Becoming You

In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I welcome Payal Desai, a fashion influencer on Instagram and mother of two.

Have you always loved fashion design?

Payal: I’ve always wanted to be one, but my parents told me it wouldn’t pay the bills. I was encouraged to choose a more traditional path. I’m glad I could integrate fashion into my life, because I was always the go-to person in my family for fashion advice.

How does it feel to be in the generation where we’re finally leaving behind traditional mindsets toward what we “ought” to do for a career and becoming open to pursuing whatever is in our heart?

Payal: As a parent, I totally feel that. Half of me wants to tell my kids to chase their dreams with reckless abandon. At the same time, real life kicks in and logic says we need a backup plan. I’ve decided to take it one step at a time and let those passions unfold all the while.

A lot of people go looking for confidence, waiting for something to happen in their life that motivates them to chase their dreams. What has happened in your life that gave you more self-belief and confidence?

Payal: 100% removing alcohol from my life. That was a very deliberate decision on my part. Pre-pandemic I had my second son. That double-whammy of newness and the stress that came with it made me dependent on alcohol as the months went by. Since college, I’ve always struggled with setting a limit for myself. I was really beginning to feel postpartum depression symptoms. I wasn’t diagnosed with it, but I wasn’t myself. I didn’t like the decisions I made nor my reactions. I constantly snapped at my husband and son. I’d never dealt with anything like that before. My sisters encouraged me to talk to a therapist, who helped me single out the fact that my husband and I drank together a lot. That was the one big thing we had in common in those days.

What has been the most difficult part of giving up alcohol?

Payal: Initially, I didn’t find myself in a lot of social situations in that first year, which I suppose is a benefit. In fact, I was able to connect with people who didn’t enjoy drinking. That helped. At the same time, I suffered the loss of a lot of relationships, particularly with those who made partying and drinking a lifestyle.

I feel that part of the journey of healing is the ability to forgive and have compassion for our past self. Have you forgiven yours?

Payal: Honestly, I don’t think I’m there yet. I want to get there, but my sobriety is still fresh. It’s only been a little over a year and a half. I have flashbacks of the past, and I don’t have love for that person yet. It’s work.

How has your sobriety changed you as a parent?

Payal: As a parent, I’m just so much more present. I also feel so much more capable. I had a lot of shame that I suppressed before when my husband had to pick up the slack because my drinking made me incapable of carrying out whatever I needed to do and be as a wife and mother. It made me feel inadequate in those roles. I had hangxiety. Today, I make decisions for my kids with a clear mind, and nothing gets in the way once I make them.

Why did you decide to become a fashion influencer on Instagram, and how the heck do you make time for it as a mother with a career on top of it all?

Payal: I started it about four years ago as a collaboration with a friend, then went solo soon after. Social media empowers us to share our story, and others who relate to that story will tune in. I had to embrace the fact that I wouldn’t be good at it at first—and I really did suck when I started. But over the years, I gained confidence.

Learn more about Payal Desai:

Follow her on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/payalforstyle/ 

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free coaching call with me: https://calendly.com/visashan/consultation-call-with-visa

Free resource:

10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I talk about the impact that you can potentially make through the power of your voice.

Did you grow up patted on the back by all the adults for being a quiet, polite, rule-follower?

Were you incredibly respectful to your elders and never questioned authority?

Today, I want to break the news: All of those low-profile and conformist qualities that most people celebrate do not set you up for success later on in both your personal and professional life.

If you have a tendency to underestimate the power of your voice, this is the episode for you.

The tiny moments add up

Even those decisions that you deem insignificant eventually add up. In your personal life, you might have always deferred to your partner to make the majority of the decisions, including choices such as where to have lunch or where to go on vacation.

Often, we say that we’re “just trying to keep the peace”. But when we suppress our voice when it comes to even those seemingly inconsequential decisions, we train our mind to consider our needs and desires as secondary to our spouse’s.

Your voice will always have an impact

Through your voice, you are shining a light into your personal life and your professional life.

When you stay quiet and say to yourself, “Who am I to talk about this?” I ask you, “Who are you not to talk about this?”

