Becoming You

In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I dive into why we tend to be overthinkers.

I define “overthinking” as the inability to be decisive. It’s analyzing an issue for longer than it takes to actually take action on it and resolve that issue. It’s imbalance.

What are the symptoms of overthinking?

A few symptoms overthinkers experience are:

• Reliving embarrassing experiences over and over again in your head
• Having trouble sleeping
• Constantly thinking “What if…”
• Obsessing over the “hidden meaning” behind what people say or don’t say
• Constantly reliving mistakes

Overthinking robs us from living in the present moment, because we live in our head, blunting our ability to make proper decisions—if we actually make a decision at all.

Why do we overthink?

We have come to rely on our “thinking brain” to help us navigate through life. We forget that we have this thing called our “heart”, through which we can tap into our inner wisdom. Our intuition provides a whole new dimension to any paradigm our brains may project.

I believe that our brain, while a wonderful thing, should not get the final say in the choices we make in life. Our brain is not connected to our soul, and our soul is what allows us to live our best life.

We also overthink because of our brain’s tendency to bring up our stored, not-so-pleasant memories in the moment. As humans, we desire predictability. It’s a survival mechanism.

How do we overcome overthinking? Just take action.

The solution is multilayered, but it starts and ends with taking action.

Overthinking makes us move really slowly. We get so caught up in potential mistakes that we hesitate with every step… and yet what we often find is that if we just forged ahead without overthinking, we would have made the same mistakes anyway!

Instead, take action—and learn from your mistakes.

Keep your eyes on your desired solution or outcome.

Whatever we focus on expands. And so if you focus on the problem, the problem will only get worse.

You don’t know what to do? Well, what do you actually want?

If you’re not willing to look at the problem in a different way, the solution will not manifest itself.

Assume that things will work out for you. Assume that success is inevitable. Maybe not now, but as long as you’re taking action and learning and taking action again, you will hit gold.

Shift your physical state

To stop overthinking, you have to get out of your head and into your body.

Exercise helps. Going outside and taking a walk in nature works great, too. Dance. Do breathwork.

Let go of your desire for perfect solutions

There is no such thing as the one perfect solution.

Be content with taking imperfect next steps, because that one imperfect next step will lead to the next imperfect next step; so on and so forth.

Consider it the next right move instead of the next perfect move. Again, this comes back to checking in with your heart and asking what feels right, all things considered.

Connect to your intuition

Our body holds the antidote for overthinking. Our bodies know what’s right and wrong for us.

How many times have we talked our way out of making a decision that appeals to us, that is drawing us, but somehow feels… “illogical”?

Feeling burnt out at work but telling yourself to keep going in order to stay productive? Stop it. Slow down and let yourself recover so that you have more in the tank for next time.

Most of us have forgotten what it feels like to rely on our intuition. If that’s the case, start using your intuition when it comes to small choices.

You’ll find that, just by reading those options off a piece of paper, you naturally gravitate to one over all the others.

With intention and attention, you can start to connect to your body and learn what is meant for you.

Free resource: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

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Deezer

In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I welcome Simi Kaur.

Simi Kaur is a mom, entrepreneur & content creator who is on a mission to inspire other moms as they navigate their journeys of motherhood. She loves to bring humor in her content in a way that breaks the traditional expectations of the role of mothers in our society.

Being a survivor of depression, she also feels this space is her contribution towards making a lighter and brighter world.

Listen in as we dive into Simi’s struggles with what she calls “brown girl issues” in her youth and, occasionally, even today. She discusses the catalyst that made her decide to stop acting like a victim and take her mental health into her own hands.

Can you share some of the “brown girl issues” you had to navigate growing up?

Simi: I came to Canada at the age of 15 as an immigrant. At that age, you’re trying to find your identity, but I was never able to because of that huge cultural barrier. I was bullied in high school and had to content with the people-pleasing expectations that people have of you being a brown girl. I suffered because I always tried to meet others’ expectations—to be that “good girl”.

