Be It Till You See It

Lesley invites you on her whirlwind journey of successes and learning experiences. In this episode, she shares her newfound love for the slowness of life, the gratification in helping others, and her proud moment of gracing the cover of ICONFIT magazine.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] .

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

• The joy of savoring a slower pace to rekindle creative thinking.
• Bianca’s experience of gaining confidence through client success.
• How to appreciate the value of observing without judging.
• Lesley and Brad’s exciting journey to being featured on the back cover of the ICONFIT magazine.

Episode References/Links:

• Mentions, Sonia, an eLevate and agency member
• Mentions, Bianca, an agency member
• Mentions, Rachel Piper, Mindy Westfall, Tammy Adrienne George, Christine Campbell, and Lori Watson
• ICONFIT Volume 6 - https://www.magcloud.com/browse/issue/2513938
• James Patrick episode - https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/be-it-till-you-see-it/james-patrick-reimagining-goals-setting-with-non-reactive-strategies-ep-208/

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.

Get your 15% discount for Toe Sox – use coupon code LESLEY15

Be It Till You See It Podcast Survey

Be in the know with all the workshops at OPC

Be a part of Lesley’s Pilates Mentorship

Resources

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube!
• Lesley Logan website
• Be It Till You See It Podcast
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube
• Profitable Pilates

Social Media

• Instagram
• Facebook
• LinkedIn

Episode Transcript:

 Lesley Logan 0:00  

It's Fuck Yeah Friday. 

Brad Crowell 0:00  

Fuck yeah. 

Lesley Logan 0:00  

Get ready for some wins.

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

Hello,Be It babe. Happy Friday, oh my gosh, I cannot believe how fast this month has gone. I'm like losing my mind, it's going so fast. It's actually been a whirlwind. So some of the wins, I'm gonna be sharing with you, with my personal self this week and next week and the week after, just like, I got a lot of wins to share. And I don't say that in a bragging way. And I say that I hope you like the usual listeners, you understand. I say that not, oh my goodness, it has been such a whirlwind. I've celebrated them in the moment. But I wanted to do a decompress and then do another celebration with you guys, because I want to kind of explain why they're such big wins. I think that also makes celebrating your wins really, really fun. Because I know for a lot of you celebrating a win before it's like the biggest thing the most perfect thing before it's over is really hard to do so and celebrating some wins. But I want to share with you some of these other wins we've had that have been shared and their big deal and like their big deal because of you guys. So anyways, here we go. First of all your wins, of course. So Sonia from Agency, and she's also my round two of Elevate, she said, FYF, if the sun is shining, I have the whole day off and going out with girlfriends tonight, business is ticking along, I'm not filling my gaps and enjoying some extra time out. Usually life feels like I'm constantly running from one thing to the next. And now I can feel like I'm slowing down and loving it. Rather than just continually working. It's helping me to also start thinking again, I totally let go of my business ideas through my day today. And I can feel my thoughts and ideas bubbling away. Again, another reminder that some self care, rest, whatever fills your cup is so beneficial. She also saw Harry Styles on Wednesday. And it felt so good to be out of routine and do something fun. It made me realize I can do different things that for fun and life doesn't have to be so rigid. Oh my goodness. Way to go, Sonia. So first of all, I just love this because I think a lot of us don't see enjoying the slowness as a win. And it is, that's one of the reasons I want to share this win with you, enjoying like a change of pace and celebrating that you get to enjoy not being so busy and that when there are gaps in the schedule, you don't have to fill them. So important. So, so important. And also that you can go to a concert on a Wednesday night. And of course why Harry sounds amazing. So thank you, Sonia, for sharing that with us. Bianca, she is in our Agency group. She has an update for us. She had a got a new client on a package for two times a week, another figure skater and she got another referral, another figure skater being sent her way. I've been working with an older male with diastasis recti for the past month, and as physiotherapist said his dr is closing up, I wasn't confident I could help them close it up. So this boosted my confidence and reaffirm the benefits of Pilates. I had a great session with a business financial advisor to ensure my corporation set up well and it was worth every penny, I got clarity on what I need legally and financially. So no more guessing, holy, frickin moly, these are huge wins, you got a new client, you got another referral. And you help support someone on something that you're like, I don't know, I've never done this before. But I think I can do it and you got support, and you got feedback, and you got to celebrate what you're doing. And I love you did the scary thing. So few people will actually go talk to a financial adviser, and actually make sure that they're doing things right from the beginning. Trust me, if you are running your own business. I know there's a lot you don't know. But there are some things you want to make sure you set up right from the start. So way to go. Bianca, thank you so much for sharing this with us. Okay, so my win my first one that I'm gonna share with you, that's a little bit past due. And it's only because I was like in the midst of it that I couldn't do an FYF at the time. So we did a summer camp, and I had this dream of doing summer camp with OPC. My company onlinepilatesclasses.com many, many years ago. In fact, we were about to turn five. And I wanted to do a summer camp. But I wanted to be with some other teachers at the time, I was the only teacher on the site. So I was like, Well, we'll just have to wait. And then we got the teachers on the site, but it changes hard. So we had to ride the change. And then we started doing this little workshops throughout the year to introduce more people to them. And I still ended the summer camp and we had some obstacles along the way this year that were meant planning summer camp earlier was not an option and that's not usually how we work. We like to plan things well in advance so I was a little concerned we wouldn't be able to do summer camp, we'd have to cancel and frickin didn't we breaking doNE it. And I just want to say shout out to Rachel Piper, Mindy Westfall, Tammy Adrienne George, Christine Campbell and Lori Watson. Y'all brought such incredible inspiration to the Pilates space for people of all Pilates levels. Your individual workouts and workshops Were just fabulous. I love them so much. I learned so much. I mean, I was just like, Oh, that's so creative. Oh, that's so fun. Oh, I totally get how that works. I just love it. I love that. I love that different experiences contagious different than And then we did a team workshop together on the teaser, and that was a blast. So we'll be doing another team workshop together this fall, not another camp. But summer camp was so much fun, we didn't have a single tech difficulty, the things that like didn't go right, were kind of out of our control, were able to fix them. Thank goodness, we have an amazing team. And so the win is just that, like, we didn't let the obstacle stop us from just giving it a try. It had been actually fine for us to have postponed it or just rescheduled it as like a winter camp. But we didn't, we actually totally 100% did it as a summer camp that we planned so that we could make mistakes so that we could learn from it so that we could take notes for the next time. And throughout the time. We're like, oh my god, this is amazing. Okay, I want to change this for next time. Okay, this is amazing. Okay, I want to change this. And I just want to say to you, there's a difference between judging and observing, alright, judging is like, Oh, we fucked up. We should have just done this anyways. No, you don't know what you don't know. Right? So like, we didn't know that having like a 430 class on a Saturday might not be the most amazing way to do that. And so now, we know we'll put that on an earlier time on Sunday, so that we end early on the day so that people in Europe aren't in bed when that's going on. And people on the East Coast aren't having dinner on a Saturday night. So like, lesson learned. It's so important, like you can observe and think through things. Without judging yourself or thinking that you did it wrong. We didn't do anything wrong, we did things to the best of our ability were dreaming things up. And the team was phenomenal. Just fabulous. So what you can't learn what you can't have is wins and lessons from thinking, you do have to take some action to get some clarity. And our summer camp is just proof of that taking that action and gain that clarity. And I'm just so excited and I have one more win to share with you and then I'll let you go on to celebrate your wins because you should do that. So if you're watching this on YouTube, I'm going to show this to you. This is a cover of a magazine. It's called ICONFIT. And it's their volume one of their spring 2023, no it's volume. Sorry, it's volume six, guys, spring 2023. Roman numerals. Not my thing. Anyways, if y'all remember, James Patrick, when he was on here, he talked about goals and how like he doesn't have a goal of like, how many magazine covers gonna get in here, but he has a goal of how many pitches he'll send out because that is what in his control. So I could never have a goal of being a cover model in a magazine. But I did make sure I put myself in the room to be considered for ICONFIT and ICONFIT this issue is all about teamwork. And I did a whole article with Brad and I two pages instead of magazine and we're on the back cover and it's so freakin cool. I'm so freakin stoked about it. I love it so much. And so you can get that ICONFIT magazine online. If you want the hardcopy, you want to see us on that back cover. It's cool as fuck. So what a win even though like really the win was just actually submitting ourselves and I'm sharing like why we are a team that is worth people learning from and you know the results of that win or that run back cover. So so so fun. Okay, now, go celebrate wins, go celebrate even the wins that are in the midst or even the wins were like, that wasn't exactly the way I wanted to go. You did the thing. You got started. That's a win. All right. Thank you so much for listening to this. Make sure you share this with a friend. Celebrate your FYF, tag me on instagram if you're doing it. We're also on threads and all the other places so tag us anywhere. Share your wins with us so we can be inspired and celebrate back with you and also you can get your friends to celebrate some wins and have an amazing day. 

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram.  I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. 

Brad Crowell 8:23  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Leslie Logan and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 8:23  

It is produced, edited by the Epic team at Disenyo. 

Brad Crowell 8:23  

Theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music, and our branding by designer and artist Gianfranco Cioffi. 

Lesley Logan 8:23  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals and Ximena Velazquez for our transcriptions. 

Brad Crowell 8:23  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all the content to our website. And finally to Meridith Crowell for keeping us all on point and on time.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Ready for a riveting chat with Lesley and Brad? They're unpacking an eye-opening discussion with the extraordinary Dr. Celeste Holbrook, exploring how sex and sexuality can touch various life dimensions. This engaging discourse will redefine your views on sex, spark your curiosity, and empower your intimate relationships through enhanced communication.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] .

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

• Why sex is rooted in feelings, not appearances.
• Why harm reduction action is a choice.
• The importance of not shaming someone or yourself for engaging in activities that promote harm reduction.
• How to reframe how we define sex.
• Master the art of communicating your emotional needs to your partner during sex.
• Explore how sex can be resilient and how you can maintain intimacy over time.
• Learn to channel your emotions into tangible actions.

Episode References/Links:

• National Love is Kind Day. If you're currently in an abusive relationship. There's help for you, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 / 1-800-799-7233
• Be It Pod Merch 
• West Coast Summer Tour Tickets
• Agency MINI 9
• Cambodia Retreat
• Waiting List for eLevate Program
• Celeste Holbrook Episode 85
• New York Times Article
• Aspen Ideas Festival

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.

Get your 15% discount for Toe Sox – use coupon code LESLEY15

Be It Till You See It Podcast Survey

Be in the know with all the workshops at OPC

Be a part of Lesley’s Pilates Mentorship

Resources

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube!
• Lesley Logan website
• Be It Till You See It Podcast
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube
• Profitable Pilates

Social Media

• Instagram
• Facebook
• LinkedIn

Episode Transcript:

Lesley Logan 0:01  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained 1000s of people around the world. And the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self doubt. My friends, action brings clarity. And it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guests will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice not a perfect. Let's get started.

Welcome back to the Be It Till You See It interview recap where my co host in life Brad and I are talking about the very redefining conversation I had with Dr. Celeste Holbrook in our last episode. If you haven't yet listened that one, feel free to pause this now and go back and listen that one and then come back into it as, y'all, she was even better than the first time she came on. I mean, I don't know this even better, but like, it just was a really great continuation of the conversation. I really love her. I loved I love that.

Brad Crowell 5:36  

It's also been 150 episodes, Holy crap.

Lesley Logan 5:40  

I didn't realize I thought it was like maybe too soon. And it's not at all, not at all. So we'll be talking about doctor Celeste and what she had to say. And I keep thinking about it even since we've interviewed her, which doesn't always happen with all of our guests. And I still love all the shows, but like, I keep thinking about one of the things that we talked about bringing up my takeaways, and I think she's onto something that she's do another TEDx. Anyways, today. Today is National love is kind day to day to celebrate those who escaped domestic violence or domestic abuse. We're celebrating freedom from such abusive relationships or situations. So celebrate freedom from toxic relationships. You deserve a healthy, supportive and fun relationship. If you're currently in an abusive relationship. There's help for you, help available, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 / 1-800-799-7233 I can't think of a better day to celebrate than this with Dr. Celeste being the episode recapping because 1,000% everything she talks about is to be with someone who's in a loving kind relationship. So yeah, amazing. Um, also, if you're watching on YouTube, check out Brad's shirt.

Brad Crowell 6:53  

Check it out, y'all.

Lesley Logan 6:54  

If you didn't know so if you're listening at home his shirt is a Be It pod shirt. That's actually, is that new?

Brad Crowell 7:04  

I don't know, it's been in my closet. I was like, Oh, this is appropriate. 

Lesley Logan 7:08  

It's actually really cute. What I like about the Be It Till You See It merch is that it's like actually, like just telling people to be it till they see it, it's you're walking around inspiring people all the time. But we have merch, y'all and a lot of people are always wondering where like the perfect is boring, which is all backwards.

Brad Crowell 7:22  

Yeah, for example.

Lesley Logan 7:25  

And so we actually have a boutique at lesleylogan.co. So just go to lesleylogan.co and click on the boutique at the top right corner and boom, you can get all the Be It pod merch, including the mugs that we have all of our guests get with their name on it. You could have the Be It pod mug, too.

Brad Crowell 7:40  

Yeah, Be It pod mug we got I think there's a there's like a water bottle. There's

Lesley Logan 7:45  

Oh yeah, there is my dad's like that has to be it till you see it water bottle. He's also currently borrowing the sexy barnacle waterbottle which is from March. It's very funny. And I love that he didn't even notice what that means. He's just like 71 and just friggin drinking water.

Brad Crowell 8:03  

This week, we just got back from the UK. Man, I am so excited that we had a chance to do this trip because I've never been to Scotland. And I've also never been to the northern part of England. So it was really cool to get the chance to hang out with some of our members up there. Have them come join us for workshops to hang out with Claire at her studio up in Leeds. And also really, to be able to spend time with your dad in Scotland.

Lesley Logan 8:34  

I know pretty cool. It's really cool that we get to do these things. Yeah, you know, it's just important to like, take advantage. He was always like when I'm turned 40 to 75 want to do it. We're like, why don't we just do it while you can run on a train by yourself and remember where you're at, like, let's do that. And so it's just like, I know that traveling is a lot. It's a lot of time and money and planning. And so I understand that people can't do that. But my goodness, I don't care if you just go two hours away, like take advantage of times like shared experiences. My bestie Sue Spinelli is one who taught me about shared experiences being like the thing that makes relationships stronger and deeper and grow. And so I fully support that. So we had a great time. It was super fun. And now we're here. We're in Las Vegas, and back home. I'm about to do the barrels weekend for my eLevate mentorship, and this is that means it's round twos last weekend.

Brad Crowell 9:30  

I know...(Lesley: that's so crazy) It went fast.

Lesley Logan 9:33  

I feel like I just did the last ticket for round one. That means that was a year ago. Whoa, whoa, no. Holy fucking cow. Oh, wow. So um, yeah, I mean, they're just I just love this program so much and just watching them grow. It's really amazing. The people who dedicate themselves to that so we're gonna have so much fun with the barrels next month, August which is like literally like three days from this. So we're live I'm gonna wrap up the barrels we can you guys browser have the car ready to go. And we're gonna get in the car and drive to Southern California. We're gonna kick off the OPC tour.

Brad Crowell 9:42  

Yeah. So in like a little over a week, we're gonna be hitting the road. And I'm sure you've seen us talking about this all over socials and all over the emails and all the things...(Lesley: we just don't want to miss out on it.) If you live on the West Coast, and you're wondering where you can meet up with us go to opc.me/tour opc.me/tour. And hopefully there's still some tickets available. You know, things are definitely like one room. I don't think we'll it'd be possible to sell it out we can have it's a 7000 square foot studio, so (...) 

There's also several to have like six spots. Right? Like that's it.

Most have 12

Lesley Logan 10:45  

I know (...)I think Fairfield almost sold out at this point.

Brad Crowell 10:49  

Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, come meet up with us. We're doing the full west coast. opc.me/tour 

Lesley Logan 10:55  

(...) on me. Oh, I'm fine.

Brad Crowell 11:00  

What was that? 

Lesley Logan 11:00  

I don't know. But you can go to opc.me/tour and join us. You know, we like to keep it real around here, guys.

Brad Crowell 11:12  

So upcoming after after August, what do we got?

Lesley Logan 11:15  

So probably is has its agency mini, it's our second time offering this year and we are working towards an offering it once a year. So you do not want to hesitate because you don't know if we do it once a year or next year, you won't know when that once year is going to be. So for a week of coaching on your business and really getting clarity on your business and next steps. You want to go to profitablepilates.com/mini that's profitablepilates.com/mini M I N I (...) Yeah, one of the people that joined us from that age 77, which was the fall one. So it's almost a year, she has her membership has grown five times. That's insane. Insane. Insane. And, yeah. And like, it's just like,

Brad Crowell 11:58  

Okay, August, I don't know if y'all can hear August in the background. He was like stretching. 

Lesley Logan 12:02  

Yeah, he was, yeah, he was cheering on our member that, but it's really amazing what our members are doing and how they support each other and the community that they create and it's so much abundance, it's just phenomenal. So go there because you want to get on the waitlist, people who are on the waitlist will get a month notice to sign up, which means like any day now, and then you can get into the group early to get extra time doing your homework and setting yourself up. So you don't want to miss that. And then we have Cambodia. And then we are working on some details for November. So you just got to hang tight. And then December is a winter tour. And you just gotta hang tight because only one tour at a time guys like yeah

Brad Crowell 12:39  

Like Cambodia is confirmed that's in October 8 through 15.

Lesley Logan 12:42  

Confirmed it's like sold out. But we can make a room for you. If you don't want to wait till next year. So you can go to lesleylogan.co/retreat If you want to come to Cambodia and just like really have the best time of your life. Just like so life changing. Here's the deal. We're we're trying to maximize the in person opportunities, because shared experiences is how relationships grow. Yeah, (...) how about that? Okay, before we get into Dr. Celeste, do we have an audience question, Brad?

Brad Crowell 13:08  

We do. I'm very excited to say. And the question was, hey, I've heard you talking about your eLevate program your mentorship program. When is the next round happening?

Lesley Logan 13:19  

Yeah, we've had a lot round two and three have been promoting like the things that they're learning. I got this question a couple of times. So I just thought would be great to answer it here. So there's a lot that goes into us planning, eLevate, because we definitely there's only so many weekends in the year. And I surveyed pass, I started wait around one. I was like, Hey, guys, what if I like run it during the week? And they're like, I would never been able to do it. It was during the week. And I was like, oh, okay, so we do need weekends? Yeah. And so the reality is, is that the team and I are actually planning the dates. Literally, as we record this, for next year, we are definitely doing a round 4, we are looking at if a round 5 is even possible. It really just depends. I like the group stuff 12 people, it's, you definitely need 12 because I want you to have it to small and intimate but also have plenty of opportunities to work with different bodies. Yeah, in case anyone's super busy. I was in a group that had like four people and like that's too small. So we want to have that not eLevate like my own personal experience. And like the if someone is sick, there's only two other people you can work with. So I definitely like to keep it on that 12 sweet spot. So we will probably open up applications in the next couple of weeks. And then once, applications are really simple guys will obscure you all these professionals like I won't get pegged. It's like, it's mostly to make sure that you understand what you're signing up for.

Brad Crowell 14:41  

And slash that you have like because we have a couple of requirements. 

Lesley Logan 14:44  

Yeah, we have a couple requirements. So and if you don't meet the requirements, I actually tell you how you can meet them so you can sign up for the next one. 

Brad Crowell 14:51  

So even if you don't if you're not sure if you meet them, you can apply anyway and still, you know chit chat with us and we'll figure it out. Absolutely no pressure. Absolutely. And it takes like what, five minutes? (...) Yeah, it's a couple of questions. And you know, there's a couple of fill in the blanks where, if you choose to write a novel, it'll be a 10 minute application. That's it, but you don't have to.

Lesley Logan 15:11  

You can write whatever you want. But it can be a lot of yeses and noes. But so you'll want to get on the waitlist for that, because we actually do not promote this publicly, right. So you want to go to lesleylogan.co/elevate, to get on the waitlist for that. And those on the waitlist will be the only people to find out about when the doors open to apply, we actually do have six people whose applications have been approved from previous rounds, so we'll be reaching out to them first, make sure that they're confirmed. And then, and then we'll also have the date set so that we can decide if we're doing around four and five or just a round four, we're also doing an eLevate alumni retreat next year. So excited about that, guys, this group is just it's really phenomenal. And the other day, people, I was teaching an alumni call. So the alumni sign up for a call me to 45 minute workout where they work themselves out in their own practice and a 45 minute q&a, holy frickin moly, these girls, they're like girls, they're women. But these women, some of the things that they were struggling with last year, they're not struggling with anymore. And that just goes to like, it's what is the power of like having a consistent practice and a curious practice. And that's what all of it really does. Try to help every person and body so it's not about memorization, it's about really understanding what your body needs. And that's how you can help your clients. So anyways, I'm just so excited that we do this. It's definitely like, like my passion project. Yeah, I love it.

Brad Crowell 16:41  

Totally. I love it. Awesome. Amazing. Well, yeah, get yourself on the waitlist eLevate. Sorry, lesleylogan.co/elevate.

Lesley Logan 16:48  

And if you have questions that you want us to answer, like, why is Brad wearing that white hat? Or what? What what are you guys reading this summer? Or how do you even sleep in a van with three dogs? Because we did have friends with the car going? You put all three dogs in this trough? And we're like, yeah, we do. We do. So you can ask us anything. That's the whole point of the question. So send it into the Be It pod and we will answer it for you here on the podcast. 

Brad Crowell 17:11  

Yeah. Amazing. 

// All right. Now let's talk about Dr. Celeste Holbrook as a leading voice in the field of human sexuality. Dr. Celeste Holbrook inspires individuals to embrace their unique sexual identities, engage in harm reduction practices, and experience a life of authentic pleasure and connection.

Lesley Logan 17:59  

Yeah, so I like bringing her in because I think sex and sexual experiences can actually keep us from showing up in a lot of areas in our life. And I really enjoy the way that she approaches the entire thing. It's got so much compassion, so much understanding, so much curiosity, and also an evolution to it like you can, like she's all about your, your whole experience evolving. And there's a lot of fucking communication and exploring within yourself. So one of the things that we talked about, she said, You don't have to love your body, but you don't have to hate it either. We're talking about the body positivity movement, and she was like, I'm onboard, and then she realized was still about the body. And she was like, it's the mind like the like, she's just like, what are we taught? Like, it just became still about the body, right? Like, and so that isn't helpful for as many people as like, if we really do focus on like, who we are actually, and our mind, and we talked about her daughters and how, like, someone called one of their daughters a pretty one. And she's like, Ah, she's actually really good at this. And she's really into reading and like, you know, like, just, I can only imagine being a parent who's like, trying to actually, like, keep things about who someone is, rather than what they look like, like how challenging it is. She's got twins. So

Brad Crowell 19:19  

Yeah, I mean, the whole conversation started because she works with people who often say, I don't want to have sex because I don't like the way that I look. Yeah, right. And the I thought that was really interesting or like, well, I prefer to keep the lights off or, you know, etc, etc. And I thought it was really intriguing that her argument is, well, first off, say sex is not about how you look. It's about how you feel when you're doing it. (...) How come we're, we get hung up on this how we look situation, which I think is a societal thing. 

Lesley Logan 20:06  

That's a societal thing. And also, I think it's like everything out there about what is sexy in and like all the visuals of what is sexy or sexual. Like I grew up with Victoria's Secret models as like that's sexy, my boobs are never going to look like those girls. I remember like looking at the bras and going, I just don't see how like mine are going to look like that. And so you start to like think, well, I can't be, I'm not sexy. So like, and I think you get really hung up on that. And it's true. I remember doc in Brene Brown's one of her books. There was a there was like a group thing that she was doing. And this guy was like really frustrated, because he just really wanted to enjoy sex with his partner. And he didn't have a partner at the time. But he just felt like he wasn't having a good experience that depart with any partner. And then this other girl, she kind of like, dismissed his feelings. In that moment. He was like sharing very, very vulnerable space about how he felt like, he just wanted to have sex with someone. And she had, she was so hung up about, like, how she looked that they weren't doing that. And this woman was like, Yeah, right. You don't feel that way. You we have to shave her legs, we can't have cellulite. She like she shared she like dumped all of her own insecurities on the sky. Right? And in the book, it says, do not understand we want to have sex with you. Like, it's not about that. And I'm just remember, like, (...) So fascinating. Like, so many people are so hung up on, like, I gotta have all these things. And like, some people are like, I just really want to have sex with the person I'm in a relationship with. And so I really enjoyed. I mean, I think that goes back to Dr. Celeslte Holbrook's first episode as well. So it's worth listening to...(Brad: episode 85) Yeah, then we also got into, Oh, we got into what she was calling harm reduction strategies or harm reduction actions, harm reduction. Like when people sometimes you judge people for the surgeries they get or adjustments that they make to their body. And then she likes like I put makeup on today, that's a harm reduction action, because like, I don't want to be attacked by people. So I put this makeup on. So I look, I feel like I look pretty enough to show up and do a real work and educate people on sex and like reduce the harm of attacks on myself.

Brad Crowell 22:32  

I felt it was interesting that she said it's a decision to do this, you know, even though she's kind of reframing it right, because we've got the societal expectation of, you gotta have your makeup and your lipstick, and your lashes and your nails and all the things done. And she said, Well, you know, I have a choice. Like, if I'm going to be on stage speaking to people, you know, it allows me to get that stuff out of the like, it allows it so there's no distraction for people if I'm not wearing it. So I chose to put on my eyelashes to do this presentation or whatever, but also harm reduction is also she talked about it being maybe a boob job. Or maybe it's the BBL where it's like, you know, you're you're getting your butt lifted. 

Lesley Logan 23:14  

Oh, Iwas wondering if you knew what that was. 

Brad Crowell 23:16  

I definitely had to look it up. I don't know what a Brazilian Butt Lift is. I didn't know that. But

Lesley Logan 23:23  

I know. I remember. Like, I like how she brought this up, though. Because it is a choice. And we all have different.

Brad Crowell 23:32  

I remember getting I remember judging a friend of mine for getting her lips filled. And I was like, What, you don't need to do that. 

Lesley Logan 23:40  

Yeah, and I still I still enjoy. I don't know if enjoy is the right word, I still am okay with like, asking somebody why they want to do something like that. Just because I don't think we all have to go, you're amazing. Go get your lips done. You're amazing. Go get this. I do think like as a friend, it's okay to say, Hey, do you think you need to do that?

Brad Crowell 23:58  

I mean, I wasn't in a place to say that. I was just like, I was actually like, definitely, I felt like I guess I had this preconception that anyone who's getting the work done, they don't like themselves. And so therefore, they're doing the work so that they can like themselves more. And I think that this conversation with Dr. Holbrook is the opposite of that. In fact, you can still love yourself and get that work done. And maybe, you know, it doesn't have to be this, like my perspective that I was putting on this is, oh, well, they must not like themselves. So therefore they're trying to like themselves more by doing this.

Lesley Logan 24:40  

Yeah, I understand that. So I definitely think I used especially prior to this I. There's because there's harm reductions that I do. Like I color my hair because I it's a choice. I really do like the way I look with this hair color. I've had it for 15 years. It's not changing. We're not stopping. I get my eyelashes done, because I actually don't want to do my makeup. And I know that putting on makeup does make it easier. It's less distracting for people to get your point across when you're on social media and you're doing things. And by the way, it does look better when the Melasma is a little bit covered up, it's less distracting, so I can get my point across. However, I do recall I do remember like saying similar thoughts like, Oh, God, why would they do that? They're so beautiful without that, right? Yeah, that's it, they, they, it doesn't even matter what like that. It is what they feel would reduce harm towards them. And if we could see it that way, then we could actually probably even more can't have even more kindness towards other people. Yeah, maybe let people would need less harm reduction actions, but also whether or not they get them. There's not it's actually not that there's something wrong with them for doing it. 

Brad Crowell 24:40  

Yeah, she specifically emphasized the importance of not shaming someone, or or yourself for engaging in activities that are that promote harm reduction. 

Lesley Logan 25:57  

And I don't think anyone listening to this is like actively going around going, I can't believe you got your lips done. But I do think

Brad Crowell 26:03  

I think it's just you might not ever be anything you would ever say. But you still think you know, I mean, me too. 

