Calm Your Caveman

Is people-pleasing running your life? In this episode, I walk you through a powerful coaching process I used with a client named Liz who was exhausted from trying to keep everyone happy. We unpack the roots of her people-pleasing instinct, personify it using the lens of Internal Family Systems, and tap into the Wise Self to reclaim autonomy and authentic decision-making. 

You’ll learn:

• Why people pleasing is ancient (and not your fault)
• How to create space between you and the urge to say "yes"
• What to say to your inner people pleaser—out loud
• And how to choose actions from clarity, not fear

Timestamps
00:30 – Welcome + intro to Liz’s people-pleasing exhaustion
01:54 – Inside Out & Internal Family Systems (IFS) explained
04:30 – Why people pleasing evolved (and why it’s not all bad)
07:55 – Practicing what to say to your people-pleasing part
09:20 – The trap of reactionary rebellion vs. true autonomy
11:16 – Uncovering what really matters to you
16:03 – Intrinsic vs extrinsic motivation and anxiety relief
20:55 – Kindness Narrative: A professor committed to growing his students

Submit Your Kindness Narrative:
Share a moment of kindness that moved you or changed you. Email your story (written or audio) to [email protected] or DM me on Instagram @CalmYourCaveman.

For full shownotes, including resources mentioned, go to: https://www.calmyourcaveman.com/episodes/taming-the-people-pleaser-within

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The secret to calming your anxiety isn’t about calming down, but about aiming smarter. In this episode, I take you behind the scenes of two real coaching sessions—one on social anxiety, one on test anxiety—to walk you through a powerful mindset shift that can dramatically reduce anxiety and increase your sense of control. You’ll learn how to spot the real goal your brain is using to evaluate your situation—and how to swap that goal for something that actually helps you feel calm, focused, and empowered. Whether your anxiety shows up in relationships, exams, or everyday decisions, this episode gives you a repeatable framework you can use any time things feel overwhelming.

Timestamps:
01:06 – Client story #1: Social anxiety, disconnection, and the “trapped” feeling
03:46 – The danger of having goals that you can't control
04:32 – How to reframe your goals to reduce anxiety
05:29 – Process goals vs. outcome goals: what’s the difference?
9:16 – Client story #2: Test anxiety and second-guessing
13:43 – How to apply this to your stress
16:03 – Kindness narrative: A message from Mom

Submit Your Kindness Narrative:
Share a moment of kindness that moved you or changed you. Email your story (written or audio) to [email protected] or DM me on Instagram @CalmYourCaveman.

For full shownotes, including resources mentioned, go to: https://www.calmyourcaveman.com/episodes/why-your-goals-might-be-fueling-your-anxiety

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You’ve tried breathing. You’ve tried journaling. But your body is still in full-on panic mode. This episode is for the moments when anxiety feels physical, overwhelming, and out of control. I’ll teach you a powerful strategy rooted in psychology and personal experience. Learn how to stop fueling the anxiety spiral and how to apply this skill in the middle of a sleepless night or a high-stakes performance.

You’ll learn:
• Why physical anxiety symptoms persist—and how to respond differently
• What chronic pain researchers teach us about emotional suffering
• The counterintuitive power of saying “yes” to how you feel
• Ways to practice this skill before you need it

Timestamps
00:30 – When the anxiety won’t go away
02:51 – Example 1: Nighttime panic
04:48 – “I’m terrified—and that’s okay”: using full-body emotional surrender
08:02 – What chronic pain science teaches us about anxiety
10:31 – Example 2: Performance anxiety panic
17:08 – Practicing acceptance in low-stakes moments
19:06 – Kindness Narrative: A grandfather’s compassion for animals

Submit Your Kindness Narrative:
Share a moment of kindness that moved you or changed you. Email your story (written or audio) to [email protected] or DM me on Instagram @CalmYourCaveman.

For full shownotes, including resources mentioned, go to: https://www.calmyourcaveman.com/episodes/when-nothing-calms-you-down

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Did you know “messy” feelings can actually be your secret weapon? In this episode, I’ll show you how to tune into both your physical sensations and the emotional layers beneath them, one body part at a time.

