On the previous episode of Being Well, we talked about how to identify our wants and needs...but identifying our needs is just the first step. After that comes the tricky business of coming to terms with those needs, and communicating them effectively to other people.

In this episode, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson explore best practices for claiming and expressing our needs. This includes how to navigate shame and inhibition, make effective agreements, be considerate of the person on the receiving end of our wants, and become more skillful at negotiation and repair. 

Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

2:05: Getting real about meeting our needs.

7:10: Suppressing needs due to self-worth challenges

8:35: Patience, making your offering, and tipping points

11:45: Inhibition, and negotiating our needs with other people

15:50: Non-Violent Communication and “Wise Speech” models

26:30: The need for multiple cycles of communication

28:20: Expecting defeat, and two big moments of pain

32:10: Keeping agreements

37:45: Confidence in the ability to repair

39:35: Considering the person on the receiving end of your communication

43:00: Generosity

45:15: Questions to ask when feeling uncertain about how to express a need

49:30: Death by a thousand cuts, and facing discomfort

52:10: Asking others, “What else do you want from me?”

54:30: Recap

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Everyone has needs, but many people find it difficult to identify what authentically matters to them. Even when we can identify them, shame or fear often stops us from expressing those needs to others or taking the practical steps that would help us achieve them.

Meeting our needs is a major source of well-being, and people who can identify their needs are more likely to get them met. On today’s episode of Being Well, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson focus on how to look inside, and figure out what you really need. They discuss different frameworks for categorizing our needs, what to do when we are confused by our desires, and how to get in touch with what you really want.

Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

2:05: Common features among people who struggle to name their desires

7:05: Three basic steps to relate to wants and needs

8:00: Different frameworks for categorizing wants and needs

21:00: What helped Rick get in touch with his own wants and needs?

28:00: An experiential exercise

35:10: Why addressing your needs and wants is not just naval gazing

38:40: Forrest’s suggestions based on his own experience

45:25: What to do when what we want is probably not best for us

51:40: Creating a personal manifesto

54:30: Recap

New Course From Rick! Learn the lessons of a lifetime in the new and improved Foundations of Wellbeing 2.0 program. This yearlong, online program teaches you how to grow the 12 key inner strengths that lead to lasting wellbeing during difficult times. Our New Year's sale is running now, and you can use the code BeingWell25 to get an additional 25% off the purchase price.

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Renowned physician Dr. Gabor Maté joins Rick and Forrest to explore the many problems for our bodies and minds that arise out of our modern culture, and what we can do to meet our needs, heal ourselves, and become more whole. They discuss our increasing separation from one another, issues with aspects of the medical model, the true nature of addiction, the developmental needs of children, the myth of “normal,” and recovering from traumatic experiences.

About Our Guest: Dr. Gabor Maté is one of the world’s leading experts on trauma, addiction, and childhood development. His work has had an enormous impact on how we understand the interactions between our internal world and the world around us, and he is the bestselling author of In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts, Scattered Minds, and his newest book The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness & Healing in a Toxic Culture.

Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:55: What Gabor means by a toxic culture

4:25: Interpersonal biology - our physiology is modulated by our relationships

7:10: What components are needed for a healthy culture?

11:55: Examples of toxic culture’s impact on people’s behavior

15:20: Addiction

21:00: How and when to distinguish degrees of trauma

27:05: Where and when to express healthy anger

33:10: How turning against the self manifests as illness 

36:45: What supports people in returning to their authentic nature?

40:00: Psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy, and creating a sacred context

41:45: Grief, integration, and letting go

44:55: Gabor’s relationship with his children

48:25: Five kinds of compassion, disillusionment, and truth

51:20: Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?

53:25: Recap

New Online Course From Dr. Rick: Learn the tools you need to build strong, healthy, fulfilling relationships of all kinds in Rick's new Strong Heart Relationship Series. The program begins on February 18th, and all the teaching is recorded so you can watch on your own schedule. Visit RickHanson.net/strongheart to learn more and get 20% with coupon code BeingWell20.

