Ryan Barrett (@ryanbarrett90) should be dead multiple times over: molested at 8, buried the shame in death metal, rebellion, blackouts, hard drugs, a near-fatal car wreck (femur shattered in 7 places), suicide attempt, yellow eyes, and a blackout knife night that almost ended everything.

One morning he poured out his last glass of spiced rum, begged for help, and got sober for real. Now 2+ years sober, engaged, raising two kids, hitting the gym, restored faith in Jesus, bought a house, and uses his hell to help troubled youth every day.

This is raw, dark redemption - perfectly timed for anyone fighting the last third of Dry January or any day really. If you've ever felt hopeless, watch this.

Trigger Warning: Childhood trauma, suicide attempt, self-harm, addiction details. Help is available:

US: 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) | 1-800-662-HELP (SAMHSA)

Canada: 988 or text HOME to 741741

International: befrienders.org

Timestamps:

00:00 - Intro: From Molestation to Near-Death Multiple Times

01:00 - Age 8: Sexual Molestation & The Pact of Silence

03:00 - Rebellion, Death Metal, Weed → Booze → Harder Drugs

05:00 - Car Wreck at 19 (Femur Shattered) - Still Partied

07:00 - Self-Hate & Setting Himself Up for Punishment

09:00 - Suicide Attempt: Rope Around Neck, Phone Rings

12:00 - Blackout Knife Night: Waking Up in Blood

15:00 - Poured Out the Last Spiced Rum - Stopped Drinking That Day

17:00 - Living in Party House, No Urges, Found Meditation

20:00 - Relapse After 2+ Years: "I Thought I Could Moderate"

23:00 - Split for 3 Months - Got Sober Again

25:00 - Restoring Faith in Jesus & Church Community

28:00 - Helping Troubled Youth with His Own Hell

30:00 - Message to the Guy on Day 7 of Dry January

32:00 - If Blackout Ryan Saw This Life Now...

Follow Ryan: @ryanbarrett90 (Instagram - open book on recovery)

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