"Marriage First" Makes Your Life Unstable

At the end of my life, I want to hear the words, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

That's the goal that keeps me grounded—and I know many of you share that desire. But here's a hard truth I've learned through years of walking with couples: when our marriage or family becomes our first priority instead of God, everything starts to crumble.

Why "Family First" Doesn't Work

I once had a conversation with someone I deeply love who said, "You think God has to be first—but I think family should be first." His heart was sincere, but the fruit of that mindset showed otherwise.

When family is first, everything depends on emotions—how your spouse treats you, how the kids behave, whether things feel peaceful at home.

That's not stability. That's shifting sand.

We see the effects of this all around us. Divorce rates hover around 50%. Even pastors and counselors admit they rarely had a healthy marriage modeled for them.

Most people are doing their best, but without a biblical foundation, their "best" can't hold up when life gets hard.

The Biblical Order That Brings Stability

Scripture gives us the right order: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength. And love your neighbor as yourself." — Mark 12:30–31

That means I love my first neighbor—my spouse—because I love God.

Why do I forgive in marriage? Because God is first.Why do I love my husband well? Because God is first.Why do I serve my family with joy? Because God is first.

When we build our lives on that rock, we become steady—even when the storms hit.

Illness, loss, special needs, mental health struggles—these things shake every marriage. But when God comes first, everything else finds its right place.

Feelings Aren't God—God's Word Is

We live in a "follow your feelings" culture. If you don't feel in love anymore, the world says, find someone new. But feelings aren't truth. God's Word is.

You're serving the King of Kings, and your marriage is part of that assignment. Like the Roman soldiers in Gladiator fought for the glory of Rome; as believers, we live for the glory of God. That means our choices in marriage—our words, our intimacy, our tone—should all be for His glory.

Believers are called to die to ourselves. That includes our moods and even our sexual desires.

Scripture is clear: "Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time... then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you." — 1 Corinthians 7:5

That's not about coercion or obligation—it's about love expressed God's way.

When I choose intimacy with my husband, it's not because I feel like it every time. It's because I love God. And when I embrace His design with joy, the byproduct is a beautiful, connected marriage.

Marriage as a Path to Holiness

Author Gary Thomas famously asked, "What if marriage is meant to make us holy, not happy?" The amazing thing is—when we pursue holiness, happiness often follows.

That's why we teach the Delight Your Marriage Framework:

• Husbands need to have respect, admiration, and wholehearted intimacy.
• Wives need to feel safe, known, and wholeheartedly cherished.

We love our spouse in the way they receive love, not the way we prefer to give it. Because real love is about understanding and serving the other.

(You can download the full framework at DelightYourMarriage.com/framework.)

The Power of God's Word to Transform

David Wood—a former atheist and sociopath whose life was radically changed by Scripture. Even after becoming a Christian, he noticed that when he stopped reading the Bible for a few days, dark thoughts would return. That's how powerful God's Word is—it changes us from the inside out.

If you're struggling to love your spouse, to forgive, to stay faithful, start here: get your nose in the Word.

Not scrolling. Not skimming. Reading. Slowly. With a heart open to hear God.

Even one verse a day in a physical Bible can soften your heart. Make it a habit. Let the Word wash over you.

Final Thoughts

If you have put your marriage above Jesus, it's not too late to turn it around.

He is a safe person to put your trust in. You can trust His Word and His design.

It is on purpose, for a purpose… and it is Good.

Blessings,

The Delight Your Marriage Team

PS - If you are interested in taking the next step, putting God first, above your marriage, we would love to talk with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call and chat with one of Clarity Advisors.

PPS - Want to see this work in your churches? Our In-Person Training is launching nationwide in January and we would love for your church to be a part of it. Click here to learn more.

PPPS - Here is what a recent graduate had to say:"The DYM program has helped me grow as a husband and learn how to better serve my wife and our relationship has been growing in all areas as a result. She just told me this week that she used to feel tension when I came home from work and that tension is gone. Big change which has led to growth for us both. Belah's insights and coaching have been amazing and I've discovered God's purpose for us and our marriage at a new level! Thanks DYM!"