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We all have narcissistic traits. Having some sense of our own specialness isn’t just normal, it’s actually psychologically healthy. The problems start when people go beyond normal levels, and become addicted to feeling special. On this episode, Forrest is joined by Dr. Craig Malkin to explore narcissism and narcissistic traits. They talk about the different forms narcissism takes, the difference between narcissistic traits and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), red flags, dealing with narcissists, treatment options, and finding the “right amount” of feeling special.

About our Guest: Dr. Malkin is a Lecturer in Psychology for Harvard Medical School, a licensed psychologist with several decades of clinical experience, and the author of Rethinking Narcissism: The Secret to Recognizing and Coping with Narcissists. He also has a great YouTube channel. 

Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:35: Narcissism as a pervasive universal trait

4:10: What differentiates healthy narcissism vs. disordered narcissism?

5:45: “Triple E” - exploitation, entitlement, empathy impairments

6:45: Incapable of empathy, or unmotivated?

9:10: What distinguishes having narcissistic traits from having NPD?

13:05: Extraverted, covert, and communal narcissism

23:10: Healthy and unhealthy narcissistic traits often go together

25:20: Insecure attachment

28:30: Emotional hot potato

32:10: Social and cultural power dynamics 

36:25: What does healing narcissism look like?

42:55: What modalities do you use in therapy?

45:20: Difficult relationships, communal activation, empathy prompts

50:35: Extinction bursts and using anxiety responses in therapy

53:25: How do you repair with your partner? 

57:05: Recap

Grief and Loss Workshop: We all face losses in life, from separation and disappointment to shocking, even traumatic events. Join me August 13 and 14 for 7 hours of LIVE, online teaching focused on learning simple, powerful practices that help us come to terms with loss, heal, and find happiness again. Use coupon code BEINGWELL25 at checkout for an additional 25% off the registration price.

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Sponsors:

Bombas designed their socks, shirts, and underwear to be the clothes you can’t wait to put on every day. Visit bombas.com/beingwell and use code beingwell for 20% off. 

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We all experience big, difficult feelings, from common emotions like uncertainty, anger, despair, and regret, to difficult experiences like the pains of comparison, burnout, and perfectionism. On today’s episode of Being Well Podcast, Forrest is joined by the wonderful author, coach, and content creator Mollie West Duffy to explore how we can accept those big feelings, learn to live alongside them, and develop tools that help us deal with them more effectively.

About Our Guest: Mollie is an expert in organizational design, development, and leadership who has helped advise and coach executives and founders at companies including Google, Casper, and LinkedIn. She’s the co-author of the bestselling book No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work, and the recently released Big Feelings: How To Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay, and is also one half of the Instagram account, @lizandmollie. 

Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:30: Why is Mollie’s new book called Big Feelings?

5:10: The useful flip side

6:45: How Mollie’s relationship to anger changed during the creation of this book

9:20: Difficult emotions as a resource and source of regulation

11:30: Unhelpful myths in how to deal with difficult emotions

16:45: Healthy responses to those myths

21:10: Vulnerability

25:50: Emotional granularity

27:05: Lengthening the time between trigger and response

30:05: Processing anxiety

35:25: How to relax the desire for control

41:45: Medication

44:10: Anxiety doesn’t accurately reflect risk

46:40: Burnout - even around things you enjoy

55:25: Comparing our suffering with others

57:05: Comparing our accomplishments with others

1:01:35: Recap

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

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Receiving a diagnosis can be emotionally challenging, and leave a person with a lot of understandable questions: What does this mean? What do I do now? How do I relate to this?

On this episode Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson explore what a diagnosis is, how the diagnostic process works, the limitations of diagnosing someone, dealing with the emotions that come up, and how we can better think about and relate to receiving a diagnosis. Throughout the conversation they focus on how we can come to understand ourselves better, and be liberated by that understanding rather than burdened by it.

