I am a family man with 7 children, six daughters and one son. I am a retired Police Officer who was run over on duty and ultimately retired from the injuries.  The injuries caused me to endure numerous knee surgeries and constant rehabilitation. To deal with the pain, I was prescribed Opioids. After months and months of therapy, the department and doctors made the determination that my injuries would prevent me from doing the job effectively and could place others at risk. It was decided that I would be medically retired from the department. 

For the next few years, I struggled with being retired. The day after turning in my equipment, I felt ostracized and not a part of the brotherhood. I honestly felt like I lost my support team. I had not access to the building, I could not walk in and see my partners. They were busy and I felt they had forgotten about me. This was a huge blow to my ego. One day you’re chasing bad guys and the next you’re picking up your kid’s toys. It was a difficult transition. It was at this time, that my addiction took control of my emotions and I began to spin out of control, and I proceeded to self-medicate myself.  During the height of my addiction, I went through a very difficult divorce. I lost time with my children and made poor decisions costing me my children’s trust.

The one thing people do not understand is that addiction destroys everything. Well I allowed it to destroy everything. I let it get out of control and I lost my way in the process. I made the decisions to hurt those I loved. I wish I could blame the addiction or the disease or my broken moral compass but ultimately it was me and I had to own it. Ownership is the only way to recover from an addiction. 11 years later, no relapses, no excuses! Thanks for allowing me to post my strength and hope!