Babe Patrol

Ready for a mob wedding, busybodies? This week Ashley tells a listener-supplied gossip about a mob wedding, and Lauren takes us to the collective dream realm for a surrealistic story involving a pig out of a Hell portal (it's not scary, don't worry). They recorded right after eating a massive diner breakfast, and as such, are fairly loopy, so buckle up. They discuss the intricacies of the term "bon vivant," the "social rohypnol" quality of dimples, the tragedy of short tongues, and bad pickup lines. Ashley swipes on Lauren's Hinge Likes, and Lauren invents a new genre of man: The Stomp-Clap Lumineer. Tangents include imitation maple syrup, Bruce Springsteen, concert etiquette, and Taylor Swift's Eras Tour. As always, visual aids, supporting documents, & Top Secret files are on our IG feed. Tell us your small gossips or dating woes at [email protected], follow us on Instagram & TikTok @babepatrolpod, and on Patreon at patreon.com/babepatrolpod.

Production by Steph George of Stephania Audio: www.stephaniageorge.com

Steph joins the babes again this week to discuss the results of their Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator tests. Turns out Steph & Ashley are twinsies, and rare af. Also, it turns out that all of them--Steph, Lauren, and Ashley--were basically defense lawyers as children. They gossip about Ashley's landlords and make up a completely ridiculous story with absolutely baseless claims, and Lauren brings a memory of an absolute RAGEfest of a restaurant customer and her embarrassing Yelp review! They discuss men who brag about nonsense, peeing themselves at work, and a recurrence of DOLL EYES. Oh! And they love men with candles! Tangents include Maine's long tradition of yard cars, the perils of cruise ships (Steph: "We're shitting on the ship."), and we revisit vanity plates. As always, visual aids, supporting documents, & Top Secret files are on our IG feed. Tell us your small gossips or dating woes at [email protected], follow us on Instagram & TikTok @babepatrolpod, and on Patreon at patreon.com/babepatrolpod.

Production by Steph George of Stephania Audio: www.stephaniageorge.com

If there is one thing for sure, Steph George hates space. But thankfully, she loves us, and she loves a fair bit of eavesdropping. Today Steph joins Lauren & Ashley for Pizza Ennui Night and shares a killer train eavesdropping story, which includes a little internet sleuthing interlude, and an accidental dragging of JJill. Ashley dusts off her press credentials and brings us a little bicoastal symphony rivalry gossip. And Lauren spreads a rumor about Ron DeSantis's dating prowess. Dating woes include Lauren's dad's texting foibles, a revisit of the "hey what's up" opener, the oxford comma, and the word "slovenly." As always, visual aids, supporting documents, & Top Secret files are on our IG feed. Tell us your small gossips or dating woes at [email protected], follow us on Instagram & TikTok @babepatrolpod, and on Patreon at patreon.com/babepatrolpod.
Production by Steph George of Stephania Audio: www.stephaniageorge.com
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Lauren & Ashley have returned to snap sh!t on America's aristocrats this week. They drop some busybody gossip about a McMansion visit gone wacky, and Lauren takes us to the CraigsList Activity Partners section for nine innings. We try a little TikTok trend that is supposed to tell us the type of men we like (spoiler alert: gray sweatpants come up). We discuss the intricacies of egg salad vs chicken salad, striped socks, private jets, and Lauren contemplates the Kennedys. Tangents include the perfect trouser, the zoot suit, Limoncello Lacroix, rich people driving old beaters, Uncle Jesse, key parties, and the wind. As always, visual aids, supporting documents, & Top Secret files are on our IG feed. Tell us your small gossips or dating woes at [email protected], follow us on Instagram & TikTok @babepatrolpod, and on Patreon at patreon.com/babepatrolpod.

Lauren takes us on a hero's journey of perfume and gossips about a warhead, which leaves Ashley wondering a particularly seminal question: "what IS terminal c*m, anyway?" Ashley reads from her teen journal--a list of her teenage self's Perfect Man (spoiler alert, it's a shero's journey) and gossips about a shocking Instagram caption that blew the mind of a busybody. We talk about hot UPS men, the origin of Lauren's delectable man feature: big face, a man who lies about Jim Henson, and the particular joys of receiving a playlist. This week we lie down on our beds, pop on headphones, and dream of you. As always, visual aids, supporting documents, & Top Secret files are on our IG feed. Tell us your small gossips or dating woes at [email protected], follow us on Instagram & TikTok @babepatrolpod, and on Patreon at patreon.com/babepatrolpod.

