Breaking Bread Podcast

Personal change can be so hard sometimes. We want to think differently and act differently. But we don't. In this episode of Breaking Bread, three guests weigh in on the matter - a pastor, a psychologist, and a psychiatrist. Together, Jeff Waibel, Ted Witzig Jr. and Aaron Plattner explore the landscape of people change and provide hope that it is possible.

On divisive cultural topics like gender identity, sometimes we miss each other. Talking past each other. Unable to relate or understand with one another. To help with this understanding, Brian Sutter presents three lenses that capture three different "starting points" for the persuasions we hold.

Show Notes:

Mark Yarhouse in his book "Understanding Gender Dysphoria" presents three lenses through which we view the gender identity debate. By understanding these lenses, we will understand our persuasions and the persuasions of others better.

Integrity Lens: "There is right and wrong in the world."

· Intent – The view of gender being created by God as either male or female.

· Strength – This lens focuses on identifying what scripture says and holding closely to it. It fights for truth, right belief, and holy living by proclaiming truth even when it is contrary to culture.

· Weakness – This lens can be cold, unloving, and judgmental. It can forget that sincere individuals can struggle with these issues. It can reinforce incorrect stereotypes about the Christian church.

Disability Lens: "There are reasons for why we see brokenness in the world."

· Intent – This lens intends to be compassionate, understanding that all of life is touched by the fall and that human beings experience brokenness in all areas of life - including their gender.

· Strength – This lens views individuals dealing with gender dysphoria with love and compassion. It seeks to provide information, support, counseling to help people work through gender dysphoria issues.

· Weakness – This lens can overly identify the person dealing with gender dysphoria by their struggle. It can accidently view the individual's life as 'on hold' until the individual is "cured."

Diversity Lens: "God is love."

· Intent – This lens intends to understand and celebrate the uniqueness of each person while providing them with acceptance and community.

· Strength – This lens recognizes the value of all people regardless of whether gender dysphoria is a lived experience. It doesn't force people into molds. It desires each person to be included and loved in a caring community.

· Weakness – This lens may elevate gender dysphoria to be the most important part of a person's identity. It may overlook unbiblical lifestyles and may not see a need for conforming to the teachings of the Bible.

Each lens has strengths and weaknesses. We each need to understand the lens we view gender dysphoria through, mitigate its weakness and adopt the strengths in the other lenses.

Today we are thinking more deeply about gender -maleness and femaleness. To help, Brian Sutter and Craig Stickling share their insights on this important matter. In this episode of Breaking Bread, we discuss biological sex and its outward expression in our gender.

Terminology is important. The words we use make a difference. Further, the meaning of the terms we use change. It is important we are informed on the definition of terms.

• Biological sex – The binary sex determination that occurs genetically and is coded by chromosomes. Those who have XX pairing are female and those who have XY pairing are male.
• Gender identity – How a person categorizes their felt gender experience.
• Gender dysphoria – The distress a person experiences when their felt gender identity does not match their biological sex assignment.
• Gender expression – How a person lives out their gender assignment.
• Gender roles – Expected rules, roles and experiences that we assume on being male or female.

We live in a changing world. Yet, some things remain the same. What is new to the scene and what is not?

• Gender dysphoria is not new to the scene. Distress over the felt gender experience has been around for a long time.
• Varying gender expressions is not new. Men and women have lived out their respective gender in a wide spectrum of ways.
• Today the meaning we make of our gender expression is taking on new conclusions. With increasing freedom, individuals are reflecting on their gender expression and drawing conclusions on their gender identity outside of the assigned biological sex assigned at birth.

• Culture today is straying from a biblical understanding of gender assignment. Today, many people view gender identity as not being constrained to the binary male or female as it has been in the past. Due to this, here is more emphasis on freedom of gender choice. Gender in today's culture is often understood to be on a spectrum.

How can we understand the varied gender experience?

• There is not a spectrum of gender assignment; however, there is a spectrum for gender expression. God created each person male or female, yet how we live out that gender varies.
• There are common experiences held by most men. There are common experiences held by most women. However, no two person's gender experience is alike. Rather, we each have a unique gender expression that can glorify God's biological sex assignment.

How can we help ease the gender dysphoria some experience?

• Some gender roles come from biological differences between male and female. Others are constructed and maintained by culture. It is important that we are thoughtful about what it means to be a man or a woman. We should be slow to calling into question those who don't fit gender stereotypes that are not sacred to the biological sex.

Parenting our children through the highs and lows of our technological world can be a challenge. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Craig Stickling provides us with four helps. He gives us one technology lesson to instruct our children in. He gives us one technology danger to protect our children from. He provides one issue that we should be able to engage our children about and he gives us one redeeming quality that technology offers our kids.

• Help your kids understand that if you do not pay for the product, then you are the product. Every free app we use is earning money off of the user somehow. Often it is by advertisements.