ADHD is used a number of times during this conversation as an example, so if you have an ADHD diagnosis this episode could be particularly interesting.

Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

2:55: What is a diagnosis, and what is the process used to give a diagnosis?

6:50: What is the purpose of diagnosing someone?

8:50: Situating what defines pathology within our evolutionary and cultural context

11:40: Origins of mental health conditions, social environment, and privilege

14:40: How diagnosis done, and differentiating between different diagnoses

25:05: More discussion on environmental and cultural effects

31:10: Three subtypes of ADHD

33:00: The emotional complexity of receiving a diagnosis

42:30: What helps people in working through the emotions that come up?

46:35: Paying attention to your emotional experience as much as solving your problem.

49:35: Mental health awareness, resources, and support from others

51:00: Rick’s response when someone is given a diagnosis

58:50: Recap

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors:

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Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription.

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There’s been an explosion of interest in psychedelics over the last 10 years, and phrases like “psychedelic-assisted therapy” have gone from the relative fringes of the mental health conversation to bursting into the mainstream. Alongside a great deal of hype is a growing body of research revealing the potential of substances like psilocybin and MDMA as novel treatments for depression, addiction, and PTSD. 

On today’s episode of Being Well, Forrest is joined by Dr. Albert Garcia-Romeu from the Johns Hopkins Center for Psychedelic and Consciousness Research. They explore the history and current state of psychedelic research, their subjective effects, the necessity of the “trip,” how psychedelics work in the brain, why researchers are so interested in these substances, and what a psychedelic-assisted therapy session looks like.

About Our Guest: Dr. Garcia-Romeu is a member of the Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences faculty at the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine. His research examines the effects of psychedelics in humans, with a focus on psilocybin as an aid in the treatment of addiction.

Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:55: Dr. Garcia-Romeu’s background

3:00: What substances have been the focus of research?

8:10: The history of psychedelics

11:15: Usefulness and subjective effects of classical psychedelics (LSD/Psilocybin)

17:35: Ego loss or “ego-death” and the role of spirituality in mental health

21:40: What is happening neurologically with Psilocybin? 

27:55: Psychedelics may be the best current treatment option for some conditions

35:05: How close is the research to proving efficacy?

38:05: The relative safety of psychedelics

41:00: What does a psychedelic-assisted therapy session look like?

47:00: Self-guidance in a session

49:50: Duration of treatment, financial and legal access

54:00: Using psychedelics for personal growth, spiritual practice, and even recreation

58:00: Where is the field going?

59:25: Recap

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors:

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The median life expectancy for a man living in the United States is roughly 80 years. That works out to 960 months, 4,160 weeks, or about 29,000 days. Rick is sneaking up on 70 years old, which means, on average, he's got about 10 years – or 520 weeks – left. 

Putting the time we have left into simple numbers can be both a bit daunting and remarkably clarifying. When you're in the middle of them, the days can blur together. But the truth is that our time’s limited, and how we use it is up to us. On today’s episode of Being Well, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson talk about what's helped them come to terms with mortality, the reality of our limited time, and how we can use that knowledge to refine our focus and live a more fulfilling life.

Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

4:00: How Rick’s relationship with death has changed over time

11:05: Appreciating life as a comfort in accepting death

14:00: Dukkah, Tanha, and contentment

16:30: Distinguishing the ocean (reality) from the wave (ego)

21:20: Acceptance, contraction, and expansion

25:35: Finite experiences, and undelivered communications

31:30: “Life is for the living”

33:10: Giving, contribution, contentment, and fulfillment

40:05: What to do about regret?

47:40: Serenity in old age

49:00: Practical ways to hold awareness of death

55:05: Recap

Grief and Loss Workshop: We all face losses in life, from separation and disappointment to shocking, even traumatic events. Join me August 13 and 14 for 7 hours of LIVE, online teaching focused on learning simple, powerful practices that help us come to terms with loss, heal, and find happiness again. Use coupon code BEINGWELL25 at checkout for an additional 25% off the registration price.

