Ask a Death Doula

Big Ideas:

What is a Health Care Proxy? [00:20] – There is a document called an Advance Directive. It is split into two parts – a Living Will and a Health Care Proxy. The Living Will states what you want or what you don’t want in terms of care if you were to become terminally ill. The Health Care Proxy is a person appointed by you to speak your wishes listed in the Living Will for you in the event that you become incapacitated and cannot speak for yourself. Depending on what state you live in, a Health Care Proxy may also be known as a Health Care Surrogate, or a Health Care Power of Attorney. The role of this person remains the same regardless of what title is used where you live. Doulagivers Pearl: an Advance Directive is known as a legal document, but it is NOT 100% legally binding. People sometimes think that if they have completed this step that they are completely covered – but that is unfortunately not necessarily true. If a doctor does not agree with the instructions set forth in your Advance Directive, they do not have to legally follow it and the law is on their side. The other issue is that people who have filled out an Advance Directive often do not know where it is when they need it – it does not do us any good if we don’t have it ready. There are ways around this, and we will be discussing them. It is written in many places that the Health Care Proxy is the person that will make medical decisions for you if you cannot make them for yourself – this is incorrect. The Health Care Proxy is the person you have chosen to speak the decisions you have already made in your Living Will if you cannot communicate your wishes yourself for any reason. There is a huge difference.

How to Choose a Health Care Proxy [4:04] – If the person you would like to be your Health Care Proxy is not comfortable with what you have chosen, they should not be your Health Care Proxy. Why? It’s not fair to them to be put under that kind of stress. Secondly, if they’re not comfortable with your choices – it’s already very difficult to discuss things with doctors who may have different things they want to try, or think are better choices. This is usually a fast-paced crisis time when these conversations are taking place and if you do not have someone who is steadfast and grounded in their obligation to uphold your wishes – there is a good chance that they won’t. Your Health Care Proxy does not need to be a relative. There is a lot of room to choose one that is right for you. They need to be comfortable with what you’re choosing – so tell them why you’re choosing the things you are. Explain it to them. As difficult as it may be to hear, this is the time to give them the rationale behind your wishes – this will make it much more likely that your wishes will be supported later on. The person that you are trusting to speak those decisions for you needs to have a clear understanding of why you want them. You want your Health Care Proxy to be in geographical proximity to where you live, and you also always want to have two so that there is a backup available in case your primary Health Care Proxy is unavailable.

Health Care Proxy Mixers [10:37] – This is a dream/vision of mine in which a group of people who are interested in being Health Care Proxies for one another get together to fill this need. I think this would be a great idea because we currently have an Eldercare Crisis and there is a huge number of the elderly who do not have family. I hear from them all of the time and they are very concerned about who is going to be their Health Care Proxy. We want people to have peace of mind and to know that we’re in this together. For that reason, I think this idea will be useful so that elderly (or anyone) can have the opportunity to get to know each other, share ideas and philosophies, talk about what they would want or not want at the end of life and provide a space for people to explore this subject and then decide to fill that Health Care Proxy role for each other.

Memorable Quotes:

“It is written in many places that a Health Care Proxy is the person you choose to make medical decisions for you if you’re unable to speak for yourself. That is untrue. They’re not making the decisions - you are. There’s a big difference there.”

– Suzanne B. O’Brien RN

“We have an Eldercare Crisis and many elderly people do not have children or family. I hear them say all the time, ‘Suzanne, who is going to care for me? Who is going to speak for me? Who is going to be there for me at my end of life because I don’t have any family?’ We’ve got to find ways to support people.”

– Suzanne B. O’Brien RN

Resources:

Get the FREE DEATH DOULA GUIDE HERE:

https://www.doulagivers.com/death-dou...

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xoxoxo Suzanne

Big Ideas:

1.What is a Shared Death Experience [6:56] – A shared death experience occurs when somebody is dying and a caregiver, loved one, or a bystander feels like they shared in that person’s transition. In some cases, this person will observe the initial stages of the afterlife – where they see the dying person there or sense that it is where they are going. It is sharing the journey of the experience with the dying person. It is the movement from this human experience through the portal of death to another realm of existence and the observer feels like they shared in that journey.

2.There are 4 Types of Shared Death Experiences [8:49] – These are “modes of participation” for the experiencer. There are four ways a person can feel themselves in the shared death experience. The first and most common type is sensing. Sensing that a loved one or some person is transitioning. It can be bedside but is most commonly remote. You can be halfway around the world and have a sense that someone you love is dying. It is usually highly energetic and intuitive – a knowing that you feel in your gut. The second type is witnessing phenomena related to death or death itself. Witnessing the dying person in this stage of transition or elevated beings/heavenly realms in the form of luminous light, etc. The third mode of participation is accompanying. You can accompany or move along with the dying person on the pathway to the afterlife. The last and final mode is guiding. The experiencer reports that they were brought into the experience to guide the dying along their pathway.

