Becoming You

In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I talk about how to set up a sustainable spiritual practice that will prime you for success in all that you do!

What is a spiritual practice, exactly?

To me, a spiritual practice is anything that helps you get in deeper touch with who you are—your soul; your essence.

Your spiritual practice helps you connect to yourself—your thoughts, your patterns, your beliefs, your desires. It helps you get clear on who you really are, and in turn informs us what we need to cut out of our lives so that we can be happy.

Why praying is not a spiritual practice

When we pray, we rely on someone outside of us to effect change in our life.

A spiritual practice unlocks your inner wisdom. Once you know yourself and your own paths and your own gifts, then you can pray to the entity you believe in to help you along your spiritual journey.

Common misconceptions around what a spiritual practice should look like

There are a ton of tools out there that can potentially unlock your inner wisdom, from journaling to meditating to tapping to breathwork.

One common pitfall is thinking that you have to do all of the things. And that’s just not true.

How to start creating your spiritual habits

Pick that one tool that works for you. Say it’s meditation. Block off just ten minutes as soon as you wake up to do that activity.

In fact, again, you don’t have to do it in the morning. Choose a time in the day that feels most comfortable for you. The point is to make the time.

It’s a small commitment than anyone can make; but, guess what? You’ve now laid a foundation for yourself that you can build upon as time goes on.

Starting small and staying consistent cultivates confidence, which empowers you to go further.

Break up your spiritual practices into little activities throughout your day

As you get used to your new spiritual practice, try adding a couple more blocks to do it throughout your day. It may not even be the same practice—if you meditate in the morning, try journaling before bed.

Remember that a spiritual habit helps center you. This is especially crucial if you’re, say, a single mother.

Invest time and money to be able to do your spiritual practice in community with like-minded people

Find someone or a collection of people to stay accountable to. You don’t even necessarily have to join a group dedicated to your spiritual practice. Just finding a friend who you can do breathwork or journaling with on a regular basis is extremely helpful.

By finding a community of like-minded people, you now have friends who expect you to show up, and you now have this shared experience.

So, whenever you hit a roadblock, you have these people who can lend a hand and help you nip self-sabotage in the bud.

Invest money in a group, program, or challenge if you can because it’s harder to stay committed to something that’s free. That’s because we tend to be more motivated to stick to something we paid for since none of us want to waste money.

Ask yourself why you want to commit to a spiritual practice

Lastly, ensure that you’re not only setting up a spiritual practice because “everyone is saying I should.” That’s a start, but nowhere near enough of a good reason to carry on.

Ask yourself how a spiritual practice will benefit you, but also what would happen if you don’t incorporate a spiritual practice into your life.

What will you miss out on if you don’t start taking your spiritual life more seriously?

You’ve got to set non-negotiables for yourself. It’s going to be impossible to keep up your habits without them—and there’s no point starting a spiritual practice if you don’t stick to it long-term.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free resource: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

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Deezer

In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I talk about some of the habits that may be ruining your life. We always read about habits for success, but just as important to learn about are those habits which harm you and get in the way of your growth.

Listen in as I discuss nine habits that you’d do well to let go of today to make way for real growth in your life!

Habit #1: Comparing yourself to others

This one is probably the most common one. In fact, it’s likely universal.

We compare ourselves to other parents, to others ahead of us in our chosen profession, our house or car to those of the wealthy, our physique to those of IG influencers with tens if not hundreds of thousands of followers.

Habit #2: Not celebrating your smallest wins

Most of us wait until we hit those really big goals before we bring out the champagne.

The truth is, we will most likely burn out before we ever reach those exciting goals if we don’t take the time to celebrate the small ones leading up to it.

Give yourself more credit. Toot your own horn even (and especially) when no one else is around to see it. Be kinder to yourself.

Habit #3: A perfectionist or all-or-nothing attitude

These go hand-in-hand: If you’re a perfectionist, you will also have an all-or-nothing attitude.

When this happens, you throw in the towel immediately after your first mistake or failure.

This is incredibly harmful to your soul, your being, because you’ll be constantly reinforcing the belief in your mind that you can’t be trusted.

The reality for all of us as humans is: You’ll never reach perfection, but you can be way ahead of most people if you commit to small things first, then gradually build on them.