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors:

Bombas designed their socks, shirts, and underwear to be the clothes you can’t wait to put on every day. Visit bombas.com/beingwell and use code beingwell for 20% off. 

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Shame is one of the most complex and difficult emotions we experience on a regular basis, and one that can have seriously negative impacts on our sense of self-worth and ability to experience healthy connection with others.

On this episode of Being Well, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson take a deep dive into what shame is, how it develops, and what distinguishes it from guilt and other related emotions. They then focus on questioning our assumptions about shame, which can help us identify where it comes from. 

Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:40: The biological roots of shame

4:00: Shame's ties to our assumptions about the world 

7:00: Impropriety, and shame as a psychological stage of development

9:55: Distinguishing shame from guilt

14:00: Unnecessary shame, healthy remorse, and your own integrity system

21:55: Who decides what being good looks like?

25:40: Morality in the service of power

32:20: What helps us work with experiences of shame

38:25: Isolation and the value of sharing with others in some way

43:50: Working with your shame story

49:00: Shame, group belonging, and personal change

51:25: Recap

Rick's Grief and Loss Workshop: We all face losses in life, from separation and disappointment to shocking, even traumatic events. Join Rick August 13 and 14 for 7 hours of LIVE, online teaching focused on learning simple, powerful practices that help us come to terms with them, heal, and find happiness again. Use coupon code BeingWell50 at checkout for an additional $50 off the registration price.

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors:

Bombas designed their socks, shirts, and underwear to be the clothes you can’t wait to put on every day. Visit bombas.com/beingwell and use code beingwell for 20% off. 

Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription.

Ready to shake up your protein Ritual? Being Well listeners get 10% off during your first 3 months at ritual.com/WELL.

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There’s a lot of loss in the world these days, both in our individual lives and in our broader communities, and with those losses comes grief. Grief is one of the most challenging emotions to be with, and it can be difficult to offer generalized advice because everyone's experience of grief is profoundly unique. 

On today’s episode of Being Well, Forrest is joined by one of the world’s leading researchers on grief, Dr. Mary-Frances O’Connor, to help us better understand grief and grieving. They explore why grief is such a unique and intense emotion, how grief works in the brain, the problems with generalized models like the “five stages of grief,” and how we can learn to live with loss.

About Our Guest: Mary-Frances is a neuroscientist, clinical psychologist, and associate professor of psychology at the University of Arizona, where she directs the Grief, Loss and Social Stress Lab, which investigates the effects of grief on the brain and the body. She’s also the author of the wonderful book The Grieving Brain: The Surprising Science of How We Learn from Love and Loss. 

Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction and disclaimer

3:35: Mary-Frances’ personal background

6:55: Distinguishing grief from grieving

9:20: Self-criticism, and the over-focus on recovery

11:20: Grief isn't "something to get over"

13:00: Attachment, and our neurological map

16:00: Prediction error

19:30: Complicated grief

25:00: Spiritual practice, or having a worldview that incorporates death

28:05: Is there a ‘normal’ grieving process?

35:25: Pathology, and normal human experiences

46:00: Neurological overview of grief in the brain

50:40: The Dual Process Model of Grief

54:10: Sometimes distraction is okay

56:15: Therapeutic practices and learning from grief

1:01:00: Grief and its relationship to love

1:03:40: Recap

New Course From Rick! Learn the lessons of a lifetime in the new and improved Foundations of Wellbeing 2.0 program. This yearlong, online program teaches you how to grow the 12 key inner strengths that lead to lasting wellbeing during difficult times. Our New Year's sale is running now, and you can use the code BeingWell25 to get an additional 25% off the purchase price.

Sponsors:

Bombas designed their socks, shirts, and underwear to be the clothes you can’t wait to put on every day. Visit bombas.com/beingwell and use code beingwell for 20% off. 

Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription.

Ready to shake up your protein Ritual? Being Well listeners get 10% off during your first 3 months at ritual.com/WELL.

Connect with the show:

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices