Ask Christopher West

How do I tell the difference between the experience of love and lust? Is there such a thing as "soul mates"? I've discerned that my girlfriend and I are not called to marriage. How do I have a healthy breakup?

Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute? Become a Patron!

Q1: People in Christian circles talk a lot about chastity but I feel like it all stays at the surface. I still don’t understand the real difference between love and lust at the experiential level! How can I know which I’m feeling?

Q2: Do you believe in the idea of “soul mates” or finding “the one”? What does the Church say? How does that work with free will?

Q3: I am realizing that I may need to breakup with my girlfriend as I’m discerning that we are not called to marry each other. We both truly love each other but I’m realizing we are going separate ways. Do you have any advice?

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recomended on this podcast, contact: [email protected]

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals.

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Do all good people go to heaven? How do I know God's will for my life? Why do Catholics pray to saints?

Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute? Become a Patron!

Q1: I understand that salvation comes through the Church but I cannot accept the idea that there are so many good people being damned because they are not a part of the body of Christ. How does this work with God’s mercy? Shouldn’t all good people go to heaven? Please explain if there’s theology I don’t understand.

Q2: I’m really struggling to discern God’s will for my life. Vocational decisions feel so complicated and there are so many conflicting desires and voices. . . I don’t know how to know the right path. I feel like there should be a simple answer but life is messy. How do you discern God’s will in your life?

Q3: Okay, so my question is about why Catholics pray to saints. It seems to me that this could be a violation of the first commandment: “I Am the Lord your God, you shall have no gods before Me.” Can you please explain why Catholics do this?

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recomended on this podcast, contact: [email protected]

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals.

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

What is the reason for confession if Jesus has already forgiven our sins? What misconceptions about St. Joseph would you like to see cleared up during this year? What is the relevance of Our Lady of Guadalupe to the modern world?

Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute? Become a Patron!

Q1: What is the benefit or reason of confessing sins to a priest when Jesus has already forgiven our sins “once and for all”?? Is this based in scripture? There must be something I’m missing. . .

Q2: Pope Francis just announced the Year of St. Joseph. What misconceptions about this amazing saint would you like to see cleared up during this year?

Q3: Hello Wests! Christopher, I’ve heard you speak about the mysteries of Our Lady of Guadalupe in talks but I am curious if you could give a recap of this miracle and it’s relevance to TOB and to our current world? Thanks!

Resources mentioned this week:

Theology of the Body I: Head & Heart Immersion Course (Online) January 18-29, 2021

[Theology of the Body I: Head and Heart Immersion (Winter Park, Florida) February 7-12, 2021

REDEMPTORIS CUSTOS - St. John Paul II

PATRIS CORDE - Pope Francis

Our Lady of Guadalupe: Mother of the Civilization of Love

If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recomended on this podcast, contact: [email protected]

Quotes on Joseph:

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals.

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

How did you know they were "the one"? What is a normal age to start dating? Why do Catholics place such an emphasis on Mary?

Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute? Become a Patron!

Q1: Hi there! I have a personal question for you. Can you each tell the story of how you knew each other was “the one”? You have a beautiful marriage and I love listening to your podcast!!

Q2: Hi Wendy and Christopher! In your opinion, what is a normal age to start dating? I am wondering because I think many people rush into relationships when they’re too immature to be discerning marriage but sometimes it is important to have learning experiences and allow feelings to be expressed, especially when you’re young. I don’t want to be set up for heartbreak but I also don’t want to live in fear! What are your thoughts on this?

Q3: Hello Christopher and Wendy. I was raised with a very negative view of Catholics, but your podcast has opened my mind. Can you explain to me, a Protestant, why Catholics place such an emphasis on Mary? Why do you pray to her and not just Jesus? - it seems very odd (and somewhat pagan).

Resources mentioned this week:

Theology of the Body I: Head & Heart Immersion Course (Online) January 18-29, 2021

[Theology of the Body I: Head and Heart Immersion (Winter Park, Florida) February 7-12, 2021

Fill These Hearts

Love is Patient but I'm Not

If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recomended on this podcast, contact: [email protected]

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals.

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Why do Catholics have images in church? Can you give a non-religious argument for waiting until marriage for sexual intimacy? How should I pray for my future spouse?

Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute? Become a Patron!

Q1: Hi Christopher and Wendy! Thank you so much for your work on the podcast. I’ve heard you talk about our bodies as icons of God’s love and you’ve also discussed terms like idolatry and iconoclasm. . . It seems Protestants tend to strip imagery from churches while some Catholics go above and beyond images. Could you give an overview of the proper understanding of sacred imagery in churches as it relates to Theology of the Body and a broader Catholic understanding?

