Breaking Bread Podcast

The practiced pianist, athlete, and mathematician share the commonality of making hard things look easy by way of practice. The same is true for the practicing Christian. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Isaac Funk and Fred Witzig help us understand what spiritual disciplines are and how they are helpful means to the end that we might be more like Christ.

Life is full of unpleasantness. With the unpleasantness we can't change, we will need to endure through it. The skill of enduring this unpleasantness is patience. It is no wonder that patience is exhorted in Scripture. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel highlights this fruit of the Spirit and gives us some keys on how to be more patient.

• Patience is being emotionally regulated while at the same time enduring unpleasantness.
• Patience is not necessarily marked by deactivation and calmness. Rather, it is actively engaging our emotional realities during these times of unpleasantness.
• Very often, our unhealthy emotional reactions to unpleasantness have less to do with the irritant we chafe against and more to do with our internal world.
  • For example, a father may lose patience with his young son not because the son was disobedient but rather the father feels that the disobedience confirms that he is a bad father. The lack of patience with his son comes from internal unpleasantness.
• Patience burns the fuel of hope. People who are patient can find hope beyond their unpleasant circumstances. It is this hope, realized by faith that puts Christians at the advantage, for living patient lives.

Like an athletic team running plays out of their playbook, we become skilled at running plays out of ours. However, those plays are not running or passing plays. Rather, they are intuitions- feelings and thoughts about people and the circumstances that confront us. Our reactions to these situations are so automatic, they operate in our subconscious. In these three episodes of Breaking Bread, Physician Keyna Martinez helps bring our playbook into our conscious awareness so we can learn, adjust and even correct our plays to match more closely with Christ's.

Definition: Our "playbook" is our subconscious intuition that launches judgment and reaction.

Importance: Our "playbook" is extremely important for life. Many of our decisions are made subconsciously. For example, we avoid danger by judging it as such and making necessary changes, often before we are fully aware of what is happening.

How the playbook is made: Experience largely has constructed our internal playbooks. More specifically, painful experiences have a larger effect than blissful experiences. These experiences construct our values, judgments, expectations, and reactions.

How the playbook is maintained: The playbook is maintained when its "plays" are reinforced by repeated or similarly interpreted experiences.

Reality: Our intuitive "playbook" is right a lot of the time. However, it can be and is often wrong.

The effect of an incorrect playbook: Our judgment is incorrect and therefore our words, feelings and actions are motivated from a place of falsehood. We will not respond like Christ would in the situation.

Changing the playbook: The playbook can be changed for the better.

1. Identify your plays - Learn to identify the subconscious reactions you have to people and situations.

• • Ask yourself, what am I feeling right now and what experiences in my past are my responses coming from?

1. Learn the playbook of others – Be a student of how they think.

• • Learn what their experiences have been. This will inform why they have certain values, priorities and behaviors.

1. Conform your playbook to Christ –We need a standard outside of our experience to compare and correct our intuitions against. Christ is that outside standard.

• • Conforming the playbook to Christ comes through intentional decisions and deliberate practice of Christ-like behaviors. Over time, new rules will be created and become our new subconscious intuition and automatic response – renewing our minds after Christ.

All Nations Bible Study (acbookstore.org) This Bible Study is designed to promote understanding of diverse people and perspectives. This content in this study may challenge your preconceptions. We encourage you to take this experience to the Lord and his Word.

Like an athletic team running plays out of their playbook, we become skilled at running plays out of ours. However, those plays are not running or passing plays. Rather, they are intuitions- feelings and thoughts about people and the circumstances that confront us. Our reactions to these situations are so automatic, they operate in our subconscious. In these three episodes of Breaking Bread, Physician Keyna Martinez helps bring our playbook into our conscious awareness so we can learn, adjust and even correct our plays to match more closely with Christ's.

Show notes:

Definition: Our "playbook" is our subconscious intuition that launches judgment and reaction.

Importance: Our "playbook" is extremely important for life. Many of our decisions are made subconsciously. For example, we avoid danger by judging it as such and making necessary changes, often before we are fully aware of what is happening.

How the playbook is made: Experience largely has constructed our internal playbooks. More specifically, painful experiences have a larger effect than blissful experiences. These experiences construct our values, judgments, expectations, and reactions.

How the playbook is maintained: The playbook is maintained when its "plays" are reinforced by repeated or similarly interpreted experiences.

Reality: Our intuitive "playbook" is right a lot of the time. However, it can be and is often wrong.

The effect of an incorrect playbook: Our judgment is incorrect and therefore our words, feelings and actions are motivated from a place of falsehood. We will not respond like Christ would in the situation.

Changing the playbook: The playbook can be changed for the better.

1. Identify your plays - Learn to identify the subconscious reactions you have to people and situations.

· Ask yourself, what am I feeling right now and what experiences in my past are my responses coming from?

2. Learn the playbook of others – Be a student of how they think.

· Learn what their experiences have been. This will inform why they have certain values, priorities and behaviors.

3. Conform your playbook to Christ – We need a standard outside of our experience to compare and correct our intuitions against. Christ is that outside standard.