Lesley Logan 26:11  

But I feel like I sense this conversation because we had it a couple months ago, I have like, as I've seen people who've done different, like, harm reduction actions, or when I'm doing them, I'm much more conscious of that and going okay, it's just a habit. Do I need to do reduce harm in this moment? Or am I like, is it am I choosing to do this? And as long as I'm choosing to do it, I think it's absolutely fine if I'm doing it because I think other people expected of me. That's what I'm like, it actually doesn't fucking matter what I look like right now. Because I don't want to choose that right now. So I think that that's was also thank you, Celeste. Super enlightening for me, because I'm like, when I put lipstick on, I am choosing to do it or not. And so it's not like, Oh, I think people expect this of me as well. 

Brad Crowell 26:51  

Yeah. And I think it extends to the next step of like, actual personal safety. So harm reduction. But then there's also the personal safety. So it may be that weight loss or surgery is literally for a safety purpose. So yeah, you know, and we just don't know all the specifics.

Lesley Logan 27:10  

And so, you know, we can also give ourselves a ton of brain space back by not worrying about other people's harm reductions.

Brad Crowell 27:16  

Yeah, who fucking cares? You (Lesley: you do you babe! What did you love?) Yeah, so I really loved that she talked about basically, reframing how we think of what is exactly sex, right? Because sex will change as we age. Because our bodies change as we get older. And she said, you can have sex in different ways. Over there, you know, what, have you have a 50 year relationship? You know, is sex the same? When you first met as it is 50 years later, of course, not, that just sounds like laughable, right? But what is sex, you know, as you're with someone for over the long time? and, you know, so she talked about maybe actually having a discussion about how you like to feel. Again, it's not about how you look, it's about how you feel during sex and what sex feels like. And I thought, I know we talked about this on the first recap, in Episode 86, that like sitting down and saying, Hey, this is how I like to feel, you know, when we are having sex, but what I, I guess, a year later, or a year and a half later, like coming back around and listening to this a second time. She mentioned words like, I want to feel safe. I want to feel excited. I want it to be fun, or silly, or something like that. And I'd never really thought about, like, I don't know, all I thought is like, whatever you feel like what you see in the movies, sex is intense. It's this intense,

Lesley Logan 29:06  

Or it's romantic, right? Or sensual. Yeah. And you can want all of those things, but like, there are more, there's actually more words, there's more feelings,

Brad Crowell 29:17  

Right! And, you know, she said, Well, I want to feel more connected. And that one I thought was really interesting. Because, you know, it could be that it's very, you know, like, it's just like, something that you scheduled every Thursday at 4:30pm. And, you know, you get it out of the way and that's, you know, like(...) 

Lesley Logan 29:37  

Oh my god, one of my girlfriends in LA. I mean, she granted she was out they were older than us by a little bit but like she said, Lesley, you just do it twice a week. That's what happens when you've been married for 25 years. I mean, great. I think that's actually probably more than most people who've been married for that long, go you but like it's also (....)

Brad Crowell 30:01  

(...)

Lesley Logan 30:03  

(...)

Brad Crowell 30:03  

We'll get home from the gym, we're gonna take a shower, we're gonna have sex, and then we're gonna have hot dogs on the grill.

Lesley Logan 30:07  

Like, and also fine, but like, please have the conversation. I think we talked about like, once a quarter or like, a couple times a year about like, how often are you sharing how you want to feel? And then like, also, I think this goes into the Be It action items. So I'm gonna kind of go all just be quick on this. It's like, if you are like, I want to feel intense. And I'm like, I want to feel like relax. It's like, okay, so what other were what other words? Can we like? What else, there is a Venn diagram where that works out? So how do we do that?

Brad Crowell 30:42  

Yeah, well, and the connected thing I thought was interesting, because she said, Well, what if part of sex was actually having a conversation with each other prior to, you know, getting started.

Lesley Logan 30:53  

But, Brad, that would remain that they need more time?

Brad Crowell 30:57  

Which, you know, or, you know, especially as you age, you know, she's talking about, like, people who are older. What if sex is sitting on the patio holding each other's hands during the sunset? But what if it's not actually like, you know, penetration?

Lesley Logan 31:16  

I know, I think like, we forget that intimacy is so many different things. Yeah, it can even just be looking at each other's eyes. Yeah, you know, and also just being still with the other person and being present. So, hey, I mean, I really enjoy, you guys, if you're not following her on Instagram, I'm just gonna say you should do that. Her Wes Anderson, reel that she did during the whole thing. Like maybe she can laugh. She's funny. She's funny. Also, she recently posted like, girls, like the kids are in bed, my husband, I got all the toys out. And she's like, I look more like a Western like horsemen writer than I do someone about to have sex because she like, she's about to, like, go, like, get some horses. I just, I just really enjoy her approach to it, because she really talks about it like the weather. And I think like, I especially because she grew up in a purity culture. And we both grew up in a religious household, and we have a guest coming up who grew up in a religious household, and now is in the sexual world, it's like, we do really need to have sex be like the weather. Not like the sex is boring, like the weather, but like that talking about what your needs are is like saying like, Oh my God, it's 111 degrees today. Like it has to be more normalized, and a little less awkward, because it's the only way we can actually probably get more curious and get our needs met.

Brad Crowell 32:37  

Yeah. And I think just to sum this up with with what she mentioned about sexual resiliency, you know, so it's an interesting concept, you know, can sex be resilient? And I think that as we, with communication, if we can shift the definition of what sex means or is to us in your relationship, you know, in our relationship, then, you know, we can keep things sexy, keep things, you know, intimate over time. And it doesn't necessarily need to always be the Thursday at 430 meeting equal sex, maybe sex is more than that. 

Lesley Logan 33:20  

Well, and also, you can still have sex at 430 on Thursday, but just being present and being intentional about what that is, I keep thinking about, there's two things that came up. I hope the second one comes back to my mind, because it's already left. But the first one I've talked about with her before was like, it is this this article that was read on a New York Times like Sunday reads, it was an article in The New York Times about like sex over like 70 or 60, or something like that. And it was the most interesting thing, because, oh, the second thing about (...) good, so the most interesting thing, because it was about this idea of like, how the sex change when you're 90 and like some people need to do it on their side. And like, also maybe their first partner they were

Brad Crowell 34:03  

Sorry, can you say that one more time? How to what? Oh, so does.... how does sex change

Lesley Logan 34:06  

How does that change when you're, as you're older? Because especially like when you're older, if you have osteoporosis, or different things were like, maybe like somebody doesn't have the strength to be on top so like, all like they were talking about having sex on their side, because like it's easier on both parties to like, lay there on their side and like, get old. get old. Hey, everyone, strength train, do your pilates.

Brad Crowell 34:33  

Yeah pilates.

Lesley Logan 34:34  

If you would like just keep doing sex, the way you're doing it. You've got to have flexibility and strength all the way. So the second thing that came up is I remember, I don't know if I've talked about this before on the podcast, so forgive me, but I remember I was in physical therapy for my wrist. And I was always like, it was time where like, I just sit there and just let these probes like, do this little energy stuff on my arms. I'm just sitting there and I was trying not to listen to this conversation. But I of course, my ears perked up when she, my, my physical therapist was working with this woman. And the woman was like, Oh, I thought it was gonna work with your husband? And she said, Well, you are at the point in the physical therapy where I have to ask a question, and it just comes out better. If it's with me, how do you and your partner have sex? And the woman looked at her and she said, Well, you've been coming for six weeks, and you're still having the same pain in your lower back and your pelvis. And so I'm just wondering if you guys are always doing missionary? And she said, Yes. And she said, may suggest you explore other positions. Because until we can strengthen the muscles that support your pelvis, and your back, that position is actually just hitting everything that we're working on. And so I remember like going, huh, that's so interesting. And so I find like, sexual resilience is like that. It's like, if there's a position that you and your partner are usually doing, and you no longer can do it. Sexual resilience is also us saying, hey, yeah, I really love you. But that position is no longer working for my private parts right now. We need to move things around.

Brad Crowell 36:10  

Yeah, yeah. I mean, communication. //

// All right. Finally, let's talk about those Be It action items. What bold, executable, intrinsic or targeted action items can we take away from your convo with Dr. Celeste Holbrook?...(Lesley: you're going first) I'm doing it. She said, You know, she's actually working on this herself in her own life. And she said discipline, even when you don't feel motivated. And I think she specifically mentioned like, like getting her name out there with like, you know, submitting things for press and whatever. And it's just like the slog that she's got to go through but being disciplined enough to be consistent with that. You know, and she said, She's, because when you want she wants to be on TEDx. She wants to have likes,

Lesley Logan 37:21  

I hope she is also and Dr. Celeste, have you looked at Aspen Ideas? I think you need to be on that to. Aspen Ideas. Yes. Aspen Ideas. It's another like thought leading thinker thing and Eliza slashing. I was just on there. And I was like, What is this Aspen Ideas? And she said it's like a TEDx but something different? And I was like, Oh, we all should have. We can now have new goals.

Brad Crowell 37:43  

I love that. Aspen Ideas? It's a festival. Yeah. It's just happened. We just finished 

Lesley Logan 37:50  

Just finished. But then she could put her application in for next year.

Brad Crowell 37:52  

Yeah. Cool.

Lesley Logan 37:53  

I'm here making goals for Dr. Celeste.

Brad Crowell 37:56  

We got you covered. We will dream big for you. She said what I thought was interesting is she always kind of rejected this idea of discipline. Because discipline meant like being put in a box. And then like, these are the rules. You have to follow those rules and all this stuff. And she said actually, again, reframing discipline, because discipline is going to help me achieve my goals. And I thought, oh, that's that's actually really well said. What about you?

Lesley Logan 38:28  

Yeah, Okay, so we she was her Be It action item was like, emulating is embodiment. So this was very interesting. And she said that the feelings of insecurity and discomfort around our parents or our bodies is not out of the ordinary. During sex during sex. Yes. And so you're not alone if you feel that way. And, but it's important to become aware of what you want your sex life to feel like emotionally. And I think we again, we get hung up on, like, How do I look when I'm having sex and like and not be more concerned with, Like, what do I want out of this experience? Like, how do I want to feel what I want it to feel like? And so she says, translate this to emotions and behaviors. So she said, sit down. And we talked about this a moment ago, dream of this to have a sexual experience would feel and then come up with words. And you both write it down. And you both share it. Yeah. And I thought I really liked that she said, You both write it down. Because it's kind of like that game show with the married couples where it's like, who asked who on the first date? And you they both like raise their thing up and you realize that they both wrote chose the wrong answer, but they both have their right. It's like you write it down, so that you don't change. I liked it so you don't change how you what you wrote down based on what your partner said they wanted. You can each have what you want, and you can share it without being swayed in that moment. And then you can talk about how to organize it so you both get what you want. And I So really, she said, could you---

Brad Crowell 38:30  

Also you can figure out there's some overlap. 

Lesley Logan 40:03  

Yeah, I think so I feel like we all need a thesaurus and a book of emotions I, I'm like, I need more words.

Brad Crowell 40:11  

I really give you my words.

Lesley Logan 40:14  

But she said, you can discover shared desires for connection and for fun, and also recognize unique emotional preferences. And, you know, I think like, being in a relationship for a long time, and having that sexual resilience is like, giving with the person what they need, makes them feel more amazing. And then they can give you what you need. And the day you feel more amazing goes back to that book, getting the love you want. It's like instead of like, you, you love the person so much. You give them what they're asking for. They give you what you're asking for. And then everyone gets their needs met, instead of just demanding what you want and expecting the person to just read your mind. So I just was like, um, it's not working out for anybody. That's no fun. And so anyways, I just thought it was I thought I just wanted the whole I thought the whole episode was a Be It action item...(Brad: I feel like she's gonna be back.) Yeah, we have to have her back. We really do. I almost like want a panel of like, there was this other woman who she I heard on asteria. And she was talking about, it was really funny the way she was talking about her sex life. And she's like, Yeah, sometimes I take breaks and get a sandwich. And I'm like, most it's a whole day event for you. 

Brad Crowell 41:33  

Wow, get a sandwich?

Lesley Logan 41:36  

Like, can you have sex after eating? Like, I don't know.

Brad Crowell 41:41  

What kind of sandwich?

Lesley Logan 41:43  

I don't know. But then we heard like Shawn Hayes's partner like that one time want to bake a burrito. And I'm like, well, like, I guess everybody is stocking up on protein, you know, so. But anyways, I, I really enjoyed this, I'm gonna keep bringing it back. Because I just know that for women, this kind of conversation needs to happen more often. So becomes a little bit more natural. It just yeah, just talks about the girlfriend that we're going to see chip and nails. And she's like, Oh, that's like, probably like outside of my playing. And I was like, oh, it's actually really entertaining. And it's really a lot of fun and like, and I was like, Oh, wow, like maybe we're not showing that, like an experience like that doesn't have to be as sexual as it's promoted to be. It can also just be an enjoyable experience that kind of gets you your curiosity piqued about like, oh, what vignette and there did turn me on and like, you know, I just more more opportunities to be curious, because in the first episode she was on, she said, like everything we do in life we do by modeling. Our parent cooks, we learn how to cook, someone drives with watching window to drive. That doesn't happen in our life and around cuz the stuff that does happen...

Brad Crowell 42:51  

It's I would say it's very infrequent or if it...

Lesley Logan 42:54  

well, it's porn. 

Brad Crowell 42:56  

Well, what I meant was, it's, I think generationally speaking, it's highly unlikely that your parents actually modeled any sex in any way.

Lesley Logan 43:07  

 Yeah, they really hid it also, because I do think that there's like, weird lines that could be crossed. You know, but like, but so so then it's left up to porn to be the model for you, which like, these are movies, like, not many of those are saying, this is acting and this is a healthy relationship, this an actor and actress. And they communicated beforehand and agreed upon all the things like sign a paper. Yeah, so I, so I do, I do want to have her back and have more conversations like this. So we can like, truly get past our bodies, ladies, and really get more and what do we want? And it's not just what we want in our life and for our goals and for the money we want to make and the people want to be friends with. But also like, how do you want to feel in that sexual experience with the partner you're with? So yeah, anyways, I'm Lesley Logan. 

Brad Crowell 43:54  

And I'm Brad Crowell. 

Lesley Logan 43:54  

Thank you so much for joining us today. I really hope you had a good time listening this, I'm sure. I hope this wasn't like talking about sex with your parents. I really hope this was less awkward than that. And we want to know how you're using these tips. I challenge you to just share the episode. Yeah, I know that that might be uncomfortable for you. But also like, again, even if you just share it in a text message to a friend like, Hey, you were talking about with your partner. There's been something like, share this with them because they need to know they're not alone. And they need to know that there are options out there that do not require them to be somebody else. You can actually ask for what they want. So share this with a friend.

Brad Crowell 44:30  

If you really loved this episode, and you want us to bring Dr. Celeste Halbrook back, send us a DM

Lesley Logan 44:37  

And send us the questions you want us to ask her. Yeah, yeah, that's a great idea. Yeah, Be It Till You See It babe. 

Brad Crowell 44:37  

Bye for now.

Lesley Logan 44:37  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram.  I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network.  

Brad Crowell 44:37  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Leslie Logan and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 44:37  

It is produced, edited by the Epic team at Disenyo. 

Brad Crowell 44:37  

Theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music, and our branding by designer and artist Gianfranco Cioffi. 

Lesley Logan 44:37  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals and Ximena Velazquez for our transcriptions. 

Brad Crowell 44:37  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all the content to our website. And finally to Meridith Crowell for keeping us all on point and on time.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Unleash your authentic self in this thought-provoking episode that explores the transformative power of sexual expression. Lesley Logan with Dr. Celeste Holbrook guides you through candid conversations about overcoming shame, cultivating self-acceptance, and navigating the path towards a deeply fulfilling and liberated sex life.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] .

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

• How to embrace sensuality and body acceptance.
• How to become aware of what you want your sex life to feel like emotionally.
• How to have an experience that feels fully embodied, pleasurable, and present.
• Why Dr. Holbrook loves the idea of body neutrality.
• How to nurture sexual resiliency and redefine intimacy as you grow. 
• Sexual liberation and overcoming societal shame over sex. 

Episode References/Links:

• Follow Dr. Celeste Holbrook on Instagram
• Dr. Celeste Holbrook's Inspiring Your Worth Website
• Caged Lion by John Steel

Guest Bio:

Dr. Celeste Holbrook is a sex educator, speaker and a small town Texas horse girl who helps people achieve pleasurable, connective sex through mental and behavioral changes. She speaks to audiences of all ages, diffusing the sensitive topic of sex through direct language and a knack for making the awkward approachable. She has a Ph.D. in Health Education from Texas Woman's University and a virtual practice where she delivers sex education and coaching to couples and individuals. Celeste believes everyone deserves to define pleasure for themselves, inside and outside of their bedroom.

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.

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Resources

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube!
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Social Media

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Episode Transcript:

Lesley Logan

00:56

All right, Be It babe, I am so thrilled to have this guest back. So if you haven't listened to our first

episode,

you are going to want to check out the show notes and make sure you listen to that one next

or pause this one. Listen that one, come back to this one because Dr. Celeste Hallberg is back. And

just an amazing way I've been following her since we had her on

the show. And first of all, I just wanna

say, one of our top downloaded shows, so people are definitely interested in this topic. So I had to have

you back Dr. Celeste can you tell everyone who you are and what you do, just in case they don't know

yet.

Ce

leste Holbrook

01:31

Hi, Lesley. Well, thanks so much for having me back. My name is Celeste, I'm a sex educator, I help

people find pleasure in the areas of their bedroom and their life. And I'm excited to chat today and

extend our conversation from last

time.

Lesley Logan

01:46

Yeah, so me too. So Okay. Um, one of the things that I think we talked about kind of like, at the end of

our last episode, when we got off of the recording was like, just even bodies, like our bot, how we feel

about our bodies,

how we feel in our bodies, what even society makes us feel about our bodies can

have that it can affect us in having sex be in the bedroom, be in the world. And so I kind of wanted to

start off with that and kind of hear what your thoughts are, and how you

've kind of worked with people

in that way.

Celeste Holbrook

02:15

Yeah, for sure. And I think we both, you know, have this interesting perspective about body, you're

working so much helping people be within their body. And so I'm really excited to have

this

conversation in this dialogue, because I think it's so important. So as a sex educator, I'm working with

-

2

-

Transcribed by

https://otter.ai

people one on one, I'm working with couples, and something that comes up so so often is, I don't feel

comfortable in my body, or I don't feel comf

ortable getting naked, or I don't want to have sex with the

lights on, it's a really common one. Or if I just, you know, fill in the blank, then sex would be better. And

so that's probably where I want to start is that in terms of, in terms of sex, the way

that your body looks

is such a tiny, tiny, tiny part of your sensual experience. So we think of sensuality as the use of your

senses. You're talking about the way your partner tastes and the way your skin feels, and the way your

clitoris feels, and what y

ou're hearing the the noise of your partner breathing. And so you're having this

beautiful big sensory experience that has, and your vision or your partner's vision is such a small part of

that experience, right? And it's so clouded by culture and society

and what we deem as appropriately

sexy. And so you can have the most beautiful, orgasmic erotic, wild, lovely sexual experience in

whatever body that you have. It's like it's not required to look a certain way in order to have great sex.

Lesley Logan

03:

56

Okay, love everything I'm like, like, that's just like, please like rewind, save that. Because I don't think

people even think about that way, the way you just, like laid out what our sexual experience can be has

very little to do with how we look becau

se it's that's not even where we're feeling. And it's so funny

because like, it sounds so simple. And yet that none of us are thinking about that like you said, we're

like, oh, if I if I look a different way, or if I lose some weight, or if like all these

different pressures we put

on ourselves as if that's what's going to make the sex better. But that's not it at all. What you just said is

like not at all.

Celeste Holbrook

04:35

And to be fair, you you might feel better if you put on a piece of laundry t

hat you feel really great in,

right. But I think as we're going to dig in today, that's more about actually feeling safe in your body than

it is about looking a certain way. And maybe we just don't right in here, so I haven't yet...(Lesley: Yeah,

yeah, yea

h. Let's go there.) Okay, so I have this theory. about the way that we interact with our own

bodies. And I have been calling it the harm reduction theory. I don't know if that's a great use of that

term. But basically, I feel like the things that we do, I'

m gonna say as women, but this applies for

anybody. But women have more pressure from society to appear a certain way, right? The things that

we do to manipulate our appearance, we do them to help reduce the negative messaging that actually

gets through. S

o think about it like armor. And that's why I call it the harm reduction approach. So my

eyelashes that I put on, my nails or whatever it is that you're doing makeup, boob job, it doesn't matter,

whatever it is that you're doing to alter your appearance, i

s in an effort to feel safe from the negative

messages we continue to get, right? So putting on eyelashes, putting on makeup is kind of the price I

pay to be heard. Sometimes, like, I want people to pay attention to me. So I'm going to look like they

want

me to look a lot of the times. And so I think that helps give us some compassion. Both directions

like compassion for the woman who has a BBL, right, we want to like sometimes tear her down

compassion for though woman who doesn't do anything. (...) So. So

it's a way to give compassion to all

ends of the spectrum, really, of how we interact with our own appearance in the world.

Lesley Logan

06:32

Yeah. Yeah, all that. And I, I, it's so, it's so true. You said feeling safe in our body. And one of the things

like that attracted me to doing Pilates was actually felt like I was in my body for the first time. Like, I was

like, Oh, I'm, what am I feeling I've never felt before. Oh, this is this is me being in my body. Right? So

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like, yeah, I can so relate to what

you're saying and understand it. Because I think so many people are

disassociated from their body from feeling things that when they don't feel safe inside it, because it's

not familiar to them. And then we are doing all these things. We think we do all t

hese things to be like

feel, to feel seen and feel heard. And all of that keeps you from actually just being feeling like all that

stuff, feeling safe. Unless you are consciously making the choice. I'm doing this because it makes me

feel a certain way. So

what are your steps for helping women? Or everyone listening, but like, How do

we start to feel safe, safe in our body? Like, like, is it, Do we need to like, touch ourselves more? Do we

need to like be with ourselves more? Like, what are those steps that

may be like, baby steps to like, the

next level?

Celeste Holbrook

07:45

Yeah, yeah, well, since we, since I am usually viewing the lens of sex, let's talk about it in terms of sex,

right. So, I think, the first step really, for feeling great in your own

sex life and safe in your own body is

to just to become aware of what you want your sex life to feel like emotionally, because then you can

start to build in. These are the behaviors that helped me feel the way I want to feel. So let's say you and

I are pa

rtners, and we do this activity together. So I sit down and I say okay, my dream sexual

experience would feel, I really get down to like, what do I want to experience emotionally when I'm with

you in a sexual experience? I want to feel erotic, wild, connec

ted and loved. Okay, so those are my

feelings. And then you write it down. I want to feel intimate and close and connected and safe, right?

And so then we look at both of our lists and say, like, Oh, we're both looking for connection. We're both

looking fo

r some fun. And I have some words over here that maybe you don't have, and you have some

words over here that I don't have. But at least we know what we're both kind of going for. Right? Yeah,

yeah. So we know emotionally what we want. And then you can sta

rt building behaviors. And so if the

behaviors I'm coming around to body in a second, so then the behaviors might be like, Okay, we both

want to feel connected in sex. What if we spend a little bit more time talking before sex? What if we had

more sex wher

e we are looking at each other instead of you're looking at the back of my neck or

something like that? And so then when you get down to the behaviors, then is where you start to say

like, Oh, I feel uncomfortable when you're looking at me straight on. Rig

ht? then then you can start to

understand or feel like, oh, that's this place where I feel a little something. Something's coming up, you

know, and I really don't love the word insecure because I think a lot of women aren't necessarily

insecure. I think th

ey are driven by culture to tell you like you don't look okay. Right? When deep down

I'm pretty secure. But everybody's telling me I shouldn't be because of the way that my body works, or

looks.

Lesley Logan

10:05

Right. Okay. Yes. So I love that you wor

k backwards. That's a great way to think about it. Like, it's like,

okay, where do we want? Where does it work? The end result is how we want to feel at this stage. And

then what are the behaviors that will get us there, and then seeing which behaviors fee

l good or feel

like I would like to run away from that right now. And then going inward on those things. And that can

be stuff we have to do around our bodies, or it could be other things we have to explore with our partner

or with ourselves. And so that i

s really interesting. And I also have never heard anyone talk about

insecure in that way. I think you're completely correct. And you should do a TEDx on this. Because we

are walking around thinking we're just insecure, when really, we actually know what we

want. But it's

the outside world, it's telling us that we're wrong. Yeah, yeah. Cuz Would you feel that way about your

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body if you were alone on a fucking Island? You would not. So it's not about you. It's about everybody

else. Oh, my goodness, how do we?

Where do we start with that? We'd like to start with our children

(...) we would start with ourselves, I think, yeah, you know, because actions are not caught on top. But

okay, so, so okay, we, we've gone through the steps of like, how we could figure out

where our work

needs to be. What have you found in working with couples and people on bodies that they have

enabled,l ike we've heard some steps or some tips or some tools that have helped them kind of get

around that? Because I do. I hate saying, okay, j

ust turn the lights off. Because that'd be a terrible like,

your partner wants to see you. I'm sure they are with you. So where are we? Is it that we've gotta work

with a therapist, like, is it outside of your scope? Like what do we, what do you do?

Celes

te Holbrook

11:55

Yeah, so some things that, let's start here. Most people feel a little weird on some level on some things

in sex, like, oh, like, my, the way that I feel right now is not right, or whatever. So this is not, you know, if

you're listening,

I don't want you to feel like you're out of the ordinary. If you feel, you know, this feelings

of insecurity or discomfort around your appearance or your body in sex, that's most people. You're not

alone. Right? And so I think the next step for once you h

ave identified the behaviors that you want to

engage in that help you feel what you want to feel, then is where you do the work where you are so

beautiful at emulating is embodiment is really, okay, when we're in this behavior that we both agree on

brings

us connection. How do I continue to get back into my body because a lot of times insects, we will

spectator, which is where we look, we feel like we're watching the event, instead of being inside the

event or like, Oh, should I be louder? Should I be softe

r? Should I, you know, pull my sheets up over

my butt or whatever. And so, noticing that, oh, you know what, I'm not in my body right now. I'm going

to come back into my body. What does my clitoris feel like? What do my boobs feel like? What is the

feeling

of my partner's hand on my butt? Like getting back into your actual body using your senses, and

we call that anchoring. And Pilates and yoga and all kinds of different movement activities are really

helpful for a lot of people in that practice. Okay, retu

rn, return, return back into my body, so that I can

have an experience with you that feels fully embodied, and pleasurable and present. So the process of

anchoring is the answer that question I think.

Lesley Logan

13:53

Yeah, yeah. And also like, Thanks

for bringing up (...) shout out to Pilates. Because I always say like

how we do one thing is to do everything. So if you're distracted in your movement practice, you're

gonna be distracted while you're driving, be distracted while you're having sex, like y

our need to strap

like, like, we have to have these moments. We practice how we want to feel and be so that we can

draw upon them when it's needed, like a strength and a muscle. I'm gonna totally sidetrack our

conversation. Just want you to know that Josep

h Pilates definitely created Pilates for sex. He actually,

that's awesome. He told there's a book called The Caged Lion. John Steele wrote it. And Joseph

Pilates took John on a walk and he's like, You need to have more sex. And John was like, thrown off by

this 80 year old man telling what do you need to do. And he said, all of the exercises I created are so

people can have better sex.

Celeste Holbrook

14:41

I love that. I really need to know more about this. I need all the information here.

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Lesley Logan

14:49

I think like, you know, I mean, not our society so harsh on our bodies and what we're supposed to look

like and even as a body positivity movement, unfortunately as women who are bigger bodies, if they do

go on a journey of weight loss for whatever

reason, personally, professionally, whatever that is, they're,

they're attacked for it. So on both spectrums, like you said earlier, we cannot win, you cannot, it doesn't

really matter, someone's going to hate on you from any side. And so, you know, what

have you found?

You have your daughters, you work with a lot of women, what have you found to help women who

maybe have not realized that they're not insecure that they just that they just haven't owned what they

know about themselves how they want to feel

?

