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“We never fight” sounds peaceful, but is it actually connection—or quiet disconnection in disguise? We open up about a small argument over wedding dishes that revealed a much bigger truth: real intimacy requires honest engagement, not appeasing or winning. When one of us began to withdraw and the other escalated, the moment turned on a single request—“engage me so I know I matter.” From there, we unpack how boundaries, attachment styles, and the window of tolerance shape what happens between two people under stress.

Across this conversation, we explore why conflict is necessary for a healthy relationship, especially for parents managing constant fatigue and decision overload. We trace how childhood lessons teach us to either retreat or pursue and how those moves show up as “never fighting” or constant protest. You’ll learn the difference between withdrawal and appeasing (and why both feel like abandonment), how to replace defensiveness with curiosity, and the simple structure we use to turn friction into understanding. We also dig into avoidant and preoccupied attachment patterns and why resentment fades when both partners feel heard—even if the final choice doesn’t go their way.

By the end, you’ll have a practical lens for navigating everyday disagreements—like picking dishes—that carry deeper meaning about value, respect, and belonging. If you’re ready to shift from the same old arguments into real connection, press play and practice the two-part commitment of engagement: share yourself clearly and listen like your partner matters. If this resonates, follow the show, leave a rating, and share this episode with someone who thinks “no fights” equals “we’re fine.” Your relationship deserves more than survival mode—subscribe and help us grow this community of connected couples.

Get your copy or audiobook of Too Tired to Fight today!: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/059371427X

Want some personalized help. Schedule a free coaching consultation here: https://calendly.com/ccfp/meet-the-mitchells

Do you want to learn about the one thing we think every individual and couple needs to know for healthy communication and connection? Check out our course Attachment Theory: Why It Matters To Your Relationship: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/attachment-course-ccfp

Get 15% off our course--Attachment Theory: Why It Matters To Your Relationship: https://couplescounselingforparents.mykajabi.com/offers/MGiJwHLf?coupon_code=ATTACHMENT15

Want some personalized help (individual or couple). Schedule a free coaching consultation here: https://calendly.com/ccfp/meet-the-mitchells

Get your copy or audiobook of Too Tired to Fight today!: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/059371427X

Interested in one of Erin's postpartum groups? Let us know at [email protected]