time either.

But as the program went on, she found something unexpected: Healing, joy, and even desire.

She found herself no longer choosing girls' shopping trips over time with Greg. She wants to be with him instead. (Yes, really!)

Now, she looks forward to intimacy.

And most importantly? She's renewed her intimacy with God.

Because now she sees it clearly: the closeness God wants in marriage is a picture of the closeness God wants with her.

Final Thoughts: It's Never Too Late for a Change of Heart

Patty says she was afraid to go into retirement with things as they were. But now? She and Greg are about to take a long-awaited trip to Hawaii.

And it's not just a vacation—it's a celebration.

A celebration of tenderness restored. A celebration of intimacy rediscovered. A celebration of God's faithfulness to give beauty for ashes—even after 45 years.

So if you feel like it's too late, rest assured, it is never too late.

No matter how long it's been—

God can still give you a new heart. And He delights to do it.

With love,

The Delight Your Marriage Team

PS - Ready to take the next step in renewing your heart and your marriage? We would love to chat with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call with one of our Clarity Advisors, who have all been through the program and have been where you have been. It's time to take the leap.

PPS - Already familiar with our coaching programs and wish you could bring them to your church? You can! We are launching our In-Person Training program in churches around the country in January 2026. For more information, please visit delightyourmarriage.com/ipt.

PPPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate: "I initially came into this program excited for the challenge, ready to work, and looking forward to change. What was quickly uncovered was that I was deeply wounded and deep down hated my husband...I wrestled with my flesh through most of the course, but then hit a breakthrough over the last few weeks...I've learned to see the blessing of God in the midst of deep struggle and trust him fully as I seek to obey him. [And] God has ignited in me a passion over the past 2 weeks to intentionally pursue my husband sexually, thanks to the Song of Solomon. God is changing my husband! He is listening to me more intentionally and with genuine interest, he's chipping in to help without asking or complaining, he is speaking words of gratitude to me, he's being more playful, he seems to be taking the lead more."

Is it Possible to Have Joy in Lovemaking?

Physical intimacy can be one of the most painful topics in a woman's life.

Maybe you've felt shame for years. Maybe your husband brings it up constantly, and all you want to do is shrink away. Or maybe, deep down, you wonder if something is just wrong with you.

If that's where you are, I want you to know—I've been there.

I've felt the fear. I've felt the pressure. I've carried the shame.

And I want to walk with you through what I've learned on the other side: There is healing. There is hope. And yes, there is joy.

The Pain Is Real—But So Is God's Compassion

You may have asked yourself:

• Why did God make me this way?

• Why don't I want they way my husband does?

• Why does sex feel more like pressure than connection?

God doesn't ignore your questions. He weeps with you. Just like Jesus wept for Mary and Martha, knowing full well He was about to raise Lazarus—He still entered into their grief.

He enters yours too.

And even if this has felt like a battleground, it doesn't have to stay that way.

Healing Begins with Safety—Not Pressure

Before you even think about "fixing" your physical intimacy, your heart needs a safe place to land. And for many women, that starts with unlearning the belief that you have to earn love—God's or anyone else's.

You don't.

God's love isn't tied to your performance, your body, your ability to "show up" intimately, or how productive you are in your day.

He loves you because He made you.

That's it. That's all.

Your worth was settled at the cross—not in your bedroom, your to-do list, or your motherhood.

When you live from that place of being already loved, you finally have space to breathe and truly begin to heal.

Slowing Down Is a Spiritual Discipline

One of the most overlooked steps in reclaiming intimacy is rest. Real, soul-deep rest.

When your calendar is overstuffed, your stress is high, and your self-worth is tangled in busyness—you don't have the capacity for joy. You don't have the margin for laughter or connection.

That's why Sabbath isn't optional. It's sacred. God designed you to stop. To remember that you are not the one holding the world together.

He is.

So yes—cancel some things. Say no. Choose to be "Mary," sitting at Jesus' feet, choosing the better thing.

Intimacy Flourishes Where Joy Lives

When life slows down and you begin to enjoy God, enjoy your family, and even laugh at yourself—you begin to unlock joy in intimacy, too.

Yes, that's right!

Because fun, play, and freedom matter.

Physical intimacy was never meant to be a chore, a duty, or a place of dread. It's meant to be a gift. Something sacred and fun.