3. Pre-Death Dreams, Visions, and Visitations [14:44] – Research provided by Dr. Christopher Kerr from the Buffalo inpatient Hospice says that 80% of his patients have a pre-death dream or vision. The term “dream” is used loosely – these usually come in the form of visitations from deceased loved ones that is observed by the caregiver (the patient is telling them they see the person or is having a conversation with them). At some point, the death of the person begins and the journey to transition starts. Often the messaging from these visitations to the dying person is to “get ready.” The shared death experience begins when that journey begins. The science of physics supports the fact that energy cannot be destroyed – it can only change forms.

4. The Benefits to the World of Bringing Back the Sacredness of End-of-Life Experiences [20:00] – Acknowledging death as a natural part of life can bring us closer together as communities and families. The awareness of death can allow us to communicate, connect, and express ourselves more effectively. It allows us to love each other with death as part of life instead of something we ignore. To gain the perspective of life being a gift, we must hold death in our minds. Death is as integral to life as birth is and we need to honor it is a society. The approach to death in modern society is not natural. It is a protracted, inefficient, and unhealthy response to the fear of death. Anything we can do to bring death and all its grandeur back into the fold of our conversations and everyday life, the better the benefits could be for all of us.

5. Death Changes Our Lives [24:30] – When I got into nursing, I realized how end of life was not going well for people. I transitioned into hospice care thinking it would be better – but it wasn’t. I thought to myself, “How in the world did something that is 100% guaranteed in our journey become so far removed and so feared?” It took a year and a half of my nursing career before I saw a beautiful death and I realized that if people knew how beautiful it could be that they would never be afraid – and that started my journey. We are all so much more similar than we think. It doesn’t matter where you live in the world, how much money you have, what color you are, or what religion you practice – we all die the same way. We all have the same humanity within us. If we just absorbed the fact that we are so much more similar than different and brought that awareness into the world today it would be a game changer. Death has taught me that time is our most valuable commodity, and that life is about connection, not the goals we pursue. Death is not a medical experience, it’s a human one. If we bring that perspective back into our society and take a holistic approach to it, we can really change the way end of life goes for everyone in the world.

Resources: – Get the FREE DEATH DOULA GUIDE HERE: https://www.doulagivers.com/death-dou...

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xoxoxo Suzanne

Big Ideas:

1. The Definition of Forgiveness [1:29] – Forgiveness is not condoning or excusing someone else’s actions. We are all responsible for our actions. We have all done things we are not proud of – making mistakes is part of the human experience. The biggest thing you can do is take ownership of your mistakes and have the humility to ask for forgiveness. Chances are that you were doing the best you could with where you were and with what you had to work with at the time. It does not excuse your actions, but it does explain them. By looking at things from a higher perspective, we can then begin to heal them and let them go. Forgiveness is your key in this life’s journey for transformation and healing. Forgiveness is not condoning or excusing anyone’s behavior or actions, but rather, removing your energetic attachment to their behavior and actions.

1. The Energetic Cost of Anger and Resentment [5:00] – It takes a lot of energy to be angry and resentful towards other people. If someone hurt you in the past and you hold onto that hurt every day and it boils over into anger, it is draining your energetic bank account. When you forgive, it sets you free. You have to understand that forgiveness is for you, not for the other person. It’s allowing you to break those mental and emotional chains that are holding you back from living the life of peace you deserve. There is not one person in the world that doesn’t have forgiveness to give or to receive. There are usually many layers on many different topics that have occurred over the course of our life that require forgiveness for us to find closure.

1. The Stabilization Phase and Forgiveness [6:12] – Remember that this knowledge and wisdom I am sharing with you comes from many people at the end of life. The Doulagivers 3 Phases of End of Life Care Model breaks the dying process into 3 phases (The Shock Phase, The Stabilization Phase, and The Transition Phase). I refer to the Stabilization Phase as the “Work Phase.” This is because this is where people will take inventory of their lives and conduct a life review. This is the moment where forgiveness is going to play a role and where they will have the opportunity to give and receive it. Those who have this phase and utilize it for this purpose have the most beautiful end of life experiences. Forgiveness can bring about an energetic shift. It can make a patient light up as they remove the heaviness of anger and resentment from their lives.