Your voice carries so much power. Your voice can make a difference.

I want you to take away these three lessons:

1. You are not alone. So many people struggle with embracing the power of their voice, especially women, to help them feel more powerful, impactful, and purposeful.
2. It’s not your fault that you’re struggling to express your thoughts and opinions. As habits are solidified over the years, we take our behaviors and knee-jerk reactions for granted. It’s not your fault if you retain a passive voice today. The process of unlearning is extremely difficult; but, hearkening back to point number one, you are not alone in experiencing this, nor overcoming it.
3. You have the power to change it. Don’t conceal your success. Don’t wait for others to approve of you. Take ownership of things that you have the right to own. Don’t wait for others to validate and recognize you.

Stop relying on outside forces to bring success to you

You expect the external world to give you the power to express yourself through your voice.

There is no reward or congratulatory remark that makes you “worthy” to use your voice. It starts by using your voice to attain whatever it is you desire, whether you wish to lose weight or earn a promotion.

Your voice is an internal tool, and it has the power to change your external reality.

Three ways to use your voice

1. Mental voice: Your self-talk. This is your inner critic, made up of other people’s judgements of you as you grew up. Become aware of the inner critic, notice what it’s telling you, then turn away from it. Rely on what turns you on instead. What you truly have to say has immense value. Don’t let anyone—not even your inner critic—tell you otherwise.
2. Your spiritual voice: Your intuition. It’s subtle, but you rely on it as a compass. Your spiritual voice inspires trust, and it is the First Mover when it comes to any decision you make. It’s the true power behind your inner wisdom—your “gut instinct”.
3. Your physical voice: Seemingly the first voice you use, but really, it’s the last voice that expresses itself once your mental and spiritual voice dictate your true thoughts and feelings within. I love breathwork as a modality to help me have more control and purpose behind my physical voice. Breathwork allows me to connect with my physicality to make my voice and energy project at a much wider scale.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free coaching call with me: https://calendly.com/visashan/consultation-call-with-visa

Free resource:

10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

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Deezer

In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I talk about the power of deciding and how it plays a pivotal role in manifesting your deepest desires.

Notice how you’re thinking and feeling right now

In times of doubt or strife, take a pause and ask yourself how you’re feeling in this moment.

Are you thinking thoughts and feelings that put you in a safe, feel-good trajectory to attract the good stuff, or are you thinking thoughts and feeling feelings that don’t serve you and get you to the point you desire to reach?

We all find ourselves stuck in a cycle of negativity once in a while.

Now, let me caveat this point by mentioning that you should never blanket your true feelings. This is not about “pasting over” how you really feel with positivity. Rather, the key is to be intentional about the fact that, while you may be feeling bad, you can choose to think a different thought.

The power of deciding versus wishing or hoping

It’s hard to notice this if you’ve never been intentional about it; but, most of us live in the wishing and hoping space without ever resolving to see our goals to the end.

Deciding carries with it a totally different energy from wishing or hoping.

Next time you want something in your life, no matter how small, become aware of whether you find yourself wishing it would manifest, or deciding that this desire is already true for you, even if it is not physically there yet.

The difference is, when you decide, you are in control. You have the power to affect things. No matter what, it’s going to happen. You may not know how it’s going to happen, but you have decided that it’s going to happen.

Why we have trouble deciding

Decide that you are worthy and deserving of getting the things that you receive.

Many of us have issues with deciding because there is a lack of self-trust, worthiness, and deservingness.

Self-trust means that, even if you don’t know how your desire will manifest, you will figure it out. You are in control. You are capable of taking the correct actions. You are willing to do what it takes to have things work out your way.

Understand that doubts will always be there, and that you will need to decide more than once. As doubt after doubt creeps up, be ready to decide that you will find a way.

And you will.

Get clarity on what you want

In order to decide, you need to know what you want in the first place.

Gaining clarity is not just a creative act, where you sit down, do some thinking, and write your ideas down to form a better picture of what it is that you desire.

Gaining clarity is also a destructive process. By that I mean, we can only get clear on our desires when something doesn’t. In other words, gaining clarity is a process of elimination.