Celeste Holbrook

15:31

Yeah, you know, I really love, I was on board for body positivity until I realized it was still about the

body. And so I, I love the idea of actually just neutrality, I don't have to love my body, but I don't have to

hate her. An

d so body neutrality is just like, Yeah, this is my body. And this is what how she functions is

that she doesn't function. And this is how we're going to work together to get through life. And

sometimes that does mean not shaming yourself for engaging in t

hose harm reduction activities of

maybe it is weight loss, right? Maybe it is surgery, right? Maybe it is something that helps you move

through the world in a safer way. And that's okay, like, we have to be okay with that for women to do

that. And continue

to march towards the idea that my body, I am more than my body, right? I'm so

much more. And so, you know, it is interesting. I do have, as you say twin daughters who are 11. And

there are no two humans on Earth that are compared more than identical twin

girls. Oh, she's the blank

one. Oh, she's the blank one. And it's always around appearance versus boys that get a little bit more

like, Oh, he's the athletic one, or he's the smart one or whatever. Identical twin girls are compared more

than any other to h

umans on Earth, their bodies, right? People talk about their bodies all the time.

Lesley Logan

17:14

That has to be so hard to, like, observe.

Celeste Holbrook

17:17

Oh, I call it out now actually. So so much. You know, people want to say like, Oh, sh

e's the bigger one

or she's the taller one or she's the littler one or she's the whatever one she has a frog or she has short

hair. She has brown hair, like actually Zoey really loves art and Ella really loves theater. And you know,

I will like redirect th

e conversation so, so hard just to try and change the way that we automatically

make comments about women's bodies from the get go. To the point where I think I almost went too

far. My my, one of my daughters asked me the other day she she asked me like Mo

m, do you think that

I am pretty? Because I never ever say anything about their appearance, right? And I was like, Oh,

maybe I maybe I maybe I went too far.

Lesley Logan

18:05

The pendulum swung. Yeah, I mean, I guess like that. I first of all, I think

it's amazing that she even

came to you. So like, kudos to like you've obviously taught her a lot. But also like you're trying to protect

her so much from that and she's going to be there are both going to be inundated with it in all of life

outside of the

household. So it's kind of hard. That's a hard, hard thing to walk. But I have not thought

about that about like, just, it's okay to like, like, like it's almost like the word whelmed. It's okay to be

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whelmed about your body, you can just like it's like, i

t doesn't have to be this thing that I love or I hate I

can actually be very neutral about it. We can all be neutral about everybody's bodies. And then maybe

we'll see even some of those harm reduction things even reduced because people won't be needing to

seek certain ones out or more most of many out just for feeling seen.

Celeste Holbrook

18:58

Yeah, I love that you are getting where I'm trying to go. I feel like I'm like all over the place right now.

But like, that's where I would love, I would love u

s to do just as much harm reduction as we need in

order to continue to move forward in diversity of body and where we can see, and I think and I and I

would love to hear your view on this. I think we've done a lot in the last I would say five years. I thin

k

we've really like you're seeing so much more diversity online and you're seeing all these different

bodies, right?

Lesley Logan

19:30

Every mailer I get I like will look at I'm like, Oh, they kept her stretch marks and oh, they have this and

and so lik

e, I noticed that in a way that like excites me because it becomes more makeups it becomes

more than norm like you're just seeing that. I'll actually so where I started. So I grew up in a household

where my grandmother was over 300 pounds you lose 100 gain

100. Thin Finn was like the best thing

she was so sad was taken off the market. So I've definitely like I was in a diet culture household. I just

thought you were on die. it Are you off the diet, but like

Celeste Holbrook

20:03

There's only two choices

Lesley Logan

20:04

Yeah, that's it, you don't just like enjoy your food that you're eating. Shout out to like the snack wells.

Right? So we'll be at three different types of milk (...) Skim milk, 2%, home. Yeah, my brother had to

gain weight, I should be

losing weight, like the whole thing. That's not my parents fault. I was doing a

modeling thing. So anyway, I do get you're going with this. And I, the reason those I noticed those

things in a positive way is because when I was a first Pilates instructor,

this woman came into the

studio, and I was running the studio, and she went to the teacher, and the teacher was like, okay, so

what are your goals? Like, what, what? Why are you seeking out Pilates, which is like a typical thing,

you'd ask people for any r

eason they're trying to hire you, right? And the girl goes, well, I want to look

like her. And she puts an ad of a woman in lingerie in front of us. And, you know, the teacher was like,

well, you're very beautiful. I don't like why do we need to look like

her. She's like, because that's me.

She like this is I'm the model. And they have airbrushed her. So she's the model for this line. And they

airbrush her. So everything that's put out is not her real body that we're looking at right now. So like she

had a

baby, and she's trying to get back to who she was no, like, she's trying to be something that does

not exist in physical form. And I remember going, Holy fuck, what are we all doing here? Like, what are

we doing here? How am I contributing to this? I did n

ot have the tools at the time. But like, I've definitely

in the last five years have seen like, how there are tools out there that we can no matter what size

business you have, like tap into, and also just being kind of like changing different words. But i

f that was

not the first model that I ever saw, do that another girl, I was at a pool event for a bunch of fitness

influencers. And she's like, Yeah, I'm just trying to look like this again, I'll just like like this. And I said, I

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don't really understand.

She's like, well, I use IU, she used her own app to remove her ribs to like, look

a certain way. And I really was just like, having such a hard time because I was also looking to all these

people who, because of what society was doing to them, or they're d

oing to themselves, that was

actually not reducing harm, it was actually causing more. And so I, I really liked the where you're going.

And I feel like we have come so far in five years, in the last five years, I think we have a lot more work

to do on peop

le, not judging people wherever they are on their journey in their own bodies. And that's,

that's where I get like really frustrated, cuz I get frustrated for the girls that that one of them works for us

in another capacity. And she's sharing her journey.

And she was trying to lose weight. She's trying to

have a baby, she's type one diabetic. And people were just either criticizing her for trying to be a

teacher or criticizing her for trying to lose weight. I was like, Oh my gosh, this poor girl, like it's

not our

place to decide what she wants to look like. So I really appreciate you bringing that up in this episode.

Because I think we can all think about how are we, first of all, forgiving ourselves for doing harm

reduction acts that we might be participat

ing in or want to. And then also, maybe being kinder, as you

said earlier to people who are. Yeah, yeah. And I think you hit the nail on the head is that we're all like,

we're all trying to feel better. We're all trying to like, move in this way towards so

mething that feels like

vitality for our own life. Right? And probably a year from now, I'll think back to this conversation. But I

would have said something different, right? Because I think about that on a year ago is podcast and I'm

on a journey too, bu

t I think that us as a whole. And maybe I'm talking about women as a whole moving

towards the idea that all our bodies are Okay. And yeah, you know, they're all welcome here. Yeah.

Yeah. It's funny, I was listening to another podcast, and it's a comedian.

And she, somebody criticized

how she like, did a 90 second thing on a holiday. And she said, You know, when you're a professional

speaker, and you like speak for living just (...) it's just a numbers game, you're going to say things like, I

should have sai

d that a little bit differently, or I should have been a little bit more clear or, or this or that.

She's like, soundbites or clips like or reels only have 90 seconds like you're reduced to hoping people

can read between the lines. And of course, somebody

somewhere is going to take something

especially anything we say even today or any episode I've ever had out of context. And hopefully it is

for conversation and not an accusation. I think there's a difference there like and I think also, you know,

being ki

nd to ourselves about the intent we had at the time we set it at and as we as we get older we

learn more, the more information, the more people you coach, I'm sure like, you'll even maybe it's not

harm reduction theory, it's a, you change the words, whatev

er. And I think like, that's part of, if we can't

even start to be kind to each other for being in process of figuring out the theories are working on.

That's even one maybe step towards being kind to each other about how we look.

Celeste Holbrook

25:23

Yeah, well, I mean, for sure, for sure. And like I recently have been really working on being called in,

like, you know, being being called in for whatever some, you know, this probably happens to you too,

happens to everybody, somebody DM me the other day

, like, you know, what you said on this reel, or,

or what was a webinar I was doing about menopause was really harmful to me. And I felt like it was not

great. Not great suggestion. And I went and got some help from a different provider. And this is what

t

hey said, and this was really helpful. And I thought you should know. And I just wanted you to know

that this was, this was my experience with your content. I was like, All right, though. Okay. Like, I went

back and listened to her. And I was like, I could

see where she was coming from. Right? And so the,

what I have been working on is creating thickness around being called in so that I can be better. You

know, and sometimes people call you and you're like, meh, I don't, I don't know. But a lot of times the

re

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is a little bit of a grain of opportunity to learn in there. And so I think it goes both ways, calling in kindly

and also being too fragile about when it happens, you know?

Lesley Logan

26:44

I think that calling and kindly is like, is the thing

there, though. Like, I actually love that she cared

enough about you. Yeah. And the content that you're putting out there to share that what you

suggested, or what she heard, was not helpful. But here's what was. And I that kind of feedback is, it

does fee

l like a kick to the stomach. Sure. But also it's like, wow, had this person not told me (...) I may

not know that this I could reward I could rephrase this, or I could qualify this or, or, you know, whatever.

And I think so that's really cool because so f

ew people actually take the time to share that. Other

people will take no time at all to be kind and they will, and for that it's like hard, because it's like, there's

no, there's no actual back and forth, there's no way to actually lean into that and, and

engage in a

conversation. So I think it's like, Yes, I have had to as well. And sometimes like, you know, we've I've

looked at it, and I'm like, okay, can see what you're saying that is really not at all the intent of that. And

like, how can we keep going

forward without having that intent? Like, what do we do to change the

words, we need to change this thing? Like, and, and so I think, and then also who is saying it also

matters to me like, I'm like, this is, I might, have I always been creating this for

you, or are you actually

better suited like for this over here? And that's like, so, you know, it's hard to know. But it's like, it's

better to even like, evaluate and go, where does this feel? Where did I make like, what can I learn from

this? And, and th

en also, like, we're always learning I think it's really hard for, as people who are

speakers of a topic. Of course, we're considered experts. And so we are held to a higher standard, but

at the same time, like we're still human beings, there's still more

to learn. There's still types of situations

you may have not encountered yet in your expertise.

Celeste Holbrook

28:43

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And I think what you said earlier, about, like, what was my intent?

And what was the impact? like,

impact always, to me, means more than my intent, like, I didn't mean to,

you know, give this kind of what felt like hard advice about menopause. But the impact was that she felt

unseen and unheard. And so the impact was always more important than the inten

t for sure.

Lesley Logan

29:13

Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, I think it's also something to talk about with this topic is like, you know,

there's people who are, you know, in monogamous relationships, where their bodies are gonna change

as we get older, not

just menopause, but like, you know, we're gonna get older, both parties are gonna

get older unless you keep trading him for a younger model. (...) ladies, go ahead. The men have been

there for a long time, by all means. No judgment on that harm reduction,

if that works for you. But, what

are your suggest, like, I'm obviously, you mentioned, like having that conversation with your partner. It

feels like that conversation is going to change over time, maybe even constantly. Or maybe even in a

month, but also

like over the course of our of our relationship. How have you seen people approach

that as human? As we get older, our bodies are gonna change, like, how have you seen people

approach that?

Celeste Holbrook

30:12

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Yeah, well, I think it's if we can think

about it as a beautiful thing, meaning you're not having sex with

the same person for 40

-

50 years. You, I mean, it's the same person in your bedroom, but you are

totally new people. Because of your experiences, and because of what you've been through and w

hat

you're, what you're currently going through. And so in a way, it's kind of like it brings that novelty, which

we thrive off of insects, we want things to be novel all the time in sex. And so what I like to teach

couples is that your best bet for a long

term sexually pleasurable relationship is sexual resiliency. And

what I mean by that is the ability to look at your sex life and go, Okay, where can we pivot? Where can

we do something different? Okay, you're having trouble with erectile, you're having er

ectile issues,

right? Where can we pivot to where we still experience some really beautiful pleasure and connection,

but maybe an erection isn't always required? Right? So how do we define sex more broadly? If we

define sex based on what we want to feel in

stead of what we do, right? then sex becomes like very

open. And maybe sex when we first got together was penis and vagina you know, so heteronormative,

right? But maybe as we age sex is both laying down and touching each other. Or maybe sex as we age

is y

ou giving me some looks across the table from waffles when we're 70. You know, and I feel all of

those fun, beautiful things again. I used to go and teach courses for the early onset on Alzheimer's unit,

where you have a partner without Alzheimer's and a p

artner who has just been diagnosed, and we're

going to talk about, okay, as the disease progresses, how do you still connect intimately when possibly

some consent is going to come off the table eventually? Because consent is not there anymore, offered

anym

ore, right? What's your sex gonna look like? Is it, you know, holding hands on the porch while you

watch the sunrise? Is that you're going to be your sex eventually. Right? And so being able to redefine

it over time is the key to sexual resiliency.

Lesley

Logan

32:42

Yeah. It's almost like you have to like put through like, every year you're checking your insurance things

every year, you're checking, you're making sure you've updated all these things. Maybe you're like,

Hey, where's our consent on? Yeah,

exactly. You know? Yeah. I don't know if we talked about this on

the last episode, we might have. So forgive me, everyone. But when you talked about the Alzheimer's

thing, this is there was a New York Times article on elderly sexually active adults. And ho

w much

criticism there was a judge who, whose husband has Alzheimer's and like, he had a partner in the

hospital that he was with, and she was like, so like, there was a there was a picture of someone where

she was this judge was famous judge in the Suprem

e Court was sitting with her husband, who has

Alzheimer's, who was also sitting with his partner from the hospital. And people are like, how could she

do that? It's like, everything is on her. Like, she's just being like, rude. But it's like, her husband h

as

Alzheimer's. He's in a hospital. And we're judging that these two people who are like on a different road

in their brain than the rest of us are having some sort of consensual relationship.

Celeste Holbrook

33:54

Non monogamous. Yeah.

Lesley Logan

3

3:55

Yeah. And so I just felt so bad for her, but the whole article kind of went into, like, where we, as adults

have, have, like, adult children have got to let their parents sexual behaviors be what they want them to

be. And it's not our choice.

-

10

-

Transcribed by

https://otter.ai

Celeste Holbrook

34:13

Yes. Yeah. You can't regulate that. Yeah.

Lesley Logan

34:16

Yeah. They try to regulate you, but you don't get to do it.

Celeste Holbrook

34:20

You don't get to do it. You don't get to do it. And it's part of like, if you think

about, you know, part of

thriving for a parent might be their sexuality and their ability to feel pleasure in that way. And, you

know? how if we can just move past the the puritanical shame around sex, and if we can just look at it

like, Oh, what a beautif

ul thing that they can still engage in that helps them feel human, right? Sex just

humanizes us. Pleasure just humanizes us and so if we can just move past our own stuff, you know,

then it's like, oh, yeah, that's actually a really beautiful thing.

Lesley Logan

35:00

Yeah, the movie pass the puritanical shame. I feel like that might be your other book...(Celeste: Yeah,

for sure.) I feel like it's a series.

Celeste Holbrook

35:13

I think you are totally right.

Lesley Logan

35:15

Oh my gosh, oh my

gosh, Dr. Celeste, I just adore our conversations. I love exploring this topic with

you, I know that it affects so many people. And so just being able to bring you into their world into their

ear so they can explore more with you. Because, you know, being

until we see it is really hard to do if

you're not feeling seen, and if you are not experiencing all parts of yourself. And it can be really difficult

to go out there in the world if like, you also don't feel super strong, and your sex life or how you fee

l in

your body and all that stuff. So this is just a really wonderful topic. This will not be the last time we had

you on the show, just because I fucking love you. Let's have at least an annual if not semi annual. I love

it. We'll do a whole series. That'

s my podcast, I can do what I want. You can do whatever you want.

Before I let you go, we're gonna take a brief break. And then we're gonna find out where people can

find you, follow you, work with you. And then you'll Be It action items. // All right, Dr

. Celeste. Where do

you like to hang out? What's your favorite social places? Which website? Where can people work with

you?

Celeste Holbrook

36:17

Well, I'm on Instagram at Dr. Celeste Holbrook. That's Dr. Celeste Holbrook, where we have a lot of

fun, a

nd we sling a lot of dildos. And you can find me on my website at Drcelesteholbrook.com Where

we can work together one on one, or I can work with you and your partner to create a sex life that feels

pleasurable for for both of you. And I just love to hear

from you. I love hearing what you got to say. I

can learn a little bit from you.

Lesley Logan

36:45

-

11

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Transcribed by

https://otter.ai

Yeah, so yeah, you have a deemer, if you aren't, I hope that you feel safe and secure to share what

you took away from this episode, because it would be

part of that taking away the shame of the topic.

Celeste Holbrook

37:17

I am trying to get on a TEDx stage to talk about pleasure. And so I am using the idea of discipline to do

and submit applications even when I don't want to like not waiting for moti

vation. So that would

probably be what I have to offer today is, discipline used to scare me, because I thought it took away

freedom. But in in reality, discipline has opened me up to lots of opportunities. So discipline, even when

you don't feel motivated

.

Lesley Logan

37:49

What a great reframe of that word. Right. You know?...(Dr. Celeste: I hated that word before) Yeah.

Well, because it sounds like you need to be disciplined. (...) But you're, you're actually taking this like, if

I'm disciplined on th

is thing that I want, even if I don't want to do it right now, it's gonna open up the

doors for the things I want. I love that. And you must let us know when you get a TEDx because we will

have we have to share it. We'll have to put it in the show and have

to have you back. We'll put it in the

FYFs. A new segment on on the Be It pod on Friday. That's Fuck Yeah Friday, so you must share a

win. So we'll have to share yours when that happens. Yeah. I love you. You're amazing. You're doing

such amazing work for

people everywhere and especially women. So thank you for being here,

everyone. Thank you for listening. You know, please, I'd love for you to share this publicly. It'd be

amazing. It'd be a step and a thing of you and look at me. I'm helping get rid of sh

ame around this topic.

However, at the very least, maybe text it to a friend. Let us, get us a review and let Dr. Celeste

Holbrook know what your takeaways were. I would love to hear them and until next time, Be It Till You

See It.

Ever been hit with a lightning bolt of insight? Learn how to harness those ‘Aha!’ moments as fuel to craft your ideal life. Join Lesley as she cheers on all kinds of victories, from listening to your instincts to making flexible scheduling changes. 

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] .

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

• The impact of trusting your gut instinct and teaching from the heart
• How freeing up your brain space makes you present in the moment to pursue activities you love.
• Understanding the importance of being intentional to build consistent communities and connections
• The role of “Aha!” moments in recognizing what actions to take toward positive change.

Episode References/Links:

• Mentions, Jennifer Thind, agency and eLevate member
• Mentions, Olivia Walton, an eLevate member
• Mentions, UK Claire, agency and eLevate member

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.

Get your 15% discount for Toe Sox – use coupon code LESLEY15

Be It Till You See It Podcast Survey

Be in the know with all the workshops at OPC

Be a part of Lesley’s Pilates Mentorship

Resources

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube!
• Lesley Logan website
• Be It Till You See It Podcast
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube
• Profitable Pilates

Social Media

• Instagram
• Facebook
• LinkedIn

Episode Transcript:

Lesley Logan 0:10  

It's Fuck Yeah Friday. 

Brad Crowell 0:10  

Fuck yeah. 

Get ready for some wins.

Lesley Logan 0:10  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

Oh my goodness, welcome back to the FYF episode. Be It babe, thank you so much for being here. I love the way to drop these little mini doses of inspiration. Good to hear, maybe a win of yours, good to hear a win of another listener who could be a friend or who might be a friend someday. I just hope that these let you up and if they do let me know, you know? Let us know in the reviews or let us know in a DM, however, you can also send us an email back, we love to hear how these episodes are affecting your life and how you celebrate yourself. Alright, so first, some listener wins and then mine. So, here we go. All right, Jennifer Thind, she is an Agency and eLevate member, so I get to see her in a couple places. FYF, I picked up a new client today who has scoliosis, and she bought a package. I was super nervous about, with my trusted instincts to teach the body in front of me. I also got a referral today which feels so good. So far the referrals are flying in, I'm starting to get really busy. Soon I'll need to invest in the scheduling app Lesley has. Feeling grateful and blessed. I love that so much. I love it so much. I think, like, any teacher who can trust their gut instinct when they're, when they're teaching and looking at the body in front of them instead of, like, what does my manual say? Oh my god, huge win. Huge. Oops, sorry. Okay, thank you so much Jennifer for sharing that with us. I'm so so happy to hear that and I also love that the referrals are coming in. That is a testament to the work that you're doing with the people that you have. That is amazing. And that's exactly what we always want for our people. So yay. Next FYF is from Olivia Walton. She is an eLevate round two. Her wid today is that I'm feeling so energized despite having a ton on my plate. My boss is on vacation so I'm helping run the studio and teaching her classes and so she can have a break. Still teaching my regular client hours and choreographing my first show for our mainstage theatre company. Which means five hours of rehearsal at night after teaching, eLevate has helped me free up so much brain space that used to be filled with worry perfection, lesson plans, and allowed me to take on more things that I love with less stress. Even though I'm working what feels like a million hours I'm having a blast teaching, choreographing and even doing admin and laundry for the studio. Just feeling super blessed for the peace of mind lately. Love you all. Olivia, oh my god, I love you. That makes me so happy. That is exactly what eLevate is for, it's to really help take off this pressure of perfection and planning and worry and allow you to be present in the moment. My goodness. My goodness. You know, they say anxiety comes from when we are living in the future and, like, planning sessions is living in the future. And so giving you the opportunity to be present with your clients is humongous. You can do these other things that you love. Thank you so much for sharing that with us. All right, loves, I got one more for you from UK Claire. She has been an Agency for several years now. And, as you know, she like had another massive win a few weeks ago that I shared with you and I want to share this other one. Because again, I think it's so important that we understand that wins come in all sizes. So you might have thought her cottage was this humongous win, which is such a huge one. But this is as huge as win, so, ready listen to this. UK Claire says, I've taught every Thursday night for 20 years with the exception of cover for a few weeks of holiday and my six month Matt leave I took with one of my three boys. Thursday was a cornerstone evening for me that I built my business on, tonight I'm celebrating the wid that I've gradually extracted myself hour by hour and it's my first Thursday night. This means I only work one night that's huge. So she is no longer working on Thursday nights. She's now only has to work one night a week. 20 years of teaching holy frickin Molly, Claire, thank you for sharing this with us. Again, it's just so like some, this is a humongous win for those who understand what it's like to like try to change the schedule to be more like you're like what you're desiring and also that the life that you're living requires. And it's important that we get to share this with everyone listening that when you make a schedule change, to reflect more about how you need to work with your life. That is a massive win. Maybe it's not like something like Facebook's gonna care about cuz it's not a new cottage, right? but it's a massive win in the life and it's a domino effect with the people around you. So thank you for sharing that with us so we could share with the group because I want to inspire more people to celebrate wins like this. So thank you. All right, loves, my win. So, my win this week is actually more of an epiphany. And I think we should celebrate epiphanies. So I have been hobby hunting. As you know, if you've listened this podcast for two years, I've been hobby hunting. And yes, I did enjoy rock climbing. And yes, I'm going to keep doing that, we're going to be intentional about that. At first, I was like waiting for us to have a time to be in town long enough to make the membership worth it. Because there's these commitments. Have you ever seen those memberships were like, well, if you sign up for this much, it's this price. And so Brad and I typically are like, well, we'll get that one because that's like a bet. It's a great deal. And then we'll just, you know, we'll go this much, and we'll use it. And the truth is, is that like, we don't have that capacity to enjoy that membership. And so we haven't actually gone to sign up for it, because we're going to be out of town. And I was like, No, I think we need more intentional and we just need to pick the membership that will work for us right now, even though it is getting more expensive, because that it's important for us to have this hobby. So that's one win, we are going to go get that membership, we're just gonna pay for one month at a time and use it on the months that we were actually here most of the month. And that's it. And, you know, it's not, it's not how I love to make a habit and a hobby, but it's actually the way that works for us today. And it's so important to own those opportunities, we can't be all or nothing in this life and think that it's going to be a wonderful thing and happy thing. Another epiphany I had is, you know, I have this lovely life that I'm so grateful for in Las Vegas, and I have amazing friends around the whole world. But I actually like I have several friends here in Vegas that I truly love to see and I hang out with and I see regularly. But I am searching for this like more consistent community that I had in LA (...) I know you're like violent LA community what? Yeah, actually, actually, if you build your life, the way you want it in LA, LA is a phenomenal place. And I love my entire time that I had there. Well, I'll say from 2013 to 2020, it was like my favorite seven years of the 14 I was in there. They're all great. But those just the community I had for those seven years was phenomenal. And I created that. And what I haven't been able to have is that similar, like can't wait to see you on a Tuesday morning kind of a thing. This, like I saw this person every single Tuesday. And that was kind of our thing together. And I saw these girls every single Wednesday. And I had this epiphany with Brad I was like I think what I am missing, I keep calling it hobby hunting, but what I am missing is these, like, I had these morning touchpoints with these women who really inspired me. And I don't know that it's going to be something I do here in Vegas, it might be these morning touchpoints that I do with friends on phone calls for a while, I'm gonna have to make it work for me, and I'm gonna have to explore that. But I don't have to actually know the answer right now. So when number three is I don't have to actually know the answer right now. But when the most important thing is I've had this epiphany of like, that's what I'm missing. That's what I'm missing in my life. And that's what I wanted to be more intentional about. And I am committed to spending the rest of this year trying to figure out how do I get that feeling of like, I know what day of the week it is, and have these female relationships, connections that are intentional, that I start my day with, that I can have on a regular basis. And so maybe that's having a regular phone call with the girlfriend, which when number four is that I had a touch point with one of my girlfriends who doesn't live here that we've, we used to talk once a week and then life got really busy. And we're like, you know what? let's just pick a day. And let's just be intentional about it. Because we both walk our dogs, let's just walk our dogs at the same time on the phone. And so, I think, you know? sometimes don't celebrate a win till it's completely done, till something's completely, it's actually completely completed, fully completed. But it's absolutely necessary that we celebrate the win in the moment of the aha, aha, that's, that's what I'm missing. And what can I do in this moment? What can I do right now to start to flick the first domino on that journey? And, so, proud of myself, did that. Super happy about that there's an episode coming out with Nicole eventual that it you'll see why it's like so important to take action in the day and the first day, because it's so easy to postpone these things. So I hope that you celebrate the aha moments in your life. I hope you celebrate the epiphanies. I hope you celebrate the idea. And not and you don't wait. Please don't wait until you have completed the whole thing. Can you imagine if artists only celebrated when the art was done? In fact, for most artists art is never done so then they would never ever celebrate. Like can you imagine that? That would be a terrible world to live in. So thank you so much for listening to the Be It pod. We could not do this podcast without listeners like you. We want to know what your wins are. Send him to the Be It pod and make sure that you let us know what your favorite guests were, what your takeaways were, how you are being it till you see it. It's our favorite thing to know these things. And until next time, Be It Till You See it. 

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram.  I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network.  

Brad Crowell 9:53  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Leslie Logan and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 9:53  

It is produced, edited by the Epic team at Disenyo. 

Brad Crowell 9:53  

Theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music, and our branding by designer and artist Gianfranco Cioffi. 

Lesley Logan 9:53  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals and Ximena Velazquez for our transcriptions. 

Brad Crowell 9:53  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all the content to our website. And finally to Meridith Crowell for keeping us all on point and on time.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Lesley and Brad are back to reflect on Jennifer Szpigiel’s rise to icon status in this episode, focusing on the power of sharing the full story, including the unseen struggles behind success. The duo underlines the importance of daring, audacious actions in setting the stage for future triumphs.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] .

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

• Why transparency is key to helping others from self-doubt and business worries.   
• Why maintaining success can be more challenging than obtaining it.
• Understand how to foster a company culture that consistently celebrates small victories. 
• Why personal rewards are essential to remember and appreciate small wins.
• How to demonstrate readiness to life and business through bold and audacious actions.

Episode References/Links:

• Join us at our West Coast Summer Pop Up Tour - Aug. 8-20, 2023
• Join us at Agency Mini - Sept. 10-16, 2023
• Join us at our Cambodia Retreat - Oct. 8-13, 2023
• FREE Ditching Busy Webinar
• Amy Ledin - Episode 5: "How to take fast action against limiting beliefs"

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.

