A Little Help For Our Friends

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Is ethical non-monogamy simply a radical departure from tradition, or a return to our more natural relational roots? In this episode, we respond to one of our fans' questions about how to have an open relationship (thank you, fan from Columbia, Missouri!). We share stories and observations from diverse E&M communities, underscoring the vital role of consent and intentionality in successfully navigating these relationships. If any of you want to submit a question or request, tap the "send us a text" link at the top!

We take a historical and cultural lens to monogamy, questioning its origins and examining its societal implications. Our discussion draws on comparisons with our primate relatives, the horny bonobos, and challenges the notion of ethical non-monogamy as a radical concept, especially in the face of traditional marriage failure rates. We reflect on the intense expectations placed on partners and the emotional risks involved in opening up a relationship.

We redefine commitment beyond the confines of sexual exclusivity, highlighting the potential for deeper, diverse connections. From navigating the potential pitfalls of open relationships to the community support essential for their success, we offer a candid dialogue on the joys and challenges of E&M. Ask yourself- what does commitment means for you?

Resources:

Fern, J. (2020). Polysecure: Attachment, trauma and consensual nonmonogamy. Thorntree Press LLC.

Support the show

• If you're navigating someone's mental health or emotional issues, join KulaMind, our community and support platform. In KulaMind, we'll help you set healthy boundaries, advocate for yourself, and support your loved one.

• Follow @kulamind on Instagram for podcast updates and science-backed insights on staying sane while loving someone emotionally explosive.

• For more info about this podcast, check out: www.alittlehelpforourfriends.com

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Sex shouldn't feel like a chore...unless that's something you're into! In this episode, we welcome back Dr. Marina Rosenthal to talk about sex therapy. Dr. Rosenthal discusses how sex therapy addresses various issues, from erectile dysfunction and pain during sex to navigating non-monogamy and infidelity repair. This approach advocates for expanded definitions of sex to foster fulfilling relationships at every age.

We discuss how cultural expectations can create pressure, affecting self-worth and leading to feelings of rejection. By shifting the focus from the frequency of sex to the enjoyment of diverse intimate activities, couples can create a more satisfying and stress-free sexual relationship. Dr. Rosenthal mentions a few examples of how sex therapy techniques are introduced to reduce performance anxiety, encouraging present-moment awareness and enhancing the sexual experience for both partners.

As we are wont to do on this podcast, we dive into the rich tapestry of sexual fantasies and their role in relationships, as we discuss cognitive restructuring techniques and the importance of communication between partners. From the complexities of taboo fantasies to the nuances of pornography use, we cover tips for navigating these sensitive topics. We also touch on the impact of trauma on sexual relationships and the pathways to healing.

Resources:

• Dr. Marina Rosenthal's Instagram
• Dr. Marina Rosenthal's Website
• "The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse" by Wendy Maltz

Support the show

• If you're navigating someone's mental health or emotional issues, join KulaMind, our community and support platform. In KulaMind, we'll help you set healthy boundaries, advocate for yourself, and support your loved one.

• Follow @kulamind on Instagram for podcast updates and science-backed insights on staying sane while loving someone emotionally explosive.

• For more info about this podcast, check out: www.alittlehelpforourfriends.com

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Is plastic surgery a sign of self-improvement or a lack of self-love? In this episode, we reflect on this question after both of our (first?) major plastic surgery procedures: Kibby's double mastectomy for breast cancer treatment and Jacqueline’s decision to undergo liposuction. We question societal standards and the stigma surrounding body modifications, challenging the notion that altering one's appearance is inherently negative.

We address our evolution of body image as we age, where societal norms and personal perceptions often clash. Jacqueline opens up about her journey from being a reality TV star to and older woman as Kibby shares her major transitions from yoga teacher, to mom, to cancer patient. We reflect on the anxiety of maintaining attractiveness, the social capital tied to beauty, and the transformative periods of life, like pregnancy, that reshape self-identity. This conversation invites listeners to consider the profound impact of external pressures on our inner world.

With insights into the correlation between self-esteem and the desire for cosmetic changes, we discuss the often misunderstood belief that altering appearances can reshape personal relationships. Sharing stories of mixed family reactions, the discussion touches on the insecurities and newfound confidence after surgery. We consider the authentic paths toward self-love in a world fixated on physical ideals.

Resources:

• ​Shridharani, S. M., Magarakis, M., Manson, P. N., & Rodriguez, E. D. (2010). Psychology of plastic and reconstructive surgery: a systematic clinical review. Plastic and reconstructive surgery, 126(6), 2243-2251.

Support the show

• If you're navigating someone's mental health or emotional issues, join KulaMind, our community and support platform. In KulaMind, we'll help you set healthy boundaries, advocate for yourself, and support your loved one.

• Follow @kulamind on Instagram for podcast updates and science-backed insights on staying sane while loving someone emotionally explosive.