· Conforming the playbook to Christ comes through intentional decisions and deliberate practice of Christ-like behaviors. Over time, new rules will be created and become our new subconscious intuition and automatic response – renewing our minds after Christ.

Resources for website: Learn more about nurturing cross-cultural relationship with the All Nations Bible Study (acbookstore.org)

Like an athletic team running plays out of their playbook, we become skilled at running plays out of ours. However, those plays are not running or passing plays. Rather, they are intuitions- feelings and thoughts about people and the circumstances that confront us. Our reactions to these situations are so automatic, they operate in our subconscious. In these three episodes of Breaking Bread, Physician Keyna Martinez helps bring our playbook into our conscious awareness so we can learn, adjust and even correct our plays to match more closely with Christ's.

Show notes:

Definition: Our "playbook" is our subconscious intuition that launches judgment and reaction.

Importance: Our "playbook" is extremely important for life. Many of our decisions are made subconsciously. For example, we avoid danger by judging it as such and making necessary changes, often before we are fully aware of what is happening.

How the playbook is made: Experience largely has constructed our internal playbooks. More specifically, painful experiences have a larger effect than blissful experiences. These experiences construct our values, judgments, expectations, and reactions.

How the playbook is maintained: The playbook is maintained when its "plays" are reinforced by repeated or similarly interpreted experiences.

Reality: Our intuitive "playbook" is right a lot of the time. However, it can be and is often wrong.

The effect of an incorrect playbook: Our judgment is incorrect and therefore our words, feelings and actions are motivated from a place of falsehood. We will not respond like Christ would in the situation.

Changing the playbook: The playbook can be changed for the better.

1. Identify your plays - Learn to identify the subconscious reactions you have to people and situations.

· Ask yourself, what am I feeling right now and what experiences in my past are my responses coming from?

2. Learn the playbook of others – Be a student of how they think.

· Learn what their experiences have been. This will inform why they have certain values, priorities and behaviors.

3. Conform your playbook to Christ – We need a standard outside of our experience to compare and correct our intuitions against. Christ is that outside standard.

· Conforming the playbook to Christ comes through intentional decisions and deliberate practice of Christ-like behaviors. Over time, new rules will be created and become our new subconscious intuition and automatic response – renewing our minds after Christ.

Tragedy comes to us unannounced. It is a shock in the human experience. The new and unwanted reality has a way of troubling us to the core. Yet hope can emerge if a community is present to care for the troubled. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ted Witzig Jr. speaks to those in the caring community. There are some things to know about support in times of crisis that will prove helpful to the troubled.

Show notes:

Definition of tragedy: Tragedy is a sudden, shock inducing experience that launches us into a place crisis.

Examples of tragedy: Natural disaster, unexpected loss, robbery, assault, accident

Effects of tragedy: Tragedy undermines safety, security and the sense of control. It has a shocking effect in the human experience. Emotionally, tragedy causes grief, sadness, anxiety, and anger. Spiritually, tragedy can surface troubling questions of "why?".

Community Role in tragedy: Provide support and care for the troubled both in the short term and long term. To do this well, we must be aware of which phase the crisis is in and attempt to match support to the phase.

• Phase 1: Troubled individuals need "safety and stability."
  • Examples of phase 1 support to provide: practical helps, meals, childcare, lodging, reconstruction, prayers.
• Phase 2: Troubled individuals need to heal through "remembering and mourning."
  • Examples of phase 2 support to provide: personal presence, sitting with difficult emotions, listening to the grieving, prayers.
• Phase 3: Troubled individuals need to find "new purpose and new meaning."
  • Examples of phase 3 support to provide: encouragement, purpose, reception into new normal, supporting people through disillusionment, prayers.

Tips for the helping community:

· Pace yourself. Victims of crisis need support now, but also down the road.

· It's okay if you don't know what to do or say. Victims of crisis care less about you having answers and more about your commitment to walk with them.

· Be patient. Often, helpers make the mistake of wanting to see those in painful places move forward more quickly than they often do.

· Understand your role and relationship to the victim of tragedy. Provide support consistent with that role.

· Be slow to evaluate "how the grieving person is doing."

· Learn to observe the emotion the hurting person is experiencing and respond to it empathetically.

Tragedy gives the believing community the unique opportunity to act as the family of God. We pray more. We are more thoughtful about what is important in life, and we get to display Christ to the world.

We do what we can to prevent our children from being exposed to pornography. But what if they do become exposed? First time exposure to porn can have long lasting effects on the young mind. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter and Jacob Feucht coach parents on the do's and don'ts of engaging our children after exposure.

Show notes:

Consider the following tips if your child has a first time exposure to pornography.

What NOT to do:

• Avoid shaming.

• This can lead to isolation.

• Avoid despair.

• This can communicate to the child that irreparable damage has been done.

• Avoid rage.

• This can drive the issue underground and breakdown communication on the topic of sexuality.

• Avoid ignoring.

• This will not care for the trauma that has occurred and allow the behavior to go unchecked.

What TO do:

• Receive the child in love.

• This can prevent shame.

• Receive the child with question.

• This can give parents the necessary insights to appropriately care for the child.