Get your 15% discount for Toe Sox – use coupon code LESLEY15

Be It Till You See It Podcast Survey

Be in the know with all the workshops at OPC

Be a part of Lesley’s Pilates Mentorship

Resources

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube!
• Lesley Logan website
• Be It Till You See It Podcast
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube
• Profitable Pilates

Social Media

• Instagram
• Facebook
• LinkedIn

Episode Transcript:

Brad Crowell 0:00  

None of us are meant for everyone. But we all are meant for someone and some group of people because of who we are, how we communicate, the way we communicate, the vibes we put out, people will connect with you when they won't connect with me or Lesley, right? They will connect with you and you will be able to help them in their lives. And it's so easy for us to forget that. You know? We're not for everybody. But we absolutely are for some.

 eah we're going to switch that so I'm going to just update that here. 

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started. 

Lesley Logan 13:10  

Welcome back to the Be It Till You See It interview recap where my co host in life, Brad, and I we're gonna dig into the audacious convo I had with Jennifer Szpigiel in our last episode. If you haven't yet listened to that interview, you can feel free to pause this now.

Or you can slow, you can put Lesley on half speed for this episode.

Holy moly. What is wrong? I'm like, my knees and my teeth and my C's 

Brad Crowell 14:05  

Jennifer Szpigiel. So you had this epic convo with Jennifer Spiegel.

Lesley Logan 14:09  

She's badass. If you haven't yet listened to it, you should! Is this slow enough, Brad? You should pause this now. Yeah, and go back and listen to that.

Brad Crowell 14:20  

Yeah, now just put it on 1.25 It'll be good.

Lesley Logan 14:23  

Yeah, so I live in a 1.5 speed. And occasionally, I have guests that are at the same speed as me and then you're all fucking screwed. You're gonna have to slow it down (...) I can't talk slower when someone else's faster. So you know, anyway.

Brad Crowell 14:39  

Well, here's the deal, y'all... (Lesley: Today's Brad's birthday.) Today is my birthday...(Brad: You are 41= Holy cow. Are you kiddin me?...(Lesley: hot damn) it says in the script. Hot damn.

Lesley Logan 14:42  

It's also international chest day. And we are also in Scotland. With my dad

Brad Crowell 14:57  

Right now. At this exact moment. Yes. So probably driving down to Leeds.

Lesley Logan 15:02  

Congratulations, though, Brad, just because last week, well, two weeks from when people listen to this, we told someone your age and they didn't believe it...(Brad: That's true.) They thought you were a few years younger.

Brad Crowell 15:15  

Yeah. They said, they said early 30s, that works for me. Yeah. All right. Yeah. They thought it was early 50s.

Lesley Logan 15:27  

That is not true. Anyways, we're...

Brad Crowell 15:30  

41, can't believe it. It's international chest day. I had no idea. My entire life. July 20 is chess day and I am a fanatic about chess that y'all have never heard me talk about...(Brad: really not enough.) Yeah, you've never heard me talk about, but I played on the chess team in middle school and high school.

Lesley Logan 15:30  

When we watched the Queen's Gambit, you were very integral in helping me understand why this was at all important.

Brad Crowell 15:57  

Why the drama...(Lesley: there's so much drama like if there hadn't been dramatic) (...) there's so much drama about the move of the chess.

I was like, I don't get it. Anyways, happy chess day.

I've recently started watching these great YouTube chess clips where this girl is, she's working on becoming a grandmaster and her mom is and they sit down in the park in New York...(Lesley: Oh, you play, he keeps showing me) and her mom like woops these people's asses and they don't even see what's coming. And she looks like, you know, she just doesn't come across as this confident chess person and she's so smart. It's brilliant. Love it

It's just a side note. Can we just, like, if these morons are, it's 2023. And they are assuming a woman cannot slay them at chess. They deserve to be slayed.

I think it's this that they come out with this crazy bravado of like and it's part of the like, it's actually like a tactic. It's like people sitting at a poker table where they, you know, they're shit talking the whole time. And that's supposed to get under your skin. So these guys tried to do that. And her mom doesn't talk back at all. She hardly engages with them. She just plays the game. Destroys them. And then they don't even know what happened. And the girl that watched, she's also amazing. She's, you know, she's obviously in a family of chess players.

Yeah, I think all of them need to live in a world for a little bit of time where they just assume everyone's better than them. Clearly their parents didn't tell them that. Yeah, like mine did. Yeah, I go around the world going, everyone's better than me.

Some of the videos are cringy as fuck because it's like being mansplaining, Oh, God, just Oh, and you're about to lose. Anyways. Well, also moving right along.

Lesley Logan 17:45  

So while we are currently in the United Kingdom, over to Scotland, we're gonna be in the United Kingdom tomorrow. Is that how it goes? 

Brad Crowell 17:52  

No. It's not the United Kingdom...(Lesley: It's not the United Kingdom. So sorry, you guys.) Scotland, Britain slash England. 

Lesley Logan 17:57  

Sorry, I'm in America. My history classes were shit. So it's not. That's not news. So we are going to be in Leeds tomorrow with our Mullet Tour you've been hearing all about. I'm excited for this. So we are so so excited. I have no idea if when you're listening this that there's any tickets left because it was pretty much sold out at the time that we're recording this. So but you can go to opc.me/uk you can also just hit up our chat bot people. It's not even a bot, hit up our chat. It's real human beings, will get back to you at real human hours and they can tell you what you can purchase. That's what's so amazing about just hiring the whole fucking team. Next month is August and we are going on tour. Yeah, you should say it the way it's written.

Brad Crowell 18:38  

We are going on Toooooour! I wrote that. 

Lesley Logan 18:42  

Yeah, he did.

Brad Crowell 18:44  

So it's our West Coast summer tour. And we're, we're leaving Vegas going south towards Los Angeles, then going to coast all the way up to Seattle with a bunch of stops along the way. And then we're gonna scoot back around through Idaho, Utah back to Vegas. So, if you're anywhere in the vicinity of that 4000 mile loop, just go to opc.me/tour

Lesley Logan 19:07  

If you are one of the third of US

Brad Crowell 19:10  

Come hang out with us because we'd love to meet you in person

Lesley Logan 19:12  

You guys, again, exotic cities that you were talking the coolest cities Redlands, Long Beach, you know, Long Beach is cool because it has all the rap songs.

Brad Crowell 19:24  

Bakersfield, Hanford, Fairfield let's go Modesto, Modesto Fairfield Bend Oregon, Portland, Seattle, Spokane, Idaho Falls, Salt Lake City, St. George...(Lesley: I'm sorry, all of them?). I'm working on it. 

Okay, well, so some of those cities are not confirmed, we're working on it, anything after Seattle...

By the time you hear this, they better be confirmed.

Lesley Logan 19:47  

Okay. Well, they have to be confirmed. But the ones before Seattle are for sure confirmed and spots are selling out so fast. Yeah, I just want to say like, I'm so fucking proud of the people who are partnered with us on this tour because they are really bringing their community out and it's not an easy thing to do and I'm just can't wait to squeeze them all in real life. September it is Profitable Pilates Agency Mini Nine so this is our business coaching company and it is our week long coaching event and we only do it twice a year and to be honest we're working very hard to do it once a year and will once a year be next year maybe

Brad Crowell 20:21  

Maybe. Do not wait on this

Lesley Logan 20:23  

Go to profitablepilates.com/mini to get on the waitlist, waitlist people get extra time. They actually get to join the group early. Which is kind of crazy. You actually while we're on tour, can start getting coached by us before the actual event start.

Brad Crowell 20:38  

Yeah, like up to a month ahead of the event starting as one will be letting people in, so, that's why you want to get on the waitlist. Okay, tell everybody. Don't shush. Just just tell everybody profitablepilates.com/mini

Lesley Logan 20:50  

(...) because to challenge an industry to actually make it a place where there's so much abundance and people are all making money. Everybody has to know the secrets and air quotes to grow a thriving growing business. I talked to one of our studio owners yesterday she is 100% on track to surpass half a million dollars on a single studio...(Brad: Holy cow.) Single studio...(Brad: that's so great.) Yes. So fucking great. I love that. Yeah. So we have another studio that last year barely missed a million dollars

Brad Crowell 21:23  

Literally 10 grand shy. years in sales. So crazy.

Lesley Logan 21:29  

Yeah. So amazing. So and if you're like Lesley, I'm not moved, motivated by those numbers. I'm a solo person. Yeah, I got you back to baby. Got Your Back. We do home studios, solopreneurs. We help people go from brick and mortars to home studios. So anything in between, I don't care. If you're in a training program, or you've been teaching for 30 years, we are going to help you, if you are, if your business is not going the way you want it to go, then actually this is a great, this is a great episode. Go listen to Jen Szpigiel's episode and listen to this because that's why (...)

Brad Crowell 21:57  

Well, so, one thing that I just wanted to say was for people who have been teaching for 20 years, or more whatever, you know, the reality is we get stuck in these ruts of that's just how I've always done it. And we do that stuff, too. And we look back now and we go Wait, why are we doing it this way? So there are foundational things that we go through in Agency Mini that will really benefit your business, even if you've been doing it forever. And, you know, I think that, you know, basically, you could take this and maybe even simplify your life and make your existing business even more fulfilling for you. So yeah, absolutely is available for those who have been around the block as it were

Lesley Logan 22:42  

All right. (...) October Cambodia. You know the trip, you know the deal. Yeah, you really should be signing up right now. November

Brad Crowell 22:49  

Wait. So go to lesleylogan.co/retreat.

Thank you. November, we got something coming up. I can't announce it right now because I have the details. But they're not ready yet. (...) December winter tour.

(...) Well, we'll share more detail about the winter tour after the summer tours are already booked up and out. So stick around for that. 

Lesley Logan 23:11  

But if you are jealous of anybody from Nevada, through Idaho, Washington, Oregon, California, then you need to be on the winter tour because that is where we hit. Not everyone else, but we hadn't noticed (...)

Brad Crowell 23:25  

With all 40 other states. Just kidding!

Lesley Logan 23:28  

No, that's like 45...(Brad: I'm kidding.) We do not.

Brad Crowell 23:32  

We do not. That's not an option...(Llesley: So babe) tell me

It is your birthday. It is my birthday. And people need a fun fact about Brad.

 Oh, well, y'all know I love cactuses. I just told you about my chess habit. I am a Star Wars junkie.

Lesley Logan 23:51  

I don't even know it's a fun fact, didn't know...(Brad: I mean, I don't know, I've only talked about that a couple times.) You're also a massive gamer.

Brad Crowell 23:58  

I am a gamer. I am a gamer. I actually love to play games. And I grew up choosing to play video games instead of watching sports. So when my family was playing, was sitting around the TV, I would quietly sneak out the back. And because no one was using the PC and I could play video games 

Lesley Logan 24:14  

I'm pretty sure our new favorite people in this world. I think they were so excited to hear that you were not sports people. And not only we're not sports people, but when your family was watching sports, you left to go play video games. I'm pretty sure they're now like that is what made them obsessed about you.

Brad Crowell 24:30  

And I feel like there's no, I just, I had to, Okay, first off, I got rid of my television like 15 or 20 years ago at this point, 15 years ago, I think. Secondly, I had to intentionally decide not to install video games on my desktop computer or my laptop because I was a PC gamer. So when I sat down on my computer, it was very distracting for me because like in the back of my mind it was always calling, Woo this game, this game, this game. So, I had to make the professional decision, or I would never work. I would just play video games all day. So now, when I game, I only game on my phone. And it's like between, you know, like if I need to take a break or, you know, at night when I'm winding down or something like that. 

Lesley Logan 25:19  

When I met him he was in like some sort of Guild thing.

Brad Crowell 25:24  

I was in a guild. Yes, that's true.

Lesley Logan 25:26  

So he was. So here's the deal. What's really funny is like, now fun fact about me.

Brad Crowell 25:31  

It was, I'd like to say it was a community. And that's so like, yes, it's a guild and that's nerdy and fucking like dorks. But I was in a community of people playing the same video game, and we would all chat with each other about the game.

Lesley Logan 25:44  

Yeah, so we, so a couple years ago, we were on a drive to LA and something somebody disappointed me in a way that it's hard to disappoint me, it's actually doesn't like disappointed me as a person. They will they they fail to show up for my community after committing to doing that. And that was a disappointment to me. And it pissed me off so much. And I couldn't do much about it except for reschedule them. And I was so infuriated I downloaded a video game on my phone and Brad saw like this whole other side of me.

Brad Crowell 26:21  

It was like the very first time in our entire history together

Lesley Logan 26:24  

I was like in this game for two hours, I didn't even speak and I was just and and he's like, whoa, and I'm like, this is why I don't have video games on my phone and it was a win recently...(Lesley: I've converted her people) I know, but it was an FYF recently that I actually put my phone on greyscale so yeah, I played my video game less. anyways, that's fun facts about Brad and me. That's why you're all here. Okay, so um...

Brad Crowell 26:50  

Well stick around. We'll be right back. 

Okay, now let's talk about Jennifer Szpigiel. Jennifer or Jen or Jenny I think you call it a Jenny is dedicated individual who finds fulfillment as a mother of four while while nurturing her entrepreneurial, she's, endeavors I was gonna say here, but she's very entrepreneurial. She's run multiple businesses. She embodies continuous self improvement, and inspires others to become the fullest versions of themselves through her platform, which is called Becoming Iconic. So she's Jenny from Becoming Iconic, y'all 

Lesley Logan 27:38  

Jenny from the iconic block as well as like you're just saying Jenny from the block. She's Jenny from becoming Iconic

Brad Crowell 27:44  

Go Jenny Szpigiel. Her last name is definitely a mouthful to spell so that's why she goes by Jenny from Becoming Iconic.

Lesley Logan 27:51  

Yes, yeah. You know, I love people who changed their names...(Brad: You did) Yes. I mean, I think it's great that Michael is on by Michael unbroken. Who's a go by it's full. I think it's great. I like I don't know. I mean, my name is my name. But I'm we're currently trying to change yours. 

Brad Crowell 28:09  

Everybody calls me Brad Logan.

Lesley Logan 28:13  

You give it to people because it's easier to spell.

Brad Crowell 28:16  

Yeah, I don't hate it. Yeah, it's definitely easier to spell than Crowell. Yeah, it's true.

Lesley Logan 28:22  

Especially when a magazine goes by Cromwell

Brad Crowell 28:24  

Motherfuckers. Put an M in there. 

Lesley Logan 28:26  

Sorry, guys. Side note. We're not healed from this yet.

Brad Crowell 28:31  

Not that I'm bitter about it, or anything 

Lesley Logan 28:32  

Brad's finally been in a magazine. And we were interviewed together as a couple...(Brad: And I edited that shit) He said, please change my name. This is how it's spelled, which usually it's like, please change Lesley's name. This is how it's spelled. And they changed it in the article, but not in the actual like title. Yeah, just like the thing that's big. 

Brad Crowell 28:55  

So yeah, yeah. Anyway, moving along. Yeah.

Lesley Logan 28:58  

So let's have a lie left. So she said the epitome of success is fulfillment. And one thing we talked about is like, all these people putting out the numbers that they make, this is the income I make every month and like, that's why you should hire me or this the income I make on this. And I will say just sum it up. I actually do love women seeing the possibilities of income that can be made in a month or a year by anybody. I think it's very important. In fact, I was listening, like, it's very empowering it's also like you got to see what's possible sometimes if you don't, if you can't see it, you can't do it right like you've got to be able to, like, there's some people need to know that that's an actual thing that's out there. And I remember listening to another podcast where like, the woman was like, it's so important for women to share salaries are making in a company so that when they go to negotiate for salaries, they know what is possible, sure to ask for. So I wanted to stay. I actually do love when women talk about money in that way. However, what we talked about that I wasn't loving, what she's not loving, is that some of these people are not telling the full story. They're actually not sharing the journey that got there. They're not sharing the actual behind the scenes and, I was telling Brad, I was like, I don't know if we talked about it on the pod but like, there was this one reel that came up on my phone it was like this Airbnb made me this many 1000s of dollars plus 17 cents.

Brad Crowell 30:25  

Was that the dude in the socks and he was facing to the side, like, I remember that ad exactly. It was beautiful. It was really well done. And

Lesley Logan 30:34  

It was just his reel and it was like his, it was a post for him to sell you on hiring him on how to make income off of your Airbnb. However, when I saw that, because we're educated enough, because we know how much it costs to like, do these things. I was like, but how much did the Airbnb cost? What are the cleaning fees? Like what are the other things? I have a client who has an Airbnb, and y'all she has had to replace so much fucking shit. So yeah, okay, maybe that income, but like, what was the cost of it. And so her big thing is like, we need to also normalize the full story. And we need people to actually know that they should know that full story, so that they are not thinking, Oh, my God, there's something wrong with me because I'm doing something similar to them. And I'm not making that money.

Brad Crowell 31:25  

Right. I mean, if you're, if you're like saying, I made $8,946.32 a week off of this thing, you know, it's a bit weird, first off, but also, you know, I'm obviously watching your ad. So, how much did you spend on these ads? Like, you know, like, are you...? You know, that's why you're talking about the full story. And I think that that's, honestly, it's one of the things that we, I'm going to shift this over to something that I'm proud about, we are very transparent with our coaching, like how we run Agency, and we talk about these, you know, the hidden costs, as it were of running a business. And, you know, like, you know, even running, running a modest, like, home studio still has costs, right? You know, so (...)

Lesley Logan 32:15  

Exactly. And the problem is, is that a lot of people don't even include those costs. And that's why they struggle with their business. Yeah, we are very transparent. Like when we're coaching our group, I was talking about challenge, and I said, Okay, with 300 people sign up for this $90 workshop, we're like, whoa, and I'm like, that doesn't cover my payroll. If you actually grab a calculator, and you type it in, it didn't cover my payroll, is it impressive? Yes. Am I proud of it? Absolutely. Sure. Is that all, I make all that money? No, I made money. And that money went out to disperse across the team, across our bills, across our expenses. So when we tell people, yes, you can make six figures on home business. Yes, you can make six figures at your solo studio, yes you can make a million dollars at a studio. We also share that you have to know your costs. Because otherwise, what's the point of the million dollars? Why have that goal if it actually cost you $900,000 To get there, in fact, we had a girl who was so , she's so want to make a million dollars a year. But when I looked at all of her, like, costs...

Brad Crowell 33:17  

 Yeah, she was hardly profitable.

Lesley Logan 33:19  

It was a $900,000 cost. I was like, why are we going for this goal? Why not cut more costs and go for $500,000? And you can actually profit $300,000? Right. So like, why are we going for a million? So it's just really, I just really, I, again, I think is absolutely important to normalize how much is possible to make in a given occupation or opportunity. But I do think we also need to normalize like, asking, How did you get there? Show me your work. Anyways, that's what I love. I love that we talked about it. And I also think like, it's again, just go back to her thing is like, it's all about fulfillment. So you can go for big numbers, but if it's not fulfilling to you, what's the point? We're not here to live on this planet just to make a ton of money. You can make a ton of money and be in a job you actually like.

Brad Crowell 34:09  

Well, you can make a ton of money and be at a job you hate. And that's not that's not fun. Or you can make a ton of money like, Okay, the best case would be you make a ton of money and you love your job. The not great cases make a ton of money and you hate your job. Something that's not great is that you love your job and you make no money. But what if you did you love what you're doing and you're making enough money?

Lesley Logan 34:33  

Yeah, you're making the money you want to make. And we have an episode coming out with Nicole Mitchell, which I cannot wait for you to hear where she actually talks about like how it is at... Absolutely, you should charge, you should figure it out how to monetize the things you love to do. Because you deserve to do the things you love to do. And get paid for it. Yeah, but that's coming out. So anyways, it's all about fulfillment. What did you love?

Brad Crowell 34:55  

Okay. So couple things. First off, one thing she's just kind of threw out there, which I thought was awesome. And it did shift straight into the conversation we just had. Getting success is the easy part. Holding on to that success is where you have to put the sweat equity in. And so I find this really interesting, because if you, I have been reading a book, right now that really talks about paying yourself first, right? is the general concept of the book, right? And something tha, like, having come from the startup world, where somebody makes a million dollar investment in the company, and then you just go to around and you spend a bunch of money over every month, and you figure out your burn rate, and all that kind of stuff. And whatever, you know, you have this like road until it all implodes on itself, like x months later. You know, it doesn't, when you, when you flip the, when you flip it, and you're working for yourself, and you're, you know, trying to keep your expenses low and growing it and all the things, your expenses can get really, they can grow a lot, too, right? And so what she was saying was, I was making 30 to $40,000 a month in sales in my business, but my credit, my personal credit cards were maxed. My life was in shambles. I was really stressing out all the time, I was ashamed as fuck. And that wasn't how, like, Okay, cool, I can go brag about this epic business. But again, lifting the hood being transparent. She said it wasn't. It didn't sit well with her. And so she had to shift everything, so that she could pay herself out and hold on to the success that she was creating in her business. And that changed her business slightly. But, you know, it allowed her to, to actually enjoy the process again. So and that said, one of the things that she talked about was gratitude. It's a celebration in motion. Right? So it's a practice, right? And when you, I think that it's so challenging to step aside from the thing that you're working on, and look at it from a third party perspective and be like, holy shit, this is pretty cool, what I'm working on and what I've done, or what I've accomplished, and to look at that and to celebrate yourself, right, she said, she had a client who made $100,000 in a month. And her entire goal for the year was $100,000. But she made it in a month. And then she was like, Okay, this is amazing. Now on to the next thing, right? And she was like, Hey, slow, slow down. Yeah. Because do you realize what you just accomplished? Like, you have to appreciate that you have to take the time to celebrate that. And I know how hard this is, because I'm not very good at it myself, celebrating, right? And that's what I loved.

Lesley Logan 37:49  

Maybe Brad needs to come in and do an FYF every once in a while.

Brad Crowell 37:52  

Maybe, that'd be fun. Yeah, I'd be open to that. But she said, celebrating is a practice. Right? And, and that's what kind of grabbed me, I thought, Oh, how can I work that into a consistent routine of mine, to look at what we got, and go back and reflect. So one thing that we did to go this direction was in our group, slack for our team, we actually created a wins channel. Yeah, that I'm in there literally every day. And I see all the things and I see this wins channel and it reminds me, Hey, what is a win that we can celebrate as a team. And that has been really good practice. Finding things

Lesley Logan 38:34  

I've said this before on the podcast with one of our contractors who only does one thing with us, she only does our, our Amazon flashcard stuff. So she's in there to communicate with us. But like, it's so rare that you even see her in there. And she reached out to Brad and she's like, You know what I love about your company? You guys celebrate all these wins. So you guys, she does this thing for so many companies. 

Brad Crowell 38:59  

Yeah, we're just one of her clients. But when we when we invited her into our Slack, it was to the whole team and she's like, whoa, okay, I'm part of this team now that I didn't really even know existed. And so she gets to see the inner workings of, you know, some of the communication of what we do...(Lesley: And she loves it. We are her favorite clients, I think. I'm just gonna say it) putting words in her mouth. But yeah, we'll take that. 

Lesley Logan 39:21  

Whatever, I'm sure Mel loves me.

Brad Crowell 39:24  

So, Jennifer mentioned rewarding yourself, like, here's a couple of ways that you can celebrate with gratitude, rewarding yourself with fresh flowers, writing in your journal how you felt in the moment so that you never forget it. I think that's something that I've been learning about a lot because we listen to a guy who has been sharing stories from his life over the past 40 or 50 years of his life. And every single night on this podcast we listen to, it's a new story from, he's clearly going back through his journals, and I was like, Well, I'm pretty sure I burned my journal after high school, you know, so I don't have any of these memories. Not that I wanted to keep those memories that weren't that awesome. But, you know, he journaled, he's been journaling for decades. And so he actually has this crazy account of his own life, how he felt, what was going on, who was involved, what actually happened. And now, because of podcasting, he's able to share those things, which I find really fascinating. But this made me think of episode three of this podcast with Amy Ledin.

Lesley Logan 40:42  

She three or five.

Brad Crowell 40:46  

Can't remember. (...) Anyway, Amy Ledin. Amy has her daily affirmation cards. But she also has a card that I love. That is the her wins card. And when she's feeling down, she pulls out her wins card, and she reads through all the wins. To help her own self, her own state of mind and remind herself the things that have happened through her journey that kick ass and actually will help her in this moment. So yeah, loving that idea.

 ...(Lesley: I love it too.) All right. So finally, let's talk about those Be It action items. What bold, executable, intrinsic or targeted action items can we take away from your convo with Jennifer Szpigiel? First go forward and serve the people. 

Lesley Logan 41:56  

I love this. I actually, I know it's your Be It action (...)

Brad Crowell 41:59  

This is a great Be It action item, Brad. Your voice has changed. She's hiding over here. Recognizing that someone somewhere in the world is absolutely 1,000% looking, hoping, praying for the service or product that you have to offer. And I think that that is so, we forget that, that there is a like we are, none of us are meant for everyone. But we all are meant for someone and some group of people because of who we are, how we communicate, the way we communicate, the vibes we put out, people will connect with you. When they won't connect with me or Lesley, right? They will connect with you and you will be able to help them in their lives. And it's so easy for us to forget that. You know? We're not for everybody. But we absolutely are for some.

Lesley Logan 43:03  

Yeah, I think that's beautiful. Yeah. So, I liked the Be It acion item of making the bold audacious move. Hello, Be It!

Brad Crowell 43:12  

Be it.

Lesley Logan 43:14  

So, messy action. So, this is the most important part of it, stop waiting for life to show you show and prove to you that you are ready. You show life and business you are ready. And that is the ultimate Be It Till You See It because we, I see too many people waiting for a fucking sign to show that they are supposed to make a left or a right or go straight. And it's like actually, you go right or left or straight. You do that because you cannot make a wrong decision. And, I, like, it's like when I wanted to have a partner in my life. I showed the universe I was ready by pouring two cups of coffee every morning even though I was one person to drink those two cups of coffee. I show the universe I was ready for a partner in my life by not filling my holiday schedule for Christmas. I showed the universe I was ready by keeping Thursday nights open, like, that was me showing I'm ready for a partner, I have space, look at this space that I have created. And, like, if people are, like, sitting around waiting I know this whole episode is about business and I just hold about a partner but like it's the same thing in your business if you're wanting your business to be a certain dollar amount because you have this goal of giving back x number amount and you want to like pav these things, you want to buy a house, whatever those things are. It's very valid to have whatever dollar amount you want is valid. You just need to know why you want it right. If you're waiting for the universe to go, here's your bag of money. Or go, Oh look here is this connection. No You have to go out and show the universe, I'm ready for that connection.

Brad Crowell 45:03  

This is what, I talked about this all the time based on your ideal schedule webinar, right? Like, if you know what the schedule is that you want to keep for your business, and you're teaching people at 9, 10 and 11am, and you don't have a client at 9 and 10, then you hold those hours open for the clients that you will have. And you actually use those hours to go find that client.

Lesley Logan 45:26  

Yes. I want to make sure you all know this. I say this all the time. And you can get that whole webinar for free. It's called Ditching Busy. Yeah, yeah. Ditchingbusy.com. So if you want to be teaching in the mornings, and you are currently not, you don't just sit in your house and like, clean and do laundry. You go and do actual things that would, would get you clients during that time...(Brad: And that's the bold, audacious move) yes, your admin, all the other things you do for your business. They're like, Oh, I'll do it during that time, because I'm a client yet. No, that's not what you do during your admin time

Brad Crowell 46:01  

100%. You do not just like, you know, get through your emails while you're waiting for a client to magically appear. If you set aside 9 to 10. That's when you go find that client, you go out, you meet the people, you connect, you chat up the local business next to you, whatever, you got to be out there intentionally seeking the client that you're supposed to have at 9 and at 10. Okay? And that I think, is the bold, audacious move, where, you know, Jennifer is talking about showing life and business that you're ready, I'm ready for this client. You know how ready I am. I'm so ready. I'm out here finding the client. Yep.

Lesley Logan 46:37  

Yep. I definitely, like made some moves in my business that were scary as fuck. But I could not continue going the same way I was, and expected my business to be different. Doesn't work that way. 

All right, I'm Lesley Logan. 

Brad Crowell 47:03  

And I'm Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 47:06  

Are you going to be bold and audacious? How are you to become iconic? What were your takeaways from Jen Szpigiel? We want to know, we want you to tag the Be It pod, tag her and, you know, if you have a question or a takeaway, or a bold move, or maybe you've had like a win because of these podcasts, we want to know, I want to share with this podcast. So you can actually, it's very easy. If you get the emails every Thursday from us, you can just reply back to those with those. Or you can DM us on Instagram or on YouTube. We've had some amazing people who have commented on YouTube. So you can do it there. Anywhere that's easy for you. We can see it where we already are. We will make sure to share that on the show. And until next time, Be It Till You See It! 