1. Unforgiveness [7:28] - When we’re hurt by someone, that hurt forms into an energetic block that becomes frozen in time, and it gets stuck inside of us. We usually push these energetic blocks down below the surface so that we can live our daily lives – it is sometimes too painful for us to confront or process what has happened. This is especially true for children who were hurt by their parents or experienced other forms of childhood trauma. Unforgiveness creates blocked spaces within us and if not processed, healed, or released – will create pain, bad habits, destructive patterns, and unhappiness in our lives. The way to release this is through forgiveness. At the end of life there is a natural process in which the physical body is declining, and the spiritual body is growing – loving energy organically increases during this process which allows for a safe space to emerge that is defined by wisdom and a new perspective and the ability for the end-of-life patient to reflect on painful memories in a less traumatic way and to give and seek forgiveness. This is really powerful because it creates a ripple effect in the lives of others.

1. The Power of Forgiveness [10:37] – You can utilize the power of forgiveness right now to set yourself free and allow yourself to pursue whatever it is you want in life from this point moving forward. Unforgiveness holds you hostage – it keeps you a prisoner to the past and prevents you from moving forward and doing whatever you want. Forgiveness releases those energies and puts you back in control over your energy flow. Unforgiveness is an actual medical diagnosis. There is a huge connection with anger, pain, guilt, unforgiveness and physical illness. People have told me verbatim that they felt their cancer was the result of unforgiveness and trauma that they didn’t heal and didn’t process. While in Thailand, I visited a temple that was designed for those facing their end of life. There were four main things that they did to help heal themselves and make the most of their remaining time on this earth: they removed all sugar from their diet and ate a plant-based diet, they meditated, they moved the body through exercise, and they did a forgiveness practice. This included writing down what they wanted to receive forgiveness for and what they wanted to give forgiveness for. They would read this to the head of the temple and then had a ceremony to burn it. Many people at this temple told me they were the happiest they had ever been. It was about the freedom of forgiveness – being released from that internal prison and returning to a state of joyful flow, alignment, and connection. You and I can access this gift right now. It is not easy, and it is a process, but it can be done. You have to look at your past painful experiences through a non-judgmental perspective. Ask yourself what those experiences were trying to teach you. It is trying to reach a place where you can actually thank those who hurt you because they gave you an opportunity to accelerate your spiritual growth and look back at your experiences without them being so triggering to you. A place where you can look at those people who have hurt you through a lens of empathy and compassion. Understand that hurt people hurt people. It’s not excusing them or condoning their behavior – but understanding what was driving them so that you can transform your anger into empathy. That is how you can find forgiveness and set yourself free.

Memorable Quotes:

1. “Forgiveness is the golden key to everything. It’s the key to all the healing whether we’re holding on to shame, or guilt, or anger, or resentment. All of these things that are part of the human experience - forgiveness is the transformational tool.” – Suzanne B. O’Brien RN

1. “There is not one person in this world that does not have forgiveness to give. There is not one person in this world that does not have forgiveness to receive.” – Suzanne B. O’Brien RN  

Resources: – Get the FREE DEATH DOULA GUIDE DEATH DOULA GUIDE HERE

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xoxoxo Suzanne

Big Ideas:

1. What are Bedside Visitations [00:59] – Many times there is a space in the end of life where people who have died before “come back” to the bedside of the patient. I am told they return to help the other person cross over to the other side. In the Doulagivers Training, we have a section called, “Indications that Someone is Headed into the Transition Phase.” One of these common indications is that the patient will see loved ones that have died already or even Angelic Figures at the bedside. In my experience, having worked with over one thousand people at the end of life from all different backgrounds, cultures, and religions - people are most often visited by a loved one or family member that has died before them. Not everyone will have this experience or share with you that they had it. It was reported recently that Betty White’s last word before she passed away was, “Allen.” This is the name of her deceased husband and is a great example of what we’re talking about here.

1. How does it happen, Why does it happen, What does it mean? [4:00] – If you’ve ever had somebody that you’re caring for or that you loved at the end of life, and they’ve had this experience - you will never look at the world the same way again. Whether or not you believe this is truly happening, as a practitioner, this is a strong indication that this person is getting close to having their end of life. From a scientific standpoint, everything is energy. In the Doulagivers Training, we talk about how we are composed of four main bodies of energy (physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual). In my opinion, from having worked with so many people at the end of life, there is a part of the end-of-life journey where the patient’s physical body is diminishing and their spiritual body is growing. There is a moment in time where they meet equally, so essentially the patient has one foot still in this physical world and one foot in the next at the same time. It is incredibly powerful.