• Sextortion is a growing concern. Young people are often targeted. A predator engages with them in a seemingly innocent way at first. This could be through direct messaging or otherwise. They lure the victim into taking a picture or video of themselves that they would not want the public to see. The predator then uses the image or video to blackmail the victim; threatening to send the content to friends, for example. If young people are being exploited, they are the victim of a crime, and it should be reported. Contact your local FBI field office, call 1-800-CALL-FBI, or report it online at fbi.gov.

• Parents need to nurture the relationship they have with their children so that openness can be achieved. Open dialogue on technology issues should be the goal. Children and young people should feel free to openly discuss technological struggles, challenges and questions with trusted adults.

• Technology shows us how much we desire connection. Use this apparent fact to show your kids that connection with God is the connection our souls most crave.

Cognitive behavior therapy and EMDR are helpful tools in the clinical toolbox for treating complex trauma. In this audio recording, Kathy Knochel and Brian Sutter provide some wherewithal to what these are and other methods.

God asks us to participate in the life-giving care of people. Untangling the web trauma spins for those who have complex PTSD is one of those rewarding opportunities. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel and Brian Sutter take the discussion of complex trauma to the next level. They help us see what help looks like and gives us all a role to play.

Help for those with complex trauma can be understood in three phases:

• Phase 1: Safety and Stabilization
  • Stabilize the victim and ensure their safety. Receive them on an emotional level. Help create for them a new safe experience that will over time help them construct a healthy meaning of their world.
• Phase 2: Processing Trauma
  • Professionals in this phase can help create healthy meaning to old memories.
• Phase 3: Meaning Making and Reconnecting
  • Help a victim engage in the world in a healthy way. Their difficult past does not bind them; rather it equips and provides value to their present.

Sometimes PTSD cannot be traced back to a single event. Rather, for a person with a web of traumatic events in their past and present, PTSD is a state of "normal". It is the air they breathe. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel and Brian Sutter teach us what complex PTSD is. For those who want to live well with people, it is a concept that is good for us to understand.

Definition: Some people experience layers of trauma. Trauma on top of trauma produces an unhealthy stress whose root is not easy to isolate. In fact, a singular root does not exist. This is understood to be complex trauma.

Sources: Complex trauma results from living conditions where safety is repeatedly jeopardized.

Results: Complex trauma undermines a person's sense of present safety. Traumatic living norms have produced in victims a skewed perception of others and themselves. Often relationships pay a heavy price among those who have experienced complex trauma.

God asks us to participate in the work of the Spirit in the lives of others. "Go ye therefore and make disciples," Jesus said. The local church just might be ground zero for this important work. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Arlan Miller and Matt Kaufmann outline 5 essentials for the community that will disciple.

Below are five essentials for the community that will disciple:

"Here I am." Discipleship happens in a location. The community that disciples practices being present with people.

"I am here." Discipleship happens in communities where there is stability. The community that disciples is committed to each other.

"I take you." Discipleship requires vulnerability. The community that disciples receives one other.

"Follow me as I follow Christ." Discipleship is an active practice. The community that disciples is intentional.

"I'll walk with you." Discipleship is a slow process that requires patience. The community that disciples is fueled by hope in Christ.

God has knit into our frame the capacity to have dominion. At some level, it comes from being an image bearer of his. Yet, it comes as no surprise, that after the fall, our capacity to have dominion has been bent. For the worse. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter and Kaleb Beyer address the tendency we have towards taking unhealthy control of situations. Wonderfully, letting go of control is possible, and who teaches it better than the Lord of Lords and King of Kings ~ Jesus.

I might have an unhealthy relationship with control if:

• I have an excessive need to be in-charge.
• I am slow to give responsibility to others.
• I am irritated when my plans are not followed.
• I ignore the boundaries of others.
• I don't trust others.
• I think too highly of my opinions.
• I am impatient with others.
• I work better alone than with people.

My desire for control might be fueled by the following reasons:

• Insecurity – my grasping for control soothes the discomfort I have in myself.
• Identity – my grasping for control is an effort to prove myself.
• Fear – my grasping for control protects me from disorder and disaster.
• Pride – My grasping for control assumes I know better than others.

Even though he is the King of Kings, letting go of control is inspired by and exampled by Jesus:

• He let go of his control to become a baby.
• He let go of his control to be obedient to his parents.
• He let go of his control to be tempted by Satan.
• He let go of his control to be tried before magistrates.
• He let go of his control to be killed on a cross.

By letting go of control, Jesus secured his Lordship.

"I lay down my life, that I might take it again." John 10:17

Spiritual disciplines are often associated with the monastic life. This can be both helpful and unhelpful. Historian Fred Witzig, with the help of Isaac Funk, helps sort out the good from the bad as it regards practicing these disciplines. In the end, Fred and Isaac help cast an encouraging vision for practicing spiritual disciplines.