And when your heart is in a place of peace, you stop obsessing about perfection and instead, you show up with your whole self—free to connect, to try, to be present, to even laugh when something awkward happens.

That's when intimacy becomes what it was meant to be: a beautiful, joy-filled expression of love.

Small Steps Towards Healing

Friend, if you're carrying shame, exhaustion, or resentment around sex—it's okay to start small.

You don't have to force yourself into healing overnight.

Start with this:

• Make space to be with God, not just do things for Him.

• Release the belief that you have to earn His love.

• Say no to busy so you can say yes to rest.

• Look for moments of laughter and joy—and embrace them.

• Show up to intimacy with the goal of connection, not perfection.

Your healing doesn't begin in your bedroom.

It begins in your soul.

And as God gently rewrites your story, intimacy will follow.

Final Thoughts: You Are Loved. You Are Enough.

God doesn't want you stuck in shame. He doesn't want your marriage defined by dread or even silence.

He wants you whole. He wants you free. He wants you to enjoy Him—and yes, enjoy your marriage.

You don't have to strive anymore.

You are loved because He says you are. You are enough because He made you.

And intimacy, like joy, can grow again.

One day, you'll look back and say, "I never thought it could be like this… but God healed me."

I believe that day is coming.

You are in our prayers, dear reader and dear listener.

God bless you!

With love,

The Delight Your Marriage Team

PS - Ready to take the next step and get more personalized coaching? We would love to speak with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call with one of our compassionate Clarity Advisors, who have been where you've been, and want to help you get in the right place for healing. Schedule a free Clarity Call here.

PPS - Are you already familiar with our work and would love to see it at your local church? Check out delightyourmarriage.com/ipt for more information on the In-Person Trainings coming in 2026.

PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "When I came into the DYM program, I was spent emotionally, and it was difficult to carry on with my daily tasks. Even as a devoted Christian, my pain was overshadowing the joy that I have in the Lord because I was so focused on the problems. Immediately, the preparatory work of applying the DYM recipe required some major changes in my behavior. The Lord began to minister to me as I applied myself to the modules, homework, accountability calls and coaching calls. I began to experience hope, not because my circumstances were changing, but because I was allowing the Lord to change me!"

Eternal Marriage Mindset: Living Today for the Streets of Gold

We get so caught up in the now—our needs, our feelings, our expectations—that we forget: this isn't forever.

And when it comes to your marriage, your mindset matters more than you know. What if the goal isn't just earthly happiness… but eternal impact?

Let's shift our gaze from the temporary to the eternal—from trying to fix our spouse to faithfully loving them like Jesus.

Because your marriage assignment? It impacts eternity.

A Marriage Mindset That Reaches for Heaven

If marriage is your god, you'll do it your way.

You'll chase validation, push for change, demand your rights, and stew in resentment when your spouse doesn't meet your expectations.

But if God is your God, and marriage is your assignment, you'll do it His way.

You'll put your spouse before your ministry, before your work, before the kids. You'll think about loving them the way they receive love. You care about peace, patience, kindness, and self-control in your marriage. You value reconciliation and you stop praying, "God, fix my spouse so I feel better," and start praying, "God, draw them closer to You."

It's a radical shift in your marriage mindset. And it changes everything.

Eternal Marriage Mindset: Your Assignment Is Bigger Than You Think

Think about this: your spouse isn't just your husband or wife. They're your brother or sister in Christ.

One day, they will stand before Jesus just like you will. What if your daily choices helped them be more ready for that moment?

That's the eternal marriage mindset. It's not about temporary comfort—it's about eternal glory. You're not just trying to survive your marriage. You're trying to love your spouse all the way to the streets of gold!

And, by God's grace, you'll be dancing there together one day.

You only get one marriage with this person. One chance to love them well. One life to serve them, selflessly.

And if that service brings them closer to Jesus? It's worth every ounce of sacrifice.

Streets of Gold and a Big Ol' Mansion Next Door

But all joking aside, imagining heaven should stir our hearts. Because eternity is real. And that means what you do in this short vapor of a life matters.

If you need help fixing your gaze upward, here's a powerful recommendation: Wild Near-Death Experiences: Proof of Heaven | John Burke | Ep:365 from the Blurry Creatures podcast.