1. A Change of Perspective [6:09] – I have sat bedside with people who have woken up from a nap or overnight sleep with so much new information. Waking up and excitedly exclaiming, “I get it now! It all makes sense!” They act as though all the pieces to the puzzle of life now fit together. Why? Because that spiritual growth within them is providing access to a higher perspective. It provides a sense of all-knowing wisdom, connection, no judgment, and unconditional love and they’re now looking through that lens. They’ve now accessed a higher part of their energetic frequency. It changes everything about how they look at their life. The peace, serenity, and joy that can accompany this experience is indescribable. As a practitioner, when you get to see your patient in that state of serenity and peace, you will hold that in your heart forever. You will look back on that time not with the heaviness of uncomfortable thoughts and pain, but rather, by remembering the energetic and loving space that that person was in. This experience happens often regardless of where in the world the person is, or what culture or religion they belong to – it is a universal theme at the end of life. Death is a unifying force in our humanity, and it is my belief that we are all part of one universal consciousness.

1. We Don’t Have to Wait Until the End [9:55] – We can do our work to raise our energetic frequency right here, right now. We don’t have to wait until the end of life when it organically happens. We are in control of how we choose to do things – how we think, speak, and act are all within our control. We can change and strengthen our energetic frequency and perspective right here, right now by being intentional with the way we lead our lives. I have learned everything I know about how to live – to live in flow, to live in love, to live in connection – from the people I have had the honor and privilege to work with at the end of life.

1. The Bigger Meaning [13:40] – What is life about? Is it so much more than we’ve been taught or that we mostly know and how we’re operating? I absolutely think so. We are all connected to on unconditional loving consciousness. The world and all of nature – the entire universe is tethered together. We need to look out and care for one another. We need to meet each other in compassionate presence without judgment. What is this journey of life about? My belief is that it is the school of life – we are here to learn lessons, to get back to finding our true self before we get to the end of life where it organically happens. Every experience you have is an opportunity to get closer to alignment with your higher energetic frequency. It is the choices you make, the way that you want to live your life every single day – with your thoughts, with your actions, with your purpose, with your compassionate presence – that will change that energetic alignment. You can access it now; you don’t have to wait.

Memorable Quotes:

1. “I have learned everything I know about how to live – to live in flow, to live in love, to live in connection – from the people I have had the honor and privilege to work with at the end of life.” – Suzanne B. O’Brien RN

1. “The universal laws that people at the end-of-life share say that we’re all connected to one unconditional loving consciousness. All of us, all of the animals, all of the elements, all of nature – all of it is connected. So, we need to look out and care for one another.” – Suzanne B. O’Brien RN

Resources:  – Death Doula Guide HERE

Join the FREE MEMBERSHIP SITE HERE: https://www.facebook.com/groups/44916...

Please Rate & Review the Podcast and share this podcast with your friends!!! Let's help change the world- together! xoxoxo Suzanne 

Big Ideas:

1. Defining Dementia and Alzheimer’s [1:35] - Dementia is a general term for a decline in mental ability severe enough to interfere with functions of daily living. Alzheimer’s disease is a mental decline that shows up first as loss of memory function and is a form of Dementia. Brain lesions, called amyloid plaques, accumulate causing a declining ability to cope as brain cells die. It is a neurodegenerative disorder. People can live an average of 7 to14 years after the initial diagnosis. Alzheimer’s disease accounts for 60 to 80 percent of dementia cases. It is the most common form of dementia among older people. Approximately 4.5 million Americans suffer from this disease, which usually begins after age 60. Alzheimer’s disease cannot be cured and is a tremendous burden on caregivers. It is 24/7 care psychologically, physically, and economically. The world population is aging rapidly and there will be more of a prevalence of chronic disease issues as a result – both cognitive and physical. The average life expectancy is currently 81 – medical and scientific advancements could soon push this well into the upper 90s or even past 100. The longer we live, the more likely it is that we will experience chronic issues. Dementia is one of the most difficult chronic conditions to deal with for families (on many fronts). As practitioners, we have to be aware of what those families have most likely been through caring for a dementia patient before we show up for the end-of-life portion of the disease process.

1. The Signs of Dementia [4:09] – There is no definitive diagnosis for Dementia. It is most commonly marked by short-term memory loss. Forgetting where you parked the car, forgetting where you put the keys, or what you ate for lunch today are little things that can indicate early onset. Long-term memory tends to stay intact. Safety is always the most important thing to consider regardless of disease process – it is especially important with dementia patients. It is vital to plan ahead so that they don’t end up in dangerous situations due to the condition – put safety measures in place. After memory, the next declines tend to occur with their emotions and inhibitions. Dementia patients can become labile – you will see a reverse presentation of how the person was in their life. For example, someone who was sweet and affectionate can become verbally abusive and combative (and vice versa). It is important to remind the family and loved ones that it’s not them, but rather the disease that is causing these behavioral changes.