Sometimes, we think we know what we want, but when we get that thing, we realize we were wrong.

That’s okay. We often don’t get what we want until we’re faced with the thing we don’t want.

That means, when things go wrong in your life, you can glean from those experiences seeds of opportunity to discover what’s truly in your heart.

Decide that you are worthy and deserving

The power of deciding is giving yourself grace when something goes wrong—to avoid berating yourself even if you could have done something to avoid a failure or mistake.

No amount of falling short of expectations can keep you from getting the thing you desire.

No matter what, you’re worthy.

No matter what, you’re deserving.

No matter what, you’re enough.

Imagine you already have that which you desire

Never underestimate the power of visualization.

Imagine yourself having whatever it is you desire.

When those thoughts and feelings of ownership are strong, you nudge yourself closer and closer to actually having what you want in reality.

This is manifestation in motion.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free resource: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

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On this very special, hotly-anticipated episode of the Becoming You podcast, let’s get to know my husband of 19 years and what he thought of my fateful decision to start a coaching business!

How would you describe our marriage at the beginning, and how has it evolved over the years?

In the beginning, we were kind of clueless. We woke up one day in this new situation, and so we had to learn all about marriage right as we were living it!

How has our ability to handle conflict changed since we first got married?

Before, we never talked about that. It was just silence and fuming. Time was the solution to conflict in those days. Now, we make it a point to articulate our opinions. We’re still not great at resolving our conflicts. I don’t think anyone is.

What have been some great things that have come out as a result of me getting coaching, doing inner work, and investing in myself in general?

You enjoyed your corporate job in the beginning, but you ended up hating it after a couple of years. What’s really changed between that time and now is seeing you actually enjoy the work that you do.

I used to be a Debbie Downer, and now it’s mostly the opposite. Does it get annoying now that I’m always trying to find the positive in everything?

It’s a good reminder for me because I’m slowly getting to that place where I shorten the time between feeling negative about something to embracing the fact that I can’t change what’s happened, and then asking, “What’s the point in worrying about that?”

Do you remember the moment I asked you if I could spend a huge sum of money to work with a life coach for three months even when I had no income?

I don’t remember the specifics. It’s been a long time. But I do remember having a discussion about it, and it was never about the dollar amount for me, even if it was for you. I asked you, “What’s your return on investment? If you put this money in, what is it going to change for you?” Yes, cost is something that should be considered, but will investing that money give you the results you want? That’s the most important factor.

What would you say to someone who is at the very beginning of this personal development journey and doesn't know what their ROI is yet?

I think you need to try everything once. Until you’ve tried it, you’ll never know if you’ll get the results you’re looking for, or if you’re even coachable to begin with!

What do you do as part of your personal journey to ensure that we are in sync as a married couple? Often one person grows and the other doesn’t, or they don’t “get it”.

I think it’s a twofold answer: You need to be an open-enough person to let your spouse try something out and observe to see if they’re getting out of their investment what they want. Second, you need to invest in yourself, too. You don’t need to match your partner in intensity.

Do you agree that each spouse ultimately needs to make decisions for their lives by themselves?

Yes, you need to decide for yourself. At the same time, for certain decisions, because you’re part of a family, you need to have input from your spouse.

What was the “aha” moment that caused you to finally understand why I wanted to go on this personal development journey and start my coaching business?

For me, it’s been more of an evolution over time. I saw incremental changes with each step you took, from working with coaches to going to retreats. I remember you dreaming that one day you’d be on a stage, and then that day finally came.

Any last words for listeners?

Yes, coaching and personal development costs money; but, if you don’t invest in yourself, who will? I sincerely believe that at least giving your spouse an opportunity to try it is very, very important.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free resource: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I talk about my journey in growing my wealth consciousness and money mindset and how you can do the same.

Your mindset is a collection of your attitudes and beliefs towards something, whether it be life, love, career… or, yes, money.

Money is a charged subject for all of us. We all have core memories around it. And frankly, I believe that many of us believe in a “comatose” situation when it comes to money. Particularly if you’re a female, we’re often living life burying our head in the sand when it comes to matters of finance because no one has ever taught us how to manage it.