• Receive the child with correction.

• This will give the child wise guidance.

• Receive the child with patience.

• This will allow for an ongoing conversation on the topic of sexuality.

Questions to ask:

• What was viewed?

• This helps the parent understand what the child has experienced and what ideas have been reinforced.

• How did it happen?

• This helps the parent coach healthy pro-action and future prevention.

• What effect did the exposure have on you?

• This allows the parent to demystify and give vocabulary to the experience so that a young person can begin to make sense of it and talk about it.

• What did you imagine mom or dad would think about your exposure?

• This allows the parent to correct or highlight their perspective on exposure to pornography.

Perspective to keep:

• Pornography exposure is not uncommon. If it occurs and complications arise, there is tremendous hope. A lot of help is available for those who struggle with pornography.

• Pornography exposure is an opportunity for parents to engage with their children in a wonderful way. Healthy intimate relationships between parents and children can occur as parents walk with their children through the sexual maturation process.

• The goal is not keeping our children from pornography; rather, it is growing up our children into healthy young men and women who love God and serve him.

Difficult children demand a lot from parents. Wonderfully, easy children do not. Yet, the easy child should not be overlooked. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Craig Stickling reads a letter from an easy child to her parents. It helps us see the errors we can make when neglecting our easy ones. Moreover, the undue burden that can be placed on them unwittingly.

Show Notes:

Definition: Some children require a lot of parenting. Whether it is a streak of rebellion or special needs, these children might provide parents a unique challenge. We might understand them to be "difficult".

Definition: Some children do not require a lot of parenting. Whether it is their resilience to respond well to adversity or their innate disposition to please people, these children do not deplete parenting bandwidth. We might understand them to be "easy".

Problem statement: Parents can overlook the needs of their easy children.

Ill consequences:

• The "easy" child's identity can get unhealthily tied to their performance.
• The "easy" child can feel undo pressure to be good and not add stress to the home.
• The "easy" child can feel an undo expectation to deal with their "issues" alone.

• The "easy" child can feel an undo expectation to be an adult before they are able.
• The "easy" child can feel unnoticed by their parents.

Parenting opportunity:

• Engage with the "easy" child and acknowledge the family dynamics.
• Acknowledge the felt reality of the "easy" child.

• Express notice, care, and love for the "easy" child.

* Note: The letter written by a child and read by Craig on the podcast was shared with permission of the author.

Marriages can find themselves in places of despair. Marriages often assume the problems are symptoms of waning affection. Yet what is actually present is neurodiversity. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer educates us on the impact ADHD can have on marriage relationships and the hope that can be breathed into a marriage when this is understood.

Show Notes:

What is neurodiversity?

• The neurodiverse brain is contrasted with the neurotypical brain. The neurodiverse brain thinks, responds to its environment and interacts with emotions outside of the normative operating neurotypical brain. This condition is diagnosed, for example, as autistic, dyslexic, or ADHD (Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder).

What is ADHD?

• ADHD stands for Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder. This is a diagnosable disorder. An individual with ADHD has the ability to hyperfocus. Often, they can be exciting, fun, creative, in the moment and flexible. Those with ADHD can struggle to prioritize matters that need attention. They have a higher threshold for experiencing rewarding satisfaction and therefore require more stimulus. These attributes create symptoms of distractibility and impulsivity.

How can ADHD impact marriage?

• When couples do not understand how ADHD is playing out in their marriage relationship, they run the risk of making the wrong meaning out of unfortunate interactions. Consider the examples below:

• Lack of follow through by ADHD spouse is wrongly interpreted as lack of care.
• Distracted ADHD spouse during conversation is wrongly interpreted as not valuing spouse.

What proactive steps can the ADHD spouse make?

• Get a diagnosis from a professional.
• Become educated on ADHD.
• Treat the biology through diet, sleep, exercise and medicine.
• Learn coping skills.
• Build relational skills.

What proactive steps can the non-ADHD spouse make?

• Become educated on ADHD.
• Grieve the unmet expectation of what marriage was "supposed" to be.
• Avoid reinforcing the negative unsuccessful interactions that historically has been used on your ADHD spouse. For example, nagging.
• Rebuild trust by measuring it differently. Instead of measuring "follow through" on requests, measure "follow through" of applying oneself to the treatment ADHD requires.

What hope is there for marital health?

• Beautiful marriages are possible when neurodiverse and neurotypical spouses live wisely with one another.

The new year carries a sense of hope for needed change. In this episode of Breaking Bread, the clinical staff from ACCFS share four words to help inspire and guide the changes we need to make. These simple four verbs will be easy to remember and promise helpful practical action.

Show Notes:

Four simple action words that can motivate and guide positive change for our new year.

• Walk – Slowing down is necessary for us to live well. It puts us in a position to live mindfully.
• Cultivate – Fostering, encouraging, and nurturing growth. It puts us in a position where the next healthy step in progress is possible.
• Balance – Not all things equal, but all things in healthy proportion. It puts us in a position where we are investing in areas that matter most.
• Explore - Being curious and opening ourselves up to something new. It puts us in a position to grow our world and grow in our world.