1. Dementia Requires 24/7 Care [8:04] – This disease is typically psychologically, physically, and economically draining on the patient’s family and main caregiver. There is an underlying perpetual crisis with dementia. The indications that someone is experiencing their end of life take place over years with dementia – as opposed to months or weeks with many other disease processes. A rapid decline in food intake that is leading to a measurable level of weight loss is the strongest indication that a dementia patient is entering their end-of-life phase. It can be difficult to keep Hospice services for dementia patients if there is no measurable decline in their condition. Other indications that someone is in decline is if they are: sleeping most of the time, talking to people you don’t see, incontinent, not eating a lot. Before they reach the final phase of this disease, patients will get up and wander and there are safety issues non-stop – it is one of the most burdensome diseases for the caregiver. By the time they are admitted to Hospice, it is now an end-of-life scenario, and the presentation is very different. As a Doulagiver, don’t think you need to know everything about an active Dementia/Alzheimer’s disease process – by the time you get there, they will most likely be bed-bound and very weak compared to the earlier stages of the disease.

1. S.E.D. [16:30] – V.S.E.D. stands for Voluntary Stopping Eating and Drinking. Organically at the end of life, the swallowing reflex turns off – it is inevitable that one day the end-of-life patient will no longer be capable of swallowing. This is the first tell-tale sign that they are transitioning and is also a major safety issue. VSED is the conscious choice to take this measure earlier. There is a lot to this – we will have a full podcast episode dedicated to the topic and there is a resource for you below to read. You can request not being fed in your Advance Directive if for whatever reason you can no longer communicate due to dementia or another disease process or injury.

1. Tips for Caregivers of End of Life Dementia Patients [20:30] – As practitioners, we know this is a hard disease to care for – we want to be sensitive to that and show up for the caregiver. They are usually burnt out by the time we, as Doulagivers, become involved in the process. Rotate respite care for the primary caregiver so that one person doesn’t shoulder all the burden – let them be present in this last moment with their loved one. Have meals delivered to them and make sure they are eating, drinking, and getting adequate physical activity and rest. Caring for the caregiver is so crucial when dealing with dementia.

Memorable Quotes:

1. “Having an Advanced Directive is the best way to plan ahead to protect your wishes in the event of developing Dementia and/or Alzheimer’s.” – Suzanne B. O’Brien RN

1. “We have an Eldercare Crisis that is only projected to increase for decades to come. We don’t nearly have the set up to care for them. At all.” – Suzanne B. O’Brien RN

Resources: GET THE FREE  Death Doula Guide HERE

The rising prevalence of dementia is a global emergency

https://www.economist.com/leaders/2020/08/27/the-rising-prevalence-of-dementia-is-a-global-emergency?gclsrc=aw.ds&gclid=Cj0KCQiA_c-OBhDFARIsAIFg3exIlbA2gDzVYH9ugbS4QAQh6GirG4lYuZMVCXkrRucSlXOnIEdC8mQaAmkTEALw_wcB

Rate & Review the Podcast, leave a comment and please SHARE with a friend!

xoxoxo Suzanne

Big Ideas:

1. There are two different types of pain [1:49] – Both types of pain require different treatments to control. Somatic pain is the most common type that requires narcotic medication to treat. Nerve pain is the second type of pain. Narcotic medication does not work in the treatment of nerve pain, and it is often missed. Nerve pain requires nerve medication – gabapentin (also known as Neurontin) is the most common medication used for never pain management. Stabbing or burning pain, often localized in the feet and head is indicative of nerve pain. Quality of life for patients is directly related to pain management.

1. The Hospice Comfort Kit [7:30] – Hospice provides a comfort kit for family caregivers filled with the most common medications used at the end of life to manage pain, breathing difficulties, and other common causes of discomfort. Have this comfort kit within 24 hours of the patient being placed on Hospice. If you encounter a need for medication to address pain or breathing issues and you do not have it available, it will lead to a stressful (and avoidable) situation for everyone. Once on Hospice we know there is going to be a decline in patient condition – but we don’t know at what rate the decline will occur. Being prepared for this decline to happen quickly is essential. Pick one person in the family that will be in charge of administering medications – this should be whoever is most comfortable doing so. Have the Hospice nurse go over the medication in the comfort kit with the caregiver and practice administering medications and understanding the comfort kit on each visit until it is well understood. Trying to figure out what to use and how to administer it during a crisis situation is not the way to do it.