How is your relationship with money?

Is it a healthy relationship, or an insecure one? Is it a supportive, loving, and honest friend? Or are those the last words you’d ever think of attributing to this relationship?

Do you find yourself judging not only yourself, but others when it comes to money? For example, do you look down on people with a lot of money, believing them to be vulgar for having “too much” of it?

Do you feel that having a lot of money makes you a “bad” person?

Thoughts such as these fuel unproductive beliefs, which in turn form an unhealthy relationship with money.

The first step is to define your current relationship with money, then pinpoint the source of your negative emotions associated with it if there are any. Only then can you start to heal and rewire your money mindset.

Money is neutral.

Stop demonizing money. Stop putting money on a pedestal.

Money is neither good nor bad. Therefore, having more money doesn’t have any bearing on your character.

Money simply magnifies who you already are.

Are your current beliefs serving you?

A common belief that people hold is that, “The harder I work, the more money I earn.”

This isn’t necessarily true, but it stops most of us in our tracks when we’re itching to take our wealth to the next level.

The truth is, we work harder for those first few thousand extra dollars than we will on our hundred thousandth, or even our first million.

The Universe is an abundant place.

It wasn’t created with shortage in mind.

There is more than enough of everything we need: sunlight, air, oxygen trees…

All our core needs are taken care of. This planet was created to support our needs. All the resources we need to thrive, including money, are ripe for the taking.

Yes, money is a man-made thing; yet, money is attached to energy, which is the force the Universe uses to communicate and provide to us. Remember that the energy you put out always returns to you in some form.

Open up the window of possibilities for money to flow into your life.

Another all-too common belief is that money can only come into our life through our job and, hopefully sometime down the line, during our retirement years.

From side gigs to random cash gifts to investments down to tiny rebates, there are a ton of ways to accumulate money. And the key to growing your money mindset is to consider every single opportunity on the same wavelength.

It’s not enough to dream.

No matter how great your money mindset is, one of these days, it’s time to take action.

Regardless of your current net worth, you have to put in the work to increase it. Again, this doesn’t mean working harder as much as it does working smarter.

Your energy needs to be vastly different from the average person if you seek growth. As the old saying goes:

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free resource: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I talk about how to feel your feelings on those bad days.

I woke up this morning and did some breathwork. I felt great: calm, grounded, loved. I spent my morning filled with nothing but pure appreciation for the world around me.

But as the day progressed, I started to feel somewhat out of sorts. I couldn’t put my finger on it… until I finally pinpointed it.

A little background: I’m currently in the middle of watching the series Bridgerton. And in it, two brown women are cast as main characters.

While it was great seeing these women on camera, representing others like myself, I was unfortunately feeling two emotions that I wasn’t quite proud of: jealousy and shame.

I was jealous of their success. And there was a part of me who felt shame at all the lost dreams, all of the possibilities I had, that I didn’t have the bravery and courage to pursue.

I wanted to be a marine biologist. My parents said it wasn’t going to happen. And that was that. I saw the wall, and I backed down.

I saw these women on the show as braver and more resilient than I. They went after their dreams no matter the cost, and I didn’t.

Why is it so important to feel our feelings?

On the other hand, I’m so proud of myself for having the self-awareness to unearth the stories I tell myself through certain feelings.

We are feeling beings. We base our decisions on emotions, as much as we want to believe that we are rational creatures that make decisions based on logic. Rather, we only try to justify our emotional decisions with logic.

When we don’t feel our feelings, they will eventually come out.

And they will come out in ways you don’t regret. They will come out in ways that not only hurt you, but those around you.

We brush things aside when we’re, say, at work. And when we get home and experience the mildest inconvenience via our family, we take it out on them, and immediately regret it.

Welcome your feelings with unconditional acceptance.

I forced myself to sit with my feelings, meditating on those emotions of jealousy and shame that I felt around those two brown actresses in Bridgerton.

I accepted and welcomed that jealousy and shame.

Sit with those physical sensations and, as you get connected to yourself, separate yourself from the emotions. Look at them from the outside looking in.

Every feeling is valid.