What realizations have you come to through that process of unraveling?

Simi: I’m a huge advocate for mental health. There was a point in my life where I was just at rock bottom. My kids were two and four and I was washing the dishes while they were playing outside. And I remember watching them through the window looking so happy, and suddenly I felt so sad. Tears were rolling down my cheeks, and I couldn’t understand why. I couldn’t figure it out. I laid in my bedroom and had these unimaginable thoughts that the world would be better off without me.

What was the first step you took towards healing?

Simi: I went to my doctor and just started bawling. He put me on meds when there was such a stigma around medication. Even my parents questioned why I started taking them. I was back with that “brown girl complex”, dependent on other people’s opinions to shape me.

How have you shown up in your community to promote what you’ve been doing for your mental health, and help them realize that they are not alone?

Simi: I talk about it every chance I get on Instagram and on my podcast. It was easier to talk about it when no one was listening to me. It gets very complicated as a mother because there are so many other things we women have to think about. But I always put it out there, and I just hope more people will have a chance to listen to what I have to say, and realize that poor mental health is a real biological issue that we can’t just switch off in the moment.

What are some key issues that you’ve had to unearth and take a close look at in order to really make some big improvements in your mental health?

Simi: That’s a very tough question because I’m constantly trying to heal many parts of my mental health. It’s a messy process. But I feel like I’ve become much better at knowing when I’m trying to people-please at the expense of what I want and need. Now, I’ve shifted to asking more of what makes me happy.

What would you say to someone who can relate to your story and is feeling as alone as you once did?

Simi: First of all, realize that you’re not alone. There are so many people who are going through the same thing you are. The number one tip I can give is to reach out. When I told myself that “no one understands what I’m going through,” I made myself a victim: I was looking for happiness from external sources.

Learn more about Simi Kaur:

You can follow her on TikTok & Instagram at @__simikaur

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free resource: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

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Deezer

In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I talk directly to all of my long-term listeners who have been on the fence about getting a life coach by debunking some of the most common myths that come up time and again.

Myth #1: Your coach will fix all of your problems.

…and by extension, that they will fix you.

This is a really common myth, and I have to catch myself sometimes whenever I find an amazing coach and think, “This is the one.”

Never put pressure on yourself or your coach to have delivered this idea of paradise by the end of your time together.

Healing is not a linear journey, and it’s definitely not up to other people to do it for you.

Myth #2: Your coach will tell you exactly what you need to do to solve your problems.

For those who lived their whole lives being told what to do, beginning a coaching relationship may feel really scary.

But the truth is, your coach is a teacher, a guide, but they will never tell you what to do.

Instead of prescribing solutions that they think will solve a problem, good coaches will ask questions such as: “What do you want to do?”; “What do you desire?”; “How do you feel about that?”

Basically, a coach answers your question with a question because, when it comes down to it, you hold all the answers to your problems. Their job is to help you connect with and trust yourself.

Myth #3 & 4: Coaching is only for really damaged people. Coaching and therapy are the same.

I deliberately combined these two myths, because there is a lot of overlap between the two in terms of the mentality of the person who believes them.

Firstly, let’s get rid of the word “damaged” from our vocabulary, because you aren’t “broken” simply because you’re going through a tough time in your life. Suffering doesn’t equal brokenness.

Now, coaching and therapy are not the same. In general, therapy focuses on unearthing the roots of our suffering from the past in order to shed some light on our present suffering and help us navigate the now. Coaching, on the other hand, is more so about using lessons from the past in order to help you achieve your future goals.

Myth #5: Coaching is only for executives and athletes.

Coaching is not reserved for the elite, or those at the top of their game. We can all hire a coach.

We all have goals. We all have ambitions. We all have deep desires. Also, we all have the same potential to grow as every single one of the highest performers in their respective fields.

Executives and athletes are just smart enough to know that they need guidance to help fill certain gaps in their performance. They know that they can break through perceived limits a lot faster with a coach.