Habit #4: Waiting for the “perfect time” to start

Again, perfection doesn’t exist. There is no perfect human, and there is no perfect season.

Don’t even put it off for tomorrow because, as the old saying goes: “Tomorrow never comes.”

Procrastination only gets you used to giving yourself excuses, which is worse for you in the long run.

Habit #5: Assuming that everyone else has it easier than you

It’s a common thing to look at someone further ahead in their career than you, and assume that they’re just more talented or smarter.

Assuming is a bad habit on its own. Don’t give your brain a chance to diminish your self-esteem.

Habit #6: Wanting to do it all on your own

What exactly are you trying to prove? There is nothing shameful about asking others for help.

In fact, life is not meant to be lived alone.

Ask for help, whether it be from a paid coach or simply someone ahead of the path you’re taking.

Find community. Get accountability.

Habit #7: Telling yourself: “I’m stuck.”

Telling yourself the story that you’re “stuck” only disincentivizes your brain from looking for solutions.

You close the door to progress.

Change your story to: “I’m capable of finding answers.”

Instead of telling yourself why you can’t do something, instead ask yourself how you can.

Habit #8: Not getting enough rest

Life isn’t a race.

If you treat it as such, you accumulate stress. And when you’re stressing out, you won’t be able to think clearly.

Take some time to rest, to slow down, to find joy in life beyond your work or your big goals. Ironically, putting rest in your schedule actually allows you to grow faster.

Habit #9: Watching the news

I don’t need to know that there are more wars happening around the world.

I don’t need to know that there is a shortage of food in this place I don’t live in.

I don’t need to know how dire the pollution situation is in such-and-such country.

Most news programs aren’t designed to inform us (as much as they’d want us to believe that they do), but are designed to make us scared and constantly on edge.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free resource: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I go into the truths I wish I had known at the beginning of my self-love journey.

I’m sharing these with you today in the hopes that they make your own self-love journey a little less tumultuous and uncertain.

Truth #1: Your self-love journey does not go in a straight line.

The beginning of your self-love journey is going to be scary. There’s no way around that fact. However, it should give you hope and confidence that everyone has to face this same fear.

There is a lot of uncertainty, particularly because we usually don’t know what our final destination is going to look like.

Truth #2: You are the one standing in your own way.

Too often, we blame people around us, the circumstances we find ourselves in, or some other outside force.

In other words, we blame everything and everyone for our problems but ourselves.

The truth is, our problems are a reflection of what’s inside of us. It’s terrifying to admit that we’re the ones getting in our own way.

Truth #3: It’s way easier and much more fun when you have community and support.

The self-love journey can feel really isolating sometimes.

I remember running into the perfect coach. I was obsessed with finding a way to work directly with her, and the only opportunity that came my way was a group coaching program.

I did hesitate, wondering whether I’d really get the value I needed from a group setting. I basically thought that my growth would be diluted.

Long story short, many of my wounds were healed as a result of being part of that group program. I looked to a single woman for my healing; but, I was able to heal thanks to all the women I interacted with during that program.

A deeper form of healing occurs when you allow yourself to engage with a community.

Truth #4: You’ll feel a wave of shame wash over you when you get started.

This is likely because self-love has never been modeled to you, which is why it feels so difficult to get started in the first place.

You are likely to be the first person in your lineage to engage in this journey of self-love. You are breaking free of generational trauma.

Change is always scary. What more if you’re the first in your family to do so with regards to one of the most important areas of your life: self-love?

Don’t expect your self-love journey to feel easy or natural. Our bodies are taught to conform, because that’s what keeps us safe.

But conformity is not what leads us to change.

Truth #5: The only way you’ll become the person you’re meant to be is by embarking on this journey and making mistakes.

Knowledge and wisdom are gained through mistakes made over and over and over again.

The only way you’ll become that wise, calm, patient, and confident person is by embarking on your self-love journey.

Unlike school, life will test you before you learn the lesson.

Truth #6: There is no destination on this self-love journey.

If you’re looking for a happily ever after, don’t bother to get started. You’ll only be sorely disappointed.

But if you’re looking to enjoy this journey called “life”, then absolutely embark on your self-love journey.