Feelings are meant to be felt.

I felt relief as I allowed myself to feel these feelings.

If you don’t deal with your feelings, and you suppress them, you won’t have the energy to be present in the lives of those you love.

We need to be safe and compassionate with ourselves. If we are, that ripples out into the world around you and the people in it.

Understand the power of feeling your feelings.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free resource: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I talk about how to stay calm at your lowest points in front of your kids.

If you have young kids like me, it can get incredibly tiring juggling between seeing to their wants and needs, managing the household, and getting through all the other tasks we have for the day.

And when it’s bedtime, we’re often at wits’ end as we’re trying to get the kids to go to bed. It’s at this point where we might snap and say things we immediately regret. It’s a vicious cycle that restarts every day.

Sound familiar? I’ve certainly caught myself more than a few times after those moments where the rubber band just snaps, and they were always moments filled with remorse.

I’ve come a long way, but I’m still not a perfect mom (nor will I ever be). I still lose my temper from time to time, but I’m super proud of how much growth I’ve experienced since those early days.

Here are some of my best tips to ensure that you never take it out on your kids on those days where you feel at your lowest.

Learn to draw boundaries.

It’s perfectly natural to feel irritated or annoyed when dealing with our kids during more challenging moments.

I happen to be the type of person who doesn’t like getting down on the floor to do “kid stuff”. I know that many of you are the total opposite of that. But one of the biggest lessons I learned to help me grow as a mom was to accept my personality. It’s when we allow shame to seep in that resentment comes into the picture.

Our kids want to be loved and seen. That’s all. They don’t need unlimited amounts of time. They just want undivided attention for a period of time. As parents, we can draw those boundaries. If they want to play Uno with you before bed, allow them two rounds.

It can be as simple as that.

Take the time to explain your needs to your kids.

Many times, we become so busy that we forget to fill the day’s love bucket for our kids. Collaborate with them so you know how to fill it in ways that meet the needs of both parent and child.

Deep down, our kids want to be helpful. They don’t mean to be annoying.

But it’s reciprocity. If we take the time to be patient and explain things to them in a non-accusatory, compassionate, kind way… guess what? It’s going to be reciprocated.

You have to fill your own buckets.

Meditation has fallen to the wayside for me for the last few days. That’s okay—I find other ways to spend time on me.

Get a massage. Do a workout. Go shopping. Whatever gives you pleasure—carve out space for all of these things.

Take time out of your day everyday to fill up your fun bucket for you and you alone.

You have to always begin with who you want to be and what you want out of life.

How you show up for yourself is the same way you show up for every other area in your life.

Everything starts with the relationship you have with yourself. Your limiting thoughts and beliefs affect every part of your life.

Your fears, wounds, self-criticisms, and insecurities all show up in your role as a parent. We will often try to overcorrect our perceived flaws and shortcomings through our kids.

If you’re a perfectionist, then you will often expect perfection from your kids. If you’re self-critical, so too will you be critical in your interactions with your kids.

In all these ways and more, you’ll make them feel that they’re not good enough.

Remember: Our only job as parents is to nurture our kids and guide them as they unlock their unique potential, not to mold them into what we think they should become.

If you want a great relationship with your children and you want to be that present, conscious, intentional, and patient parent, begin with self-examination.

Change always starts within.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free resource: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I share eight facts you need to know about personal development so that you can set yourself up for success on your growth journey.

#1 The current version of you has to die before the upgraded version of you can come into being.

Allow yourself to be vulnerable, to break down even, in order to shed your old reality and make way for the new.

#2 There is no going back.

This is a journey where you’ll find yourself looking back and wondering exactly what you said “yes” to.

But there is no going back once you start. Once you start exploring your inner world and realize that you can impact everything in your outer reality by looking inward first, you will never be able to go back to how you did life before, ever again.

Personal development is a lonely journey. Find like-minded people who see the world in color like you do if everyone around you still sees that same world in black-and-white.

#3 This is a lifelong journey.

Most of us have been taught all our lives to focus only on results.

Whenever we read a self-help book or join a program or hire a coach, we expect complete and total transformation at the end of it.