You’ll learn:

• How recognizing mixed emotions actually makes you more resilient
• Two real stories: a freezing mountain night and a chaotic family visit—and how emotional awareness made all the difference
• Science-backed, story-driven, and totally doable—this one might just change how you feel about how you feel.

Timestamps:
00:30 – The full-body scan that rewires your brain
03:15 – The science behind labeling feelings
05:10 – Why a one-word emotion isn’t enough
07:09 – Cold toes + warm stomach: a wilderness story
10:19 – Love your kids, hate the mess? You’re not broken
13:22 – Why awareness = peace, even in chaos
15:50 – Kindness Narrative: A friend provides a home for a family in need

Submit Your Kindness Narrative:
Share a moment of kindness that moved you or changed you. Email your story (written or audio) to [email protected] or DM me on Instagram @CalmYourCaveman.

For full shownotes, including resources mentioned, go to: https://www.calmyourcaveman.com/episodes/start-becoming-who-you-want-to-be—now

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Learn a single question that can cut through anxiety, indecision, and overwhelm. In this episode, we dive into how imagining just one year left to live helped clients move from overwhelm to clarity, rewire anxiety, reconnect with purpose, and reshape relationships. Real coaching stories show how this mindset shift unlocks peace and purpose—right now.

Timestamps:

00:30 – Intro: The counterintuitive question that calms anxiety
00:59 – A client overwhelmed by work, school, and divorce finds clarity
02:35 – How the question creates courage and unblocks passions
03:14 – Meet Sadie: Constant future-stress and why she couldn’t rest
06:12 – Jim’s struggle: Family tension and values clashes
08:45 – Carrie’s story: Parents, boundaries, and a surprising twist
12:02 – You don’t actually have forever: 4,000 weeks
12:52 – Linear time vs. cyclical time—and why this matters for anxiety
16:00 – Kindness Narrative: Support After a Four Wheeler Accident

For full show notes, including resources mentioned, go to https://www.calmyourcaveman.com/episodes/start-becoming-who-you-want-to-be—now

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If you feel constantly on edge, like something bad is always about to happen, it’s not your fault—and it’s not just you. Your brain is doing exactly what it was designed to do... just in the wrong environment.

In this episode, we dive into how the news, social media, and even your own memories hijack your emotional wiring. You’ll take a quiz that reveals how distorted your perception of danger may be—and learn how to recalibrate your sense of safety without going off the grid.

We’ll explore:

• Why your brain is obsessed with worst-case scenarios
• How fear-based headlines make anxiety your default setting
• What it means to be stuck in "rabbit mode" (and how to get out)
• Practical ways to rebalance your threat radar
• Emotional “vegetables” that train your brain to feel calmer, safer, and clearer

Time Stamps

00:30 – Welcome + Risk Quiz 
03:15 – Media’s Attention-Trap: Negativity + Novelty + Emotion
09:30 – How Your Unconscious Brain Predicts the Future
15:00 – How Feeding Your Memory Affects Your Perception of Risk
18:10 – Mental Junk-Food vs. Mental Vegetables
22:19 – Kindness Narrative: A Kind Airline Pilot

For full show notes, including resources mentioned, go to https://www.calmyourcaveman.com/episodes/why-your-brain-thinks-the-world-is-scarier-than-it-is

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What if a simple “hello” could rewire your anxious brain? In this surprising and science-backed episode, we explore how speaking to strangers—yes, even if you're an introvert—can shift your unconscious emotional default from fear to connection. Learn why weak social ties matter, how your brain rewrites its threat narratives, and how living in Brazil changed my personal relationship with everyday interactions. This episode is packed with practical, research-based advice for gradually training your brain to feel safer in the world, one small interaction at a time.

