Heather and Cynthia kick things off with a “poop—sorry, chocolate—brown” homecoming dress and TSA confusing a sentimental Yeti stuffed with a toothbrush charger for a small explosive. In related headlines, Heather shares her Oprah dream (because Cynthia really loves hearing people talk about dreams), and there’s talk of a garage door, a mysterious Snapchat troll, and ten unsolicited Papa John’s pizzas.

Today is fully on brand for Sidetracked: mom drama, mean girls, rollercoasters with strangers, and the shocking revelation that Carol Burnett is still alive. Come for the color analysis; stay for the butter sculpture pitch (a Croc with gibbets, obviously), and never forget the age-old truth that people be people-in’.

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