The truth is, while we may experience a breakthrough or two throughout these experiences, we will continue to struggle to reconcile the lessons we’ve learned with the limiting beliefs that we’ve used to define ourselves our whole life up to that point.

#4 Discomfort will become a permanent fixture in your life… in a good way.

Your beliefs affect your thoughts and those thoughts affect your actions.

Every action you take to improve yourself will feel uncomfortable, simply because they’re all new. They will affect the relationships in your life. They may make you feel guilt, shame, or unworthiness.

All of this will lead to a level of discomfort that you’ve most likely never experienced before.

Which type of discomfort will you choose? The type that comes while you take control, or the type that comes when you’re not in control?

#5 You will make mistakes on this personal growth journey.

The road to growth is not a straight line. There are zig zags, meandering detours, and even U-turns that make us feel that we’re regressing.

It is a complete roller coaster ride. One day, we feel unstoppable, the next, we hit rock bottom because some trigger resuscitates our old, limiting beliefs.

None of that means you’ve failed. It just means you’re still on the path.

#6 You will never fully eradicate self-doubt or any of the uncomfortable feelings that you are hoping to get rid of.

There will be seasons of life where you are extremely joyful. And there will be seasons where you feel stuck.

But here’s the thing: As you progress on this journey, you will become a stronger person in navigating these problems.

You are bigger than your problems. Problems, in fact, are really opportunities for you to further your growth.

#7 Your healing needs to be multidimensional.

There is no one program or one coach that is going to help you “fix” everything or solve all of your challenges.

When you learn how to manage your energy, you improve in every facet of your life. That’s why I have hired experts of all kinds for both my personal and professional life, from business mentors to a hypnotherapist to a massage therapist to marriage counselors to a Reiki master to breathwork and meditation coaches.

Know that it’s okay—and, in fact, necessary—for your healing to be multidimensional.

#8 You are never too old to get started.

The ship has never sailed if you never had the chance to hop aboard.

You choose not to change. Your fear holds you back. But you always have the power to.

You have what it takes to grow today.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free resource: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I share the dos and don’ts of manifestation. As many of you know, I’m a big believer in the Law of Attraction—the universal law that says, “What you think about, you bring about.”

So, if you always focus on what could go wrong, those things will in fact happen. And if you focus on the positive, you’ll attract incredible opportunities into your life.

In short, you are in full control of your life.

But if the Universe is truly abundant, why aren’t we getting everything we want, right now? Well, for one, we would be overwhelmed if we were instantly handed all of our dreams. Secondly, we have yet to evolve into the person we need to become in order to receive these desires.

DO make sure that what you’re asking the Universe for is something that you truly, truly desire.

Don’t insist on having something just to prove something to the world, or to prove someone wrong, or because you’re coming from a place of lack and scarcity.

Make sure that you ask the Universe only for things that make you truly happy, fulfilled, and at peace, and not because you feel a need to “look good” or to experience mere external validation.

DO ask.

You can actually talk to the Universe. It’s a real entity. Don’t be worried that you’re asking it for too much. Don’t limit your capacity to receive. We call the Universe “abundant” for a reason.

It’s better to ask for a thousand and receive ten than to ask for a hundred and receive one.

DO fully expect to receive the thing you ask for.

There is no real difference to the Universe between a “big” desire and a “small” desire. It’s we human beings who attach meaning to our desires.

One thing may seem to require more effort than another, but when it comes to manifestation, it’s all the same to the Universe.

DO detach from the outcome.

Speaking of getting a new job, don’t get hung up on a certain outcome, thinking that if you don’t achieve that outcome, it’s all over for you.

That kind of energy is not one of abundance. That’s a perfect environment to create limiting beliefs. And remember that you only attract more of whatever matches the energy you’re putting out.

DO let the Universe do its job, no matter how big the ask.

Your mind may tell you that it’s impossible. But the Universe will literally bring you anything. The second a limiting belief pops up, you prevent amazing things from manifesting.

DO feel as if you have it already.

Everything happens in the present moment. When you desire something, and really think about it, it’s done.

Meditate. Visualize. Engage in whatever ritual or practice you prefer to minimize the noise and get into the unfettered present moment, where you can visualize your desires as clearly as possible.

DON’T be vague.

After two years of COVID, most of us just want to get out and take a well-deserved vacation.

Don’t just ask the Universe for “a vacation”. Get really clear on exactly where you want to go, your daily itinerary, the memories you want to create, and how you want to feel while you’re there.

DON’T flip-flop.

Don’t ask for something then second-guess your desire. Don’t keep asking why it’s not here yet. That only sends out mixed signals to the Universe. It’s as if you’ve got one foot on the gas and another on the break at the same time.

DON’T constantly question the Universe.

Time doesn’t mean anything to the Universe.

Time is a man-made construct.

Days, weeks, months, years—it’s all man-made.

The past no longer exists. The future never will exist.

DON’T let a failed manifestation make you believe that you’re not good at manifesting.

It all comes down to practice. Start something that feels small to you, that doesn’t require you to overcome mental barriers or limiting beliefs to manifest.

Free resource: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

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Deezer

In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I share my journey in exploring my sexuality. This certainly wasn’t an easy topic to cover, but my intuition led me to do just that because, honestly, I’m incredibly proud of how far I’ve come when it comes to my relationship with sex, pleasure, sensuality, and desire.

Sexual energy is lifeforce energy.

Sex can be such a taboo topic for the majority of us. I totally get it. Yet, if we stop to think about it, sex is something we all have in common. If it wasn’t for it, none of us would be here today. So, it’s time to own it!

Sexual energy is connected to your vitality, to your power center, to your creativity, and to your ability to tap into abundance.

We are wired to have sex.

This one’s obvious, and yet, the fact that we shy away from even speaking about sex shows that we’ve lost touch of this basic fact.

Sex and Mindset

Sex is more about how we think than what we do.

As a Southeast Asian woman, I never had sexual encounters growing up. There was shame attached to sex. You may have had a similar upbringing. You may have even experienced sexual trauma, which aggravates this feeling of shame.

Embracing your body

Another area you may feel shame around is your own body.

While having sex, so many women are distracted by their perceived flaws and attributes that “could be better”.

Sex is meant to be a sensual experience, which means that all five senses are involved. For most of us, though, sex is a heady experience. We think too much, and when we do that, we don’t get the most out of it.

This is so important that they could be telling you that you’re beautiful all day long, but unless you believe it yourself, then none of their praise really matters. If you feel shame around your own body, how do you expect to feel pleasure?

Here are a few ways to feel more grateful in your naked body:

• Take a good, long look in the mirror and appreciate every part of you.
• Be present with your body when you step out of the shower. Really take your time when you dry yourself off, when you apply lotion, when you pick out your clothes, and every other habitual step that you take for granted.
• Do things that make you feel good and confident and sensual. Don’t rely solely on your spouse to turn you on. Explore what brings pleasure to you. Run yourself a hot bath and savor every sensation. Let the steam hit your skin. Smell the soap. Massage your scalp.
• Be more deliberate when you touch your spouse. Get even more comfortable with each other than you already are. Hold hands more. Prolong your kisses. Have regular date nights if you don’t already set aside time for them. All of these will create greater emotional intimacy and a feeling of safety in the bedroom between the two of you.

Reconnect with your body.

So many of us are out of touch with our own body and, again, live in our head.

Incorporate daily rituals in your life that help you become more present in your body. One of my favorite practices is breathwork.

Learn how to use your voice.

If you want to communicate better in the bedroom, it’s important to feel safe, first and foremost. Set boundaries using your voice. Let your spouse know what you love, and where you draw the line.

We need to be willing to receive.

You only experience pleasure when you’re willing to receive. Likewise, you can only give pleasure if the other person is willing to receive.

You might be a Type-A personality like me—a perfectionist who is her own worst critic. I’ve always found it hard to receive compliments, support, and feedback. I always want to do things my way, by myself. If you’re like me, you’ve probably struggled with the belief that receiving equals a loss of control.

Free resource: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

iTunes/Apple

Spotify

Google

Stitcher

Amazon

Tune In

Deezer