It's 2026, and Dan and Stephanie start our podcast series this year on Atomic Habits. The month of January is all about NEW! Remember, Patreon is new! Part 2 of the discussion is on Patreon.
In Atomic Habits, James Clear reminds us that real change doesn’t come from dramatic overhauls but from small, consistent actions that add up over time. For neurodiverse marriages, this principle is especially powerful. Many couples feel stuck because change seems overwhelming or unpredictable. But Clear’s 1% rule—tiny improvements repeated daily—offers a realistic, hopeful path forward for both partners.

Clear also emphasizes identity formation, teaching that habits don’t just shape what we do; they shape who we believe we are. “Every action is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.” This aligns beautifully with the work Dan and Stephanie bring in from Dr. Jim Wilder, who teaches that identity is formed through relational attachment, joy, and repeated experiences of being our best self with others. When neurodiverse couples practice small relational habits—brief check-ins, shared cues, predictable routines—they aren’t only improving communication; they're also building trust. They are reinforcing a shared identity as a couple who grow, learns, and repair together.

Starting small is essential for neurodiverse relationships. A five-minute conversation, one shared calendar habit, a single expression of appreciation, or one consistent environmental cue (like a reminder note or visual schedule) can be far more effective than trying to overhaul everything at once. Slow, steady repetition makes habits dependable, which builds trust and safety—core needs for both neurodiverse and neurotypical partners.

The message is simple and deeply encouraging: meaningful change in a neurodiverse marriage doesn’t require perfection or intensity. It requires small, steady steps and a shared commitment to becoming the couple God is forming you to be—one daily habit at a time.