Here’s the thing: Life will not get any easier. Life will continue to throw challenges at us. It will take twists and turns. We will be handed heartbreak. We will be faced with really tough challenges.

But what we can do is grow into the version of you that has the capacity to allow all of it to flow through you.

That is when life becomes really juicy.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free resource: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I give my thoughts on how and why to reparent your inner child. Going through this process myself has been a life-changing experience, particularly as a mom.

By reparenting your inner child, you will learn to be at peace with yourself as a person and at peace with yourself as a parent.

What is the “inner child”?

Our inner child is another identity or persona that lives within all of us. It is that childlike, joyful place within us.

It truly is the child within us.

Obviously, all of us were children in the past; but, many of us, ever since we entered adulthood, have buried that child and haven’t reconnected with him or her for many years.

Our inner child can be of any age. Often, when we are wounded at some point in our childhood and never heal from that wound, that child haunts us whether we are aware of it or not.

Learning to reparent your inner child will free you of those traumas.

Why is inner child healing important?

“I’m not good-looking enough.”

“I’m not smart enough.”

“I’m not worthy.”

We develop the majority of our false or limiting beliefs as a result of those childhood wounds, whether they were seemingly insignificant or truly significant memories.

We usually don’t realize that a wound has been inflicted in the moment nor in the years that follow. We often discover these wounds when we’re already in the midst of doing inner child healing work, when we’re peeling back the layers of our life.

This work can help you pinpoint the rules you live by as you go about your life.

Learn to Love Yourself for Who You Are

As a child, I thought I was too dark, that I wasn’t pretty enough, that I didn’t belong.

I did all I could to be accepted and loved. Growing up, I lived in constant fear that I would fail school. I went through a good chunk of my career thinking I could be fired at any moment.

My oath to myself was that I would prove to the world how capable I was.

I spent my life chasing whatever I felt would prove that I was good enough.

I now know this because of my inner child work. If you asked me ten years ago, I wouldn’t have been able to name it.

Once I learned to love myself for how I look, how I think, and how I feel, I began the process of healing.

Notice What Triggers You as a Parent

It’s common to get annoyed whenever our kids act like kids. We parents have a tendency to stand tall and stiff and berate our children for misbehaving without even attempting to see things from their point of view.

If you find yourself doing this, take it as a sign that you’re probably out of touch with your inner child.

We’ve lost our sense of wonder, awe, joy, and curiosity.

Take it as an invitation to look within yourself, uncover old wounds, and learn how to heal yourself to become a better woman or man, and mother or father.

How Does Inner Child Healing Work?

I take my clients through a deep meditation and we try to connect to some challenging part of their life currently taking place.

We then try to surface a memory or set of memories that are bubbling just below the surface. It’s up to the client to discover those memories on their own.

Your inner child may be wary and scared to talk to you at first, because to them, you may be a stranger at that moment.

How Healing My Inner Child Made Me a Better Parent

We all want to be the “perfect” parent but we all fall short.

It is our responsibility to heal. We cannot go back and fix things. The only thing we can do is heal what’s happened.

We slow down to match our child’s pace. We have all the time in the world for them. We learn to be in the present moment, to be right there with him or her, to make them feel safe.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free resource: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I welcome Lauren McFall Gardner, who represented America in synchronized swimming at the 2004 Summer Olympics in Athens, Greece.

Tell us a bit about yourself.

Lauren: I grew up in Northern California. For 16 years, I trained for synchronized swimming (now called “artistic swimming”). In 2004, I was team captain of my team at the Olympics, and we won a bronze medal. There were so many challenges in that experience and I realized that learning from them would carry me through future challenges. I got my first job on Wall Street because I was an Olympic medalist, and my CEO at the time wanted athletes as salespeople. I had kids soon after. But I floundered a little bit as I started to question what I was truly meant to do and be because I didn’t feel that I lived up to the expectations that others had of me.

What were some of your struggles when you decided to work with me?

Lauren: When we finished working together, you shared with me some of the things I said during our first session. I didn’t even recognize that person: I was so insecure and felt that I needed external validation. I didn’t want to screw up the new job I had at the time. I knew that failing would break me.

How did you fare when we finished working together?