Myth #6: Life coaches have perfect lives and have it all figured out.

We all put up highlight reels of our lives on the web. It’s no different for life coaches. In fact, they’d obviously need to focus on the positive as part of their marketing.

But our coaches are human, too. Remind yourself that they make mistakes to give yourself permission to do the same.

Myth #7: Coaching takes a really long time.

Often, the one of the biggest fears clients come to me with is something along the lines of, “I’m almost 40. How is an 8-week program going to undo decades of bad habits and limiting beliefs?”

The myth is thinking that, because it took 20 years to get here, it’s going to take another 20 to get out of it.

Coaching collapses time because you’re doing very intentional, focused work. Not to mention the fact that you have accountability and support.

All of the things keeping you stuck—that whole castle you’ve built on an illusion of who you think you are, starts to fall apart really, really quickly.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free resource: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I talk about what I learned after walking 100 miles in January.

At the beginning of 2022, I set several mini-goals around improving my general health and wellbeing, one of which was walking 100 miles.

Through this experience, I learned a thing or two about goal-setting, and I’m excited to share these lessons with you today.

Lesson #1: It’s not enough to say, “I want to become happy.”

When we fail to achieve a goal, it’s usually for one or more of these three reasons: 1) It was not measurable; 2) It was not achievable, or 3) We didn’t set a deadline.

I made sure to cover these three bases when setting my January goals. I stretched myself, but not to the point of setting unrealistic expectations.

So, the next time you set goals, evaluate them according to these three criteria: 1) Is it measurable?; 2) Does it have a timeline?; 3) Is it realistic?

Lesson #2: Break your goal down into smaller parts and have a plan to tackle them each day.

My goal was to walk 100 miles in 31 days, which meant I needed to do about 3.1 miles a day.

Break your goal down into smaller segments. It will make it less intimidating and help you maintain your motivation.

Lesson #3: Breaking your goals down into smaller chunks paves the way for flexibility.

If you say, “I want to meditate for 30 days straight,” you leave no room for error. It’s either you make the 30 days, or you fail.

Instead, you can say, “I want to meditate for a total of 300 minutes this month.” That’s 10 minutes a day; meaning, if you miss a day, you can always do 15 minutes for the next two days or 20 minutes straight the next day to make up for it.

There were some days I couldn’t walk due to inclement weather. Life just happens. As much as we want to stick to something every single day, it’s unrealistic.

Lesson #4: Chip away at your goal even if it seems insurmountable.

You only fail if you quit; but, you can always, always make your goal as long as you keep chipping away.

One of the main things I learned from Everesting 29029—a previous endurance challenge I completed—is that you just have to keep taking baby steps towards your goal, because you will be amazed at what you can achieve.

Lesson #5: Think about how you would feel if you give up too soon.

Conversely, think about how you, your friends, and your family would feel once you do finish the goal.

Imagining that feeling of regret that would take over you if you were to give up, will spark that drive to soldier on.

Why do you want to achieve this goal?

For me, it’s as simple as: I want to be proud of myself.

Whatever your motivation, it needs to be wholly true to you and powerful enough to keep you going no matter what.

Lesson #6: Track it.

Never keep it in your head. Put your goals and your progress on paper.

Once you’ve done it, cross it off. It sounds so simple, but there’s no better feeling than doing so. If you’ve ever ticked off items on any type of checklist, whether it’s a task list for work or even a grocery list, the feeling is the same.

Lesson #7: Make it fun!

Some days, I walked with my kids, which really helped pass the time. Another way I did that is by listening to my favorite podcasts while getting those miles in. Other days, I’d talk with my friends on the phone while I walked.

Lesson #8: Push yourself, even if it’s uncomfortable or inconvenient.

You will always have challenges along the way when fighting for something really important to you. If it was easy to achieve our goals, we’d all be doing it and there wouldn’t be a need for discussions like these.