John is a former pastor, engineer, and researcher who has explored over 1,000 verified near-death experiences—and the common themes are stunning. Even from those with no faith background, many report seeing a being of love, a city of light, a life review… all pointing to the reality of heaven. His ministry, Imagine Heaven, invites us to live today in light of eternity. And wow—is it motivating.

When we meditate on the realness of what's ahead, our marriage takes on deeper purpose. It becomes a divine assignment with eternal weight.

It's Not About Them, It's About You: Taking Ownership in Your Marriage

Here's the hard truth: You will stand before God alone. You won't be able to say, "But my husband didn't…" or "But my wife never…"

This journey isn't about controlling your spouse—it's about surrendering your own heart.

If your marriage is struggling, start by asking:

• Am I doing this God's way?

• Am I praying for their character, not just my comfort?

• Am I serving them with an eternal mindset—or demanding love on my terms?

The shift starts in you.

Final Thoughts: Marriage Is Temporary. Your Influence Isn't.

Heaven is coming.

And when you get there—your mansion sparkling, the streets of gold beneath your feet—will your spouse be dancing beside you?

Will your love have drawn them closer to Jesus? Will your sacrifices have sown eternal seeds?

Friend, your influence matters. Every word, every action, every reaction has a chance to draw them closer to Jesus.

So soften your heart. Adjust your mindset. And do marriage well—not for earthly gain, but for eternal glory.

We are rooting for you!

Blessings,

The Delight Your Marriage Team

PS - Want help living this out? We would love to walk alongside you. Start with a free Clarity Call and talk with someone who's been there, seen God work, and is ready to cheer you on.

PPS - Have you seen the impact of this work in your life and wish more people knew about it? We are launching our In-Person Training program globally in January 2026. For more information on bringing this program to your church (or small group or work or wherever you meet!), please email [email protected].

PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "The biggest area I have grown is in my relationship with the Lord. I have a deeper walk and appreciate struggles as they point me to Jesus. Our marriage has grown as well. We are deeper in love and we are heading to our finish lines of life, united as a couple."

How Daily Habits Transformed His 36-Year Marriage: Harvey's Story

Marriage is holy work.

Maybe you're reading this today because you're hoping your marriage will change. Maybe you're reading this because you've prayed, "Lord, please help my marriage," when really you mean "Lord, please help my spouse!"

I hope this blog and episode will make you feel both comforted and inspired — that you'll be reminded your marriage can change, not by grand gestures or perfect communication, but by small, faithful, daily habits of love.

This is what Harvey discovered as well. That it wasn't grand gestures or big sweeping shifts that changed his marriage, but small, daily, consistent habits that brought it God's love, peace, and patience into his marriage.

Changing Your Priorities: When Hard Work is Leading to Disconnect

Harvey and his wife have been married nearly 37 years. Together, they raised four kids and built a life on their dairy farm. For decades, he worked two full-time jobs—teaching high school by day and farming by night.

He says, "Every day was between 12 to 16 hours. My wife was incredibly supportive, but I just wasn't there emotionally."

Maybe you can relate. Life's responsibilities pile up, and before you know it, years have passed. You're functioning—but not really connecting.

Despite his faith and commitment, Harvey admits that emotional and spiritual intimacy were missing. He wanted closeness, but didn't know how to get there.

A Different Kind of Prayer—and a Different Kind of Growth

After retiring from teaching, Harvey finally had space to seek help. He'd been listening to our podcast for years and decided it was time to join Masculinity Reclaimed, our men's program.

The first surprise? It wasn't about changing his wife!

It was about learning to love her the way Christ loves the Church.

He started with one habit: daily time with God. Reading Scripture. Praying. Reflecting. And eventually, he began praying with his wife in the mornings—a completely new rhythm in their 36 years together.

That quiet time, over coffee and prayer, became a beautiful and cherished time for emotional connection.

The Turning Point: Accepting Your Wife as She Is

Halfway through the program, Harvey realized that for years, he had been looking at his wife through the lens of what she wasn't.

She wasn't this, she wasn't that...

But when he stopped trying to change her and started accepting her for who she is, the woman he fell in love with, the woman she had always been, rather than who he hoped she might someday become–everything began to shift.

That acceptance made her feel safe. Seen. Loved.

And when a woman feels safe, her heart opens. His wife began to blossom before his very eyes and the connection Harvey had longed for finally began to grow.

The Habits That Build a Marriage

Here's the truth: marriage is a system of habits.

Paul says, if you're married, you will have trouble. (1 Corinthians 7:28) You'll have to think about how to please your spouse. (1 Corinthians 7:34)

Are you in the habit of thinking about your spouse? Are you in the habit of considering them and putting them first? Are you in the habit of encouraging, loving, praying, and serving them?

It's not always easy work — but it is good work.

Every word, every look, every morning prayer can help build connection.

That's why transformation doesn't happen overnight. It happens in the daily choices.

Final Thoughts

Friends, you don't have to wait to start changing your marriage. Harvey shared with us, "I wish I had learned these things earlier in my marriage." We want that for you as well!

You don't have to wait to retire or for your kids to be out of the house. You don't have to wait to be a certain age or have been married a certain number of years. You can start investing in your marriage now, today, to say that the next 20, 30, 40, 50, 60 years of marriage were incredible.

That is what we want for you. And we know, that no matter where your marriage is at right now, it can change. Just ask Harvey.

We are rooting for you and we know that we serve a God who makes all things new– and that includes marriages.

God bless you!

With love,

The Delight Your Marriage Team

PS - If you're ready to take the next step and get into a community that knows what it's like and are doing the hard work themselves– we'd love to chat with you. Click here to schedule a free Clarity Call with one of our Clarity Call Advisors and take the next step in healing your marriage.

PPS - Are you a fan of this work and wish more people knew about it? We are launching an In-Person Training program this January and we would love to come to your church, workplace, community group, or wherever you gather! For more information, visit our In-Person Training page.

PPPS - Here is what another recent grad had to say about our program: "I've become more contented and patient and focused on [my wife's] needs and a better listener I think. She says our home has less tension since I've been doing the program. I take that as a win!"

"Marriage First" Makes Your Life Unstable

At the end of my life, I want to hear the words, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

That's the goal that keeps me grounded—and I know many of you share that desire. But here's a hard truth I've learned through years of walking with couples: when our marriage or family becomes our first priority instead of God, everything starts to crumble.

Why "Family First" Doesn't Work

I once had a conversation with someone I deeply love who said, "You think God has to be first—but I think family should be first." His heart was sincere, but the fruit of that mindset showed otherwise.

When family is first, everything depends on emotions—how your spouse treats you, how the kids behave, whether things feel peaceful at home.

That's not stability. That's shifting sand.

We see the effects of this all around us. Divorce rates hover around 50%. Even pastors and counselors admit they rarely had a healthy marriage modeled for them.

Most people are doing their best, but without a biblical foundation, their "best" can't hold up when life gets hard.

The Biblical Order That Brings Stability

Scripture gives us the right order: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength. And love your neighbor as yourself." — Mark 12:30–31

That means I love my first neighbor—my spouse—because I love God.

Why do I forgive in marriage? Because God is first.Why do I love my husband well? Because God is first.Why do I serve my family with joy? Because God is first.

When we build our lives on that rock, we become steady—even when the storms hit.

Illness, loss, special needs, mental health struggles—these things shake every marriage. But when God comes first, everything else finds its right place.

Feelings Aren't God—God's Word Is

We live in a "follow your feelings" culture. If you don't feel in love anymore, the world says, find someone new. But feelings aren't truth. God's Word is.

You're serving the King of Kings, and your marriage is part of that assignment. Like the Roman soldiers in Gladiator fought for the glory of Rome; as believers, we live for the glory of God. That means our choices in marriage—our words, our intimacy, our tone—should all be for His glory.

Believers are called to die to ourselves. That includes our moods and even our sexual desires.

Scripture is clear: "Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time... then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you." — 1 Corinthians 7:5

That's not about coercion or obligation—it's about love expressed God's way.

When I choose intimacy with my husband, it's not because I feel like it every time. It's because I love God. And when I embrace His design with joy, the byproduct is a beautiful, connected marriage.

Marriage as a Path to Holiness

Author Gary Thomas famously asked, "What if marriage is meant to make us holy, not happy?" The amazing thing is—when we pursue holiness, happiness often follows.

That's why we teach the Delight Your Marriage Framework:

• Husbands need to have respect, admiration, and wholehearted intimacy.
• Wives need to feel safe, known, and wholeheartedly cherished.

We love our spouse in the way they receive love, not the way we prefer to give it. Because real love is about understanding and serving the other.

(You can download the full framework at DelightYourMarriage.com/framework.)

The Power of God's Word to Transform

David Wood—a former atheist and sociopath whose life was radically changed by Scripture. Even after becoming a Christian, he noticed that when he stopped reading the Bible for a few days, dark thoughts would return. That's how powerful God's Word is—it changes us from the inside out.

If you're struggling to love your spouse, to forgive, to stay faithful, start here: get your nose in the Word.

Not scrolling. Not skimming. Reading. Slowly. With a heart open to hear God.

Even one verse a day in a physical Bible can soften your heart. Make it a habit. Let the Word wash over you.

Final Thoughts

If you have put your marriage above Jesus, it's not too late to turn it around.

He is a safe person to put your trust in. You can trust His Word and His design.

It is on purpose, for a purpose… and it is Good.

Blessings,

The Delight Your Marriage Team

PS - If you are interested in taking the next step, putting God first, above your marriage, we would love to talk with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call and chat with one of Clarity Advisors.

PPS - Want to see this work in your churches? Our In-Person Training is launching nationwide in January and we would love for your church to be a part of it. Click here to learn more.

PPPS - Here is what a recent graduate had to say:"The DYM program has helped me grow as a husband and learn how to better serve my wife and our relationship has been growing in all areas as a result. She just told me this week that she used to feel tension when I came home from work and that tension is gone. Big change which has led to growth for us both. Belah's insights and coaching have been amazing and I've discovered God's purpose for us and our marriage at a new level! Thanks DYM!"

It doesn't start with scandal. It often doesn't even start with feelings.

It starts with a smile. A moment of connection. A conversation that feels easy—maybe easier than the ones you've been having at home.

You walk away thinking, That was nothing. But somewhere deep down, you also know—it could become something.

If that's where you find yourself today (or even if you've seen the warning signs in someone you love), please take a deep breath. You're not broken. You didn't marry the wrong person. You haven't done an irredeemable thing with no going back. You're human. And this conversation is meant to bring you hope, not shame. In my conversation with Gary Thomas today—pastor and bestselling author of Sacred Marriage—he shared that when a group of wives was asked "How many times do you think a married man has had extramarital feelings for someone?", they all responded with zero. When he asked the same question to a group of husbands, they all said somewhere from 4 to 6.

What we are saying is that attraction and feelings for someone other than your spouse are not often talked about, but are pretty common- for both husbands and wives. And we believe that bringing this into the light will take some of the shame off of these feelings and also help people not to go down a road they think has no return.

Gary Thomas on Attraction and Integrity

Gary has been married for over 40 years, and he's seen a lot—as a pastor, counselor, and husband. He told me, "The reason we make a commitment is because we know there will always be another person who draws us for a moment. Commitment means we already know what to do with it—and what not to do with it."

We don't often talk about attraction outside of marriage unless it's already turned into an affair. But Gary's heart is to normalize awareness before it becomes destruction.

In our talk, Gary referenced a romantic comedy movie where a married bus driver begins to become attracted to a girl on a bicycle. Finally, a friend of the bus driver gently confronts him and says: "There will always be a girl on the bicycle."

In other words, there will always be someone who catches your eye.

The key isn't pretending that will never happen—it's learning how to respond when it does.

Gary reminded me that having an attraction isn't the sin. Entertaining it is.

The feelings themselves don't make you unfaithful—they make you human. But where you let those feelings go next? That's where faithfulness begins.

The Subtle Steps Toward an Affair

Gary shared that most affairs don't start with a dramatic choice—they start with small, quiet ones. Little compromises that feel "innocent."

He shared with a story of a woman who did end up having a physical affair. She recounted that it wasn't just one day to the next, but that there were actually several steps that happened before they were physically intimate. She shares that she could have turned back at any of these step, had she known before. She also shares the grief after it was all done at waking up to "just a dude in her bed"– not the escape or rescue or romance the temptation had promised.

Here are the steps she shared and the pattern Gary's seen over and over again:

1. You share marriage frustrations with someone of the opposite sex.

2. You sense a spark—and feel seen or understood.

3. You start caring how you look around them.

4. You think about them when they're not around.

That's the prelude. It doesn't feel dangerous yet, but it's where hearts begin to shift.