Lauren: Soon after we finished our work together, I was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. It wasn’t even until around six weeks ago, now that I’m on the other side of it, when it finally struck me that I had been led to you and we had worked on these tools that helped me in my career… and had unexpectedly helped me with this traumatic disease, too. My life still isn’t “perfect”, of course, but I feel that I’m on a very good path right now.

How did you find your voice?

Lauren: The only way I got my husband and kids to hear me was to yell and be angry. I knew I had to find my voice, because once I could get clear on what I want or need, I could just say it. I felt this need that I had to do everything for my family. Finding my voice taught me that I should only do something because I wanted to do it, not because I “had” to. If I refuse to do something, it doesn’t mean I don’t love my family. It only means I need rest at that particular moment.

You mentioned tools. Which tools have you found to be the most useful to you?

Lauren: I used to get really anxious during a work call. One of the thing you taught me was to do a five-minute meditation.

I also became aware of my ego and the loud voice coming from it telling me why I can’t do something. I learned to listen to the little voice instead telling me why I can.

How has doing internal work changed you as a mom?

Lauren: I remember thinking I was on top of motherhood when we started working together. But that was only because they were younger.

I’m now more in tune with how they feel when they get upset and am more patient with them, whereas before, I would just react in these base, human ways.

I’ve also shifted to regarding parenting as managing myself as much as it is managing my kids.

Tell me about your journey with breast cancer. How did you get through it?

Lauren: In some ways, cancer was one of the best things that ever happened to me because it shed a light on so many things. One of the big ones is asking for help because I didn’t have a choice.

That experience also changed my perception on health.

New me sees that it’s more important to be on the floor wrestling and playing with my kids, and just being grateful that I have these days with them. Love was a huge, huge thing throughout this process—loving others and loving myself.

On the spiritual side, I learned to cope with stress just by being quiet.

Learn more about Lauren McFall Gardner:

Read about her breast cancer journey: https://www.teamusa.org/USA-Artistic-Swimming/Features/2021/September/30/Lauren-Breast-Cancer-Journey 

Follow her on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lgardner3736 

In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I reflect further on my 29029 Everesting adventure.

Today, I will talk about how I used the Law of Attraction to really help me complete this event.

I wasn’t alone on my journey to climb the equivalent of Mt. Everest. In fact, I was quite literally co-creating with the Universe while I was on that mountain.

What is the Law of Attraction, exactly?

Simply put, we attract what we think about.

When our thoughts, feelings, and actions are all aligned, this invisible force—a higher consciousness, you could say—steps in and does mind-blowing things.

The Universe may send certain people, situations, or resources our way to help us accomplish the audacious dreams or goals that we would not have been able to accomplish by ourselves.

As we co-create with the Universe, we see that it truly has the power to pull strings on our behalf.

Visualize your dream

In making the decision to take on the 29029 Everesting challenge, I knew I needed to use every Law of Attraction tool and strategy that I had in my toolbox to co-create the entire experience.

It started with visualization.

I highly, highly encourage you to get into the habit of visualizing what you want. At first, it may feel fuzzy or vague because you may struggle getting into the details of exactly what it is you desire. At first, you might not be able to access the powerful emotions that you want to feel.

Keep practicing. Keep getting clear on that vision. Keep tapping into the emotion.

Put the intention out there

Let’s head back to the beginning, way before I even took my first step on the mountain.

I hate traveling by myself, without family. I wanted to find a faster way of getting to the mountain, so I simply put that intention out there. I was otherwise completely at a loss as to how I was going to get there quickly and efficiently.

Out of the blue, my husband suggested that I ask the other participants whether someone is already renting a car.

Problem solved.

The Universe doesn’t always have to work through you. That idea had not occurred to me personally, but that’s part of the beauty of the Law of Attraction:

Adopt an attitude of gratitude toward the Universe

One of the other things I kept asking the Universe was for decent weather in Vermont.

I didn’t want to hike in the rain or the snow, and thanks to my autoimmune disease, I have poor circulation in my body. The minute it drops below 72 degrees, I have to put on many, many layers.

I visualized blue skies and weather constantly in the 60s.

Lo and behold, for the majority of the weekend, we had weather in the 60s. What’s also amazing is that the weather plunged below the 40s right after the weekend, when it was all over (thankfully)!

My army of angels

I mentioned the angel that accompanied me on this journey in the form of the kind man who got up an hour early to take me to the airport.

