Forgiveness is Key to Better Relationships: Interview With Brian & Heather Mayer

Forgiveness can feel like the most unfair, unnatural thing in the world. When someone has wounded you—especially someone who was supposed to love you—choosing to forgive may feel like letting them off the hook.

But Brian and Heather Mayer’s story reminds us: forgiveness isn’t about the other person’s worthiness—it’s about God’s mercy.

And it's the path to freedom, not just for them… but for you.

Why Christian Marriages Struggle With Forgiveness

Heather didn’t realize how deeply unforgiveness had taken root. Even after their marriage began to turn a corner, her heart stayed guarded. She found herself stuck emotionally. The walls she had put up to protect herself were still up. And though they gave the illusion of strength, what they actually offered was isolation.

She said, “I didn’t feel like forgiving. I didn’t want to say the words. But I knew the Bible said I had to. So I chose to obey—even without the feelings.”

This is what many Christian spouses experience. You know the right thing to do, but your emotions don’t follow. And it’s tempting to wait until you “feel ready.”

But true biblical forgiveness isn’t based on emotion—it’s a decision of the will rooted in trust that God can heal what you cannot.

 

How Unforgiveness Destroys Connection in Marriage

Brian admitted he had been prideful and blind to Heather’s needs. But what changed him wasn’t just guilt—it was God’s grace. He realized that he needed to ask for forgiveness, not just from Heather, but from their children, too.

“I had to go back and apologize, not just for being short or irritable—but for the way my behavior affected my family.”

He humbled himself, opened his heart, and began walking out a different kind of love—one marked by patience, listening, and repentance.

That humility created space for healing. Unforgiveness doesn’t just affect the person who hurt you—it poisons your heart, your communication, your marriage bed, and even your parenting.

Because where pride builds walls of resentment to isolate, humility builds bridges and invites healing.

 

What the Bible Says About Forgiveness in Marriage

God never promised forgiveness would be easy—but He did say it’s essential.

Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

Jesus modeled radical forgiveness on the cross. And He calls His followers to extend that same grace in our closest relationships—even in marriage.

Brian and Heather didn’t wait until things “felt better.” They took action. They forgave before the emotions lined up. And that obedience opened the door for healing.

 

Choosing to Forgive Even When You’ve Been Deeply Hurt

Forgiveness does not mean:

• Forgetting what happened

• Pretending it didn’t hurt

• Ignoring necessary boundaries

But it does mean surrendering the right to punish. It means releasing bitterness so you can receive peace. It means trusting God with your pain instead of letting it define your future.

 

Healing Starts With Forgiveness

Bitterness promises protection—but delivers bondage.

Forgiveness opens the floodgates of grace—not just for your spouse, but for you. For your kids. For your home. For your legacy.

You don’t have to live angry. You don’t have to stay stuck.

There is freedom on the other side of obedience. There is peace that replaces pain. There is joy waiting where there used to be fear.

And best of all? You don't walk this alone. The God who forgave you will empower you to forgive—again and again.

 

Final Encouragement: Forgiveness Is the Gateway to Freedom

Brian and Heather’s story is living proof that no marriage is too far gone. That even the most painful seasons can become a testimony of God’s redemption.

Maybe your spouse has wounded you deeply. Or maybe you’re the one who’s caused the pain.

Either way, Jesus stands ready to walk you both into something new.

Today, start with one brave act of obedience: “I choose to forgive.”

Even if your hands tremble. Even if your heart still aches.

God will meet you there. And the freedom you long for is closer than you think.

 

Love,

 

The Delight Your Marriage Team

 

PS - Check out Brian & Heather's amazing Forgiveness Course at www.lovehowdeep.com/forgiveness

[Use code DYM59 to receive the Course at the special price of $59, regularly priced at $297!]

PPS - If you're ready to bring even more healing and freedom into your marriage, schedule a free Clarity Call and see if our Men or Women's Program is right for you. Prices are going up after July 18th, so make the call soon!

PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "I struggled with unforgiveness and bitterness, lack of joy in motherhood, emotional lability, and frequent mental trips to the past…  [Now,] I am able to self-regulate my emotions better. I have gained the ability to understand my emotions and thoughts from a more objective standpoint instead of being a victim to my thoughts and emotions... I've grown in my understanding of forgiveness and how that flushes out to my everyday life… When I joined the program, I was hoping that my work would change my husband and my marriage. I didn't realize just how much work I had for my own heart!”