• For more info about this podcast, check out: www.alittlehelpforourfriends.com

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What happens when you have sex with someone you like, get along with, and trust, but don't want to call it a "serious relationship"? In this episode, we explore the types of casual relationships such as friends with benefits and situationships, where the lines between friendship, passion, and intimacy blur. We unravel personal journeys from casual friendships to full-blown romances, tackling controversial ideas like the "Ladder Theory" and how they stack up against real-life experiences. Different perspectives from relationship experts such as Esther Perel and John Gottman offer diverse insights into passion and intimacy within relationships. Whether it's the allure of seduction, the role of alcohol, or the evolutionary aspects of these connections, we dive into all the nuances that make these relationships both appealing and challenging.

We also give evidence-based strategies and practical tools to navigate these complex emotional terrains. With the help of KulaMind, our platform offering step-by-step guidance through relationship skills, we emphasize the importance of communication, self-awareness, and clear definitions in fostering healthier relationships. Reflect on your motivations and needs, and learn how to support those around you in their relational journeys. 

Support the show

• If you're navigating someone's mental health or emotional issues, join KulaMind, our community and support platform. In KulaMind, we'll help you set healthy boundaries, advocate for yourself, and support your loved one.

• Follow @kulamind on Instagram for podcast updates and science-backed insights on staying sane while loving someone emotionally explosive.

• For more info about this podcast, check out: www.alittlehelpforourfriends.com

Message us here!

When faced with the heart-wrenching decision to set boundaries with a loved one battling mental health issues, the choice is never easy. Many of us choose to estrange ourselves and cut off contact with difficult parents for our own wellbeing, but we also risk losing them forever. In this special episode, psychotherapist Dr. Caitlin Fang returns to share her deeply personal experiences with her mother, who struggled with depression, substance abuse, and schizoaffective disorder. She takes us through the emotional labyrinth of setting boundaries to protect herself and her child, while navigating the turbulent waters of unresolved grief after her mother's passing.

Dr. Fang's story sheds light on the complex dynamics of mental health within families. As she reflects on her upbringing, Caitlin shares insights into how her mother's mental health challenges shaped her resilience and empathy as a therapist. We explore the difficult balance between anger and forgiveness, the emotional tug-of-war of supporting a parent in crisis, and the profound realization of not being able to save a loved one from their struggles.

***Thinking of setting boundaries with a difficult family member or a loved one with mental illness? Book a free call with Dr. Kibby to get the support you need

Support the show

• If you're navigating someone's mental health or emotional issues, join KulaMind, our community and support platform. In KulaMind, we'll help you set healthy boundaries, advocate for yourself, and support your loved one.

• Follow @kulamind on Instagram for podcast updates and science-backed insights on staying sane while loving someone emotionally explosive.

• For more info about this podcast, check out: www.alittlehelpforourfriends.com

Message us here!

When you grow up in a household where love feels conditional, and your sense of self-worth hinges on meeting impossibly high standards. In this episode, we discuss the challenges faced by those who have navigated life with narcissistic parents. We explore the emotional scars left by such upbringing, including struggles with low self-esteem and attachment issues. We also discuss how our personal and clinical experiences fueled our inspiration to build KulaMind, a community platform dedicated to helping people foster healthier relationships and developing a sense of self-worth coming from a family affected by mental illness.

We discuss what narcissistic tendencies can look like in our parents, where societal pressures and a parent's unmet emotional needs often overshadow genuine concern.  highlight the universal healing fantasy—a deep-seated longing for unconditional love and understanding from emotionally unavailable parents. This narrative is interwoven with stories of past traumas passed down through generations, emphasizing the need to address these patterns to heal and move forward. With insights drawn from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) principles, we offer practical advice for balancing power and connection in relationships, stressing the importance of vulnerability and empathy.

Tune in to discover tools for healing from narcissistic abuse and reclaiming your self-worth. If you are struggling with this yourself, join KulaMind, a supportive community dedicated to guiding you on this transformative journey.

*Book a free call with Dr. Kibby to learn more. 

Resources:

• Take this quiz to learn more about how narcissistic your parents were to you: Parent Narcissism Quiz

• Faraji, H., Bilğiş, C., & Darçın, Z. (2024). The Mediator Role of Rejection Sensitivity Between Perceived Maternal Narcissism and Self-disclosure in Romantic Relationship. Turkish Psychological Counseling and Guidance Journal, 14(72), 37-47.

Support the show

• If you're navigating someone's mental health or emotional issues, join KulaMind, our community and support platform. In KulaMind, we'll help you set healthy boundaries, advocate for yourself, and support your loved one.

• Follow @kulamind on Instagram for podcast updates and science-backed insights on staying sane while loving someone emotionally explosive.

• For more info about this podcast, check out: www.alittlehelpforourfriends.com

Message us here!

Tis the season to be overwhelmed by family dysfunction! The holidays often unravel unresolved family dynamics and we often have to balance time with loved ones and our own sanity. In this episode, we delve into the emotional triggers that resurface during festive gatherings, like feeling like a child again around older relatives. We highlight the contrast between the idealized holiday narrative and the complex reality, especially when trying to set boundaries or deal with family conflicts.  We share practical strategies for handling the post-New Year's blues and creating new traditions that embrace diversity and change. 