1. Understanding the Pain Scale [11:16] – The pain scale is typically assessed by 1 to 10. 1 is no pain and 10 is the most pain a person can possibly be in. Pain is subjective. Pain needs to be kept at a 4 or below for optimal quality of life each day. When pain is going up, you have to stop that pain on its incline or control it because if it gets too high it will be almost impossible to bring down – this is how the human body works. Patients will sometimes hold off on taking medication until they really need it because it is something they still have control over, but it is too late if their pain is already too high. Assess their pain regularly and keep a logbook of their pain levels pre-medication and 45 minutes post-medication. You can’t take medicine out of somebody, so administer pain medications incrementally until you reach a therapeutic space – defined as a 4 or below on the pain scale.

1. Keep Track of Patient Bowel Movements [16:30] – This is important because narcotics are known to be constipating – they slow the stimulation of our gastrointestinal tract and our ability to have regular bowel movements. You want to get ahead of this problem as a caregiver. The patient should relieve themselves every one to two days for comfort purposes – it can turn into a crisis situation if they become constipated for an extended period of time. Stool softeners and laxatives should be included on the medication administration page of your Hospice comfort kit.

1. Pain Management at the End of Life and Addiction [22:01] – There are many misconceptions about this topic and the lack of knowledge often leads to unnecessary suffering. Addiction often occurs in people who have a pre-disposition to it within their biochemistry or when a person abuses drugs recreationally to achieve a euphoric state – when there is no underlying pain to manage. At end of life, these should not be major concerns – especially because the medications should be controlled with the goal of keeping their pain at a 4 or below and assessing regularly. This person is going to have their end of life, and they’re either going to have it being comfortable and having their pain managed – or suffering and having a lot of pain. Pain management is neither going to prevent the end of life or hasten the end of life – it’s a question of them either being comfortable in this last phase of their life or being in pain and suffering in this last phase. Addiction is a medical condition that requires us to reserve judgment and lead with compassion. It is not a justifiable reason to withhold medication at end of life – keep the medicine locked away and control it to avoid issues. Our job is to be present, be loving, and to support this person at the end of their life – no matter what their past has been. Everyone deserves to be comfortable at end of life.

Memorable Quotes:

1. “The rule of thumb for medication and pain management is that on a pain scale of 1 to 10 – 1 being no pain and 10 being the most pain somebody can possibly be in – you want that pain to be kept at a 4 or below.” – Suzanne B. O’Brien RN

1. “We know that end of life is really hard on everyone. Everyone in the family is touched by end of life and all people are probably having different experiences.” – Suzanne B. O’Brien RN

1. “Pain management is not about completely eliminating pain. It is about controlling it well enough so that it is not causing every second of every day to be defined by suffering and a lack of quality of life.” – Suzanne B. O’Brien RN

Resources:  – GET THE FREE DEATH DOULA GUIDE HERE: HERE

PLEASE Rate & Review the Podcast, leave a comment and share with your friends!

xo Suzanne

Big Ideas:

1. How I Was Guided to Hospice [3:35] - I was raised in a medical family and always liked helping others as a child, so a career in nursing felt like a great fit for me as an adult. I was working in the hospital and kept hearing this calling and having this feeling that I belonged at Hospice. I had no professional or personal background with end-of-life care at the time – I knew nothing about it. I left a job with better pay, better benefits, and better hours as a single mother to follow my calling. I just decided to trust it. My first day visiting Hospice patients I knew I was exactly where I was meant to be, and that one choice has led me on such a beautiful and profound journey in my life.

1. We Are Holistic Beings [6:10] – There are four bodies of energy that make up who you are as a person. Nurturing these parts of yourself will allow you to reach balance in your life. There are the physical body of energy, the mental body of energy, the emotional body of energy, and the spiritual body of energy.

1. We All Have Two Guidance Systems Within Us [9:50] – The first guidance system is the mental/analytical/ego guidance – this is influenced by what we have put into our minds over the course of our life and is limited by our individual perspective. The second guidance system is our higher consciousness/spiritual/heart-centered guidance – this is always working on your behalf to guide you in alignment with your purpose in life. The key to finding your life’s purpose is to be aware of these two guidance systems, how they work (and why) – and how to listen to and strengthen your heart guidance. Answer your calling when it comes – it will open incredible opportunities for you.

1. The R.A.I. Method [19:56] – This stands for Recognize, Acknowledge, and Integrate. You must recognize when your ego is influencing your actions and behaviors. Acknowledge your ego’s effort to influence you and understand that it is a fear-based element of your being. Take inventory of your life to combat this – ask yourself, “Am I happy? With the work I’m doing, with the people that are around me, am I contributing and am I making a difference?” We all want to contribute and make the world a better place at our core, and we must find our gift to do so and then share that gift with the world. Integrate your heart guidance system to lead you to that gift and ultimately align you with your life’s purpose.