Little did I know at the time that he was to be the first of many.

One of these angels is Tiffany, a physical therapist who worked on my aching hips and legs for almost an hour-and-a-half.

Another is Coach Dawn, who was there on ascent #5 to support me when all I wanted to do at that point was throw in the towel, giving me the confidence and support I needed to do the next 11 climbs.

She was even by my side for the entirety of my 16th climb, and lit a fire in my belly to plow through the 17th ascent as a thunderstorm loomed overhead.

The Universe is Waiting for You

Don’t be scared of asking the Universe for exactly what you want.

You are not too demanding.

No ask is too small or too big for the Universe.

The Universe is waiting on you for guidance.

It wants to know: “What do you want from me? How can I help you? I am here to support you?”

The Universe is asking for you.

Trust, and be open to receiving.

Remember, life is meant to be co-created with the Universe.

In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I reflect on my 29029 Everesting experience.

Before the first step...

The very first thing that hit me when I began the climb was how steep the mountain was. I felt like I was shrinking with every anxious thump I felt in my chest.

I had grossly underestimated the elevation and the steepness of this mountain.

Fighting through the pain

As I began climb #2, I started to feel a dull, throbbing pain in my hip. It was then that I regretted putting on the back-burner the hip-flexor strengthening work we were trained to do.

By climb #4, I was wincing in pain every time I lifted my leg. By the time I got to the top, I was ready to call it quits.

But after all that time I spent reconnecting with my body, preparing for this moment, that just wasn’t an option.

So, off I went to the gondola back down the mountain. I then headed straight for the recovery room.

A second wind

At the recovery room, this absolute angel named Tiffany worked on my hip for almost two hours. She even helped me get my lunch in.

I’ll be honest. He wasn’t my favorite person to be around on that journey.

But that’s only because he was telling me the truth. And don’t we all hate it when someone gives us the cold, harsh truth?

I met another angel on the way up, Coach Dawn. She asked me how I was doing, and I repeated my mantra that I had been practicing for months: “I’m strong. I’m capable. I can do this.”

Coach Dawn held space for me. She was a witness to my pain on the inside. It was truly a moment of healing. It was medicine to my soul.

My why was to prove to myself that I am capable.

Surrounding myself with winners

All of the volunteers, I learned, were finishers of 29029 Everesting.

That’s why it’s so important to surround yourself with a community of people all striving toward the same or similar goals.

Hiking through the night

After 8:30 PM and with dinner done, I decided to trek through the night.

Through the rain that started to pour soon after.

Through the ankle-deep mud.

Through the harsh winds.

Through the low-visibility.

Just be you

I was like a baby going up and down that mountain.

I’d let random people help me take off my backpack and put it back on. Same with my gloves. Same with applying my own ChapStick!

I was nowhere near the fastest nor the fittest. And yet, one of the biggest surprises for me was how many people told me that I was so inspiring to be around.

Best of all, at the end of the whole thing, the entire room full of participants cheered and clapped as my story was told as part of our final meeting together. I was told that I was more inspiring than the first person who finished the event in 15-and-a-half hours.

We don’t have to be anything but ourselves if we want to make an impact.

Be the most you, you can be. Do the very best you can. Even if you don’t know what you’re doing, you inspire others simply because you showed up.

Don’t let the mountain bully you

Climbing this mountain 17 times taught me that life is just about taking one step at a time.

When I first looked up those 1,750 feet, I thought it was an impossible task.

But guess what?I was able to conquer this same mountain not once, but 17 times, because I focused on one step at a time.

And celebrate every single one of the steps you take.

I truly believe that I am capable of accomplishing whatever I set my mind to.

Probably not as fast as I would want to. But that doesn’t matter.

Deep down, in the soul of my being, I know that I’m so capable.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free resource: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I talk about one of my most commonly requested topics: How to become a more confident you.

What is “self-confidence”, exactly?

Self-confidence is your own, personal view on how likely you are to accomplish a goal.

There are areas in your life that you are more confident in than others.

Self-confidence versus self-esteem

Self-esteem is your overall view of your worth.

“I’m a good person” is a self-esteem statement. Confidence in certain areas can boost your self-esteem, but not necessarily.