Brad Crowell 47:44  

Bye for now.

Lesley Logan 47:45  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram.  I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. 

Brad Crowell 47:45  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Leslie Logan and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 47:45  

It is produced, edited by the Epic team at Disenyo. 

Brad Crowell 47:45  

Theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music, and our branding by designer and artist Gianfranco Cioffi. 

Lesley Logan 47:45  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals and Ximena Velazquez for our transcriptions. 

Brad Crowell 47:45  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all the content to our website. And finally to Meridith Crowell for keeping us all on point and on time.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Dive into Jennifer’s journey of becoming iconic and learn how she effortlessly balances motherhood and a thriving business. Prepare to shift your narrative, embrace your feminine energy, and celebrate yourself like never before in this episode packed with wisdom you won’t want to miss!

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] .

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

• Strategies for achieving exponential growth while balancing motherhood.
• The importance of embracing bravery and audacity in pursuing your dreams.
• Why income is not the true measure of success.
• How to recognize the catalyst moments that shape personal narratives.
• The role of manifestation in meeting desires and pursuing actions.
• The relationship between action and confidence, and how actions build trust in oneself.

Episode References/Links:

• Becoming Iconic on Instagram
• Becoming Iconic website
• E-squared Book

Guest Bio:

Jen is the founder and CEO of Becoming Iconic, a 7 figure global business & leadership brand that elevates entrepreneurs who desire to create a 7 figure legacy through integral leadership. Jen is also the host of the Becoming Iconic podcast. Becoming Iconic is all about the real, the raw, and the vulnerable truth about being a female entrepreneur while weaving in the practicality of what it takes to design a life and business you love. Becoming Iconic is the invitation to step into the new paradigm of leadership and empower women who are ready to revolutionize the way they show up in their lives and businesses forever while welcoming in pleasure, joy, and abundance.

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.

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Resources

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube!
• Lesley Logan website
• Be It Till You See It Podcast
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube
• Profitable Pilates

Social Media

• Instagram
• Facebook
• LinkedIn

Episode Transcript:

Jennifer Szpigiel 0:00  

There's nothing normal, about constantly telling people how much money you make, that's not normal. And we're not actually liberating women. So if we want to look at this and have a real conversation, the conversation via liberated wealthy woman does not need to prove herself to anybody. Her sheer existence is the proof and validation.

Lesley Logan 0:54  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

Alright, loves, get ready to get loved up on, get ready to pour it into you, get ready to just hear that you are an amazing person the way you are. And that oftentimes we are just sitting on the sidelines and the world is wanting us to jump on in, wants to stand out, be ourselves more. And you're like, Ah, how do I do that? So, I'm so excited for our guests this week. Her name is Jen Szpigiel. She's also known as Jen Being Iconic. And first of all, that name, she has done so much in her life, and her journey has really let us let her to us, but also has allowed her not only to learn for herself and to teach her children, but to teach other business owners and women business owners that they can't have it all. And I know that sounds tear, like you're like, I can't have it all. No, but like, you can't, you don't have it all. It's very much like the word success and freedom you get to define what that is. And it's so important that you define what that is. Oftentimes, we let the world tell us what that is. And we talk about that a little bit in this episode. So I'm really excited for you to listen to her words. And she's got some great other ways for you to check up with her, learn from her. Be in her world if you find what she's saying to be amazing, and I know I will be up on her magazine. So little spoiler alert there. So here's Jen and then please let us know how you're gonna use these tips in your life. 

All right, be it babe, I am so excited to finally get to talk to this amazing woman, you're gonna hear why in just a second. But when she came across my like scroll feed. And my just like, I became aware of her and what she's doing is like, Oh, well, absolutely. Yes. We have to have her on the pod. So Jen from Becoming Iconic. Can you tell everyone who you are and what you're rocking at?

Jennifer Szpigiel 2:46  

Yeah. Hey, Lesley, thank you so much for having me. First and foremost, I really do appreciate the opportunity to be with you. And with everybody listening. So thank you again. So who am I? It's such an interesting question, isn't it, because as a woman, I'm sure you can attest for many things. I know for me, my greatest title of all is I'm a mom, I'm a mom of four. I've been raising babies in businesses for now 18 years. And it has been my life's purpose. My fulfillment really is being all of myself while also being available to my family. And I feel like I live the best of both worlds. And it's what I love to teach now, Becoming Iconic is sort of born from that, this idea that I had fostered in my life of this pursuit of the fullest version of myself, this pursuit of being better every single day. And sometimes that meant in my parenting, sometimes that meant something in my relationship. And a lot of times, that meant something in my business, my leadership. And so I put words it's to that it's like the becoming and that iconic version of ourselves that one that we're so proud of the one where we have done all the things that we were meant to do, and we've spread our wings and we have really lived out our capacity.

Lesley Logan 3:56  

Okay, so I'm sure like there's so much to like, dive in and do because also like you're a mom of four so the fact that you are a mom of four and you're also you said raising businesses and babies, so I'm sure every mom listening which we have many as like, oh my gosh, how does she balance it all? And I'm always like, balance is the art of not falling into sometimes you do. But I do want to like dive into you know, were you a mom and then you started doing the business thing. Were you doing the business thing and they became mom? Kind of which came first and how did you incorporate the other?

Jennifer Szpigiel 4:32  

Yeah, so I had a huge marketing career at a very young age. I went to school for fashion and public relations and I fell into the fashion industry and quickly got ate for breakfast like they, they it was just not the right place for me for many reasons. I didn't have the confidence and I certainly didn't have the poise and posture to hold myself in a very, I could have a lot of things say about the fashion industry, but I love fashion maybe not the...

Lesley Logan 4:59  

Everyone has seen The Devil Wears Prada. I think they all felt like Andrea.

Jennifer Szpigiel 5:02  

Yeah, you gotta have a pretty, pretty thick skin and a big backbone to last in that industry. So I just decided I loved fashion, I love style. And I could do that for myself. And I pivoted into marketing for quite a large corporation and grew exponentially. And then I had a baby. So I was in that phase where most moms find themselves of feeling like I had to let go of something, I could not be an exceptional mom, and thrive in this career in this career, I was traveling all over the world, I was, you know, holding millions and millions of dollars in budget and marketing plans. So how could I bring these two worlds together, I didn't see it. And there was no evidence around me. I either saw women leave their jobs to stay home, or choose their jobs and have their kids in daycare and constantly complain about it. So I made the decision to be home with my daughter, because I thought, well, that's the obvious choice for me, because you only get this experience once, the career could potentially be there in the future. And I completely lost myself. I became that sweatpant mom, there were days I didn't even brush my teeth. There were days I didn't get out of my pajamas. This was not who I was. And I felt like I was literally, I had severed one of the biggest parts of me, my soul, my essence, the goals, I had, the things I wanted to achieve. And I felt so torn and conflicted because at this precious face looking back at me, and I didn't want to leave her either. So entrepreneurship was my answer to prayer. Like it was not something I was seeking. And when it was introduced to be as a concept, like what if you did something at home and built something from your computer, I thought that's, that's something you could do. And so I hit the ground running of his ignorance on fire, and I scaled a massive business within two kids, and then have continued to have kids and continued to grow businesses ever since.

Okay, so I do thank you for sharing that journey. Because, I think, I have a girlfriend who's kind of making that decision right now. And I can just watch it, like, just eat at her that she's like, I'm not ready to leave the job. But I also want to be home. But like, also at home, it's like, when did I get a shower? Sometimes having the job forces you to brush your teeth. Put some clothes on. But um, you know, so I think it's, I think it's interesting, like, not everyone gets to make that decision that you were like, I'm just gonna go all in on being a mom. And you're like, Whoa, that was actually that was a pendulum too far. I think it's, I do love entrepreneurship, I'm very much proudly unemployable. However, What was the process in your brain? Someone suggested you do something from your computer? Like, what was the process? You're like, Okay, what's an idea that I have? Like, kind of how is that being until you see it moment? Because I think sometimes, especially the listeners we have, they can be really hard on themselves. I think it's already been done. Like they're looking for something that's never been done before. And I'm like, well, actually, like you can do something's already been done. But what was your process?

Yeah, it's a great question. And I think we can come up with a million reasons why not to do something that is so easy. That's like the cult of average, you know, let's find the reasons why we can't do something we'll live in that and we'll be martyrs and victims for the rest of our lives. And think that we, you know, we gave up and we were selfless. And raising these children. This is the narrative and the image and the example we've been given for so long. And I literally stand to eradicate that, women do not need to sacrifice anything in order to achieve, have, and do all the things they want to do. I believe that firmly, why? because I am doing it. I am the evidence of someone's looking for it. I am the evidence. It's never perfect, never perfect. But I am certainly on the journey of progression. And I can say my life, like if you were to come in my home. It is what I show online. It's beautiful. It's exquisite. But it's been 17 years of a journey. And it took the bravery and the bold, audacious step just to start. And so I started with marketing, I started with the thing that I had experience and it was natural for me. So I started doing some consulting, that consulting turned into me wanting to just teach spin classes at a gym. I thought you know what? I'm going anyway, I might as well get a free membership and get some pay. So I started teaching spin classes that led me into health and wellness, I grew a massive health and wellness business by simply teaching spin classes and aligning with a product that I loved. And that was fantastic and it was like a now our profession of pivoting. I mean that's what entrepreneurship is. No, it's It's the most incredible gift.

Lesley Logan 9:29  

Yeah, that's, well, thank you for sharing that it's not ever perfect. Never. I think it just I think it's so easy for us to look at other people. And I also love the start with what you knew. And and you went all in on that. And sometimes I find that people go I have to learn this thing. Once I learned this thing, then I can go do that thing. We just kind of keep pushing the goalposts so far that's unachievable. So, so you were able to do that you've, you've been you kept having kids along the way and you change the pivot. So what are you, what are you excited about where now? Like, what is it that you're working on? Obviously, you're Jen from Becoming Iconic. So what does that look like?

Speaker 1 10:06  

It's so beautiful actually how it's unraveling and unfolding. And my clients keep calling me into with something that I'm talking about often now, which is womanhood. And womanhood encompasses all of us. And I, as a certified life coach, I'm a certified health coach. And I've been building businesses for 17 years, not only myself, but hundreds globally. And so I have the portfolio if you want to call it, the resume that would support the expertise. But there's also life journey. I've gone through a divorce since then, I've remarried. You know, I've reinvented myself, I've gone through crisis. And so all of those things start to compound to add into this incredible gift of wisdom. And so Becoming Iconic is that, this place where women come, where they want to grow businesses, but they do not want to grow business and lose sight of their family, or they want to be, you know, it's like this feeling of like, is it possible to have it all Jen? Yes, it is. And I really believe in womanhood in terms of liberation, and expansion. And what we're seeing online is not liberation and expansion. And it's really confusing for a lot of people because we're seeing people constantly share their income, constantly share their revenue, like that. That's their point of validation. Most of it is not even truth. Okay, most of it is not the full picture or full story, but we're buying into it. And we're participating in it as though that is the epitome of success. But I'm telling you right now, the epitome of success is fulfillment, are you waking up every day happy, excited, pursuing yourself, then that will be what fills your cup, not commas in the bank account. And again, most of the time, that's not even the full story or the truth.

Lesley Logan 11:55  

Yeah, I love that you put up because I remember when I first coaching groups I was in, my coach had mentioned that she would see these people. So I had my, I had this like, six figure launch, I had this like seven figure launch, whatever the guys, that just means that they like, they opened cart, they like said, Okay, I'm starting to sell something on day one, and then they close it on another day, so that there's like a sense of urgency. And then they can say I made this much money on this time, which can be very impressive. We've done launches here, right, and I do them all the time. And it is so fun to see what comes out of it, what they are not telling you is the six months one year of work, that is payroll, that is team, that is hours, that led to that product, that thing being made. And then they're also gonna tell you how much money they spent on ads. So some people spend $80,000 on ads, they can make $100,000 $20,000, nothing a bad app. But if your payroll is 30,000 a month, you didn't make any money.

Jennifer Szpigiel 12:49  

Amen. But if you don't know that, or a lot of people don't understand that. And we're being it's like this flashy, shiny syndrome of like, oh my goodness this person made, and they're telling you down to the dollar, which is always so puzzling to me, because I'm like, there's something there if you're actually giving the, like, specific dollar amount, what are you justifying? I mean, and the thing is, is we're saying we're making wealth and women, you know, we're making this we're normalizing it, we want to make sure that women have all of the access to all of these things. There's nothing normal about constantly telling people how much money you make, that's not normal. And we're not actually liberating women. So if we want to look at this and have a real conversation, the conversation via liberated wealthy woman does not need to prove herself to anybody. Her sheer existence is the proof and validation.

Lesley Logan 13:48  

Yeah, I think you're, I think you're right on the nose there. I think intent is really important. So if you're someone who's like Lesley, I'm telling people how much I made because I want to know, it's possible, then I would just check the intent there that is that coming through or if you're just telling people to brag like I make this much time therefore successful? It's very different because I do think like, I would love women to know what is possible. But I also but I don't think that that means that's what successful because you listening to this maybe all you to be fulfilled to like have the lifestyle you want to live maybe it is only 5000 a month, maybe it's 4000, maybe it's 100 I don't know, like I don't know what your fulfillment level is. But I think that it's the constant pressure that like unless you are making, I saw real with some guy like on this house I made 10,000 last month and it was like $6.72 This one I made this and I'm like, but how much was the mortgage? How much were the housekeeper's? How much was the air conditioning bill because I'm sure they ran it running the whole time. Like you're not give me the full picture and then you're telling me you're successful. So I should learn from you because you've had this money and like that's to me, I'm on point I'm on bar with you because it's like that's we're good at sending people the wrong message. That they're like living a balanced life.

Jennifer Szpigiel 14:53  

Yeah, yeah, we are. And I think really when it comes to mentorship and coaching and what's possible is through the results and the evidence of clients. That's what people should be paying attention to. Because can this person turn around and teach what they know. And by teaching and passing on the the incredible success they've had, they're seeing results and their clients are having results. And the clients are proving to themselves what's possible, because maybe $100,000 A month is my goal. But for someone else, $5,000 a month would be life changing. And if all we ever talk about is the big number, we're always making people feel like they're not enough, like 5000 isn't enough. I've heard someone say the other day, they're like, Well, I'm just making $8,000 a month. So you know, how am I going to build authority, and I had to pause him and said, you're just making $8,000 a month, there's no career in the world where you would have the flexibilities and the freedoms, the opportunity to create your day to wear what you want, do the things you want to do for $8,000, you know, a month and with tax deductible expenses, there's no such thing. So when did that become something that we can't even applaud, celebrate or be grateful for? And if we can't be grateful for eight, there's certainly no way you're going to be grateful for 80, because it's the same thing only amplified.

Lesley Logan 16:14  

Yeah. So I guess, I have a question for you. Cuz I agree. I mean, I think that's why we hear like about all like, the curse of the of the lottery, right? Which is like once they win, because they're not happy with the $5. They have they're not happy with 500,000 or 5 million. What are what, what maybe it was natural to you, but like, what do you do for the people? How do you teach people to be grateful for it? Because you're a mom of four, you're probably really good at that.

Jennifer Szpigiel 16:41  

Well, it's a practice, I think, you know, gratitude is like celebration in motion or an act meaning, you know, if we can't celebrate the small things, what can we celebrate, I caught a client today I was talking with her and we were chatting about income. And, you know, she's already fixated on next month, she just had $100,000 come in, in revenue in 28 days, that was her year goal. She wants that and 2023 $100,000 did it in 28 days, but she hadn't even paused to celebrate that. So if we can't celebrate those little things, that was a big thing. But those things and celebration is gratitude, like sitting and pausing, sharing with someone going out for a nice dinner, rewarding yourself with fresh flowers, sitting with a glass of champagne, if that's what you like to do, writing in a journal of how you felt in this moment, so you never forget it. Those things are what ground and anchor you into wealth. Because again, there's always going to be more, I remember when I made my first seven figures, I thought this is it. I've reached the summit, like this is the place where everybody's trying to get you know, and I've done it and I'm putting in my my flag of honor. And here I am. And you realize when you reach that summit, there's a massive mountain a bigger mountain ahead that you have yet to climb with a more vicious climb to, you know, take on. And there's more like that, there's always going to be more there's always going to be that next thing. So if we can't be happy with what we have now, I don't believe we're ever going to be truly fulfilled, especially when it comes to money. And I, you know, I'm passionate about this, because you speak about, you know, the lottery syndrome. I was 30 years old when I was making, you know, $30,000 $40,000 a month in my first business. And I had no idea what to do with that, I had no financial literacy. Nobody had had that success in my family before, there was nobody around me and my friends were out partying, having a good time going to the club, I'm at home, running a business and creating this massive amount of income because it was big, it was a big amount of money. Well, I ended up becoming $100,000 in debt, all my credit cards maxed, my bank accounts were overdraft. I was worried about paying for groceries in the grocery lineup, and I had that much income coming into my bank account every month. How does that happen? I mean, the shame that I was soaked in the embarrassment, the judgment I had on myself, it was incredible. But I had to go through that journey to get to the other side. Because the biggest thing I had to realize was that I was great with money, I'd been holding a family of four on my own, and put a roof over their heads was paying for all these things for my kids to be in. So there was more evidence to show I was great. But I was living out the scarcity that I was feeling. And it really taught me about being a wealthy woman being a woman who can hold success, because getting success is actually the easy part. Holding that success, that's where you really have to put in the sweat equity. So that was a huge shift and turnaround for me.

Lesley Logan 19:40  

Yeah, it's, I think, gosh, thank you for sharing that. I don't know. Your story is something I've heard before. In just like different levels because I do think so many of us especially women listen this, we don't have financial literacy, but that's not what they, I remember being taught on how to balance a checkbook in junior high but that's like the extent of the money thing I was taught, and I was recently reading a book called, like The Psychology of Money. And it was like, the tools and strengths and type of person need to be to get money is extremely different than the person need to be to keep the money. And like what you were just saying, that's what resonated with me. It's like, once I have the success, the person I became to get to success point on the mountain is one person, to hold yourself up there on this peak, forever and ongoing is a whole different type of strength. It's a different type of skill set. It's a different type of psychology, because you have to go from like, there's, I gotta get more to like, oh, I have enough. And that's a really complicated light switch to turn. 

Jennifer Szpigiel 20:43  

It really is. You're you're absolutely right, because we can, there's a lot of us who are really good at hustle and grind and work ethic. I'm one of those I love to work, like, I love it. So getting to that success was not difficult at all, holding that success, being in leadership of that, being a steward of my money. Knowing that I had to save for taxes. Nobody taught me those things. What do you mean you're gonna get taxed? And then when I got my $80,000 tax bill, I mean, I was floored, I was sick to my stomach. I didn't know what to do. Hence all the debt that I got into because I was I had more like, once that tax bill came in, I had more debt than I did cashflow. And so I was putting things on credit cards, I was living beyond my means, I was putting on the persona of uber successful, you know, doing all the things you're supposed to do to show how successful you are so that clients want to come in and be coached by you and mentored by you. And so much of it was out of integrity. And it's just I'm just owning my journey. And there was a point in my journey. And it taught me a lot of things, that taught me that my integrity is the most important thing to me, more than anything else. And I will never negotiate that or waver on that ever again, to prove or validate myself to the outside world. And no amount of money. No amount of money is worth that.

Lesley Logan 22:00  

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, and it's interesting. It's an interesting thing, this story that we tell ourselves about the mistakes we've made, or the things we go through. Because, first of all, like you're not the first person to get stuck with a tax bill that they didn't know was coming. And unfortunately, and like unless things change, you won't be the last because people just don't, I I'll tell you right now, it's a joke. I coach a bunch of Pilates instructors, and somebody was like, Oh, I have to file this thing with the city. And like every state, every county is different on how you can start your own business. And I said, Well, that sounds complicated. This is how it worked in LA, I got a thing in the mail that says we think you're running a business in this town. Here's your bill. And I was like, okay, cool. Well, thanks for doing the word. $100 Sure you can. Every year, I would just I was like, to my catch on like, I think I have this thing to do. He's like, Yeah, yeah.

Jennifer Szpigiel 22:54  

And you know what? So many of us, it's like that true ignorance on fire, we don't know. And you don't know until you know. And then once you know, you have a choice to make, you can continue down the road of staying in this sticky, messy middle that we all have to do, or learning the lessons, applying them and doing things differently. And that's what I had to do to get myself out of it. I just had to do things differently. But as soon as I acknowledged myself, and as soon as I realized who I wanted to be in that moment versus who I was being, everything changed, like I had $14,000 dropped into my bank account, I have found money out, I'll never forget the moment, is my first like, vivid memory of a miracle or manifestation where I was at this point where I want to turn my financial situation around, I have these four kids, I'm responsible for them and their home and their well being. And I thought I'm changing the dialogue. And that's when I started realizing like, wait, I've been holding four kids and a home. And sure I haven't done it responsibly, but I've done it. And that same day that I shifted my narrative. I had a phone call from a company I was an ambassador for and they said we owe you $14,000. Now, my first initial reaction was again, shame, guilt, embarrassment. How do I not know this CMU are responsible? Who doesn't know their $14,000 of money? Oh, like this, I went into that and up but I caught myself in that moment. I said, we don't do that anymore. Instead, we're going to say more, please. Thank you. Of course, money flows into my life. And there was no turning back. That was a catalyst moment for me in my life. And I've received miracles and magic ever since.

Lesley Logan 24:27  

I love this. Okay, have you ever read the book E squared?...(Jen: No.) Okay. E squared, y'all. I've talked about before on this podcast. I fucking love this book. I really bought it because I've given it away and I'm like, Why did I do that? So I love this book so much, every quarter, I like start the process again. I don't always get through because I have sometimes like, you start to remind yourself how to live in that manifestation. This is not the woowoo stuff. It's like scientific guys. But I get to the different projects. And so one of the, the first thing is like you just tell the universe to like, you know, show me that you're real. And like, I kid you not, the most recent time I did it, I was like, Okay, I lit my candle. I did a little meditation, manifestation meditation, like, show me that you real, got 48 hours, I opened up my inbox, and I have three brand new members, full annual membership on OPC. You guys, we hadn't promoted anything. I don't actually like, do it. I don't do anything. They're like, hey, take this class, like, I don't really. So I was like, What in the world? I was like, okay, you have 47 more hours to go, keep coming. But like, when you do change the narrative, you start to look for evidence that things are out there, that things are coming your way. And real quick story, one of the chapters on the whole thing that you can like show that you can work with the universe in this way was like how to write two people's names down, that had my number. They had my contact information. We knew each other, but they wasn't expecting their call. So me and like it was like, Oh, I'll call you next week. None of that. So I had written down at the time. I'm married to the guy now, but we were not dating. I wrote his name down. And I wrote this woman who worked in the New York office of the company I worked for, and I worked in the LA office. So just like one of the clubs like not even like corporate, right. And I wrote her name down because I wanted her to pick me, to be in another video for that they did. And I've been transferred locations. I'm leaving my new location and walking down the stairs. I have a text message from Brad. Like, out of the blue. And as I'm walking down the stairs going, oh my god, I look up she's coming up the stairs, you guys just like oh, I was looking for you. I was hoping I run into with this. I was like, I'm at a different gym. I'm not even at the gym that she knew I was at. So like, when you can get really clear on what you want. It's kind of shocking, like, how things conspire for you.

Jennifer Szpigiel 26:45  

100% We're always gathering evidence. I think that's the most incredible story. First of all, I'm getting that book and I'm doing those things because there's certain people I'd love to have call me, Oprah. And Oprah, you could call us. You know, call magazine. You don't anymore, we could do something. But anyway, but I think that's incredible, because those are the things that we need to hold on to, hope is so important. But if we're in scarcity, we're always going to look for evidence of why money isn't enough. I mean, that's all I did. I gathered evidence all the time of being broke, not having enough money, more months, not paying for groceries, it was constant. Why? Because that was the narrative. That was the dialogue. That's what I was seeking. As soon as I shifted my attention. It was like, oh, it's like universe gets to flirt with you. It's like, oh, there you are. You want to go out and hang out. I'll flirt with you. I'll give you what you want. And it's such a relief, I think for everybody involved, for source, for ourselves, for those were around, because now we're in like this incredible energy of abundance and beauty, and flirtation and curiosity. And I don't know, that's, that's how I want to live out my days. I just want to like look at things like that all the time. Because that's where the beauty lies.

Lesley Logan 28:03  

Okay, so I'm so with you, I would love for you, if you don't mind, and maybe don't have it off the top of your head. But if you have any parts of it, how how did you at the time or how are you now being until you see it in like trying to live out your days working with the source, working with abundance? Like, what does that look like for you? Because I think there's somebody listening going, I want to live in abundance. Do I have to go buy this book, maybe, but also there might be some steps you could take right now.

Jennifer Szpigiel 28:28  

I think this is a great, great thing that you're asking, because manifestation is being taught that like what you think about you bring about, and there's a truth but that's 50% of the equation, they're not giving you the rest of the formula. And so with manifestation, living with source, expecting the best, wanting abundance, wanting to feel that flow and ease that you're supported, that the dreams that you desire are not just these elusive thoughts, but are actually your reality if you want it bad enough. So have that desire, have that deep like yearning for it, like, this is what I desire. This is what I want. But you've got to meet that with action. Like there's a miss understood version out there right now, especially with this feminine energy movement. It's unfortunate because I know why it's happening. Everybody's burnt out from hustle culture. But what we've done is we've like wanted to sever our ties to masculine energy, we've associated masculine energy with hustle culture, that's not true and masculine energy is so imperative to your success and to who you are as a whole person. So you can't cut that off in order to be more feminine. It's just the inviting in of the more feminine side. And so that actioning is where I believe that desire thinking, imagining, wanting to acquire, envisioning and then meeting that with actioning becoming the person who can invite that in. Who is she? What is she moving, like? What decisions is she making? What choices is she making? She's not making the same choices you would make today because you're probably still in some sort of scarcity. But if she's living out that dream, what does she eat? How does she move? How does she greet people? How does she speak? What is she wearing? Invite those things in today and action everyday pursue that when those two things collide, boom, you have manifestation, you have miracles, you have things brought to you at like warp speed. And it is fascinating. And it is so incredible. What I do to invite that in is a lot of visualization. So I do spend a lot of time, especially at the beginning of my day of thinking of who I'm becoming, the whole Becoming Iconic, that iconic version of myself, Who is she? What is she doing? Who she's spending time with? What is she doing with her family? Where are we traveling? What are we eating? What does the house look like? It's everything, all the components. And then I asked myself, I'm going to make decisions I request and I don't ask, I request myself to make all my decisions today from that version. Because she would make wiser, more audacious bold decisions, because she's more assured and confident, cuz she's created it. Then I went today with the still those fears and wonders. So I do that. And I also spend a lot of time in space and time alone as a mom of four. And even if you're not a mom, as women, we are givers. We love to give of ourselves, our time, our energy, you're building businesses, you've got clients, you've got this, you've got that. So we're constantly giving, but when do we get to ourselves. So that is the very first thing I do in my day. No compromising. Nobody comes in my zone. Somebody wakes up early, they know it's my Holy Hour, I need a minute to myself to contemplate and dream and hear guidance and be intuitive and spark my day so that I'm ahead versus my day chasing me.

Lesley Logan 31:53  

Yeah, I'm a big fan of the morning being like for you, there's gotta be some part of it, we had a guest on who was like, 30 minutes is 2% of your day. Like, can you just give yourself 2% of your day? Like, so that you can be out there for other people? And I think women especially, you know, they feel guilty about that, for whatever reason, I don't even know where that message came from. It's like generations old. Like, seriously, and then I love how you shared the vignette of that person. Because that's exactly why this podcast exists. One of the questions I was always getting was like, How are you so confident, I'm like, I am often just like, you can't see it. But I'm like that person who's just like, weeeee,, like just like, I'm just gonna go for it. I'm a little scared. Arms up, roller coaster ride, here we go. Till we land. So I was like, so clearly you think I'm confident but inside, I'm like, I'm shaking my boots. So, what am I doing? And one of those things was, is I was tired of hearing myself, I don't know how, I don't know how, I wish I knew how, I don't know how. And I, because I was starting my own business. And I was like, I'm gonna do this. No one in my family started a business. And I hated this. It felt like an excuse. It's like a complaint. I don't mind a complaint the first time but the second and third time now you just listen to yourself talk. We got it. Like there's, it's bothering you. And it's a highlight or have something to do. So, I started asking myself like, what if I didn't know if I didn't know how, what would I? What would I do? And you start to go oh, well, people who know how to run a business, they have to have people they delegate to. So maybe I just need to delegate some things. I don't know what I'm doing. Maybe I have to delegate myself to learn these things. Whatever it is, but, It's an acting as if and eventually all of a sudden you wake up and you are that person, you're not going to be it anymore. It just they come together and merge as much closer much sooner than you think than if you're just waiting and wonder if it could happen. You wouldn't even know if it hit you in the face, though. Because just like even in the beginning, when you're making all this money, because of the scarcity mindset stuff, it didn't even, it didn't stick. So, I really appreciate you sharing that because I feel like that's something you guys could rewind and listening again.

Jennifer Szpigiel 33:55  

Well, and you also just said something really powerful and important, because people wait for the feeling first before they action. So when I feel more confident than I will, when I feel more like an expert, then I will and they're waiting for these feelings to come first and they never come first, you're probably looked at as confident. Why because you're willing to action, you're willing to go before you're ready. And when you do those actions. That is the thing that backs you up with confidence because you can trust yourself. You follow through, you know that if this doesn't work, I'll pick myself up. I'll do it a different way. I'll try again. That's how you become a confident person. But I'll tell you right now, 95% of the world population is on the sidelines, looking in the arena so hungry to participate and be in there. They want to play so badly, but they're waiting to feel ready. When I feel more ready then I will, I hear it every single day and it's heartbreaking because that will never come first. You're never going to be ready to be a mom. You're never going to be ready to launch that next program. You're never going to be ready Ready to pivot in your business, you're never going to be ready to quit your job and start entrepreneurship, that perfect day and all the stars aligning is never going to happen. It's are you willing to bet on yourself? And when you are, then you will feel confident.

Lesley Logan 35:15  

Mm hmm. Oh, I can keep talking to forever. But I just want to, I love that, I think people need it, like, keep that right there. Yeah, so yeah, thank you for being here. We're not gonna let you go though. We're gonna take a brief break, find out where people can find you, follow you, become iconic with you. And then your Be It action items. // All right, Jen. So, this has been amazing. Love everything you said. If people want to work with you, find you, stalk you a little bit more in the kind way, where do they go?

Jennifer Szpigiel 35:44  

Well, it's really easy to find me Becoming Iconic. And becomingiconic.co is the website if they're interested in checking out the magazine, the podcast, you know, different ways of working with me if that is of interest, but I do recommend the podcast because it's free. And you can really get to know who I am and what I stand for, and the different areas of expertise that I have. And then I also have a massive fan of my magazine becoming iconic. It's like Forbes meets Vogue, the digital copies free as well though, I do recommend getting these like beautiful, glossy pages sent to you every single month. 

Lesley Logan 36:14  

I love a magazine. Like there's something about it that I love to like, I feel like I'm like wasting time like sitting down and like even if I just like turn the page, I just feel like I can time I have leisure.

Jennifer Szpigiel 36:26  

So true. And that was exactly why I did it. It was a childhood dream. I went to school for fashion and PR because I wanted to start a lifestyle magazine never did, because I got married so young. And life just took over. But I brought it to life because that was exactly my vision. I'm like, What if she's in her silk robe in the morning sipping her coffee in her beautiful mug. And she's got these beautiful, glossy pages. And she's flipping through. And she's learning about business. And she's busy and inspired about lifestyle. And she's meeting gurus and moguls. And all of these resources are being presented to her like that was literally the visual. So that's what I created. So that is probably my favorite thing on earth.

Lesley Logan 37:04  

I loved it so much. Okay, well make sure all the links are in the show notes. Before I let you go, with what bold, executable, intrinsic, targeted steps can our listeners take to be it till they see it?

Jennifer Szpigiel 37:16  

So, I would say we go back to what we just said, you and I both have that confidence. You know? They're seeking the confidence, they're seeking the readiness, they want to know, like, should I do this? Should I not? I don't know. And they're wavering so much in their potential and their capacity and what they're being called to do. And people are praying for you, like, that's the honest to God truth, we have to remember this, we have to take ourselves out of the equation sometimes remember, whatever it is, you're thinking about doing, whatever that is, somewhere in the world, someone's praying for you, that answer, that gift, that service, that product, whatever it may be. So take yourself out of the equation and go forward and serve the people like literally make it available for someone whose life could potentially be drastically changed. And when you do that, then you will feel confident then you'll start to feel ready because the evidence will start showing up for you. But you've got to make that bold, audacious move first, stop waiting for life to show and prove to you that you're ready. You show life and business that you're ready.

Lesley Logan 37:16  

Yes, yes. Oh my goodness. Oh, I'm so, I'm like, it's the end of my workday. And I'm like ready to take it on again. Oh my gosh, Jen, this is way too much fun. We'll have to do this again. I have to like, we have to have our worlds have to collide another time because you're just so wonderful. I am so grateful for you. Thank you for being here. Everyone, how you going to use these steps in your life? What was your favorite takeaway? Tag Jen, tag the Be It pod and let us know and then share this with a female friend of yours who needs to hear it, who needs to be reminded that they are amazing already who they are and we don't have to go around becoming more masculine or more feminine. We actually just have to dive in a little bit more into what we want to do and why we want to do it. So thank you and until next time, Be It Till You See It.

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram.

 I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. 

Brad Crowell 39:03  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Leslie Logan and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 39:03  

It is produced, edited by the Epic team at Disenyo. 

Brad Crowell 39:03  

Theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music, and our branding by designer and artist Gianfranco Cioffi. 

Lesley Logan 39:03  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals and Ximena Velazquez for our transcriptions. 

Brad Crowell 39:03  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all the content to our website. And finally to Meridith Crowell for keeping us all on point and on time.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Get ready to unlock the incredible power of boundless positivity in your life as you dive into this inspiring episode of FYF with Lesley. Delve into the incredible ways this mindset propels individuals towards personal victories and exponential growth, while also uncovering the transformative effects of celebrating achievements.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] .

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

• How feedback helps you realize the impact of your work on others' lives.
• The art of embracing a wide range of wins in your personal and professional life.
• The transformative effect of receiving acknowledgement from others for positive personal growth.
• Why it's crucial to create an environment that fosters self-celebration and kindness.

Episode References/Links:

• Mentions, Bianca Filoteo, an agency member
• Mentions, Laurie Sindlinger, an agency member
• Mentions, Adrian, an agency member
• Be It Till You See It Episode 220 “The Key to Unlocking Your Potential with Shay Kostabi”

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.

Get your 15% discount for Toe Sox – use coupon code LESLEY15

Be It Till You See It Podcast Survey

Be in the know with all the workshops at OPC

Be a part of Lesley’s Pilates Mentorship

Resources

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube!
• Lesley Logan website
• Be It Till You See It Podcast
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube
• Profitable Pilates

Social Media

• Instagram
• Facebook
• LinkedIn

Episode Transcript:

 Lesley Logan 0:00  

It's Fuck Yeah Friday. 

Brad Crowell 0:00  

Fuck yeah. 

Lesley Logan 0:00  

Get ready for some wins.

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started. 

All right, hello, Be It babe, what's up? Happy Friday the 14th. What is going on? I can't believe it. Technically, I am in Santa Barbara, as you're listening to this, I am filming (...) time. And so that's exciting. But let me start with the wins of you guys because I have some more wins to share than that. It's a win to be in Santa Barbara. Oh my goodness. This is a beautiful town. But anyways, let me talk about you guys. So Bianca VillaTeo from Agency. She said FYS is because she forgot to post on Friday. So I guess Saturday, my client who lives in the opposite end of the city, who travels 30 plus minutes, my studio told me yesterday that she is loving Pilates more and more, feeling a difference in her body and is so happy to have found my studio. That amazing when you hear things like that, I know like, I wanted to share this one just because like that kind of win can feel like so small, like someone loves you, what you're doing or whatever. But like people are taking time to work with you. And then they actually take the time to share how much they are enjoying it. You got to celebrate those wins in big ways because those are bigger wins than we give ourselves credit for. So thank you, Bianca for letting us share that. And also for inspiring others to share wins like that as well. We have Laurie Cindy Linder. So some pretty good stuff. This week, she met with her financial planner. And she was truly impressed by how much my Pilates business has grown in two years. She didn't know it's possible to make this much in a Pilates studio. I want to pause there. Fuck yeah. That's amazing. That's so great. And also, can I just shout from the rooftops? You can make money in the Pilates business. You absolutely can. Yes, you do have to have systems and rules in place. But that's why I teach in Agency and that's why Laura is in there. And that's why she just blew her financial planners mind away. Wonderful. Okay, back to Lori's wins. I gave my summer vacation day to my clients and found subs for all the classes while I'm gone. I have a lot of travel this summer, but I don't feel worried about telling clients anymore. It was better to be clear and unapologetic about my time off. I've been seeing a family of young competitive dancers and I was nervous about trying to teach different ages simultaneously, is going way better than expected. And the girls seem to really like to, and I listened to this week's Be It pod with Shay Kostabi and was so blown away by thinking of how I'm not for everyone and how that actually protects the clients that I am made for, just gonna let that sink in. If you haven't listened to Shay Kostabi's episode, please listen to it. It's so so good. And then her wins continue. Because it goes to this point of what her Shay's episode, I didn't like when someone came very late to math class last week without signing up and complain that there was not enough room for her while asking others to move. I want my classes to protect those that sign up in advance and arrive on time and want to be able to focus in class. I might not be for everyone, but I love the tribe I do have and want to continue giving them the experience they have come to expect. And then I absolutely loved watching my daughter's dance performance. And she had posted a picture from this group. I actually love watching my daughter's dance performance. And she ran into one of our Agency members, Adrian at our studios. It was so fun to see her. So Holy cow, do you see how many freaking wins you can celebrate in a week? You guys, if you just start counting your wins, you can celebrate that many. So now, let me tell you my win. So my win is pretty fierce. I think. It took me a little bit of time to just kind of like get my thoughts around it. So it's actually a few weeks ago, one of ,someone who listened to this pod and someone who is becoming a Pilates instructor was in town and asked for a Pilates session, which I do offer when people are visiting. So she came in for a private session. And we were chatting and just go over different things. And at the end (...) She was like, how did you get to be so positive? And like, happy? Like, how did you get to see the world so positively. And honestly, you guys like that question floored me and brought me so much joy. Because I think I've ,I think I was always I know, I was always so hard on myself. I know that like, I could see positive things in others and not in myself and I could find all the different flaws that were happening. And if somebody were to, you know, bully on themselves, like say something nasty about themselves. I'm gonna be like, Oh, that's not true. Don't say that. But like, now I'm like, actually, here's what I see. You know? And so the whole session was just really awesome because I got to, I was truly myself and the person I've always wanted to be. And when she asked that I was like, Oh my God. I've been it till I saw it. And I mean, I know I arrived here a lot sooner. But it was just really cool for someone to see that and then also inquire because it tells me that the overt things I'm doing to make sure that people celebrate themselves and are kind to themselves and believe in themselves that those things are creeping in, creeping enough for someone to go, how did you get here? Like, I just that is such a massive win. I hope I'm making sense because I am just so proud of this one. So I want to share that because I think sometimes we don't recognize just how far we've come in our life until someone sees it in us. I mean, that's, it's hard to read the label when you're inside the bottle, right? So, so thank you to the person who came to my house and helped me see like, I'm fucking being the person I've always wanted to be. And I probably been this for a really long time. But it's so nice that someone saw that. And I am not positive all the time. I think it's really important that you know that like, it's not like a walk around like this happy, shiny person. However, I really tried to find the positivity in any situation. So I can take some action and move forward from it. I try really hard to not bemoan myself, or if I am upset about something with the way I did something, or the way I appear that day, or what I did, I try really, really hard to not judge it and ask myself, what is it that I'm not liking? Or if that is even true? Is it even true? Or is this a story I'm telling myself? Is this is a story that someone told me? And so that allows me to grow from it, to take actions around the behavior I really do want to have and move forward. So I just want to say like, it's not like a walk around, like it's fucking rainbows and unicorns around here, because it's not. It's not. But I am very conscious of making sure that I create spaces of positive places, so that wherever I am, I can bring that joy that someone might need that day. And so at any rate, I'm so proud of, I'm so proud of that. I'm so proud that I'm celebrating like how that action that day allowed her to even consider, like, you could become that too. It's not like, it's not unachievable. Every single person every single one of us can actually start celebrating ourselves more and be kinder to ourselves. So that's my FYF this week, make sure that you share yours tagged the Be It pod in your wins on Instagram, whatever social media you use, and we can share them here on the pod Alright, have an amazing day. 

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram.  I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network.

Brad Crowell 7:30  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Leslie Logan and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 7:30  

It is produced, edited by the Epic team at Disenyo. 

Brad Crowell 7:30  

Theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music, and our branding by designer and artist Gianfranco Cioffi. 

Lesley Logan 7:30  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals and Ximena Velazquez for our transcriptions. 

Brad Crowell 7:30  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all the content to our website. And finally to Meridith Crowell for keeping us all on point and on time.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

In this candid episode, Lesley and Brad unpack the power of empathy for those dealing with grief. Drawing on Krista St-Germain's wisdom, they share insights and advice for support in challenging times. It's a deep dive into understanding and navigating the healing journey.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] .

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

• In this candid episode, Lesley and Brad unpack the power of empathy for those dealing with grief.
• Drawing on Krista St-Germain's wisdom, they share insights and advice for support in challenging times.
• It's a deep dive into understanding and navigating the healing journey.

Episode References/Links:

• OPC Workshops and Workouts
• Profitable Pilates Workshops UK
• West Coast Summer Tour
• Contrology Pilates Conference (Poland)
• Cambodia Pilates Retreat
• Jake Kelfer Website

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.

Get your 15% discount for Toe Sox – use coupon code LESLEY15

Be It Till You See It Podcast Survey

Be in the know with all the workshops at OPC

Be a part of Lesley’s Pilates Mentorship

Resources

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube!
• Lesley Logan website
• Be It Till You See It Podcast
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube
• Profitable Pilates

Social Media

• Instagram
• Facebook
• LinkedIn

Episode Transcript:

Brad Crowell 0:00  

I think the natural inclination is to commiserate. But we might not actually be able to understand what they're going through, because we may not have experienced something like that. And then we come up with something that like, I don't know, maybe we heard it at church or whatever. And that's, you know, it sounds like it could be helpful, but actually, it's minimizing what they're going through.

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

Lesley Logan 2:20  

Welcome back to the Be It Till You See It interview recap where my co host in life Brad and I are going to dig into the life altering convo I had with Krista St. Germain in our last episode. If you haven't yet listened to that interview, feel free to pause this now. Go back and listen to that one. And then come back and join us, going to be honest, grab your Kleenex called your tissue. It was a shout out to Bel. I did not actually give the team any forewarning on the episode. 

Brad Crowell 2:46  

I know, Bel and Kevin produce our show.

Lesley Logan 2:50  

I know. It's, I don't want to give too much away. But this is an episode on grief. And yeah. And so, you know, what I'm so grateful of as soon as we did this, as soon as we, I did this interview with Krista. I really made a point to be more conscious of how I handled people who were grieving. And in a way, not that I wasn't making conscious choices before, but I would always be aware of like, how I didn't know what to say, and I didn't want to fuck it up. 

Brad Crowell 3:20  

Well, I mean, the thing you can't see right up to the interviewer and you were like, don't ask, you know, don't say like, anything I can do to help, just tell me, don't just do stuff. And I was like, I don't really understand what we're talking about here.

Lesley Logan 3:36  

Don't say that anymore. Don't just say I'll do whatever you need. Just let me know if you need anything.

Brad Crowell 3:43  

Let me know if you need anything. And I was like, Okay.

Lesley Logan 3:46  

Well what happened was literally the day after I did this interview, one of our Agency members lost their father. And then that set the week before one of our agency members niece had a shocking, like a very not expected passing. And I was like okay, everyone suggested resources Krista St. Germain's entire podcast and catalog. This is not a place where we do grief, this is a business coaching group but clearly when people grieving we're not going to apologize. We're not going to say we're here if you need anything, they need a lot of shit, they don't have time to tell you. 

All right before we get started today is international rock day? Yeah, it's not about rock music. It's about rocks, like the actual rocks.

Brad Crowell 5:06  

Actual rocks, so go kiss a rock today.

Lesley Logan 5:09  

I just want to say like shout out to all my millennial friends who have had a pet rock. And any of you who enjoy like seeing a rock. Brad has a friend who like literally collects rocks from like very famous places...(Brad: He does he collects rocks from around the world) In our living room we have many, many of these random rocks now because of him. I think it was intention to give it to him, there is a rock from Alcatraz in our livingroom.

Brad Crowell 5:38  

Sorry Michael, never passed that one along. Actually, I think that as funny as the pet rock concept is, I bet y'all out there have your own pet rocks, crystals.

Lesley Logan 5:55  

That's what I was wondering, are my crystals rocks? And so I'm unsure. It's unclear, Brad's googling as we speak.

Brad Crowell 6:02  

Okay, so technically, a crystal is just a mineral that is not part of an aggregated solid like a rock, but instead it stands on itself. Okay, so maybe a crystal isn't a rock.

Lesley Logan 6:13  

It's not international crystal day, we'll figure out when that day is. At any rate. There are some beautiful rocks out there. Some are very smooth, there are very jagged, some of you can climb.

Brad Crowell 6:23  

And if you like cactuses. There are cactuses that look like rocks...(Lesley: Which ones?) Stone cactus. 

Lesley Logan 6:30  

 Oh, well, yes. I think I recall that. 

Brad Crowell 6:32  

It looks so cool. Y'all. Right now. Google stone cactus. Trust me. They're cool looking.

Lesley Logan 6:39  

I really think he thinks you're all googling...(Brad: they're so colorful) let us know if you do. All right. Okay. Well, wonderful. That's amazing. Thanks, babe. We also just wrapped up our first virtual summer camp. So an OPC. In the past, we've done like, one every other month, or what a quarter where we do a workshop or a workout. And it's just one. And the reality is, is there's actually only 52 weekends a year. And then you add all the holidays from around the world, and you're down to like 10. And the reality is, is like, it's just too complicated track 42 Yeah, so we decided to take all of our amazing teachers, and our contributors, and just like, zoom it up with some amazing workshops and workouts, each of our teachers had their own individual one. And then we did a team one on the teaser, and it was freaking phenomenal. And those who bought it, whether you came or not, your replays are in your dashboard. So happy Pilates in and if you liked it, and there's other topics you want, let us know we will add it to next. The next camp we do. But this was really fun, because everybody got to do one at one big shebang. And now people have access to them all the time.

Brad Crowell 7:45  

Yeah. And if you want to get on the waitlist for when the next one may be go to opc.me/event.

Lesley Logan 7:51  

Thanks, babe. And now we are about to leave for the UK. We're headed out there. We can't wait. In fact, I don't even know if there's spots left. But you're welcome to check at opc.me/uk but we are going to be in Leeds. We're leaving my dad in Dundee, Scotland. Fingers crossed. Fingers crossed that he is there when we get there.

Brad Crowell 8:11  

When we get back. 

Lesley Logan 8:12  

Yeah, I'm sure he will be...(Brad: he's gonna be just fine) He's so excited about it.

Brad Crowell 8:16  

And he's been talking about it for weeks. He's already busted out his Scottish accent. 

Lesley Logan 8:23  

Oh, yes. And I think he's getting his kilt lined. Oh, yep. So he might be in that. It's unclear. Anyways, he's ready to go. And we're gonna do Scotland with him and leave him there while we go to Leeds and teach some workshops and then pick him back up. And then we'll do some more touristy stuff. We're not going to see Stonehenge speaking of rocks. This is true. It seems to be a little out of the way. 

Brad Crowell 8:48  

Yeah, it's in the middle of nowhere.

Lesley Logan 8:49  

Yeah. Unclear if it's like necessary to like make the adventure. So we'll do it another time. If it is. You let us know. Next month. We are on the first ever West Coast tour. You guys. At the time of recording this. We literally had announced it 48 hours ago. And holy frickin moly. Yeah, you West Coast, way to like, say, hey, West Coast best Coast like no offense to our winter tour people.

Brad Crowell 9:13  

But we're making it a contest, y'all.

Lesley Logan 9:15  

Shit the amount of tickets that already (...) It's okay, we're coming. It's gonna be good. We're coming. It's happening. We're so excited to see you bringing the flashlights and also on this tour. We're doing workshops. So we have lots of workshops. So those of you who do want CCS, or you want to understand the fast or some other things, we're doing some lots of workshops, lots of workshops. Yeah, and we can see my mom shout out to my mom and and a bunch of our favorite people on this planet with eLevate, and Agency, and OPC.

Brad Crowell 9:44  

So if you're interested in figuring out where we're going to be. We are leaving on August 6, we're gonna be back on the 21st roughly and somewhere in the middle of there. We're going south towards Southern California then central, Northern, and then up through Oregon, Washington.

Lesley Logan 10:00  

We made sure to pick all of the hot cities we're talking all of them Long Beach, Redlands, Bakersfeld, Hanford...(Brad: Bakers feld?) Yeah, Bakersfeld...(Brad: field, Bakersfield). Yeah. Modesto

Brad Crowell 10:19  

Fairfeld. Just go to opc.me/tour

Lesley Logan 10:25  

Seattle is probably the one that I think (...)

Brad Crowell 10:30  

Portland still not sure

Lesley Logan 10:31  

But like but I mean like I just want to shout out to all these other cities because you know what? You guys always travel to the big cities to get someone to see you and we're coming to you

Brad Crowell 10:41  

Heck yeah. It's gonna be awsome. Looking forward to it. It's gonna be a crazy whirlwind for us. I can't wait. Yeah. All right next we've got September, Poland. Go to pilatescontrology. Forgot to look it up, actually, yeah, we'll get you the link. There'll be a link to that in the show notes...(Lesley: I think it is pilatescontrologyconference.com) I think that's what it is pilatescontrologyconference.com Let's see what happens there. Nope, that's not it.

Lesley Logan 11:10  

Conference Contrology, that's gonna be in the show notes. Guys do not

Brad Crowell 11:16  

contrologypilatesconference.com we just flip the, you know?

Lesley Logan 11:16  

I mean, sometimes I'm word dyslexic. Is that a thing? Anyway!

Brad Crowell 11:23  

October, Cambodia. Y'all have heard us talk about this 1000 times go to Lesley logan.co/retreat. Join us, there are still tickets. there's still room

Lesley Logan 11:32  

Just a few. And also we got to talk to a couple of our retreaters last week and I'm like, Oh my God. Yeah, I saw Ainsley like, I've seen you in July and October. 

Brad Crowell 11:41  

Ans there's Jenny, coming from Australia. Yes. We have people coming from all over the world. It's gonna be amazing. 

Lesley Logan 11:48  

Really the best time to buy the flights now anyways, so you haven't, You haven't crossed (...) enough. You can still come.

Brad Crowell 11:54  

Yeah, it's true. All right, it is true. 

Lesley Logan 11:56  

(...) Audience question, in case you didn't understand what was happening on your Friday downloads of the podcast, the FYF situation is we share wins and I thought it would be fun for you, those of you who may be skipping the FYFs to feel what it's like to be like to be inspired by wins.

Brad Crowell 12:15  

Because you know who you are...(Lesley: Yeah, you're the people) we know who you are.

Lesley Logan 12:18  

You know who you are? You're the person on like, oh, what's what's great going on right now. It's just been a really hard day. (...) What's the great thing happening right now? Well, actually, to be honest, like negative assay. So here's the thing. I am sharing a few of our wins. So the first one is from Sonia, this is from eLevate, she's an eLevate round two. And she said even if LL has said it a gazillion times, Pinkie side of the hand on the handle. I'm really seeing it everywhere now. And how it immediately connects people's arms and my own to their backs. Bloody brilliant. I didn't say it with the accent. And it's in so many of the exercises too, but took me a lot of time and exploration to find it, feel it and experienced it myself before I've been able to pass it on really loving this journey. Sonia. I'm loving you on the journey. Olivia, also, in round two said, I pitched the idea of Joe's gym class to some of my clients this week. They really love the idea and we're actually so excited. I finally realized that I didn't need to be so scared to teach it with my in person clients. Just because they're not teacher doesn't mean that they don't have the same client instructor trust that we all have started up in a few weeks (...) Everybody should be doing those gyms. It makes your clients even get more out of a group class. I love that. UK Claire, you guys.

Brad Crowell 13:34  

We're gonna be seeing her in a couple days. 

Lesley Logan 13:36  

We also gonna see Sonia in Leeds. Oh, perfect. So you clicked Claire said my editor came back a day early with her initial evaluation. My tummy flipped and I thought that that meant it needed a huge overhaul. Okay, what she's talking about, and she's writing a book. Yeah, well, while she's written a book, I was wrong and actually meant that she was really impressed with it. And thanks. I made my point clear. Wow. Now it feels more real. I actually wrote a book and someone read it and liked it. Cool. Sidenote, Jake Kelfer is who (...) the book with so if you listen to his podcast, and you're like, I don't know if I should write a book. She did it and and thanks she did it (...) Two other agency members have signed up to write a book with Jake

Brad Crowell 14:18  

Yeah, so it's only been like two months, three months or whatever. And now we got books happening. So kicking ass 

Lesley Logan 14:26  

And by the way, Claire started writing this at the beginning of this year and her books gonna be out this year. Like wow, it happens so fast. Her second win is when we are on our way to our dream cottage in Scotland for two weeks and last night I found a one five and 10 year plan I wrote on May 25 2021...(Brad: Okay, two years ago, yep.) First, on the firt on one year list was we have our dream cottage in Scotland. And we had a bump in the road last year we lost a house but that's not the house that was meant for us, this cottage 100% is, I'd written a vision for a traditional cottage in a village with hills and a river and the sea. The house last year had one of those, this cottage has all of them. Y'all fucking write your wins down, write your wants down, and then go for it. So this is, so, every Friday I share several wins from people in the community, I share one of mine. And as you can see, some of these are like really big. Some of these have taken a long time. And some of these are just as simple as like a Ha, ha. And I love sharing these because it's so important to me that we start to see evidence for things that we are actually doing in this planet, in this world, because that is how confidence is built. So thanks for letting me take over the audience question to share some wins. I'll be back tomorrow with a bunch more

Brad Crowell 14:36  

Okay, now let's talk about Krista St. Germain. Krista St. Germain is a widow and grief expert who has turned her own devastating loss into a strategy for growth. Krista now helps others navigate through their own grief and trauma as a coach and a podcast host. Yeah, we already kind of mentioned at the top of the show here, y'all. But I was like listening as I was listening, like I'm working and I'm listening and, and like Leslie's like, Hey, cool. So we're gonna dig into grief today. And she's like, Yeah, you know, I'm a grief expert. It's like, okay, great. That's so good. And then, like two sentences into the pod. I was like, I'm sorry, what? I can't even work. I have to listen to the entire thing now. So it definitely it's, uh, you know, grabs your attention. It's a really sad story.

Lesley Logan 17:04  

It's a really sad story. It does look like it's such a hard story, because I feel like it is so unique to her. But also, every single one of you who have listened know someone who has gone through something, if not yourself. And as she was talking, I was thinking about all the different people I know, in my life at that moment, who were really struggling with grief, and I could see why some of them are struggling more than others, just based on what we tell people. Oh, time heals all wounds. Right. You're never given more than God thinks you can handle. All these things? Like who? Who had that? Like, do you hear that? Do you want to be told that? Anyways, like I said, a really top of the show. I have literally sent her whole podcast out and I'm like, Oh, she's got a quiz. She has a quiz, y'all. If you are unsure what you need, you can take a grief quiz with her. And she'll be like, here's all the episodes that are related to the grief you're in right now, which I think is phenomenal. Because you might not even know what you need, you know. So anyways, one of our friends, little, little one went through a really shocking loss. And I didn't want to pry. And they were just like, hey, does anyone have anything for children going through grief? And I followed up with her today, like this weekend, and I just was like, hey, I want to check on you. And your daughter, like, how are you guys doing? You know, you're like working and everything. And she told me what happened. And it was so great to not have to say I'm so sorry. I could just say that's really hard. Yeah. And I could inquire about bringing her some things, and not overwhelming her on the summer vacation. So it just felt really good to not feel like okay, I'll just say I'm so sorry. That sucks. You know, like it felt good. Now that it's about me, but you don't know what to do about people you love when they're going through this and you're like, I don't, I don't know what to do.