You see, the goals we set are designed to challenge us. That’s why we set goals in the first place—to expand our comfort zone.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free resource: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I talk about 10 ways anyone can raise happier children.

Lesson #1: Teach your kids about feelings.

I was not brought up to consider my feelings. I was not taught to label my emotions, much less validate my emotions.

We can create a happy environment for our kids by helping them to learn how to feel their feelings.

Lesson #2: Teach your kids about boundaries.

This not only means helping them understand that they need to establish healthy boundaries for themselves, but that they need to respect the boundaries of others, as well.

We all have those days when we just want to be left alone with our own thoughts and emotions.

Lesson #3: Allow your kids to follow their own passions.

This might seem obvious, but a lot of us parents tend to say “yes” only to those things that lie within the parameters of what we believe is acceptable for our kids to explore.

It took me a long time to realize that, “Who am I to be the gatekeeper of which hobby gets to be worthy and which doesn’t?”

Allow your child to be their own person and remove your own agenda about who you think they should become out of the equation.

Lesson #4: Let your kids see you unhappy, make mistakes, and fail.

We understandably take a lot of pride in our kids. We want them to have all the awards and accolades they can achieve.

Failure is inevitable. If you live to avoid failure, you’ll have a very tough time fulfilling your potential and truly feeling happy.

Lesson #5: Accept your kids as they are, even if you are scared that they are failing in life.

We project our goals and fears onto our children, and therefore we don’t allow their own dreams to flourish.

Deep down, we want our kids to be perfect (at least according to our standards of “perfection”). Anything that we consider a weakness, whether true or not, we project onto them and forecast into their entire life.

It causes us to constantly nag, and it eats at their spirit.

Instead, accept your child exactly as they are. Try to imagine how a so-called “negative” trait may actually be one of their strengths.

Lesson #6: Examine your parenting principles.

Are you simply and blindly following parenting advice that your own parents or fellow parents taught you?

Have you ever actually examined why you parent the way you parent? Do you truly believe in the strategies you use with your own kids?

Many of us grew up with overly strict parents who scolded or even physically disciplined us for voicing our own opinions. And with that as our model, we end up using the same approach toward our kids, without even thinking about it.

Lesson #7: Focus on consistent effort, not the result.

Your kids notice and model your behavior. We often tend to celebrate the wins, and the wins alone. But if we only highlight the wins, we give our kids the message that it’s only worth celebrating if they come home with a win.

Teach your kids to appreciate consistency and effort to build their willpower, resilience, and self-esteem.

Lesson #8: Unstructure your time.

Give your kids unstructured play, such as by giving them a blank sheet of paper on which they can draw whatever they want.

Lesson #9: Instead of telling your kids what to do, guide them to their own answers by asking questions.

I believe that one of the keys to happiness is learning to trust our own wisdom and finding the answers that are right for us.

It’s only human to want to validate all of our decisions by relying on other people’s opinions.

Lesson #10: In order to raise happy kids, you have to be happy yourself.

As moms, we want to protect our kids from everything. We believe that sacrificing ourselves is the only way to raise happy children.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free resource: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I welcome Jimmy Wightman, known as “That Meditation Guy” on Instagram.

How did you come to teach meditation full-time?

Jimmy: Back in the day, I used to be into financial trading online. Quite a big change. When I was in my 20s, I was a big party guy. But at the end of my 20s, I started to suffer chronic insomnia. I used to drink a bottle of red wine a night just to go to sleep. That led to depression. I looked for solutions, and that started with guided meditations for sleep. I eventually decided to really get serious and signed up for an eight-week mindfulness course. That really helped me to get to know how my mind works. To be honest, when I finished my course, I went back to my old ways and the insomnia never cleared up.

What was it like to transition into business ownership?

Jimmy: It probably wasn’t as bad for me as it is for some people because I’d already done it before. I had already quit my job and started my online business and went through years of struggle.

Why is it that the deeper you connect with yourself, the deeper you connect to the world around you?