What self-confidence gives (and doesn’t give) us

The more confidence we have, the more resilient and the happier we feel.

Confidence gives us the willingness to take more risks in life. And when you take more risks, you open yourself up to more rewards.

You don’t necessarily need to be good at something to be confident at doing it.

Confidence is an inside job... and it’s a job that takes time.

Considering all this, it’s clear that external rewards and validation do not always lead to more confidence.

Nor will confidence come all at once. You won’t wake up one morning and feel magically confident all of a sudden.

Confidence comes in little doses and, before you know it, it’s like you’re a totally new person with a fresh, powerful outlook on and approach to life.

So, with all that out of the way, how exactly do you build confidence? Here are my top tips:

Tip #1: Celebrate every small step you take and every small win you experience.

As the saying goes, “It’s not about the destination, but the journey.”

It may be a cliché, but that’s only because it’s true.

If you want to build your confidence over time, you have to stop and celebrate every tiny win, no matter how insignificant it may seem.

Embrace the fact that you’re learning, growing, and becoming more competent every step of the way.

Tip #2: Accept your flaws, fully.

It’s natural to want to hide parts of ourselves that we think are imperfect.

I’ve found that it’s so powerful to own who you are by talking about your flaws if the situation presents itself.

Tip #3: Look back at how far you’ve gotten in life instead of looking at how far you have left to go.

I don’t know a single person who has gotten everything they’ve ever wanted out of life.

Be proud of yourself by celebrating how far you’ve come. That will give you the confidence you need to push forward.

Tip #4: You can be confident and still be a work-in-progress.

I think a lot of us are under the impression that, if we have any self-doubt whatsoever, that means we’re not confident.

There’s room for many, many, many emotions to coexist within you at any given moment.

That’s what it means to be human.

Tip #5: Get out of the house.

This is even more important during these challenging times.

Experiencing new things is an easy way to gain more confidence.

Tip #6: Move your body.

I invite you to get out of your head and into your body.

When we live with our limiting beliefs, we completely disconnect from our bodies from the neck-down.

Our bodies hold so much wisdom.

Tip #7: Do something that makes you feel uncomfortable every single day.

This can be as tiny as finishing up a hot shower by turning on the ice-cold water (if this is something you’re not already used to doing, of course).

This is a great practice for shattering limiting beliefs. Notice the discomfort, then do the damn thing anyway.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free resource: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I get to ask my son, Ashwin, a few questions about himself!

Tell me about yourself.

Ashwin: I’m eight years old. I’m in second grade. I love my little dog, Cosmo. I love monster trucks. I have a great loft bed. And I want to have a better future if I can.

What do you think I do for a living?

Ashwin: You’re a life coach. You make people feel better by doing breathwork sessions. I thought it was really weird, but I got used to it.

How do you like to spend your time?

Ashwin: I like to spend my time playing with monster trucks with my friends. I love to build legos. My dad helps me make things out of cardboard.

What are you good at?

Ashwin: Baseball and making people feel better. I give the best hugs and tickles. I’m a detective in the house.

What do you know how to do that you could teach me?

Ashwin: Learn how to play with legos.

What are some things in life that make you really upset?

Ashwin: Whenever you guys say “no”. It bugs me when Arya doesn’t play with me. He reads a lot.

What are some things that make you feel good?

Ashwin: Playing with my friends and getting ice cream, especially vanilla and chocolate drenched in sprinkles.

What makes you feel really proud about yourself?

Ashwin: Whenever I do something to help my baseball team. I felt proud when I did my math homework this evening.

What are the affirmations you and I say every night before we go to bed?

Ashwin: I’m kind, I’m smart, I’m brave, I love myself, and I can do everything I set my mind to.

Can you walk the people through something you recently learned about the circle of thoughts, feelings, and actions?

Ashwin: Draw a triangle. Write an “A” (which stands for “actions”) at the top of the triangle, and “F” (which stands for “feelings”) on another side, and a “T” (which stands for “thoughts”) on the last side. So, if I lost my toy, I would write “I lost my toy” on the thought side, “I feel really mad or sad” on the feeling side, and my action would be “get angry” and you would feel it.

What will you do based on this information? If your thought makes you act in a way that you don’t want to act, what could you do with the thought?

Ashwin: Change it and write out a new one.

What is a new thought you can think of?

Ashwin: “I’m sure I can find it. Just not right now.”

Yeah, and you would feel “hopeful”. Then what action would you take?

Ashwin: “Ask for help.”

You can change your thoughts about any situation. This is the very basic premise of mindset training. Our thoughts always lead to certain feelings or emotions which always lead to our action or inaction, which then leads to our results. So, if we want our results to change, we always want to start by changing our thoughts. 

Ashwin, what do you do when you want to stop feeling mad?

Ashwin: I squeeze a water bottle. I also punch a pillow. If you have eggshells, don’t throw them away. I can crush them with a potato masher! I also listen to rock and metal in my room.

What is a question that you would like to ask me?

Ashwin: Can I please watch TV?

Well as we're recording this episode folks, it is a Friday night and they get screen time on Friday night. I don't know about your kids but my kids thoughts always seem to be, "When can I get the next sugar rush and when can I get the next screen time?"

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I share the life lessons I’ve learned from my autoimmune disease and how you might be able to apply them to your own life.

To give you a quick background, it was 2004 when I got sick while I was in the middle of a very intense MBA program. I was also one year into my marriage at this time.

Now, it seemed like your typical fever at first. But as it progressed, it felt as if someone was tying a heavy anchor around me, and the world began to move slower and slower.

I was finally prompted to see my GP. After a week of tests, I got word that something was very wrong with my immune system.

I was sent to a rheumatologist and, eventually, was finally given the diagnosis that I had mixed connective tissue disease (MCTD), which is basically a combination of lupus, rheumatoid arthritis, and polymyositis.

Symptoms include immense joint pain, inflammation all over my body, exhaustion, lethargy, mental fog, and difficulty performing simple mundane movements (like taking off my clothes or even picking up a spoon).

In short, I went from being a healthy 23-year-old to being told that I had to live with this debilitating disease forever. Specifically, there were things I could do to manage it; but, there was no cure for it.

There was no other way I could put it: The moment I got that diagnosis, I believed that I was cursed.

That was in 2004.

It’s now 2021. And guess what? I’m doing more than okay 17 years since my diagnosis.

Living with MCTD for that length of time quite literally brought me so many life-altering lessons that I’m here to share with you today.

Lesson #1: I am the expert when it comes to my body and life.

Your job, however, is to define your own future once you hear what the doctors have to say.

Everybody is conditioned in life to act (or react) in certain ways to different situations. I learned to thrive by becoming aware of this fact and taking the reins.

Lesson #2: Your body is meant to calibrate to healing and wellness.

Your body is always, always, healing.

It is always trying to reach equilibrium—a center. And that center is wellness.

Give your body a chance and listen to the wisdom it holds for you. We don’t tend to hear this wisdom because we often live in our own heads.

Stop trying to figure it out. Slow down and listen to your body. Eat as it tells you to eat. Move as it tells you to move.

That’s all the wisdom we need.

Lesson #3: Accept, honor, and appreciate your body wherever it’s at.

Take a moment and ask yourself these questions:

“How often am I angry at my body?”

“How often am I judging my body and how it seems to lack what I need?”

“How often do I actually tend to my body with love, honor, and respect?”

You cannot hate your way to a body you love.

Make peace with your body where it’s at in order to get to where you want to go.

Lesson #4: Try new things.

It seems like such a simple concept; but, don’t we so often overlook what’s simple and yet so profoundly vital?

You see, I believe that your “aliveness” or “beingness” comes from exploring your edges.

Lesson #5: The food you eat is your medicine.

Your food is your “first line of defense”, so to speak. I’ve been on my plant-based diet for ten months now, and I’ve only begun to reap what I’ve sown. During those first three months, my coach and I didn’t observe any changes at all. I was actually feeling quite discouraged.

Lesson #6: Control your diet based on how you want to feel.

When we cut out the things that aren’t good for us, such as sugar and alcohol, we find it difficult because we look at it as deprivation.

We know, logically, that we’re doing the right thing, but it doesn’t make it any easier on our bodies.

Instead, I’ve learned to look at this through the lens of the benefits I will receive as a result of cutting out these unhealthy foods and drinks, instead of focusing on what I lost.