Brad Crowell 18:57  

Yeah, I mean, you know, she basically, you know, you will fail if you try to make it better with words. And that's kind of what Krista was talking about. Yeah, one of one of the things 

Lesley Logan 19:11  

Well speaking of what I loved, stop try to make it better with words.

Brad Crowell 19:15  

I felt we were already there. I was like wow, yeah, we transition without realizing.

Lesley Logan 19:19  

I also just, I'm so good at transitions. I also really, like, she said we need to cut ourselves a break. We won't always say the right thing. And I think that that is really hard for a lot of people listening, hello my perfectionists and overachievers who just want to like, be amazing with the casseroles. Speaking of, there's another episode, don't bring fucking casseroles coming up but like it's, you know, you're gonna you're gonna step on the words you're not going to, you're going to regret some things you said and it's and words don't actually make it better. So she so I don't know that we need to like put these in your head but they're in a better place is not something you say, at least they are no longer suffering, like all that stuff. I understand why we say it and I even have like, heard it in my head when people have gone through it without saying the words. And it's like, why are these like the ear worms that are going on?

Brad Crowell 20:16  

Well, I think, I think the natural inclination is to commiserate. But we might not actually be able to understand what they're going through, because we may not have experienced something like that. And then we come up with something that like, I don't know, maybe we heard it at church or whatever. And that's, you know, it sounds like it could be helpful, but actually, it's minimizing what they're going through. And we're not trying to minimize but you know, like (...)

Lesley Logan 20:43  

Well, and speaking of, like she said, it's been, but what also says that what people grieving need is for another person to not feel discomfort with their emotions, like, like, we need to, we need to not commiserate with them, because they actually are going to feel like they have to take care of your emotions. There was this woman that I went to, and she was a therapist, and she was bringing people up on the stage and they were sharing, you know, they're asking a question to get some support from her. And she said, before she brought anyone up, she said, Okay, here's the deal. I'm gonna bring people up, and they're gonna share some things that you're gonna want to like, apologize for, commiserate with them, you're gonna see him in the bathroom and you want to go I'm sorry for what happened to you. And she says, You're not allowed to say that. Because the answer, the response that we are trained when we are children growing up to I'm sorry, is it's okay. 

Brad Crowell 21:37  

Right! And it's not okay. 

Lesley Logan 21:40  

And so she was like, you can say, thank you for sharing your story. But you are not allowed to say I'm so sorry.

Brad Crowell 21:47  

Well, I love, I mean, she wrapped that whole section up with saying, like, like, the reality is, they just want to be seen. And, but what does that actually mean? Like, I just want to be seen, right? They don't want you to go to (...)

Lesley Logan 22:01  

I think what happens is we avoid, if we don't know what to say we just stop reaching out. And like, that makes them feel isolated. And, and so being seen is like, I think just showing up and dropping things off. And if it wasn't helpful, okay, like, you know, you don't have to actually like knock on the door and to get answered, you could leave things or, you know, you can try and think of someone else I was talking to, you know, somebody just picked our kids up from school. Just did it, didn't ask, Can I pick your kids up from school? was like, Hey, I'm picking up the kids this week. I'm taking care of yours. Like, No, you're not, you know, like, didn't kidnap them. But like, the scene is like, anticipating people's needs. If you're a mom, and the person who lost someone's a mom, well put yourself in those shoes. What would you go fuck, who's going to do that? 

Brad Crowell 22:57  

I mean, the casserole can be that. But I also think that that's like, I think that the bigger picture here is that dropping off a casserole isn't the end of this, it shouldn't be...(Lesley: you also walk the dog.) You know, there's a million different things that you can do. But I think when you're actually in the moment, and you're speaking with them, the you know, like, sitting there and just being there is really, really powerful. You know, and you don't have to say anything. You just say I love you.

Lesley Logan 23:29  

I actually think not saying anything and being in that space and saying that and like holding, like just being there holding their hand. All of the things, so, being seen is what they want. And you can see people in different ways and it's not with words. Anyways, what did what did you love? So what did you love about the death?

Brad Crowell 23:51  

What did you love about grief journey and listening to her story? I felt like the permission that she gave that feelings are okay, is really important. And I know you all have heard me talk about my divorce before, but that was like the biggest sadness, like grief moment in my world, and that I've ever had in my life. And so I always relate back to like, I think back to that moment for me, and it was really interesting to listen to the second half of the interview, where she was talking about the overwhelming feelings. I mean, I was just talking about this with my dad. Not even a month ago, their dog, you know, they had to put their dog down, he was too old and his legs weren't working and he couldn't walk. And so you know, it was that time and you know how much we all get attached to our pets. We love them like they're family. They are family. And for the very first time in my life, I actually had a moment with my dad, where it was like truly emotional. And he said, I asked them, I said, you know, how are you feeling about, you know, the dog not being there? And he said, Well, it's really weird. And I look around the house and I see things that I expect there to be the dog. And he's not there. I mean, they had him for 13 years, you know? And he said, it's caused a lot of like, emotions to well up, that I don't even expect them. And they just happen.

Lesley Logan 25:51  

I think like, Krista even brought that up...(Lesley: Yeah, she did.) Like, even though she knew it was gone, there was just like, certain places, she expected him to be.

Brad Crowell 26:02  

Yeah, like in bed, or she mentioned the garage door going up and expecting it to be pulling in. Yeah, you know, but what I thought was unbelievably helpful with that, specifically that, is that she said, our brain has expectations, which I find so funny, because it makes so much sense. I believe that all life is managed based on expectations, and the way we communicate our expectations will allow life to be amazing or shitty. But your brain has expectations too, which I thought was like, Oh, I didn't even realize that, when she heard the garage door up open for a long time. I don't know how long they were married. It was almost always probably her husband coming home. Right? So she said, You need to effectively be reprogrammed or be intentionally reprogramming your brain to or, you know, until that reprogramming happens. Yes, you will naturally associate that with the expectation of this thing, whether it's rolling over and your spouse is on the other side of the bed. Or and when you realize that that's not reality. What happens you become emotional, that's just natural. She said your brain, you need to, it will reprogram over time. She said it just simply takes time. I mean, how many times did the garage door open? You know how long will it take for it to open and not be associated with that her husband come home?

Lesley Logan 27:30  

Yeah, I love this. I know it's in your notes. But she says broken heart syndrome is real. Where the heart actually aches. 

Brad Crowell 27:37  

Yeah. I didn't look that up. 

Lesley Logan 27:43  

So, it's, the broken heart is not reflective of what is wrong with you. It's just grief impacts people differently. So like, I think it's so interesting. Some people feel grief so intensely in the beginning, some people don't even feel at the beginning. But then all of a sudden they felt later, right? And I think that like it's important to know that you are allowed to process the grief however you want and people, don't let people tell you that you aren't or are you are grieving too much. You're grieving too little. You should be taking a break like you do need to.

Brad Crowell 28:16  

I do want to amend that statement. You're allowed to process the grief anywhere that you want that isn't self destructive. Oh, yeah. If you finding yourself in a self destructive mode, then it's absolutely time to seek help. Right. And I think, you know, it was, for me, this self destruction was drinking. I would come home and drink until I would go to sleep. And you know, fortunately, unfortunately, there came a point where I was having a hard time at work, it was affecting my, you know, me functioning in the rest of my life, and I could no longer hide it. And I also felt like absolute shit. And I realized like, Okay, I have a choice to make here. You know, but it's also you might not realize that you're in self destructive.

Lesley Logan 29:05  

Well, she said, this is where compassion for ourselves is important. Focusing on the basics of self care, which we should be celebrated. Hi, thanks by celebrations. Did we eat today? Did I shower today? Again, overdo it and perfectionist. Like we have got to understand that like, what I mean, like my girlfriend just had a baby. And that was like, I was like, did you eat today? Did you shower today? Like, I think it's, I think we put these high expectations on ourselves, even in a grief process. Like I should be over this now. Right? Oh, I see. I see different posts like even

She mentioned the one year mark. People have this expectation that I'll be better.

I know. And like I saw this in my mom. She was like putting this pressure like it's been two years. I thought it'd be easier and it's like, what? It's not a race. It's not like a like turn on the time clock and like it's ding timers over. Dinner's ready and you're grief free, like, right? It doesn't work like that. And so I thought, like, I love that she's like focus on the basis of self care because like, we should always be doing that. And especially in that time, and if you can, if you can be compassionate to yourself in grief, what a muscle you can have afterwards.

Brad Crowell 30:18  

Well, that's what I loved the permission that she gave of feelings are okay, because that, the two year mark where, you know, your mom's dad passed away, and you know, they lived next door to each other. So like, it was like part of her entire life. He's literally there and also mom a couple years before that, right? And so, the two year mark, there's no magic like, thing, right? And so, but if you know that the feelings are okay, it's okay to have feelings. And they're actually normal, and they're natural. And they're part of you, you know, moving through this experience. You know, I thought it was a really, really amazing permission. So, like you said, don't be bummed. Don't beat yourself up if you're like, like, how come I'm not over this already? Or whatever. You know?

Lesley Logan 31:14  

I think so. Krista, shout out to you and the work that you're doing for so many because my goodness, we weren't taught this in school.

Brad Crowell 31:21  

No. Although we did learn about the five stages of grief which I promptly forgot. So anyway.

Lesley Logan 31:31  

People can listen to her tell them and that's fine, because that's why we have the interview. And the recap. 

Brad Crowell 31:36  

No, no, I meant in school when I was growing up. That's all I learned about grief. Like, I just knew there were stages, but I didn't really know what they were, you know?

Lesley Logan 31:44  

Did she even bring up if those were good or not?

Brad Crowell 31:46  

She said they don't matter. She did bring them up, or you brought that up.

Lesley Logan 31:50  

Are you talking about like anger?

Brad Crowell 31:51  

Yeah, I just know that, you know, time is the natural healer.

Lesley Logan 32:00  

Except for you don't say that. You don't say that. 

Brad Crowell 32:05  

No, don't say that to someone who's grieving. 

Lesley Logan 32:08  

But you don't say it to someone who's grieving.

Brad Crowell 32:10  

Yeah, I just, I just know, for me, it was that's my, my personal experience is, you know, with my, I remember thinking about my ex, every single day, whether I wanted to or not, something would happen, where I would think of her. And I was, at first it was really, like, emotional, and it would send me down this path. And then I got frustrated with myself, actually, that I was still thinking about her why I'm, like, ready to move past this, you know, and then, and then I can't even pinpoint the day that just stopped happening. And I was living my life. And then one day, I was like, Oh, shit, I just realized that I haven't had that recurring thought cycle, you know, a month or three months or something like that.

Lesley Logan 33:03  

It was because of me. I stepped up your life. (...)

Brad Crowell 33:08  

(...) Just marry Lesley. 

Lesley Logan 33:14  

Just kidding. I just handled grief with humor.

Brad Crowell 33:22  

My wife, I love you.

Lesley Logan 33:25  

I love you.

Brad Crowell 33:27  

And we'll be right back. //Amazing.

Lesley Logan 33:32  

And on a high note, Jesus sewed down.

Brad Crowell 33:35  

All right. So we're gonna move on to those Be It action items. One second. All right. Get a drink. Well, I can talk. Yeah, hold on. I gotta clap a second.

All right. Now let's talk about those Be It action items, what bold, executable, intrinsic or targeted action items can we take away from your convo with Krista St. Germain?... Actually, I love this because I was so intrigued by this, that I looked it up and I started reading all about it...(Lesley: Did you do it?) I did it. I in fact, I've been doing it and we'll talk about it. So tapping, right? so it's called EFT Emotional Freedom Tapping. And I didn't realize it but I've just was naturally doing it to my own body. In fact, I've probably done it my whole life like if I feel like like you know, sometimes I just tap on my leg

Lesley Logan 35:07  

You actually do in EAT everyone can listen to a human talk about it for 17 hours, but it's this like thing at least (..)

Brad Crowell 35:12  

No but I don't know I don't know the differences between the two but the EFT part I didn't I so I looked it up there are a handful of pressure points that are acupressure points. One is the hand, the bottom of the hands like a karate chop. Right? One is on the side of your head, your eyebrows, underneath your eyes, and then also your chin. And then also I think like right up at the crown of your head or whatever. So what what I wasn't necessarily tapping, but what I have done my whole life is I've pushed, I've just pressed in on my eyebrows for like five seconds until a release happens. Right? And I didn't realize I do this naturally. I do it all the time on my chin. Yeah, I still do all the time. 

Lesley Logan 35:59  

There's reasons why we don't have the same office. But anyways, tapping.

Brad Crowell 36:05  

Yeah, so she said she's a big proponent of it EFT Emotional Freedom tapping. And it's, what she said about it, which I thought was really cool, was it's twofold for you know, you mentioned first off that grief is released through emotion movement...(Lesley: trauma leaves the body through movement) Sorry, trauma leaves the body through movement. And then she said and while we were doing it with because she's got a daughter and she said she would sit there and she would, you know, like together they would tap and she would say it's okay, it's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay. And she said when you tapped, when you tap on these, these acupressure points, it actually like literally sends like a release through your system. You're and I've totally experienced that. It's kind of amazing. So if you're struggling with grief, definitely look into EFT

Lesley Logan 36:59  

And she said there's a Tapping Solution app. Yeah, that's my takeaway. So she's not familiar with it, but she loves their work and super great for beginners. You know, I'm already thinking up to send this my friend and you can download it and pay for it. So she actually used to do with nightmares for children when they were young. So they were already like ready to go. So parents you can just start them tapping now in case they need to use as a tool. And like you said, you can fill your whole body relax.

Brad Crowell 37:24  

Yeah, she said it makes you feel safe. It reduces your cortisol level. You can literally feel your body relax. 

Lesley Logan 37:30  

Yeah, you guys, tap away...(Brad: tap away.) Tap, tap tap. I think there's a sweetie song tap tap tap in, anyways, that's where my brain went. You guys, I'm Lesley Logan.

Brad Crowell 37:42  

And I'm Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 37:43  

This is not the last time we're talking about grief. If you really enjoyed this conversation, please let us know so we can bring Krista back or bring in more experts on this because, my goodness, how does like how can grief like really truly make it feel like you're not able to Be It Till You See It? That's why I really wanted to bring her on. So let me know. Let us know how this helped you. Let us know what this allowed you to do, what permission it gave you. And if you try this tapping technique, tag the Be It pod, tag Krista and until next time. Be It Till You See It. Bye for now.

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network.  

Brad Crowell 38:13  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Leslie Logan and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 38:13  

It is produced, edited by the Epic team at Disenyo. 

Brad Crowell 38:13  

Theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music, and our branding by designer and artist Gianfranco Cioffi. 

Lesley Logan 38:13  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals and Ximena Velazquez for our transcriptions. 

Brad Crowell 38:13  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all the content to our website. And finally to Meridith Crowell for keeping us all on point and on time.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Join Lesley Logan in this powerful episode with Krista St-Germain as they delve into a poignant journey of grief transformation. Discover Krista's profound insights on supporting individuals in mourning and embracing self-care amidst the isolating nature of grief. 

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] .

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

• Krista's profound journey through grief after losing her husband.
• How to find solace in cognitive coaching tools.
• The isolating nature of grief.
• Discover steps for moving forward and toward healing. 
• How to navigate well-intentioned but unhelpful responses to grief. 

Episode References/Links:

• Krista St-Germain Website
• The Widowed Mom Podcast
• BroglieBox

Guest Bio:

Krista St-Germain is a Master Certified Life Coach, grief expert, widow, mom and host of The Widowed Mom Podcast. When her husband was killed by a drunk driver in 2016, Krista’s life was completely flipped upside down. And while it would have been easy to believe her best days were behind her, thankfully Krista discovered Life Coaching and Post Traumatic Growth and was able to move forward and create a future she could get excited about. Now she coaches and teaches other widows so they can love life again, too.

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Episode Transcript:

Krista St-Germain 3:02  

So I'm standing there on the side of the road texting my daughter who was 12 at the time to tell her that we would be late. And a car that we later found out the driver had meth and alcohol in his system. It's five 5.30 on a Sunday. It's well lit, hazard lights are on, right? but he did not see us, he did not break. And he just crashed right into the back of Hugo's car and trapped him in between his car and my car. And so it felt like this perfect future and amazing life that I had was just, like, ripped.

Lesley Logan 3:17  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

All right, Be It babes. Okay, so I have been really thinking about different types of guests, I wanted to bring on this show to talk about different topics. We talk a lot about your goals and your health and all about like helping you like, Be It Till You See It. And then there are moments in our life that are unplanned. And some of those moments that are unplanned are not just like, oh, you know, like, my internet went down today, and I couldn't do the work I wanted to do or my kid got sick, and I couldn't do the wreck one issue, some of those things actually involve loss, and grief. And as a recovering perfectionist and overachiever, I can see perfectionists, overachievers struggling with going towards their goals and working with grief. And so when I was, when I found today's guest, her name is Krista St-Germain, I was so excited, which is a weird way to feel about this topic. But I was so excited to bring her on to the podcast because she is the only person that can talk to you about grief in the way that she does. And I am, I really can't wait for you to listen to this episode because those of you who are in some acute kind of grief right now, I really hope this validates you and gives you a lot of permission. Those of you who are around people who are grieving right now, I hope that this helps you see things from a different perspective. We also talked about how you could say. She also mentioned after we were done, that she has a quiz on her website. That way, if you are going through grief, and you're unsure which episodes to listen to on our podcast, you can take a quiz, and it will tell you so our team will have all of those links below. I hope this is an episode that you save, that you keep that you can share the link to other people who are working with this and also her podcast specifically. Because there is, we have a lot of work to do around this topic. I believe in our world, we too often think okay, just give them a couple of weeks, and then they'll be fine and, you know, the people that they lost are in a better place and all these things and it's like we can do better, we can do better and not in a perfectionist way but just in an honest human way. And a lot of the things she talks about are really important in all areas of your life. And you know how we do one thing is how we do everything and so whether you're not going through any part of a grief process right now. I hope you do listen to this because I hope you hear those things that we keep saying when it comes to other parts of your life that will help you here because if you can actually practice those when you're not in a grief, you're not in a grieving stage, or grieving place I should say rather than stage, I think you're gonna have a better muscle for it. So anyways, I'm just gonna let Krista to take it away because she is just wonderful. And here is Krista St-Germain.

All right, Be it Babes, I have. I guess I've been really excited to bring on not because the topic is very exciting, but because it's actually like something that we can all guarantee we're going to have to go through. That will go through, and we have to learn. We need to learn how to work with it so that we can continue to be the amazing people we are in this world. Krista St Germain Can you tell everyone who you are and what you're up to these days? 

Krista St-Germain 6:03  

Absolutely. And I'm always excited when somebody is willing to talk about grief because it's never an exciting topic, but it is so valuable. So yeah, I'm Krista St. Germain. I am a master certified coach. I'm a widow. I'm a mom, I host a podcast called The Widowed Mom Podcast. And when I was 40, my husband died. I didn't come by this work, because it was something I really wanted to do. I just kind of got hurled into it. But it was my second marriage. First one kind of went down in flames. Second one was like the redemption story, write proof that you know you can be treated like you want to be treated and happiness is possible. And so I felt like I was really on a big high at that point in my life. And my husband and I had gone on a trip we driven separately wasn't too far away from where we lived. And we were almost home and I had a flat tire pulled over on the side of the interstate, he pulled up behind me. And even though we had triple A, but he was like that stubborn. I'll just do it. We can get home faster, you know, and so I just I let him but cars really whizzing by. So I'm standing there on the side of the road texting my daughter who was 12 at the time to tell her that we would be late. And a car that we later found out the driver had meth and alcohol in his system. It's five 5.30 on a Sunday. It's well lit, hazard lights are on, right? but he did not see us, he did not break. And he just crashed right into the back of Hugo's car and trapped him in between his car and my car. And so it felt like this perfect future and amazing life that I had was just, like, ripped. ...(Lesley: Oh my god). Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And what I found really quickly was that I didn't know anything about grief. Right? And what I did know wasn't actually that helpful was kind of inaccurate. And so when I got myself back to a place where I was like functioning again, I kind of ran out of resources. You know? Therapy was great in the beginning, but you kind of reach a point where you're back to functioning and people are telling you, Oh, you're so strong. And you you're doing so great. And you're like, I don't really think this is what great feels like like this is not what I want, right? So fast forward, long story, right? I did a bunch of my own research, I found cognitive coaching tools. I learned about post traumatic growth, I learned how to support my nervous system. I just did a whole bunch of work. And when I kind of got to a place where I was feeling good, I decided, all right, I don't want people to go through what I went through and not be able to find what they need because we live in a culture that is just so grief illiterate. So that's why I do what I do.

Lesley Logan 8:31  

Yeah, oh my goodness. I cannot not imagine losing your loved one, actually in the same place that you are and having no ability to help that. So I'm so sorry you went through that. But also like, I agree, like when we lose someone, everyone's like, Oh, time, time is really good. And time and it's like, is it? And so how interesting. I mean, like, I imagine this took a lot of time to go through all those trainings. Are you going back to school? Were you like reading books? What kind of prompted this?

Krista St-Germain 9:12  

I read so many grief books. Yeah, I mean, I just started looking for resources, right? for me early in grief, you know? a lot of us have this kind of grief fog experience where your grief affects your whole body. So your hormones are out of whack. You're not sleeping well. Your processing ability is just so limited, right? And so it was really frustrating to me as someone who has always read self help, always. I couldn't read and retain anything like I would just read it and it would just not stay in my brain. So it took me a while for that to subside enough where I actually could start reading and learning but yeah, I just started reading about grief and reading different grief theories. The only grief theory I had heard about was the five stages. I didn't know there were other grief theories, right? 

Lesley Logan 9:55  

I know, I've only heard the five stages and yeah, and I can't repeat them. So I think there's anger in there.

Krista St-Germain 10:02  

Somewhere I think we deny and then some said, Yeah, we're angry. And some Yeah, we bargain. Yeah. And that's, that's that's been my experience is that most people are exactly where I was, which is, that is the only grief theory they ever heard. And unfortunately, you know, even that work has just been really misused and misunderstood. And so we walk around trying to, you know, put square pegs in round holes and compare ourselves to what we think grief is supposed to be like, when that's actually not what it usually is like, and yeah, so...

Lesley Logan 10:33  

And also, like, and also you are a mom, you know? So like, there's, like, handling the grief, and also your child is also grieving, because you also, were not the same mother anymore. So I'm sure that that's another compounding layer. I want to know, like, how are you able to start to, first of all integrate into your life and then take on the role of like teaching this to others? Because that is a whole, I mean, I know that once we like learn things, you can learn it more if you teach it, but like, how did you come around, saying, I'm going to share this with others, because it means like, telling your story over and over again. And, and then being there for others.

Krista St-Germain 11:14  

Yeah, it actually took me a while, I kind of went through, I realized pretty quickly after he died, that what I was doing for a living was not feeding my soul. Like, it was making me a good living. And, but it wasn't a wasn't something I felt passionate about. And so I kind of already decided that I wanted to do something else. And I didn't exactly know what that would be. But my therapist was, she was like, You should become a therapist. You can come and you can work for me. And when I retire, you can buy my practice, and I will help you get into MFT school and all the things, right? She had it like totally planned out.

Lesley Logan 11:25  

Like, I got your I gotta for you like, oh, look at this. 

Krista St-Germain 11:53  

Yeah, you should just be a therapist. And you know how I mean, I'm sure you're the same way where people who end up in these kinds of professions, we naturally are people that other people come to anyway, right? So it made sense to me. So actually enrolled in a marriage and family therapy program. And simultaneously, I decided to enroll in a life coaching program. And the conclusion that I came to eventually was, I don't want to be a therapist. Coaching feels scarier to me, and it's much less known to me, right? and I don't see the path and people are probably going to think I'm crazy, but it's what's actually helping me. And so I'm not going to be there. So I didn't I enrolled, I was ready, I was waiting, it almost started. And then I pulled the plug on that. And I decided to become a coach. But at that point in time, I still was not planning to do grief work, because I just hadn't done enough of my own. I imagined I would be sad all the time I imagined it would, you know, be just too much too heavy. But as I went through more of my own work, and then certification, and then all the practicum and more coaching at a certain point I went, you know, it just really doesn't make any sense to do anything else. Like, this is where I'm uniquely qualified. To help someone and so... (Yeah, like, Yeah, okay. So yeah)

Lesley Logan 13:13  

That's such a, like, that's such a, I love that you're like, it was the scariest thing. You're like, oh, my gosh, because we always talk about, like, you know, on this podcast, we're always like, you know, if, like fear, like action is the antidote to fear. And like, really, the things that scare us are really the place that's like, kind of a flashlight of like, where we're supposed to be, where the work is that we've got to do. It's like that thing over there that you're like, ooh, close the door. I don't want to see that.

Krista St-Germain 13:38  

Yeah, and listen, I live in Kansas. Okay, so we're not super progressive around here in terms of, you know, life coaching, what even is that? And also I was in an engineering job. I mean, I was in a job surrounded by I was a project manager for an engineering department. So everyone in my orbit was logical. Right? And, by the way, my late husband was an engineer who worked at that same company, and I could hear his voice, which was logical, which was, don't do it. Don't walk away from this money. You know, that's too big of a risk. Like, that's not a smart idea. So yeah, there was nobody understood what I wanted to do, or why I wanted to do it. It didn't make sense to anyone. Nobody really, honestly, could imagine me being successful doing that, because they just didn't know what it was. So there was a ton of fear.

Lesley Logan 14:25  

Yeah, yeah, that's, it's a lot when like our family or people like in our life, who cannot see it the way we are seeing it, and it's not that we need to see it. I don't know that I needed anyone in my family to see what I was doing. It's like, yeah, go get it. I just needed them to like not tell me what they're afraid of (...)

Krista St-Germain 14:46  

Yeah, yeah. You have to be really careful with who you surround yourself with. I think.

Lesley Logan 14:51  

Well, is that the same when in the grief process? I mean, I know I know some of the listeners right now. Just because our coaching program I know some of them are in in grief, like recent loss of family members, is even who you surround yourself with a thing you should consider when you're going through a grief process.

Krista St-Germain 15:13  

Yeah, I mean, there's, you know, there's still probably people you're going to be interacting with that maybe aren't as supportive as you'd like them to be. So I think we need to kind of figure out, how do we still work with those people and maintain them in our lives, assuming that we want them. But also grief can be really, really isolating. And because it's something our culture doesn't talk about a lot. And because we just kind of, I think, all walk around with this assumption that feelings are problems and like, we should deal with them on our own. And, you know, we have a lot of misinformation about grief and time healing and all that stuff, right? So so that it just tends to make us want to isolate more and more and more. So even if you don't have anybody in your immediate environment, who can relate, I guarantee you, you can find somebody on the internet, right? You can find someone who's gone through something that's similar to what you've gone through. So that at least you don't feel like you're the only one at least you have some place you can go to talk or maybe just express what has happened without feeling the need to explain yourself. I love technology for that reason, right? There's grief groups for everything. And you just want to be careful that, you know, at a certain point, something like that can be it's exactly what you need. And then sometimes it can turn into something that holds you back. And you kind of have to know where that line is for you.

Lesley Logan 16:29  

Yeah, I am sure that like it's different for everybody. Do you think that there's like any signs that like, maybe you might be leaning on to that as a crutch too much is like, Are there any things to pay attention to?

Krista St-Germain 16:41  

I think what it is, for most of the people that I see, it's not so much that they are leaning on to it, it's that they start to realize that it's no longer serving them, and I hate to make rules about this, you know, over generalizations I don't like but for many of us in the early days, it's just so good to be able to talk about what happened and express it without feeling like we're dumping it on someone. Right? And so people who understand we can just tell the story and make peace with the story. And there it is, and they can, can be there in that way. But then at a certain point, most of us reach a place where we're kind of tired of telling the story. Right? Telling the story becomes limiting. And so then that's at the point where a group, if really, it's just a bunch of telling the story might start to not be in service to where we want to go next. Because maybe now we want to start focusing on telling a different story. Right? whenever we want to start focusing on creating the next story, the next chapter. Yeah, you know, not every group is ready for that.

