As we head towards the end of this series, we really want to make sure you know about all the other episodes we have, which you can listen to via www.thefertilitypodcast.com 

We’re having a break at the end of the month and will be back in November but will be reminding you through all of our channels of other episodes so you’ll still have plenty to listen to. 

This week we catch up with Not a Fictional Mum (NFM) who we actually spoke to in December 2020 and then didn’t get to publish the chat until now. If you follow her on insta you will know she has had an incredible year and is doing so much to change the narrative about Adoption especially in retail. 

We start off by chatting about her decision to start her Insta, which was after her friends told her to use social media in a positive way and she threw herself into it and she has aced it. She wanted to make people stop and read to get her messages across. She has decided to stay fictional and not share photos. She spoke about the heartbreak of finding out their family wasn’t going to be created as they’d expected and how she has made a point of not sharing who had the infertility issue. 

What happened after getting the diagnosis of infertility 

They had a free cycle of treatment on the NHS which was all consuming and tough. They did numerous rounds, experienced a miscarriage, spent £25,000 on treatment and it was really taking its toll on their mental health. Once they were told it wouldn’t happen naturally they were already talking about Adoption. However they wanted to try everything so they didn’t have any regrets and Kate talks about talking with clients about trying everything before you ‘close the door’

Making the decision to Adopt

The weight was lifted once they decided that this was going to be their route, although it had taken a long time to grieve what wasn’t to be. Every decision she had made previously was all around the treatment, she felt like a robot. Once the decision was made to stop, she felt she had a sense of herself back. 

Adopting a child will not replace the loss of a biological child. These children are their own people with their own background story and their rights to know that. 

How much needs to be done about how we talk about Adoption? 

So much. NFM talks about how it needs to be talked about it early years at school during sex education, all the routes to parenthood should be discussed, so her little boy grows up knowing its just another route. 

People are curious / nosey about an adopted child and the more we talk about it the more it will be normalised. People whisper the word to you, you can hear it in their tone of voice. 

There seems to be a stigma about it which is sad. We need to understand it on a wider scale. 

Obscene questions asked about Adoption

• Who is it with the problem, you or him? 
• People are obsessed with his background - his real Mum, his real parents
• What are you going to do when he grows up, if he wants to go and live with his real parents? 
• Do you think you love him as much as you would if he was your biological child? 

Thousands of cups of tea with a social worker and the matching process

Time is so precious when you’ve spent so many years trying. 

NFM talks about how she never felt she wasn’t being asked anything necessary or obtrusive. You can find out a lot about yourself and your partner if you open yourself up to it. 

Matching was the most difficult - stage 1 and 2 there is a lot of onhold support as you have to fill in a lot of...