What You’ll Learn:

• How simple social interactions shift brain chemistry
• Real-life introvert stories (including mine!)
• How to gamify your exposure to small talk and feel better doing it
• The cultural contrast that rewired my perspective on strangers

Timestamps:

00:30 – Welcome back & a quick refresher on the "iceberg" model
03:07 – Today’s surprising strategy: Rewiring Anxiety Through Micro-Connections
04:09 – But what if I’m an introvert? (Spoiler: it still works)
05:23 – Real-life story: my introverted friend and the lab job that changed her
07:14 – My past: how I used to avoid every interaction
9:02 – Moving to Brazil: the culture shift that forced me to connect
12:23 – Beach buddies & micro-moments of belonging
14:18 – Why this works: rewiring your emotional defaults
16:13 – Start small: make it a game and track your wins
18:44 – Kindness narrative: help with a family tragedy

For full show notes, including resources mentioned, go to https://www.calmyourcaveman.com/episodes/you’re-not-anti-social,-you’re-under-exposed

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What if your great-grandparents held the key to calming your anxiety? In this episode, we explore a surprising, research-backed strategy for influencing your unconscious brain: knowing your family's intergenerational stories. Discover how ancestral narratives can help shift your brain's default stress response from threat to challenge, enhancing resilience, emotional health, and self-efficacy. Through deeply personal family stories, you'll learn how to train your brain—like a beloved pet—to respond more supportively in the face of uncertainty. If you've ever wondered how to influence your emotional responses at the subconscious level, this episode is a must-listen.

00:00 – Why it's hard to "just decide" to feel better
04:30 – Training the brain like a dog: Influence, not control
06:00 – Why intergenerational stories reduce anxiety and boost resilience
09:00 – 🎻 Story #1: Great-grandpa Rue Tyler’s banjo band in the Great Depression
12:00 – Starting a podcast at 48: Drawing strength from a grandfather’s legacy
15:00 – 🛏️ Story #2: Great-great-grandmother Charlotte’s years of mercury poisoning
16:30 – Enduring chronic illness with ancestral inspiration
18:00 – Modeling and inherited resilience: From “Why me?” to “How do I do this?”:

For full show notes, including resources mentioned, go to https://www.calmyourcaveman.com/episodes/grandma-knew-best:-the-anxiety-antidote-you-inherited-

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Waking up already overwhelmed? In this episode, we unpack why morning anxiety hits hard—and how to shift from panic to strategy. Drawing from neuroscience, childhood memory, and a dash of board game strategy, we explore what it takes to reclaim mental ground and lead from strength, even when you feel like hiding under the covers.

You’ll learn:

• Why your anxiety might spike in the early morning
• How applying a “game mindset” can help you work with your real-life resources
• How to create a realistic, compassionate sense of daily accomplishment
• And what a “Yay Me” paragraph can do to rewire your internal reward system

Timestamps:

00:30 Introduction and Childhood Fears: Feeling Small
03:45 My Adult Morning Anxiety
05:55 The Catan Strategy for Managing Morning Anxiety
11:30 Yay Me Paragraph
12:19 Why Making "Game Rules" For Life Reduces Anxiety
16:44 Kindness Narrative: Kindness From a Stranger in Albania

For full shownotes, including resources mentioned, go to: https://www.calmyourcaveman.com/episodes/how-to-stop-waking-up-already-overwhelmed

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Do you ever feel like life is one long stream of stress, uncertainty, and potential disaster? What if your brain is simply missing half the story? In this episode of Calm Your Caveman, we dive into the concept of serendipities—those unlikely, yet powerfully beneficial events that seem too timely to be coincidence. Drawing on the work of psychologist Scott Peck (The Road Less Traveled), we explore how noticing serendipities can actually rewire your negativity bias and reduce anxiety.

Topics Covered:
• What serendipities are and why they matter
• How our brains filter out good events (and fixate on bad ones)
• How to train your brain to notice life’s helpful coincidences

Tune in to learn how to:
• Loosen anxiety’s grip by shifting your mental focus
• See challenges as workable, not catastrophic
• Invite hope, trust, and creative solutions back into your awareness

Timestamps
00:30 – What Are Serendipities?
01:32 – 4 Serendipity Stories
11:30 – Why We Miss Serendipities
14:48 – Training Your Brain to See Possibilities, Not Just Threats
17:31 – Kindness Narrative: A Friendship For Hard Times

For full shownotes, including resources mentioned, go to:  https://www.calmyourcaveman.com/episodes/rewire-your-negativity-bias-with-serendipities

Don't forget to submit your kindness narrative! Your story could inspire someone else. Send your Kindness Narrative (audio or written) to:
•Email: [email protected]
•Instagram DM: @CalmYourCaveman
(You can stay completely anonymous if you prefer!)

Send us Fan Mail

🌐 https://www.calmyourcaveman.com