1. The Most Painful Experiences We Go Through Are Our Greatest Teachers [27:15] – Rejection is a gift that saves us from what is not meant for us. The people who have hurt me the most on my journey were my greatest spiritual teachers – even though I didn’t know it at the time. It can take years of growth, processing, and reflection to realize this from a new perspective and to reach a point of giving forgiveness for the pain you have experienced so that you can find the lesson with it. If you have people in your life that don’t make you feel good or that don’t life you up, think about letting them go – there are people that need you.

1) “We all are here for a reason. The meaning of life is to find yours and live that purpose.” - Suzanne B. O’Brien RN

2. “Right now, we, as a world for the most part, are suffering from spiritual bankruptcy.” – Suzanne B. O’Brien RN

Resources: – Get the Death Doula Guide Here

Rate & Review the Podcast: Please take a minute to review this Podcast and leave a comment! xoxoxo Suzanne

Hypnotherapist, Certified Death Doula and Author Roger Moore joins me on this episode…

Roger joins me on the podcast to teach you, how to create a future greater than your past. 

In this episode, Roger beautifully explains how everyone can powerfully and simply shift how you think to heal past wounds and let go of pain, guilt, and anger.

Imagine being able to have your future be ANYTHING you want it to be.

So go ahead and dive into this inspiring interview with Roger Moore. You’ll walk away from our conversation with:

• Understanding how death education and awareness is our greatest teacher about how to live.

• How forgiveness is the path to freedom.

• Techniques to help free you from anxiety and live in the present moment.

Here’s to the greatest expression of yourself showing up every day!

Here’s a glance at this episode…

Big Ideas

The Impact that Hypnosis and our Thoughts have on Illness [6:00]

People don’t come to Roger at the end of life looking for a cure to their disease or illness, they come to him looking for a way to navigate their way through it and live better with it. Much of the work he does relates to stress reduction techniques and mindfulness techniques – focusing on hope and making the most of every moment they have left. This simple yet effective approach leads to amazing mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical healing in his patients.

Denial [8:15]

Many times, people at the end of life feel like it’s not okay to discuss their illness with family and friends. When we deny this conversation and the ability to have clarity on life’s journey, resolve issues, give, and receive forgiveness, or even just say goodbye, I love you, and thank you to people – it does a great disservice to everyone involved. Forgiveness of self is one of the biggest things for a person at end of life.

The Universal Language of Death [11:40]

People from all different cultures and backgrounds say the same or very similar things at the end of life. We’re all connected in our humanity and there is no judgment when facing death. When people who are close to death are saying the same things whether they are in Zimbabwe, Thailand, or a mansion in New York – we are fools if we don’t pay attention to that. Death is our greatest teacher about life. Universal laws and truths are very basic: presence, gratitude, compassion, kindness. Personal growth is painful, especially at the end of life. Our spiritual awareness is cultivated by how we choose to affirm or not affirm our life’s journey every single day.

Hypnosis [15:25]

We are always in a hypnotical trance. Hypnosis is learning how to take control of the trance that you’re in. It’s about being in the moment because despite anything else that’s going on – any illness, any world troubles – right now, in this moment, we are okay. It won’t stop the stressors from coming at us, but we can handle the stressors much better when we’re calm and relaxed. We’re overstimulated from every direction with anger and negativity in today’s world. Take charge of the energy you consume to have a more fulfilling life. You play offense and defense every day with your energy. Learn the techniques you can employ every day to calm your nervous system. We are the only ones in control of what we do and don’t let in. Recognize what you’re in control of – many things we are not in control of other than how we respond to them. Ask yourself if being scared, anxious, or living in fear is helpful to you. Ninety percent of what we worry about never comes to fruition. What can bring you joy in this moment? Try to live every day like it’s one lifetime. Set an intention in the morning of wanting to be present and wanting to be of service. One day will truly be the last day – don’t allow yourself to be able to say you didn’t do, say, or be, everything you wanted.

Becoming the Greatest Expression of You [24:33]

Create your future to be greater than your past. Remove your limiting beliefs, stop reading your old script, and start writing a new story. Learn from the wisdom of your past but make your next moment better than the past. Find joy in this moment and every moment. The most challenging things we’ve been through can also be our greatest gift. You have a choice to allow your trauma to define you or to release it and allow your life to be anything and everything you want it to be. Show up every day and be the best version of yourself. The goal is to gain rapport between our conscious and unconscious minds – to integrate all parts of ourselves and exist in harmony.