Q2: Hello, I have a question about waiting for marriage. I’ve been blessed by TOB as it has given me a deep understanding of our dignity and why sexual acts communicate lifelong commitment and should be saved for marriage. I never had this growing up and it has changed my life! I am wondering though, could you give a non-religious explanation of this? Perhaps an appeal to natural law or reasoning that is accessible to secular people? I have many friends who are not receptive to the idea because of what our culture teaches and I want to share with them.

Q3: Hello! I am a young, single woman longing to be married and have children someday! I have been praying for a future spouse since I was little but am afraid I’m going about it all wrong. I want to be open to who God has for me without getting carried away in a fantasy. . . do you have any advice on how to pray for my future spouse and keep my desire open to the Lord and trusting in Him? I’d love to hear both of your thoughts.

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

TOB1 Online: January 18-29, 2021

At the Heart of the Gospel

Jesus and the Jewish Roots of Mary: Unveiling the Mother of the Messiah

Discerning Marriage Hosted by Elizabeth Busby

If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recomended on this podcast, contact: [email protected]

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals.

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Do you have any advice for coping with the idea of of friends having a baby outside of marriage? I want to show my love and fidelity to my wife and children but I keep falling into the sin of pornography use after struggling for 10 years. What do I do? Is the pleasure of the climax more in God's plan for men than for women?

Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute? Become a Patron!

Q1: I have Protestant friends who have been cohabitating during their engagement and recently announced they are pregnant. I have felt myself falling into the sin of judging them without kindness ever since. I hate feeling this judgement in myself, especially in reaction to the news of a new and Good life! Do you have any advice for coping with the idea of a new and good baby who is born outside of marriage?

Q2: I live in Scotland UK, I’ve been following your podcast for sometime now and I am always amazed at how gentle and respectful you are to each other. It is inspiring and something which is missing in my marriage. I have been addicted to pornography from my teens. The only time I realized the seriousness of my sin was when I met my wife and the desire God put on my heart to be a good husband and good father to my children. I wanted to stop but 10 years later and I still fall back into this sin. I want to love my wife the way God has called me to, to be the hero in her life. I feel the heavy burden to make her feel loved and I know I can’t make her feel loved while I am choosing other women or images. Where do I start?

Q3: Can you tell me why the pleasure of the climax seems more in God's plan for men than for women? It is necessary for procreation for men to have orgasm, but not for women. It is wonderful of men to be virtuous like JP2 said, and give pleasure to their wife, but why would God leave the pleasure of women to the virtue of men, and not vice versa?

Resources mentioned this week:

Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing

Matt Fradd's Program: Strive 21

If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recomended on this podcast, contact: [email protected]

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals.

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Can you talk about the quote from St. Augustine: "You have made us for yourself oh Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you"? I can't get it out of my head that pictures from pornography that my husband has looked at can arouse him more than I can. Why does lust feel so much more powerful than the desire to be in communion and make the gift of self? My 3-year-old is in a habit of self-stimulation – what should we say or do, in your opinion? Could you describe the role of "main intercessor" that you mentioned in a podcast?

Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute? Become a Patron!

Q1: Hello Christopher and Wendy, thank you so much for all the work that you two do with TOB and this podcast. It has brought me closer to God, just listening to you two talk about all these topics! I'm going to start reading TOB for Beginners this week, and I am pretty excited! In one of your podcasts Christopher had a quote from St. Augustine I believe, "You have made us for yourself oh Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you." That is a super awesome quote and made my heart happy! Where does that quote come from, so I can maybe look more into St. Augustine and his writings?

Q2: I have been hurt by pornography recently. Sometimes, when my husband and I want to be intimate, but are very tired, it is harder for him to get ready. I really understand all the physical factors that cause this, including age, and I respect it totally, but I can't get out of my head the thought that pictures from pornography that he looked at would be able to arouse him and I, despite my efforts, have great difficulty arousing him. I would like to heal this issue in my heart that leads to this hurtful certitude. Lust feels so much more powerful than the desire to be in communion and make the gift of self.

Q3: My 3-year-old is in a habit of self-stimulation. I understand this is not necessarily a moral issue at his age, but I did the same in childhood and have had to work through some negative effects because no one helped walk me through it when I was young. Then, when I was older, I was told that masturbation is completely normal, even expected. His pediatrician has told me to just tell him to do it in private. I want to know how to protect him, how to talk with him in an age-appropriate way about his body, and how to set him up for a beautiful understanding of the fullness of God's creation later on in life. My husband and I typically just gently redirect him by saying, "Your body is good! You need to respect your body." What should we say/do in your opinion?

Q4: Could you describe the role of "main intercessor" that you mentioned in a podcast? What does it mean and how to be a the main intercessor for our spouse?