Jimmy: The nervous system is really the source of it all. Meditation calms down the nervous system, allowing us to enjoy what’s around us. We not only become calm and stress-free, but we release all our old conditioning. As we keep all these emotions in, the baggage gets heavier and heavier and weighs us down, making the world a scary place.

What are some popular myths that stop people from getting started with meditation?

Jimmy: The biggest one is probably: “Meditation is about focusing on the breath.” That’s one of thousands of different ways to meditate. If focusing on your breath isn’t working for you, feel free to experiment. Find a method that works for you. You also don’t need to meditate for massive amounts of time.

How do you habitualize meditation?

Jimmy: If you have a deep, blissful experience, you’ll get hooked, and the habit will form easily. The motivation will take care of itself. Make it a non-negotiable, like brushing your teeth.

What are the different types of meditation, and which do you teach?

Jimmy: The four most scientifically researched meditations are: 1) focused attention; 2) open monitoring; 3) loving-kindness; 4) automatic self-transcending or Vedic or deep meditation.

Is there a “right” and “wrong” way to meditate?

Jimmy: I think people will struggle without some guidance. Even an app is a good tool to keep you on track if you can’t find a teacher.

What would you say to busy moms who say that everything comes first and therefore never find the time to meditate?

Jimmy: Find the meditation that feels good to you and do it for 15-20 minutes in the morning and afternoon. Make it a worthwhile 15-20 minutes that you find more engaging than scrolling on your phone.

What are some potential downsides to meditation?

Jimmy: When I teach people, I make sure to tell them that they are going to go through a process. They will go through a stress release as they sift through their emotions.

Why do you take cold dips in the ocean? It sounds like torture!

Jimmy: The first time, it was! It all started in the summer. We kept doing it as it became colder and colder through the months. It sort of took a life of its own. Now that it’s January, it’s freezing.

Learn more about Jimmy Wightman:

Visit his website: https://www.delvedeep.com 

Follow him on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/that_meditation_guy 

In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I share how my relationship with failure has evolved over the years.

I believe being afraid of failure has held me back so much in life. Today, I want to talk not only about my own journey, but how the lessons I’ve learned about failure can help you along your journey, as well.

Everyone is afraid of one of two things depending on where we are in life: failure or success. The latter, because we like to stick to the status quo, and success means horizons and, therefore, new challenges. We fear that newness.

Failure, of course, is the fear that most of us are more familiar with. We grow up believing that failure is not an option, that we are useless and weak if we don't win.

But I learned, over time, that failure is the platform to success. You cannot achieve success without failure.

Failure Builds Character

If we don’t fail, we don’t learn.

I never failed spectacularly at anything until after my 30s. That’s not bragging. That’s regret.

I wish I had pushed myself harder throughout my early life. I know I could have grown so much more.

Today, as a mom, I believe that my job is to push my kids—now 8 and 11—to fail. I want to encourage them at every turn to face their fears and take big challenges one step at a time to prove to themselves that they are capable.

The more we allow our kids to fail, the more lessons they take away from those experiences as a result.

Failure builds character. It helps us become the person we need to become. That stronger, wiser person can carry the success we crave, that we in our current state don’t yet deserve. Failure molds us for success.

We Pay Our Dues Sooner or Later

Because I never failed till I reached my 30s, I had to pay my dues relatively late in life, when I was already a married woman.

I hadn’t figured out who I was at that point in time. I was a rebel. It drove my husband crazy.

I wasn’t even close to who I am today. It took a failed corporate career and two businesses for me to finally start growing.

Failure is not an end. It’s a step toward success. But it has to happen sooner or later if we are to grow into who we are meant to become. Perfection doesn’t exist, so we need to take the pressure off to always get it right.

Enjoy the Journey

Every step I take, whether it gives me the results I want or not, leads me to the eventual destination.

I’ve learned to enjoy the ride. That takes the bitterness out of failure.

Marinate in the wins. Celebrate what goes right, no matter how small. That takes the sting out of failure. In fact, I like to say that failure adds flavor to life.

Why do we enjoy hearing stories about the Oprahs of the world? It’s not her successes, but her failures—specifically how she overcame them—that inspires us. We realize that if they can do it, we can, too.

Failure is not a waste. It’s a really important investment in your growth.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free resource: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I share how I’m designing my 2022 for success and how I’m doing it a little differently than in previous years.

I stopped setting New Year’s Resolutions years back once I realized that it’s nothing more than an arbitrary way to design goals. More often than not, we disappoint ourselves a few weeks into January when we fall off the wagon.

When we fail our New Year’s Resolutions, it compounds any shame we have and tends to make us believe that we’re not enough.

You might have listened to my previous episodes where I share my 29029 Everesting experience where I finished the challenge with two hours to spare. It was the hardest thing I’d done to date.

Jesse Itzler, a billionaire partly responsible for the creation of 29029, has another fantastic year-long coaching program called the Build Your Life Resumé. I’ve recently enrolled in it, and I’d like to share the three foundational lessons I learned from taking the program that you can use in designing your 2022 for success.

Lesson #1: Choose your misogi

We have a resumé for work. Why not have one for life?

What if we put as much energy and focus on building our life as we do building our career?

The big things that fill you up, whether it’s charity work or out-of-town trips with your family—put them all on your calendar.

The number one thing that Jesse recommends you put on your calendar is a misogi. This is a Japanese Shinto practice of ritual purification by washing the entire body. For the purposes of this program, your misogi is one life-defining event that you will commit to within the year.

Your misogi has to scare the heck out of you so much that you’re more likely to fail at it than to achieve it. However, the journey to get there is the real gift.

Unbeknownst to me, my misogi last year was 29029.

So, pick your misogi for 2020, whether it’s writing a book, starting a business, launching a podcast, or creating a piece of art.

Whatever it is, it’s a memory that you’ll be telling your kids and their kids.

Life is short. Your misogi is part of your legacy, so don’t be afraid to aim high.

Lesson #2: The Kevin Rule

Named after his friend Kevin, Jesse recommends doing something that you wouldn’t normally do every eight weeks. That’s six experiences a year.

For example, if you have another 40 years to live, you will be doing 240 of these experiences in your life.

Personally, I’ve got skiing, running a 5k, and setting up my own composting system lined up for the year!

Just like your misogi, these are exciting, but smaller, events you’ll be doing to spice up your year and offer you a regular sense of accomplishment for going out of your comfort zone.

Lesson #3: Create a habit

The Build Your Life Resumé program recommends creating a new habit every quarter.

However, I’ll be tweaking it for myself to create a new habit every month.

I know that sounds like a lot, but remember that it takes 21 days to create a new habit. I love the idea of solidifying a new habit for 30 days before starting a new one and really stacking up a whole new approach to life as a result.

Whatever frequency you choose, really take the time to pinpoint the habits that you know, if you end up living them out, can completely transform your life.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, my son Arya is back yet again for another fantastic conversation about life as a tween!

Since you just started middle school, what do you love about it?

Arya: We have more freedom since we get to pick our electives. It’s also a bit more challenging, which I also like. I’ve also made a lot of friends.

What are some challenges that you’ve faced in middle school so far?

Arya: I don’t want to get too specific, but friend drama. Everybody’s also taller than me.

How do you find having to walk from classroom to classroom now, unlike in elementary when you were stuck in just one room?

Arya: It was challenging, but you get used to it after a while. You find the fastest routes to take eventually. I also find it frustrating that not all the kids want to learn anymore.

We also talked about trying to see things from their perspective. Did that practice help at all?

Arya: Not really. I still try to look at things from their perspective, and I sort of did but it didn’t really help. But I do have a little more empathy and compassion for them.

What’s sucked about COVID after three years?

Arya: Literally every aspect of it. But the thing that sucked the most was not being able to see people except my family. For a long time, we could only see each other through Zoom.

What was something that pleasantly surprised you about COVID?

Arya: Well, the fact that I felt more together with people. I felt closer to people when I was away from them. During the first lockdown, every Saturday we held a Zoom call with all of our cousins. We also got a dog, Cosmo, out of it, which was really awesome because that helped me cope a little bit more.

I would say that something that surprised me about COVID was how much we connected to nature. We took a lot of walks and hikes. Cosmo forced us to exercise. So, moving on, what do you see yourself doing in the future?

Arya: I see myself going to Harvard in the future. I also see myself working at the Smithsonian. I want to be a historian. That would be cool. I think Chinese would help me with that because I could specialize in Chinese artifacts.

That’s professionally. What else do you see for yourself in the future?

Arya: Playing video games!

What’s the most wonderful thing that’s ever happened to you?

Arya: Cosmo and our last few Christmases!

What makes you feel brave?

Arya: When I’m around people like my friends and my family. That makes me feel brave.

What do you look forward to when you wake up?

Arya: Getting home from school. But I also look forward to seeing my friends and teachers in school.

How do you show people you care?

Arya: With my family, by telling them I love them and helping them with stuff. With my friends, I joke with them.

What makes you awesome?

Arya: Every single aspect of me. I’m awesome. There’s no one thing.

What are some ways you show yourself that you love yourself?

Arya: Reading, ‘cause it’s like watching Netflix on a Sunday night. Reading’s that for me.

What are some boundaries that make you feel safe?

Arya: Nobody looks over my shoulder when I’m playing video games. Nobody walks into my room or bathroom when I’m taking a shower. With my friends,

What are some boundaries that we, as a family, have a hard time respecting?

Arya: One hour of TV time. I go over it every single time!

What’s a boundary you have that we as a family have a hard time respecting?

Arya: I don’t know. You guys respect my boundaries pretty well.

What do you do when you have a friend asking you to keep a secret that you’re not comfortable keeping?

Arya: If it’s abuse, I’d go straight to you and talk about it. Even if my friend is super upset and ends their friendship with me,

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I go into a timely and seasonal discussion on how to deal with our triggers brought on by our own family—an especially important issue to cover during the holiday season.

While we enjoy the time we have during our Christmas get-togethers with loved ones, many of us experience certain triggers while interacting with some of our family members.

Almost all of us have those parents, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, and/or grandparents who make the odd aside or ask the occasional insensitive question. They’re more often than not well-meaning, but the remark just doesn’t land the way they intended it to. Can anyone relate?

We’re all in the same boat. I want to dedicate this episode to normalizing this experience, because family, by definition, tends to push certain buttons.

It is okay to be triggered.

If you find yourself reverting to old, destructive patterns… if you suddenly feel small or insignificant as a result of being criticized by visiting family, please know, again, that what you’re feeling is completely normal.

We tend to get triggered the most around family because we let our guard down and we are prone to tapping into our not-so-pleasant childhood experiences.

Acknowledge your inner child

Again, let’s make peace with the fact that we will get triggered among family. In fact, let me go a bit deeper and say that, technically, it’s not you who gets triggered, but your inner child.

After all, among most people, we wouldn’t be affected by certain comments and inquiries, because we’ve done the inner child work. But among those who have known us since the day we were born? That’s a different story.

By becoming aware of and acknowledging our inner child, we have more compassion for ourselves, knowing it isn’t the case that all our hard work has been thrown out the window.

Be the most you you can be.

This is already so important in general, but even more so during the holiday season when we’re around family.

Give yourself grace and accept that we’re all in the same boat, and let these experiences humble you to embrace the fact that you’re still a work-in-progress. Consider these experiences as gifts or at least as wake-up calls pointing to how you can continue to improve.

After all, there’s always work to be done.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free resource: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

iTunes/Apple

Spotify

Google

Stitcher

Amazon

Tune In

Deezer