Resources:

• If you need support dealing with family dysfunction, book a free consultation call with cohost Dr. Kibby: https://kulamind.com/onboarding

• Schneider, E., Liwinski, T., Imfeld, L., Lang, U. E., & Brühl, A. B. (2023). Who is afraid of Christmas? The effect of Christmas and Easter holidays on psychiatric hospitalizations and emergencies—Systematic review and single center experience from 2012 to 2021. Frontiers in psychiatry, 13, 1049935.

Support the show

• If you're navigating someone's mental health or emotional issues, join KulaMind, our community and support platform. In KulaMind, we'll help you set healthy boundaries, advocate for yourself, and support your loved one.

• Follow @kulamind on Instagram for podcast updates and science-backed insights on staying sane while loving someone emotionally explosive.

• For more info about this podcast, check out: www.alittlehelpforourfriends.com

Message us here!

Well, the results are in: Donald Trump is the president of the United States. Again. This election came with a ton of emotions on either side of the political divide. In a world where differing political views often lead to divisive conflicts, how can we bridge the gap and maintain our relationships? In this episode, we take a deep dive into the complex dynamics surrounding support for controversial figures, with a focus on Trump. We tackle the normalization of toxic masculinity and the cognitive dissonance present among his supporters, while also confronting uncomfortable truths about voting patterns among women. Through our discussion, we aim to unravel how cultural and social tensions shape political affiliations. Ultimately, we argue for using our perspective taking and compassion skills to arrive at mutual understanding between parties.

To get support in loving someone with mental illness (like voting for the opposite party as you, haha), join us at KulaMind.

Resources: 

• https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-social-emotional-brain/202410/why-voters-support-trump-despite-his-alleged-misdeeds?amp​

Support the show

• If you're navigating someone's mental health or emotional issues, join KulaMind, our community and support platform. In KulaMind, we'll help you set healthy boundaries, advocate for yourself, and support your loved one.

• Follow @kulamind on Instagram for podcast updates and science-backed insights on staying sane while loving someone emotionally explosive.

• For more info about this podcast, check out: www.alittlehelpforourfriends.com

Message us here!

Every couple fights sometimes, but what if conflict is the norm in your relationship? High conflict couples tend to fight, shut down, yell, and sometimes even get violent too often. In this episode, we talk to couples therapist and relationship mindset expert Dr. Marina Rosenthal about how high conflict couples can change the way they fight. We talk about the different types of high conflict couples and how to tell if you can save your troubled relationship or need to plan your exit strategy. Dr. Rosenthal also gives us a picture of what hope and healing can look like for a high conflict couple.

***If you are in a relationship with someone struggling with mental or emotional problems, we are building something new to support you at KulaMind. Click here to get early access.

Resources:

• Dr. Marina Rosenthal's website and Instagram
• What The F**k Did You Just Say To Me?!
• Take A Break Guide
• Free Calm Conflict Starter Kit

Support the show

• If you're navigating someone's mental health or emotional issues, join KulaMind, our community and support platform. In KulaMind, we'll help you set healthy boundaries, advocate for yourself, and support your loved one.

• Follow @kulamind on Instagram for podcast updates and science-backed insights on staying sane while loving someone emotionally explosive.

• For more info about this podcast, check out: www.alittlehelpforourfriends.com

Message us here!

How well do you really understand the grim reality of sex trafficking? We challenge some of the most deeply-held misconceptions, revealing its unsettling proximity to our everyday lives. We confront the recent allegations against music mogul Diddy, exploring how power and abuse intertwine in complex ways, reshaping our understanding of consent and control. We further illuminate the hidden signs of human trafficking and abusive relationships, drawing parallels to the pressures faced by young celebrities. Finally, we shine a light on reality TV's manipulative tactics, illustrating how these mirror broader societal issues of control and objectification. Empowering listeners with awareness, our discussion offers tools to recognize and confront these pervasive issues effectively.

***We are creating something special to support you in loving someone with mental illness. Click here to join the KulaMind waitlist and stay tuned!!

Resources:

• https://humantraffickinghotline.org/en/report-trafficking

• https://variety.com/2024/music/news/diddy-lawsuits-timeline-sex-trafficking-charges-sean-combs-1236177399/

• Casassa, K., Knight, L., & Mengo, C. (2022). Trauma bonding perspectives from service providers and survivors of sex trafficking: A scoping review. Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, 23(3), 969-984.

Support the show

• If you're navigating someone's mental health or emotional issues, join KulaMind, our community and support platform. In KulaMind, we'll help you set healthy boundaries, advocate for yourself, and support your loved one.

• Follow @kulamind on Instagram for podcast updates and science-backed insights on staying sane while loving someone emotionally explosive.

• For more info about this podcast, check out: www.alittlehelpforourfriends.com