Memorable Quotes:

“At the end of life, time is never on our side.” – Suzanne B. O’Brien RN

“I always say when I’m working with people at end of life when they’ve had these energetic shifts of forgiveness – I say, ‘why didn’t this happen twenty or thirty years ago?’” – Suzanne B. O’Brien RN

Resource Links Mentioned in This Episode:

Becoming the Greatest Expression of You – Get the book

Get The Death Doula Guide:Here

Rate & Review the Podcast

Reviews for the podcast are greatly appreciated! They help us build awareness for the show, which in turn allows us to bring value to more listeners like you. Not only that, but they help us better understand what matters the most to you so that we can constantly improve. If you received value from this episode, it would mean the world if you could take a moment and leave your honest rating and review or share it with your friends!

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in this episode of ask a death doula, I will be talking about one of my favorite subjects the spiritual body of energy and death.

It has always amazed me from the time that I was a very young Hospice nurse the universal language of death, the common themes that would reoccur with my patience from all different cultural backgrounds and religious backgrounds. I would be seeing many of the same things and they would say many of the same things as they headed towards the end of life.

This universal language of death brought me great comfort, healing, an inspiration. I hope that it does the same for you.

We know that death is the number one fear in this world at this moment and I ask you this- does it need to be? Or can death be the greatest teacher that we have about learning how to truly live?

In this podcast I will talk to you about what I have seen at the end of life what my patients have said, and I hope that you too find great comfort healing and inspiration that is there for us all in this space.

In Love and Service,

Suzanne B. O’Brien RN

Mentioned in this episode: Elisabeth Kubler Ross Foundation EKR Education FALL 2021 SERIES: Death and Spirituality: On Life, Death, and Life after Death. 8-week course. Starts on October 21st. More Details: Click here: https://www.ekrfoundation.org/educati...

★ GET THE DEATH DOULA GUIDE ★ Your step by step guide to learn, launch and grow a successful Death Doula Business. Click Here:https://www.doulagivers.com/death-dou...

✉ JOIN MY FREE TRAINING AND MEMBERSHIP SITE ✉ This is a community-supported group hosted by Suzanne B. O'Brien RN, founder of the International Doulagivers Institute for training those who want to be professional End of Life Doulas, Doulagiver Practitioners and for anyone wanting more EOL education Join Here:https://www.facebook.com/groups/44916...

Jane Whitlock is the new Integrative Care Specialist/End of Life Doula at Providence Place Senior Living (Minneapolis, MN)

Jane will be working with the folks on hospice as well as other residents in need of her services. As an end of life doula, she specializes in talking with people about their fears, and hopes as they face their deaths. In addition, she will be offering integrative therapies such as essential oils, hand and foot massage and guided imagery to all. Previously, she was a middle school teacher, hospice volunteer, CNA, and death educator. Welcome to the team, Jane!

Jane Whitlock BIO:

I am a trained end-of-life doula through Doulagivers out of NYC with Suzanne O’Brien. I am also a trained CNA (certified nursing assistant).I provide practical guidance and support for individuals and families during the end-of-life process. My work nicely dovetails with the work of hospice.

I became an end of life doula after taking care of my husband who died after a 4 month illness with kidney cancer. I learned first hand how I could have benefited from having someone who had been down this path before, to guide me. My husband spent the last 2 weeks of his life at a hospice house. He was fully supported medically for his physical ailments, but we both felt anxious spiritually.

BJ Miller (check out his Ted talk if you don't know who he is) says, "We spend our entire lives avoiding thinking about death, when it finally comes into view, there's a thicket of panic, denial, or disbelief to cut through before people can focus, more mindfully, on the experience and begin to make decisions to improve their last days. " This is the work of an end of life doula. Someone with experience who could create space for him to talk about his fears freely, without trying to "fix" them. On the more practical side I as the caregiver, would have loved having someone prepare me for what to expect as the experience unfolded.

I read the pamphlet that hospice gives you "When death draws near" about 100 times but it didn't quiet the panic inside me. I wished for the gentle, reassurance from someone that we had prepared and that I could handle what was coming, and would have welcomed blessings and poems to enrich the experience. ​

Death has many gifts to offer us. The gift of living our best lives while we face dying. The gift of finding meaning in our lives. The gift of having the opportunity to tell loved ones: I'm sorry, I forgive you, thank you, and goodbye.

★ GET THE DEATH DOULA GUIDE ★

Your step by step guide to learn, launch and grow a successful Death Doula Business. Click Here: https://doulagivers.com/death-doula-g...

✉ JOIN MY FREE TRAINING AND MEMBERSHIP SITE ✉

This is a community-supported group hosted by Suzanne B. O'Brien RN, founder of the International Doulagivers Institute for training those who want to be professional End of Life Doulas, Doulagiver Practitioners and for anyone wanting more EOL education Join Here:https://www.facebook.com/groups/44916...