Production by Steph George of Stephania Audio: www.stephaniageorge.com 

When is it too soon to ask if you're going to eat your pickle? This, and other questions for the ages come up in today's episode. Ashley & Lauren gossip about some wild busybody-supplied 23 & Me gossip, and Lauren introduces us to some truly verbose, loquacious, pleonastic, well....WORDY local copywriting. Ashley nearly weeps over the Chinese spy balloon, we discuss aerial phenomena and "spy shit", and we issue our FIRST (but likely not the last) public apology. Oh, and we squee over Alan Alda and his meet-cute with his beloved wife. Tangents include Ashley forgetting Justin Trudeau's name, the nature of language and existence, and whether your bare foot is squee-geeing around inside Vibram toe shoes. *shudder* As always, visual aids, supporting documents, & Top Secret files are on our IG feed. Tell us your small gossips or dating woes at [email protected], follow us on Instagram & TikTok @babepatrolpod, and on Patreon at patreon.com/babepatrolpod. 

On today's episode, we welcome the absolute delight: Rob Loucks! Rob is an artist, DJ, cloud enthusiast, and very bad hockey player. He's currently living in Boise, ID where he has been desperately trying to learn how to make incense from tree sap, and tame his anxiety. He gossips with us about the Idaho bumper sticker scene, a sexting situation that made Ashley gag, and a multi-decade MYSTERY NOTE that Lauren got while she and Rob were in art school together. Rob teaches us about Ravy Gravy, secret languages in the gay community, "The Grid", and the elite green flag man outfit. Lauren & Ashley wax rhapsodic about gay cowboys on the range until Rob brings them back to life, back to re-al-ity. And then we all complain about mountain biking. Enjoy!!! As always, visual aids, supporting documents, & Top Secret files are on our IG feed. Tell us your small gossips or dating woes at [email protected], follow us on Instagram & TikTok @babepatrolpod, and on Patreon at patreon.com/babepatrolpod.  

Production by Steph George of Stephania Audio: www.stephaniageorge.com

It's time to celebrate V-day busybodies, and no matter your relaysh status, we're here to heat your seats and take this party from romance dry to, in Ashley's words, Romance Wet™. In this special edition episode, we step outside our usual format and slip-slide through some Valentine's Day fun. Let us moisten your ear holes with tender moments involving love matches delivered via rudimentary hetero-centric computer programming with dot-matrix printer technology, the power of the almighty mixtape, and busybody-submitted love stories including two-stepping,  being set up by a dental hygenist, a lunch date auction gamble for the ages, a romance that took root in a place "like The Shining, but on an island", and a first kiss like a puckered butthole.

As always, visual aids, supporting documents, & Top Secret files are on our IG feed. Tell us your small gossips or dating woes at [email protected], follow us on Instagram & TikTok @babepatrolpod, and on Patreon at patreon.com/babepatrolpod and look for some extra-juicy members-only content coming to Patreon this Thursday 2/16. 

One time Lauren saw a guy in a pair of Pit Vipers and called them "a full facial windshield mirrored joe dirt situation." And that one time was in this episode! Today we're gossiping about an incident in a bagel shop and the ins and outs of bathroom door etiquette, and Lauren teaches Ashley about Chat GPT, who is a TOTAL BORE who DOESN'T GOSSIP. We discuss objects that look like sex toys but aren't, dinosaurs, hipsters, and cheating. Tangents include: our cool car accidents, our birthday twins, a couple of embarrassing bathroom stories we termed "Meet Poops," George Santos, and even more upsetting nonsense!! As always, visual aids, supporting documents, & Top Secret files are on our IG feed. Tell us your small gossips or dating woes at [email protected], follow us on Instagram & TikTok @babepatrolpod, and on Patreon at patreon.com/babepatrolpod.

We recorded this after 10pm, so buckle up, because it's loose, babyyyy. We gossip about Ashley's favorite weekend spot: The Laundromat, and Lauren talks about historically weird musical instrument, the Glass Armonica. We ask ourselves about emojis as punctuation and crypto as a red flag, and talk about an entire website a man built for dating, a local earthquake, and Ashley's competency kink. Tangents include family papers, podcasts we've been on, weird musical instruments, Squirrel Island, Freemasonry, and plenty more. As always, visual aids, supporting documents, & Top Secret files are on our IG feed. Tell us your small gossips or dating woes at [email protected], follow us on Instagram & TikTok @babepatrolpod, and on Patreon at patreon.com/babepatrolpod.