Any help would be super great! I will keep you two in my prayers. Stay healthy and God bless!

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

Register for The Way of Beauty with Bill Donaghy, January 3 - 8, 2021

Register for Theology of the Body I: Head and Heart Immersion (Florida), February 7-12, 2021

Beyond the Birds and the Bees: Raising Sexually Whole and Holy Kids

If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recomended on this podcast, contact: [email protected]

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals.

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

What's a good strategy in the moment of temptation? Why did both Divine Mercy and Theology of the Body come into the world through Saint John Paul II? What is the secret of a good marriage? What's the biblical connection between sexual immorality and idolatry? If you could be the lead singer of any band, which would it be? What is one truth that God has been speaking to your heart recently that you would be excited to share with people? How is Theology of the Body particularly effective in communicating the heart of the kerygma? If you were to have any of Jesus's diciples at one of your courses, which one would you want it to be?

Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute? Become a Patron!

Jason Evert: What is your favorite ever story in the life of Saint John Paul II? What's a good strategy in the moment of temptation when you experience an attraction or a desire that you can't move forward on, whether that's a young person tempted on the internet, someone experiencing same-sex attraction, or even temptations within marriage?

Father Patrick Schultz: Why did both Divine Mercy and Theology of the Body come into the world, in many ways, through Saint John Paul II? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Sr. Helena Burns: What is the secret of a good marriage? What is the secret of your marriage?

Matt Fradd: Why is it – at least it seems to me as I read Scripture – that after people commit an act of idolatry it usually follows that they're having an orgy, or they're falling into sexual immorality? I have my theories. I'm sure yours are a lot more interesting and accurate so, what do you think?

Mike Mangione: If you could have any musician throughout history at one of your courses for the five-day course, just sitting there and taking it in – any musician – who would it be? If you could be the front man in a current band and it's not weird, it all makes sense in the world, and the music's the same but you're able to infuse TOB into the music to reach the masses, what band would that be? But it cannot be U2 or Springsteen and the E Street Band.

Stacy Mangione: What is one truth that God has been speaking to your heart recently that you would be excited to share with people?

Chris Stefanick: Your passion and mine is sharing the core Gospel message with people, and you do that primarily through Theology of the Body – what's the overlap? How is Theology of the Body particularly effective in communicating the heart of the kerygma?

Jeannie Gaffigan: If you were to have any of Jesus's disciples at one of your courses, which one would you want it to be?

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

Access the 2020 Theology of the Body Virtual Conference with a Premium Pass!

2020 TOB Congress

If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recomended on this podcast, contact: [email protected]

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals.

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Is expressing my love to my husband a way of expressing it to the Lord? Can medical benefits ever justify masturbation? How does Theology of the Body impact healthcare?

Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute? Become a Patron!

Q1: My husband and I have been married for 56 years. My question is that you often refer to your Heavenly Spouse and your earthly one. My husband and I regard our Golden Years as very precious and we are still extremely loving and caring towards each other and love being together, including romantically. We are aware we will not be married in Heaven and I am certainly aware that only the Lord can fulfill our innermost love relationship. Is expressing my love to my husband a way of expressing it to the Lord? How do you see this in your heart?

Q2: I’ve heard that masturbation can be a good thing for a man to do for medical reasons, like that it prevents prostate cancer or erectile dysfunction. What does the Church say about this?

Q3: Does the Theology of the Body give any advice specific to doctors on how to incorporate TOB into healthcare?

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

Theology of the Hospitalized Body

If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recomended on this podcast, contact: [email protected]

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals.

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Did Adam and Eve have sex before the fall? When I have crossed a boundary sexually, it is hard not to give up afterwards. I know this is a lie, but it feels like the truth. Even though I believe God forgives me, I still failed. Can you offer advice or resources to help? When a person passes away, we pray for his or her soul, but what about the body?

Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute? Become a Patron!

Q1: Did Adam and Eve have sex in Eden? If yes, why does the Bible say that Adam "knew" Eve only after the fall? And their love was fruitful after the fall, not before, in Eden (they did not have children in Eden). Thank you so much and God bless you.

Q2: I am new to TOB but have found what I have experienced of it so far to be very helpful. My question is related to a mindset and heart change when it comes to sexual sins. When I have crossed a boundary sexually, it is hard not to give up afterwards. My mind tells me that I have already failed, so it doesn't matter if I try to be pure in that area of failure in the future. It feels like there is no going back. I know this is a lie, but it feels like the truth. Even though I believe God forgives me, I still failed. Can you offer advice or resources to help?

Q3: Hi Wendy and Christopher, your podcast has blessed me over 1.5 years. I love it!

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

2020 TOB Congress

If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recomended on this podcast, contact: [email protected]

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals.

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.