Gary said, "If you can recognize it early, you can stop it before it ever grows."

From there, people will often begin to have an emotional affair:

5. You fantasize about being together.

6. Manipulating circumstances to spend more time together.

7. You start playful banter or flirtation.

8. Friends notice—and ask what's going on.

This is a wake-up call. Gary said, "If people around you see it, something's already happening." They're seeing what your heart is trying not to admit.

Then, comes the actual physical affair:

9. Meeting together in secrecy.

10. Texting or calling in ways you hide from your spouse.

11. Physical intimacy.

This is the final step—but it's never the first.

We don't share this to shame. Maybe you've already partaken in some of these steps. We share because it is not too late to turn back. Gary said, "If you know the steps, you can stop at any one of them."

When You Have Extramarital Feelings, Here's What to Do

If you do end up experiencing feelings or attraction for someone other than your spouse—don't panic. Don't spiral into guilt.

Instead, bring it into the light. Tell a trusted, godly friend of your same sex. Talk to your spouse if it's wise to do so. And most importantly—talk to Jesus.

Ask Him to help you see the truth: that this isn't love, it's a lure. Temptation often feels like relief at first—but always ends in ruin.

Then, put up strong, unapologetic guardrails:

• Stop all unnecessary contact with that person.

• Don't text, call, or "just check in."

• If you work together, keep everything professional and public.

• And don't justify emotional intimacy as "just friendship."

And when your spouse asks you to stop interacting with that person, don't respond with pride. See that they are feeling threatened and care for them deeply in that. As Gary said, "You can't make your wife (or husband) feel cherished if you're protecting a relationship that threatens them."

What Makes Us Vulnerable to Affairs

Gary also reminded me that temptation doesn't appear out of nowhere—it finds cracks that already exist. Stress. Loneliness. Unmet needs. Disappointment.

He said, "There was a time early in my marriage when everything felt like failure—our baby cried constantly, money was tight, and I felt like I couldn't get anything right. So when someone made me feel 'perfect,' it was intoxicating."

Can't we all relate to that in some way? When life feels heavy, a moment of admiration feels like oxygen.

But the healing you're seeking isn't found in a new connection—it's found in deeper connection at home and with the Lord.

But that's why we must run to the right source for validation. Your worth isn't in who smiles at you—it's in the God who delights in you.That's right. Not a perfect wife who is doing the perfect things, or a perfect husband who is saying the perfect words. But the Lord who is constant.

Guarding Your Heart and Protecting Your Marriage

Let Gary's wisdom anchor you: "Be as faithful to your spouse as God is faithful to you. Be as committed to your marriage as Christ is committed to His Church."

That kind of faithfulness isn't built on fear—it's built on love. When you keep Jesus at the center, attraction loses its power and intimacy becomes holy again.

So today, ask yourself: What boundaries do I need to strengthen? Where have I let my guard down? And how can I draw closer—to Jesus and to my spouse—starting now?

Again, we don't share this to frighten or shame. We are sharing to let you know that if you've had feelings for someone other than your spouse- you are not alone. You are not dirty, you are not broken. It doesn't mean you married the wrong person and it doesn't mean this new person is your soulmate. It means there was attraction and you are human. That is it.

We love you and we are rooting for you!

Blessings,

The Delight Your Marriage Team

PS - Want to bring our material to your churches? Check out delightyourmarriage.com/ipt to learn more about our In-Person Trainings and our January pilot programs!

PPS - Ready to take the next step for yourself? Schedule a free Clarity Call with one of our Advisors at delightyourmarriage.com/cc.

PPPS - Here's what one of our recent graduates had to say about our program: "My wife and I were roommates at best. I felt that she only wanted me around for a paycheck and to take care of the house. When we had sex it was duty sex where she wasn't present and there was no connection. I hated myself but I was wanting to cheat on her just to feel wanted and desired...[Now,] I have learned about how I was causing problems and putting way too much pressure on my wife...if I am not cheering her on, who is? The truth was no one was, no wonder she was depressed, withdrawn, and suicidal. I would be too. I now take pride in knowing that God entrusted her to me to lift her up, cheer her on, show her how good she is, encourage her, listen to her, and cherish her so she can grow...[Recently,] she told our daughters to move because she wanted to sit by me during movie night. She has taken steps towards intimacy with me on her own without me pressuring her."

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