Lesley Logan 17:48  

Yeah, you know, actually, as you're saying that there's like, kind of, I think that happens in different areas of life, not just in grief. But like, when people know you as a certain person and as a certain job and you're like, you've moved on, I like like, maybe you were vegan, and I'm like, Oh, you're the vegan and not you're not, you're a vegetarian now or something like that. And it's like, you kind of I know that I'm like making a very general, like, what does it mean to food and grief. But I think in life, we can end up with people who can hold us back and try to keep us at an old story that we're trying to move on from and so anytime that's happening, it's a good time to go, Is this is this situation serving me? And like, Where's the group of people that I can be, I can tell the new story with?

Krista St-Germain 18:31  

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's great when you can go somewhere and go, Oh, I'm not crazy. It's not me. This is grief, this is normal. Other people are experiencing this too. And then when it becomes Oh, my god, is this all there is like, are we going to be depressed for the rest of our lives? Are we going to be crying every day? Because a lot of these people are still, that's where they are. That's happened to me, right? And I was like, Okay, I'm not going to be one of those, you know, stories were 10 years later, I'm still just pining my time and waiting, you know, to die so that we can be together like, that's not going to be my life.

Lesley Logan 19:05  

Yeah. So what happens? So okay, what is a, since we have, we all know what the five are, but we don't really know the order anymore. And people just know that it exists. And we will look at it when it's time for us to go through it. But like, what, what have you, what have you found like, if someone's going through some grief right now, aside from finding a group, what is some something that they can do for themselves to keep moving forward?

Krista St-Germain 19:29  

Yeah. And just a note on what you've just said, typically, I think it's important, like you don't ever have to pay attention to the five stages of grief, honestly, that work was initially about hospice patients. It was about people who are coming to terms with their own mortality, not people who were grieving the loss of someone else. And then that work was applied to grief and grieving but it was originally about death and dying. So, it went from being an anecdotal, useful conversation starter in a time where no nobody was talking about death, right, at that time, to being something that people have tried to force themselves to fit into. So, I just want to say like, you know, you ever have to learn that.

Lesley Logan 20:11  

You guys can skip ahead on that chapter.

Krista St-Germain 20:14  

All the feelings are okay, there is no end to grief, right? Grief is a natural human response to a perceived loss. We don't get over it, we don't get to the end of it. Right? We adjust to it, we incorporate it into our lives, we integrate. Right? That's the idea. But I could go, I could go on a soapbox there. So like, what do you do in the beginning? I think you let yourself be a hot mess, and honestly, just have so much compassion, right? Because it really is a full body experience, there really is no part of, if the loss was significant to you, there really is no part of your life that probably isn't being touched. And it's okay, if things feel completely off, right? Your hormones will be off, you might not be sleeping well, you might be totally numb. You might be foggy brained, your heart might actually hurt, right? A broken heart syndrome is a real symptom that people have of grief, where their heart actually aches. And so none of that is reflective of anything that you have done wrong, it doesn't mean anything about the future for you, right? It's just grief impacts people differently. And so the more compassion we can have for ourselves in that experience, and the more we can kind of focus on the basics of self care, like basics, right? Did we eat today? Like, there were days where I could eat nothing more than a smoothie, and I only ate it if my family brought it to me. Right? Did I shower recently? Like some of those basic things are to be celebrated? It is it really truly get back to basics, how much water, can I drink some water, can I get more rest? And I know that's not easy to do, especially when you have kids or you have a job or you have, you know, things that you feel like are demanding and pulling on your time. Also, to, as much as I don't like that the idea of time heals. I used it, I used to be vehemently against it. And every time someone said it to me, I'd be like, no time sits there, time does nothing, right? But what I have learned is that it really is a lot more nuanced than that. We don't want to depend only on time healing, because if we think that time is what heals, then sometimes what we do is we swing way over in the opposite direction, and we just kind of grip tightly to the steering wheel, right, and like, hold on for dear life and wait for time to pass. And we don't acknowledge how we're actually feeling and we don't let ourselves think about the loss. And then for women or women in particular, it seems to be we have this idea of you know, the one year mark, somehow miracles will happen, like the clouds will part and the angels will sing and all the sudden we won't be in grief anymore. And if you've gripped your way through the whole first year, then usually It's so disappointing to get past that first year and realize, oh, actually, just because I got through those first milestones doesn't mean I still don't have some feelings to, you know, be with and some thoughts to look at. But also, time does need to pass in terms of what our brain is doing, as we're grieving, right? And if it was a significant relationship, especially a partner at one, we have to understand that our brain is like a prediction machine. Right? So, it's constantly like when you think about your husband, you you know, when you're going to see him next, you kind of know where he is, right? If you were to wake up in the middle of the night, assuming you sleep in the same bed and you reach over and he's not there. That would be weird. Because your brain has had him there so many times that it expects him to be there. And so when he, when your brain expects and that and reality doesn't match the expectation, that's when we have the longing or the yearning, or that weirdness of like, I know they died, but also it feels like they should be here. You know, I know they died, but also, the garage door just went up and I thought that it would be them. And you kind of feel like you're a little crazy. So the brain has to have enough exposures to their absence to stop predicting that they will be there. And now that part does take time. Yeah, right time does have to pass.

Lesley Logan 24:29  

It is interesting. It's a combination of like you have to be taking care of yourself. And time has to pass, right? So that and I you said it earlier and I don't want to use it so eloquently, but like, like we don't get over grief. I think people are expecting like it somehow someday I'm just over it. It's just gonna happen. It's just gonna be gone and I just don't. I think that's a terrible expectation to put on.

Krista St-Germain 25:00  

We use language like grief journey, you know? And of course, when you think there are stages to something, don't you think that then there's an end resolution? Yeah, of course. So of course, we think it's going to be over. But we can't go back and undo the loss, which means we're always going to have thoughts and feelings about it. So really, what we want to do is move from kind of unintentional thoughts and feelings, to integrating it into our lives intentionally. So that we're thinking about that loss in a way that doesn't hold us back from the life that we want. But we might still always choose to be sad about it. Like, we don't have to be grateful that it happened. But we want to go from unintentional to intentional.

Lesley Logan 25:39  

Yeah, I think. I think all of that just makes me feel like you just take the pressure off. And I feel like the perfectionists and overachievers, what's hard is that they want to be able to handle grief, some perfect way, there must be a way I must do this. And then also, I should be able to show up for my job and for my family and keep everything going, while grieving and I imagined that there is a space where it is possible to show up for life and move the needle forward. At some point, but not in the beginning.

Krista St-Germain 26:13  

I mean, yeah, it's different for everyone. Some people I am blown away by how they can just like go straight back to work and kind of jump right back in. So I don't ever want to put rules around it. But yeah, it's gonna take what it takes for you. And judging yourself doesn't make it take less time. It doesn't make it any easier, right? Cuz compassion and kindness and self care are really important.

Lesley Logan 26:40  

Yeah, y'all keep hearing about that self care stuff. We can you talk about it around here. Just so you know.

Krista St-Germain 26:46  

Almost like it's important.

Lesley Logan 26:49  

Yeah, so, Krista, you've been doing this for I don't know how long you've been doing this, now. What are you hoping to do next? Like, where are you hoping you take your message and your mission?

Krista St-Germain 27:02  

If I could just wave a magic wand, then as soon as someone's spouse died or partner died, they would just be given The Widowed Mom podcast, they would like be given the resources that I have. So I realize, you know, there's 11 million widows. So that's probably a big stretch. But honestly, that's what I would like is to be able to reach people earlier in more acute grief. So that they have an easier time and so that they suffer less. And, you know, yeah, that's why that's why I love coming on podcasts like this and talking about it. Oh, it's because now somebody's gonna know. Yeah, somebody's gonna be like, Oh, I know, someone who just, you know, had that experience, or somebody's gonna take something from today. And then later, it's something they're gonna go through grief, and then they're going to be more prepared for it.

Lesley Logan 27:45  

Yeah. So okay, on the other side of it, not the other side of grief. But the other person, people around someone going in grief are the people who maybe are not like that, that loss of that person is terrible for them. But it's not their partner. It's not their mom. It's not their, but so they but they love their best friend or they love who their coworker. And wow, we don't know what to say to these people. Like, we have no idea. Like, I'll see someone post their dog died. And I'm like, I like tear face. Like, what do I say right now?

Krista St-Germain 28:18  

I don't think it's the party emoji. I don't think that's the one. 

Lesley Logan 28:23  

You know, and so like, you see, like, sometimes I see people write something like, I guess that's nice, too. But like, what? And obviously everyone is different. But is there like some things we should avoid? Or some things we can consider? Or like, like, maybe like, say that's like, opens the door? Because I feel like you know, I remember as a kid, I heard people say, Oh, bring someone who lost somebody toilet paper, because they need essentials. Like don't bring them food. Everyone's bringing them food. Bring them paper towels. Like, really? I'm gonna show up at the house with like, six rolls of paper towels.

Krista St-Germain 29:01  

I had somebody, bless her, she just went and bought all my kids school supplies. Because it was the first of August and school was about to start and our kids went to the same school and she just handled it. Oh, she didn't even ask. She just showed up with school supplies. So yeah, I think I think it first of all, we just need to cut ourselves a break. We're not going to say exactly the quote unquote, right thing, we probably will stick our foots in our mouths. Sometimes, you know, we will say something this round. And then I look back at all the cringy things that I said before I had had my own grief experience. And I'm like, oh god, why did I say those things? But you know, we're doing the best we can, we just need to be the kind to ourselves about it. I think what are the things that most people usually end up not receiving well, when they are in grief, are the things that are indicative of the other person's discomfort with emotion. So you know, when somebody's again, we're all socialized to kind of think that feelings are problems, and we don't really have the capacity to allow negative emotion. So of course, it makes sense that then when we're around someone else who has a lot of quote unquote negative emotion, I don't even believe, you know, air quotes, right? Then, of course, we want them to feel better, because we don't know how to feel. We don't know how to feel good unless they feel better. And that's the root of a lot of the minimizing things that we say, Oh, they're in a better place. Oh, at least they're no longer suffering. Oh, I know, I heard you're young, you'll find someone else. Right? Just focus on your blessings. Just be grateful for what you had. It's those kinds of things that people say not because they don't love you, and they don't care. But because they don't know how to deal with your negative emotion. They think it's a problem, and they're trying to make it go away from the best place. So to me, it's like, this sucks. And I love you. I am so sorry. This sucks, right? We don't even try to make it better with words because words don't make it better. We just like, let someone feel how they feel and and witness it. That's what people want is to be seen.

Lesley Logan 31:03  

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And that's an all things, isn't it? Like I have a girlfriend who she's about to go back to work by the time this is out she's been back at work after having a baby. And she got to be home for almost six months with them and all the stuff and, and I checked in. I said, Hey, how is like the first day with the nanny, and she's like, this is so hard. And I was like, I'm so sorry this sucks. Sucks. 

Krista St-Germain 31:28  

And somebody else in her life is probably like, don't be sad. It's okay. Yeah, you're gonna be fine.

Lesley Logan 31:33  

Yeah, yeah. And I was just like, I mean, it's, she's allowed for it to be hard. It's fine. And I think that, like, I thank you for highlighting that. And thank you for sharing, like, you know, we're all gonna put our friend mad, we are going to say the wrong thing because of wherever we are in our life when it's going on. Like, I think we all need to cut ourselves some slack. But I do love that you share that story about someone just buying school supplies, I think like, you know, we can just be thoughtful about something like it can be, oh, they have school supplies. It can be if they have a dog, get the dog food, hire a dog walker, like just for a day like just think about like, what could be helpful and then just do it. If it if it gets, the door gets shut and the dog walkers face like, oh, well, that sucked $25 out the door, but probably not. Yeah, they'll be like, Oh, that's so nice. Oh, guys, I'm gonna walk my dog.

Krista St-Germain 32:29  

Yeah, I mean, acts of service. And in, you know, it's easy to say, let me know if I can help. Let me know if there's something I can do. But when your whole world just feels like it exploded. You honestly, you don't know what you need. It's very difficult to articulate it sometimes. Because it's like, you're just grappling with this weird nightmare that you're living. You know, so yeah, it's totally okay to make an offer. And maybe it'll land and maybe it won't, but you know, sometimes better to not ask what they need. They might not know.

Lesley Logan 32:59  

Yeah, yeah. Oh my god, this is so helpful. There is, there's like, I can't I can't think of the name right now. And I don't want to say the wrong one. But I'll put it in the show notes if I remember it. But it was a company that I heard where she creates these boxes, and they're like, they're there when something goes wrong in someone's life. And you can just send this box and it's got like, Beth bubbles and it's got like, a checklist of like, drink three glasses of water and she put it together because her brother had died by suicide. And she had to go through this whole thing and she was like, Well what about other people who are going through this? How can we help them and so she's got these different boxes and you can go on when someone is going through something they didn't go Oh, like they even have on for kids were going to college like that's its own transition. (So it's like here's like to find out what timer.) Yeah, I want to say it's Brody box, or Broglie box. We'll put it up, we'll put in the show notes and I'll send it to because it'd be so cool by the way just for you. There should be there could be a kit for you. Yeah, for people going through grief and you could be your podcasts can be in there. I'm just coming up with ideas to help people because I love what you're saying and I did not, you know, my parents listen to this, so, guys, I love you. But it's not like I grew up in, none of them none of us did, grew up in a life and a household where like when grief happened you just like you talked about it. No, it was like the funeral happen It was super fast everyone like brought all this food and then everyone cleaned up and everyone went home. Yeah, I'm like okay, we are not there anymore. And we don't really like especially in the states we do not really handle it well which is why y'all I'm working on trying to find a death doula to come in here because I think that that work is really interesting. And how they're, how when people know someone's passing, how they're able to allow for people to visit and be with the body before it goes away. So anyways, all this stuff has been very fascinating. Krista, your work is so wonderful. We're gonna take a brief break and find out where people can find you, follow you, listen to your podcast. All right, where do you like to hang out? Where can people get to work with you, connect with you? Listen to your pod?

Krista St-Germain 35:15  

Yeah, The Widowed Mom podcast probably the best place. You know, if you want to learn more about grief, if post traumatic growth is interesting to you, even if you're not a widowed mom, for sure, take a listen. Also send other people my way. It reminded me too earlier, you were asking about what we say I did record an episode called For Those Who Love Us, which is a great one to listen to if somebody wants to learn more about how to support someone that's going through grief, that's a good episode. And then everything else can be found at coachingwithkrista.com K R I S T A all my social contacts and everything are there.

Lesley Logan 35:47  

Wonderful. Thank you so much. Okay, before I let you go, you've given us some excellent stuff, though. However, bold, executable, intrinsic, targets steps people can take to be it till they see it. What do you have for us?

Krista St-Germain 35:58  

This was hard for me because I have lots of ideas. And so I'm just gonna go with one. And so I'm a big fan of tapping, Emotional Freedom Technique. So thankfully, I had tapping in my pocket before my husband died, I already knew how to do it. And I knew how and I had used it with my children when they were very little. And they were 12 and nine when he died. So they had to use it for a number of years. But I love tapping because it creates calm in the nervous system. And it allows us to let feelings flow through. It's great for grief grenades, right, any sort of triggering situation where our nervous system is responding as though we are unsafe. So, for me, the sound of metal crashing, CPR scenes, sirens, right? things like that tapping helped me in the moment when my nervous system was just tripping out. And then it also helped me to work with someone who could help me go back and neutralize those triggers. So that when I remembered them or encountered them in my environment, my nervous system stopped thinking I was in danger, right? So I am a big proponent of that. You can just go to YouTube and learn all about tapping, right? You don't have to pay anyone to teach it to you. Do you? Are you familiar with it?

Lesley Logan 37:08  

I am. I've heard about it. Like I read a book once but like it is, I don't have like as like I don't have it memorized just

Krista St-Germain 37:15  

You're tapping on acupressure points, right? So you're just tapping on acupressure points, and you're acknowledging the truth, you always start on the side of the hand. And it's like, even though I feel so sad, it's okay for me to acknowledge the truth of how I feel, right? Even though I feel so sad. It's okay for me to acknowledge the truth of how I feel. And so you start it three times, and then you just tap on the points. Like so sad. I feel so sad. Whatever it is that you're trying to process. The Tapping Solution app is brilliant. I'm not affiliated with them, but I love their work. It's great for beginners, anybody can download that, I pay for it, I pay for my daughter to have it. And I mean, even before grief, it saved many a bedtime nightmare with my children when they were young, right? And they just couldn't calm themselves down. We would just tap with like, let it go. Let it go. Right and then amygdala, well, okay, I'm safe. Cortisol levels drop, you can just you can literally feel your body relax. 

Lesley Logan 38:13  

There's so much I love about tapping because one, like trauma, and emotionally, the body through movement. So you're moving, you're just tapping. So you don't have to actually do a workout at all, you can just tap. But also, you're acknowledging something. And you're saying like and that if you have a hard time, like feeling your feelings or like honoring what those feelings are, I think it's a really good practice. I love that your kids are doing it. And so thank you for that. That's I would love to know if anyone's listening to this. If you use tapping already, or if you end up using it and needing this. Krista, I am so grateful for you and for you sharing your story. I hate that you went through what you went through. But I also am so grateful and I'm sure many people are because the work you're doing is helping all of us get better at understanding our grief and allowing us to live with it instead of trying to like remove it and finish it and shove it in a box. So thank you for being you. Y'all, how are you going to use these tips what she told you in your life? Please tag Krista, tag the Be It pod, go listen to her podcast or share it with a friend especially one who's going through something that might just be the thing that might be the best thing you can say is here's the link and until next time, Be It Till You See It!

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram.

 I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. 

Brad Crowell 39:31  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Leslie Logan and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 39:31  

It is produced, edited by the Epic team at Disenyo. 

Brad Crowell 39:31  

Theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music, and our branding by designer and artist Gianfranco Cioffi. 

Lesley Logan 39:31  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals and Ximena Velazquez for our transcriptions. 

Brad Crowell 39:31  

 Also to Angelina Herico for adding all the content to our website. And finally to Meridith Crowell for keeping us all on point and on time.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Lesley highlights the remarkable stories of individuals who have overcome barriers and stepped out of their comfort zones to make a positive impact. Explore the multi-faceted nature of professional identities and learn how to navigate life's imperfections while finding balance and getting back on track.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] .

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

• How the impact you have is a testament to the work you have done.
• Overcoming barriers and vulnerability to step out of comfort zones.
• Recognizing the multi-faceted nature of individuals and their professional identities.
• Embracing the imperfections of finding balance and getting back on routines.

Episode References/Links:

• Mentions, Rebecca Circle, an agency member
• Mentions, Yasmine Scholten, an eLevate member
• Mentions Allison, an agency member
• Mentions, Sam, an agency member
• Get Kim Scott's book Radical Candor here

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.

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Resources

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube!
• Lesley Logan website
• Be It Till You See It Podcast
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube
• Profitable Pilates

Social Media

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• LinkedIn

Episode Transcript:

Lesley Logan 0:05  

It's Fuck Yeah Friday. 

Brad Crowell 0:05  

Fuck yeah. 

Get ready for some wins.

Lesley Logan 0:12  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

Hello, happy Fuck Yeah Friday! What's up my loves? What's up Be It babes? You guys are phenomenal. Welcome to the Friday after a holiday in the US. I don't know what the Friday after the first Friday ish in July is like for you around the world, but I hope you're having a fun time celebrating what you have done this week. And if you've never joined us for a Fuck Yeah Friday, here's what it is. You sit down and you celebrate your wins, no matter how small they are. Because I've had so many people in our lives that are like, I've heard them slamming the wins because they're just not big enough. Like it was a good thing that happened but it could have been bigger. So I'm not going to celebrate what did happen because it wasn't bigger. What the fuck is that? Who taught us that? Ladies? Look, I'm sure there's some dudes out there who can celebrate their wins too but I'm gonna call up my loves because most of the people who listen our people identify as women and Hi, I see you, recovering overachiever and perfectionist over here. My name is Lesley Logan, and I'm a seven on the Enneagram, which I've heard is like the only one who has two gas pedals, which is why it's hard for me to celebrate wins, which is why we have this episode. Because it forces me to celebrate my wins with you and celebrate your wins and inspire you to show up for yourself, you're frickin kicking ass. And so what if it wasn't as big as you expected? You know what? here's the deal. Most things are never as big or as shitty as we think they're gonna be, you know when you're like, Oh my God, this could blow up on my face and you like tell yourself some story that can be the worst thing in the world. And then you have this dream, this vision, this goal, like it's going to be like this. There's gonna be unicorns and rainbows. There's gonna be glitter everywhere. Nothing is usually as glittery or as shitty. As our mind takes us there. It's often somewhere in the middle which is why it's so important for us to celebrate these wins because we have to acknowledge we're kicking some fuckin ass. Alright, so, that's what this episode is and we kick off with your kick ass moments. So here we go. Here we go. So, Rebecca Circle she's an Agency member of ours. She said, she has three wins for you, one, one of my virtual clients upgraded from once a week to two times a week sessions with me which is humongous. Anytime anyone says you know what I want to spend not just one hour with you but two hours with you because you're like changing my life that's a massive win and should not go unnoticed because that is a testament to the work you're doing Rebecca. Number two, one of my old clients from Scottsdale saw posts I was moving to Mount Airy, Maryland and contacted me for Pilates sessions for her and her daughter. They moved to the same area and now live only 15 minutes away. Holy frickin Molly, Rebecca that is so cool. That's so fun. This is why it's important to share with people you never know what's going to happen in your life because of it. And number three, she converted two of her in person clients from Arizona to be virtual clients. Rebecca, it's so huge, you're making a big life change, I had to do that in 2020 and it's humongous. I disappointed a lot of people by moving. Oddly enough, the most people I disappointed were the ones who were not taking virtually with me at that time. And realize I was never going to reopen because I was moving but it is a massive deal when you can change your life and take on the next steps and be there for the family you want to be there for and your clients are so impacted by you. They know that they can get the same amount of amazingness from you virtually as they could in person. So congratulations. Thanks for sharing your win. All right, our next FYF is from Yasmine Scholten, she is eLevate round two, I love this human so much. So she said she had a good practice session with her partner, Karen. We laughed a lot and we know each other so much better and I'm feeling safe talking, safe with my talk around English and air quotes. And parentheses she means, I don't know a lot of English words. So I talk around the word to explain it. And I love this one so much because Yasmine is an amazing teacher and I have watched her teach for many, many months now. And I actually think your English is phenomenal. But I do know it's your third or fourth language. And I just love that you're putting yourself out there in this very vulnerable state and you love Pilates so much that you are willing to put yourself out there and challenge yourself in such a big way. So thank you for sharing this with people. I'm sure there are many people where English is their first language and it scares them so much to teach another teacher. And I hope that this one inspires so many to show up and teach other people because you know what, teachers need teachers too. And if you're not a teacher, listen to this. Whatever modality that you are in, allow someone to pour into you and allow yourself to pour into that, you'd be surprised how much you do know, and how amazing it is to give to someone else. All right, our next one before I share mine (...) So, we've been following her FYF journey, I'm sure you know. She is longtime listener longtime caller. So, she started her new job at Washington University. I remember she was like trying to find a job and we found the job and she was like being until she saw it and like, boom, so she's got to start her new job. She had a fantastic first week the work is fun, and the people are great. This is the place I can stay for a while. It feels so so so good to be back in higher education. I really feel like the universe is paying me back for everything I sacrifice and struggle with in the past year. Added that I am a Pilates instructor to my LinkedIn tagline. I am both a higher education professional and a Pilates professional. No more either or no more pretending to be my colleague to my colleagues that there's only one face in my professional life. I'm still figuring how I want to show up on the LinkedIn with regards to reaching my ICA. But this is a big first step. Okay, I'm going to just take a sidetrack before I get her next bullet. Fucking phenomenal. I love when we own all the multi hyphenate we have in this world. We are not just one thing or another, people. So way to go Allison. Third point had a fantastic trip to London this week, including hanging out with Sam. How amazing I can friends wherever I go. I'm so glad I took the plunge on that trip. So Sam is one of our other Agency members at Elsinore Agency, and they got to meet up on another side of the world which I fuckin love. I'm going to call a little win on that for myself. And her fourth one is had fun discussing radical candor at book clubs. So glad I finally made it to one, feeling good as I'm heading into the weekend, y'all if you haven't read Radical Candor, you should is a phenomenal book about how to speak to people in your life. And it's really hilarious. My husband only found out recently what my original, what my original degree was in, in college, which is interpersonal organizational communication. And oh my gosh, Radical Candor has been so helpful, and just how we show up as humans in our own companies and how I like to show up working with our team and I don't always do it the way I want to. I'll be really frickin honest. It's not always possible. But we're not fucking perfect. So there's that. But I do love lean on Radical Candor to at least apologize and own where I am, You know, I didn't say that the way I wanted to say that. Let me say that a different way.

All right. Well, it wouldn't be FYF I didn't share my win. So, my win this week. It's actually, it feels quite simple. In fact, I paused for a length of time that my team had to edit out for you. Because I have to remind myself, this is a massive win. So, the month of June was pretty chaotic. Okay, first of all, it was my dad's birthday and my sister's birthday. There's Father's Day. One of our OPC teachers come in to film then that teacher left literally five hours before some friends flew in from Atlanta. And so she's taking off, we're going to dinner with people that are coming in that we want to see, I wanted to see, but like after a whole weekend of filming with someone, there's like a lot going on there. Then they were here for three days. They left my sister drove in. Nice sister's birthday was on the 15th. My sister on the 14th. so I got to see her for dinner. Our friends landed after her dip birthday dinner. Like literally on the 14th the day before our birthday. So we made her celebrate early thanks Lacy. They land, we pick them up. I'm like okay, you're here. I'm going to bed. Then we like did an amazing weekend trip as I told you about last week. And it was phenomenal. But here, I sit here, and we are back on our gameplan, back in our habits, back in our routines and it was actually not hard to get back there. And I show this as a win because this, you're never going to have 300 and whatever 50 something days of the year have your perfect routines. There are going to be many a days that do not fall in line with a routine that you wanted or the plans that you had. And especially when two to three weeks of a month can be completely outside of your routine. It is so easy to just go after routine. Nothing goes, it's a free for all ,here I go. But the truth is that even though I slept in when my friends were here and we like enjoyed ourselves and party like it was 1999, like I was 21 again, which we are, no we figured that out real quick. The day after they left I dropped right back into my routines and I dropped back into, What is the purpose of this week? What is the purpose of this day? Why are we doing what we're doing? And that is a win. And I will shout that out as a win every single week. Even if I have to pep talk myself to give it to you, because you have to know we have to hear that all the people that you're following, all the people you're listening, all the people you think are experts in their area, and I say experts with some quotations around it. They are also human beings trying to figure their shit out. They are, and if they are not, run the fuck away. If they're like, I have all the answers, only me. I've got it. I think that's a sign of a cult leader. Just gonna say that. No, I have a lot of answers from a lot of experience of fucking things up and hiring amazing people who've been where I want to go. But I'm still a human being in process. And not every day is a morning routine I want, not every night is the evening routine I want, some nights are vacation. But I am celebrating the win that I went from vacation mode to the routine that makes me feel like a massively amazing human within 24 hours. And you do not need to have these wins that are like, oh my god, I had a lunch it was six figures. Oh my god, like, I'm just like so perfect in meal prep and I like got eight hours asleep and I don't text them people are there and my phone is away and I'm so present all the time. No one is. So, my goodness you do not need to be. I promise that. And if you are a real human being celebrating these little wins where you're like, you know what, I did the fucking thing to the best of my ability. F Yeah, I'm here to celebrate that with you. Thank you so much for listening this podcast. Share your wins with us so I can share them with everyone and have an amazing day.

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram.

 I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. 

Brad Crowell 11:44  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Leslie Logan and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 11:44  

It is produced, edited by the Epic team at Disenyo. 

Brad Crowell 11:44  

Theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music, and our branding by designer and artist Gianfranco Cioffi. 

Lesley Logan 11:44  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals and Ximena Velazquez for our transcriptions. 

Brad Crowell 11:44  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all the content to our website. And finally to Meridith Crowell for keeping us all on point and on time.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai