Carole Baskins Diary

Four Months of Bliss Carole writes Howie 3/2/03 Dear Howie, I just spent the last couple of hours reading back over our letters and getting a sense of the time line involved. Your celebration of the first got me thinking along those lines I suppose. What a glorious four months! I enjoy you more with every thought, every encounter. It is like the awe you described of watching lava flow or in the way a bud will open. I am so happy to have this time to get to know you and to experience this unfolding. My mother and grandmother asked about you this morning. My father and I worked on the gift shop door today for an hour in the rain. Not that I was any help, but he seems to really enjoy the camaraderie. I hope the weather was better at Disney. They probably have a deal with The Big Guy for Disney styled weather. I am chilled to the bone, but don't want to get in the hot tub with the screen guys here. I will look forward to warming my feet up against you later on. I would rather not spend the night with you while you have company. They have come a long way to be with you and I do not wish to intrude on their time. If they were going to be here a week I'd insist that I didn't want to be away from you that long, but a day or two probably won't kill me. I don't remember if you said they are here Thurs and Fri or Fri and Sat. Just let me know which days. I really should get the trust documents done for the seven properties from last week. I will see you at about 6:45, but will be thinking of you virtually every moment in between. Just for the record, the teal rabbit did its thing in 40 or 45 seconds. I am not sure about the last five seconds as I was falling out of the chair, screaming in ecstasy. What a great toy! Thanks again. Love, Carole I Carry Howie With Me Everywhere Carole writes Howie 3/9/03 Dear Howie, Thank you for last night. I enjoyed the game (much to my surprise) and especially enjoyed seeing you have a good time. Your enthusiasm is contagious. I especially enjoyed reconnecting with you last night. You breathe new life into me. You arouse a wanting in me that is foreign to my nature. There isn't anything that I want for. I am content for the most part with whatever the day may bring, but when I am near you, it is different. Restraining myself from touching you, kissing you, being within your aura; is truly a test of will. When I do have the opportunity to reconnect with you physically, I cannot restrain the passion that makes me want you so badly. Funny, the image that comes to mind: I raised Catera, the retarded bob cat, and for the first year, he couldn't remember how to eat, but he would be so hungry that he would just bury his face in the food and inhale as hard as he could. That is kind of how I feel when I get close to you. I just want to bury my face in you and inhale you through every pore. Feeling your arms around me, much like the feeling of you inside me, is a cellular memory that I carry with me everywhere. Even when you are miles away you are ever present. Life is SO good! With Love, Carole When You Feel Clothes On Your Body You are Wearing Me Carole writes Howie 3/10/03 Dear Howie, Just thinking of you and reaching out to let you know. When you feel the warmth of the sun on your face, know I am there, kissing you softly. When you feel the heat of the Jacuzzi on your skin, know that it is the heat of my desire for you. When you feel the weight of your clothes upon your body, know that you are wearing me. I feel so connected to you and all that is beautiful.

 

I've been writing my story since I was able to write, but when the media goes to share it, they only choose the parts that fit their idea of what will generate views.  If I'm going to share my story, it should be the whole story.  The titles are the dates things happened. If you have any interest in who I really am please start at the beginning of this playlist: http://savethecats.org/

 

I know there will be people who take things out of conte

County Attorney Drops ADA Charges

Carole writes Howie At 10:46 AM 2/28/03:  The County Attorney called Scott and said they are dropping the ADA charges.  I am awaiting confirmation via fax, but it looks like good news.

 

I will try to be at your place by 7PM tonight, unless I hear different from you.  I got all 7 quiet title suits prepared and emailed to my attorney.  I think that must be some sort of record for me.  Having some of the stress relieved made it easier for me to focus.  Having you last night relieved a lot of tension.  ;-)

 

I revisited the figures and comps on Timberlan and countered at 160k.  It sold for 190k in 1999 and wasn't in much better condition then.

 

The printer under the desk is an Epson Stylus C80.  I have no idea if that means laser or bubble jet, because it is in my HP box.  You are welcome to it if you need it.  I bought it for Jamie, but she needed a larger carriage for printing 14 inch photos.  My mother bought the exact same printer the same week and as a result this one was used for only a week before being relegated to under my desk.  I am one of those people who won't take things back to the store, if they don't fit, don't work or I don't need them.  The whole family is like that, so I am guessing it is a genetic defect. - Carole 

 

Howie writes Carole 28 Feb 2003 11:17:14 

 

Outstanding!!!!!!!!!!

 

Thank you for the nice offer of the printer.  The spare I have is probably similar, but I do appreciate the offer.  Tom Patke is [email protected], 839-0959 if you decide you want to talk to him.  Not sure what he is like to work with.  When he calls about lunch, I'll see if we can coordinate a tour.  If it clears and you feel like roller blading late afternoon I'm game.  Interesting in seeing if there are any movies that might be fun this evening? - Howie

I've been writing my story since I was able to write, but when the media goes to share it, they only choose the parts that fit their idea of what will generate views.  If I'm going to share my story, it should be the whole story.  The titles are the dates things happened. If you have any interest in who I really am please start at the beginning of this playlist: http://savethecats.org/

 

I know there will be people who take things out of context and try to use them to validate their own misconception, but you have access to the whole story.  My hope is that others will recognize themselves in my words and have the strength to do what is right for themselves and our shared planet.  

 

You can help feed the cats at no cost to you using Amazon Smile!

Visit BigCatRescue.org/Amazon-smile

 

You can see photos, videos and more, updated daily at BigCatRescue.org

 

Check out our main channel at YouTube.com/BigCatRescue

 

Music (if any) from Epidemic Sound (http://www.epidemicsound.com) This video is for entertainment purposes only and is my opinion.

Howie Adds Me to His Gym Membership

27 Feb 2003 11:49:40 

 

After the minister jokes, I figure I better give equal time:

 

A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try to guess which one I'm going to marry."

 

The mother agrees.

 

The next day he brings three beautiful women into the house and seats them on the couch, and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma guess which one I'm going to marry."

 

She immediately replies, "The one on the right."

 

"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"

 

The Jewish mother replies "I don't like her."

 

From: Howard Baskin to Carole Lewis

 

Tim, per our conversation, I would like to upgrade my membership 3649 from the current Single Gold to Family Gold and add Carole Lewis to my membership.  I understand that there is a $99 initial charge and that my monthly charge will now be $166.  Please reply so I know you received this email.  Thanks very much. 

 

Howie writes Carole 27 Feb 2003 17:10:06 

 

I don't quite understand the transaction but I'm curious about this stuff you do and as we discussed prepared to dabble.  Sounds to me like you are being a bit generous though because you are both putting up the money and then doing the work, but I like the general idea so let's discuss.  I felt better about the other deal because you seemed to need a financial partner (at least to keep Mom off your

back) so I felt like I would have been making a contribution there, not just being along for a free ride.  But happy to look at this.

 

Meantime, let's not keep a tally, but let's also not forgot that you sprung for a recliner that, regardless of the empty corner, I don't think would be there but for me, so you've already invested in my comfort too.   :-)

 

Thinking further, I may need that lot in Moon Lakes when they repossess this place.  Do they allow tents?

 

In case you have not gotten it yourself from Mel, the roofer is Carlos at DeVito Contracting, cell 310-3576.   Only spoke for a few minutes to Mel, but he sounds like a fun character.  Thanks.  Roofer did call this morning claiming he did not get message from wife and promised to be here tomorrow

morning.  Life goes on.  Hope you had some success bidding.

 

You are now a member.  Next time you are there, if you ask for Tim or anyone in sales they will take a photo and make a card for you.  You might take a copy of this email for easy reference in case it is not Tim.

 

Dear Howie,  Thank you for taking care of that for me.  I am happy to reimburse you the 100.00 up front cost and the 50.00 per month (700.00 in the year) in whatever excuse we can find (meals, gas, hotels...) or would propose the following:

 

None of the regulars showed up for the tax deed sale today and I was the high bidder on 7 of them.  That is the most I have ever been able to get at one sale.  I let Bob pick and buy four of them from me for cost to keep him busy and because I agreed to show him how and had him along for the ride this time.  They are all just little trailer lots in Moon Lakes.  I have one on Jungle St. that I paid 679.22

for today.  It is tax assessed at 5,929.00 but I typically only sell them for around 2500.00.  I have been told that you can't find one in there for under 3500.00 but I haven't verified that.  Mine did sell fast.

 

If you don't want to mess with monthly repayment on the gym, I can draft a trust document on this one making you the owner.  I will have to invest 500.00 in the Quiet Title suit and a little under 400.00 for the survey in order to sell it.  I would invest those costs and then just deduct them when it sells.  We could then split the profit and if you enjoy the process, repeat it.  Either way is fine with me.

 

It is a small world.  If you haven't told Carlos who you are to me, you might not want to mention it as one of the men I broke up with to be with you is named DeVito an

Collapsing With a Panic Attack During Tennis

Carole writes Howie At 10:02 AM 2/25/03:  Larry Hodge, and Miss Gail, his wife, that I introduced you to at Red Lobster, called this morning.  Larry asked who that good looking man was that I had introduced them to and I told him your name.  He responded by saying, "We think he might just be the one." When I asked why, he said because you had more class than all the rest of the men I had ever been with put together.  Larry and Gail have known me for 15 years.  Larry had never made a comment on anyone that I had brought to church before and you know how little time we spent talking to them, and yet they were that taken with you.

 

I gave Dan a scare this morning when I collapsed on the court with one of my panic attacks.  I hadn't thought to warn him that it could happen and that it's no big deal.  I wasn't pushing it, just standing there at the time.  At least he didn't have time to call 911 before I was back on my feet.  Hope you have a lovely day.  Mine is looking promising. - Carole

 

Howie writes Carole:  I hope you realize that it was not inexpensive to bribe everyone as they walked into the church.  :-)  That was very nice of Larry and Gail, and particularly to take the effort to actually call about it.  What I observe here, which may not have as much emphasis for you as you focus on their comments about me, is that these comments demonstrate how much so many people care about you and your happiness, and that is a wonderful testimony to who YOU are and how you have touched so many people.

 

The image of you collapsing just seems so scary, and yet you deal with this and other adversity so well and so positively.  I'm just so sorry this happens.  Wish I could "fix" it.  Maybe adding something to your life will reduce them.  I wonder if our discussion about your house may have unsettled something inside you, if not consciously, then subconsciously?   It was kind of a choppy discussion, maybe because I felt like it was not time yet to have it, but it will all work out and there are no big obstacles.  Anyway, hope you have a great day from this point on.  See you later. - Howie

 

I've been writing my story since I was able to write, but when the media goes to share it, they only choose the parts that fit their idea of what will generate views.  If I'm going to share my story, it should be the whole story.  The titles are the dates things happened. If you have any interest in who I really am please start at the beginning of this playlist: http://savethecats.org/

 

I know there will be people who take things out of context and try to use them to validate their own misconception, but you have access to the whole story.  My hope is that others will recognize themselves in my words and have the strength to do what is right for themselves and our shared planet.  

 

You can help feed the cats at no cost to you using Amazon Smile!

Visit BigCatRescue.org/Amazon-smile

 

You can see photos, videos and more, updated daily at BigCatRescue.org

 

Check out our main channel at YouTube.com/BigCatRescue

 

Music (if any) from Epidemic Sound (http://www.epidemicsound.com) This video is for entertainment purposes only and is my opinion.

Family ALL Love Howie

Howie writes Carole 23 Feb 2003 17:54:29  

 

Thanks.  I think we have already shared our different views on our intimacy,  which I view as a blessing, not a sin.  But since you believe it is a sin, I'm just thankful that (a) you seem unable to resist the temptation and (b) you picked me to sin with.  And for your sake, I'm glad to read that you at least do not believe this keeps you from a positive experience after death.  God would certainly be a dolt to have this count for much compared to the way you have followed her [:-)]. most important rule, the golden one.

 

I'll be curious to hear if you got any questions or feedback at church tonight about your mystery guest?  See you soon. - Howie

 

Carole writes Howie:  Dear Howie,  The jury reconvened in record time with a unanimous sentence of life for you.  The first words out of my mother's mouth were, "the whole family really thinks he is just perfect for you."  Now, that could be taken tongue in cheek, except that she went on to say how nice you are and how much everyone liked you.  Momma Jacquie was particularly enamoured and that probably meant the most to me because she understands me better than anyone else in the family.  I relayed the comment you made about needing my helmet to talk to my father and Mom assured me that all you need to do is talk cages to engage him civilly.  He's actually seen you twice now and still not made a negative comment to my mother, which is tantamount to a miracle. - Carole

 

Feeling Remarkably Connected and Peaceful

Carole writes Howie:  Dear Howie,  It is rare that I find myself in a position to be not distracted for an extended period of time.  While sitting in the hospital all morning, I tried to read The Dead Sea Scrolls, but all I could think about was wanting to reach out to you;  to call you, to touch you, to send you a note letting you know that you are in my every thought.  Since none of those options were available to me, I decided to "fly" to you, hover over you and through you, like your skin or the blood in your veins...  I enjoyed it.  Was it good for you?  ;-)

 

Tim Cangliosi’s surgery went pretty well, they could cure the cataract problem and said they will have to clean it up with lasers later, but tomorrow he hopes to have the bandages off and see if it was an improvement.  He asked a lot about you and I told him how much I love you and how impressed I am with you as a person.  I want to talk to you more about that, but have to go for right now.

 

I hope your day is full of wonderful moments of tranquility.  I woke up feeling remarkably connected and peaceful.  Carole

 

Howie writes Carole:  On any of the days you are coming here, I'd like you to feel free to arrive whenever best fits your schedule.  If some days arriving early and either roller blading or working here is convenient, that's great.  On busy days when you need to work into the night, midnight is fine.

 

The only reason I ask is that if, for instance, I know you are going to arrive around 7 and it is will be your feeding time [:-)] then rather than eat at 6:30 I'd rather wait and join you, but for instance if you won't be here til 10, then I'll eat as it occurs to me.  So if you find that in late afternoon you have some idea of the likely time, it is helpful to let me know, but not essential.

 

And some days you simply may not know until you are heading this way, which is fine. And as always, any night you for any reason don't feel like coming over, just say so.  While I think we are both enjoying being together in the evening and waking together, it is by no means essential that it be every night, so just do what works best for you.  Okey dokey?

 

Howie writes Carole:  Not to inundate you with emails (the list you showed me that you had collected the other night kind of shocked me), here is a one that has a classic message about marriage, but not one I would guess you would identify with personally. :-)

 

A wife arrived home f

How To Introduce Howie to The Family

Carole writes Howie:

 

Well you could set a calendar by my body.  The next date to watch out for is Mar. 20, which works out perfect as I should be in Ft. Worth for the last of it and over it by the time we leave for NY.

 

You mentioned that you were booking rooms and flights.  Let me know what I owe you and I will bring a check.  You agreed early on that I could pay my own way on trips.  You also set the rule that if you ask me out somewhere locally you pay and the reverse is necessarily fair, so I put your 40.00 in the front cover of your book downstairs where Crystal sleeps.  I can see that this could become a huge test of wills and creativity in trying to find some way to pass the money back and forth, if I didn't remind you of your own rule ;-)

 

I am uncertain how to proceed with getting you and my family all around a table.  I always pay everyone's way when our family gets together.  My mother will sometimes try to fight me for the check, but usually concedes unless it is my birthday or something.  My father doesn't eat with us unless it is my birthday or his.  My extended family has no problem in letting me pay and none of my mates has ever had a problem with it, except Jay, but he made 400k a year and was in the habit of feeding huge troops of people that he called friends.

 

I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but I don't want you paying the bill either, because just my brother's clan can be 5-8 people, so I am open for suggestions about how to handle this.  If you want to split it with me at the time, I can reimburse you in cash privately later.  I get a couple hundred in cash per month that I don't have to account to anyone for.  (Jamie reimburses me for her insurance in cash each month, not anything weird...). I am late for the gym.  - Carole

 

Howie writes Carole:  You have left me quivering this morning.  Uncle....I concede on the $40 and will find it.

 

It has always been my habit to play the traditional male role and pay for dates.  And while the women I have dated have generally had careers, in most cases I was better off financially so this made sense.   Most occasionally wanted to reciprocate, particularly if there was a reason like treating me for my birthday or as a special thanks for something, or just to participate occasionally.  I'm not a fanatic about it, I just don't want you, out of past habit, thinking you have to bear the brunt of our entertainment expense.

 

Separately, I think it is wonderful that you have been so financially successful, far more than I have.  As far as I know, I don't have any big ego issues about that, but I think I would have a problem feeling that you were bearing the brunt of expense.  If you were someone who enjoyed expensive things that I felt I could not afford, like exotic trips, there might be a problem because I think I would feel "kept" and be very uncomfortable.  But you don't, so it does not appear to be an issue.

 

Let's chat about family.  Some thoughts:  Gathering them all around a table is probably not a good way to meet them.  One can only chat personally with one person or couple at a time.  I'd be more inclined to meet your sister and brother on one occasion, your mom on another.  If you dad does not tend to participate, it could be just lunch with your mom some time.  And one way to avoid the check issue with your brother is we could do dinner here, which I would be delighted to do.  If it is really important to you to pay for part of the food for that you can, but it really is not necessary.  A better idea would be to let me do that, and then another time when we might eat out with them you can pay if you like.

 

There is no rush or urgency either.  I'm interested to meet your Mom and brother because they appear to be important parts of your life.  But I don't feel left out or have any problem with not having met them or not meeting them, and I certainly don't want it to be something that causes you any

Your Mother is Always With You

Carole writes Howie At 04:38 PM 2/18/03:

 

Dear Howie,  It was nice meeting your friends Willow, Lynn and Adam.  As I was reading the following I was thinking of Willow raising her child and now her child raising Adam alone and was thinking I would forward it to you for you to send to them.  Written for Good Housekeeping Magazine in 1933 by Temple Bailey By the time I reached the last couple of paragraphs though, it spoke to me even more of your mother:

 

The young Mother set her foot on the path of life. "Is this the long way?" she asked. And the guide said: "Yes, and the way is hard. And you will be  old before you reach the end of it. But the end will be better than the  beginning."

 

But the young Mother was happy, and she would not believe that anything could be better than these years. So she played with her children, and gathered flowers for them along the way, and bathed them in the clear streams; and the sun shone on them, and the young Mother cried, "Nothing  will ever be lovelier than this."

 

Then the night came, and the storm, and the path was dark, and the children shook with fear and cold, and the mother drew them close and covered them with her mantle, and the children said, "Mother, we are not afraid, for you are near, and no harm can come."

 

And the morning came, and there was a hill ahead, and the children climbed and grew weary, and the mother was weary. But at all times she said to the children," A little patience and we are there." So the children climbed, and when they reached the top they said, "Mother, we would not have done it without you."

 

And the Mother, when she lay down at night looked up at the stars and said, "This is a better day than the last, for my children have learned fortitude  in the face of hardness. Yesterday I gave them courage.  Today, I have given them strength."

 

And the next day came strange clouds which darkened the earth, clouds of war  and hate and evil, and the children groped and stumbled, and the Mother said: "Look up. Lift your eyes to the light." And the children looked and saw above the clouds an everlasting glory, and it guided them beyond the darkness. And that night the Mother said, "This is the best day of all, for I have shown my children God."

 

And the days went on, and the weeks and the months and the years, and the Mother grew old and she was little and bent. But her children were tall and strong, and walked with courage. And when the way was rough, they lifted her, for she was as light as a feather; and at last they came to a hill, and beyond they could see a shining road and golden gates flung wide. And the Mother said: "I have reached the end of my journey. And now I know the end is better than the beginning, for my children can walk alone, and their children after them."

 

And the children said, "You will always walk with us, Mother, even when you have gone through the gates." And they stood and watched her as she went on alone, and the gates closed after her. And they said: "We cannot see her, but she is with us still. A mother like ours is more than a memory. She is a living presence."

 

Your Mother is always with you. She's the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street; she's the smell of bleach in your freshly laundered socks; she's the cool hand on your brow when you're not well.  Your Mother lives inside your laughter. And she's crystallized in every teardrop. She's the place you came from, your first home; and she's the map you follow with every step you take. She's your first love and your first heartbreak, and nothing on earth can separate you.. Not time, not space ...not even death!

 

Howie writes Carole 18 Feb 2003 20:25:12  

 

I saved reading this until I could do it leisurely.  Hard not to get watery eyes.  Thanks for the thought. - Howie

 

I've been writing my story since I was able to write, but when the media goes to share it, they only choose the parts that fit their idea of what will gen

Howie and Carole’s First Valentines Day

Howie writes Carole 14 Feb 2003 06:56:31

 

Hi there.  I woke at 4:30 this morning.  Rather weird.  Could not get back to sleep for an hour, so met my goal of rising at 5:30.  I'm suspecting that there is something I find addictive about your company, and that after 20 hours or so I start to have withdrawal symptoms?

 

Enjoying one of my exotic teas and thinking of you before heading to the club to work out.  Since you have commented so favorably on my tiny muscles, I figure the least I should do is try to maintain them.  Hope you have a day full of good minutes that I hope I can add to this evening. - Howie

 

Carole writes Howie 14 Feb 2003 08:44:55 EST  

 

Dear Howie,  I agree that spending time with you is addictive.  It's like chocolate.  Any excuse will do.  I kept myself busy after the Spay and Neuter Delegation left by writing up the minutes and copying everyone, and then faxing out press releases to 30+ media contacts who I hadn't been able to reach via email about Alachua Bob, and then puttering around outside refilling the waterfall and then writing a bunch of letters to the CFC, the Sanchez campaign, and on and on until I was too tired to drive.  That was the only way I could keep myself from coming to you.

 

This morning I awoke at 6:00 and thought you were rubbing off on me, with your early morning habits.  It was an hour before I could drag myself to the hot tub, but that helped a lot.  The wall paper guys got here at 8:00 am and are re-papering the guest bath.  Because I had shut the Great Danes in there once while company was here, the walls had been destroyed in there.  I picked a paper that made me think of you.  When you read the names of the palms you will know why.

 

Saturday the 22nd my training is over at 4:00 so I could be at WOES by 5:00 if necessary.  The walk will feel good after a day of being cooped up inside.  Just let me know.

 

Howie writes Carole 14 Feb 2003 13:31:17

 

Lovely, as always.  And I do have a card for you just in case. :-)

 

Carole writes Howie At 08:52 AM 2/14/03:

 

Valentine's Day Every Minute

 

A Lovers' Day was set aside

So many years ago

A day in which to claim with pride

And let the whole world know

 

That we had found our one true love

And that we'd ever more

Be giving thanks to God above

For one whom we adore

 

Valentine cards pass in the mail

With words we love to hear

And chocolates and roses frail

Exchanged with love and cheer

 

Through all the world this Day's proclaimed

And love just fills the air

"No better holiday is named,"

All Lovers would declare

 

But every day with you is great

And every night more so

The "minutes" that we've shared, of late

Are all I need to know.

 

For:  Howie Baskin

By:  Carole Ann Stairs 2/14/03

 

Howie writes Carole 14 Feb 2003 13:38:53

 

Unable to respond in poetry that would match yours, I offer you these insights into men.  I think you will enjoy them.

 

Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?

A. Both of them.

 

Q. Why did the man cross the road?

A. He heard the chicken was a slut.

 

Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay?

A. They don't have time.

 

Q. What do men and sperm have in common?

A. They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.

 

Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?

A. He buys two cases of beer.

 

Q. What is the difference between men and government bonds?

A. The bonds mature.

 

Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?

A. So men can remember them.

 

Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?

A. We don't know; it has never happened.

 

Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and  good-looking?

A. They already have boyfriends.

 

Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?

A. A widow.

 

Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?

A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.  Married women come home,

Howie Begins to Really Open Up To Me & The Recliner

Howie writes Carole 16 Feb 2003 09:52:47  

 

I don't know this Steven Wright guy, and try to limit what I forward, but just thought you might particularly enjoy these.  Note letter "k" in particular.

 

Words of Wisdom

 

If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the guy who once said: "I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen...and replaced by exact duplicates." His mind sees things differently.

 

Here some of his gems:

 

a.. I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. 

b.. Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back. 

c.. Half the people you know are below average. 

d.. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 

e.. 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot. 

f.. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. 

g.. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 

h.. If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain. 

i.. All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand. 

j.. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

k.. I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

l.. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

m.. How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

n.. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

o.. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

p.. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

q.. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

r.. Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

s.. I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

t.. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

u.. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

v.. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

w.. My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

x.. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

y.. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

z.. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

aa.. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

ab.. The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

ac.. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

ad.. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

 

Howie writes Carole 16 Feb 2003 11:23:19 

 

I still can't get over arriving there to see that chair.  That was so thoughtful and caring.  And it particularly flabbergasted me because I had just been thinking about asking you if I could put a chair in.  It does seem like sometimes we are thinking the same thoughts.  Like the day I emailed about roller blading and you had been seeking tennis lessons.

Howie Will Never Hurt Me

 

Howie writes Carole 13 Feb 2003 11:49:57

 

Sometimes you just make me sit here and grin.  If anyone saw me they'd think I was demented.

 

The wonderful assortment of tea was a lovely surprise.  Thanks very much! - Howie

 

Dear Howie,  I have a new appreciation for the athlete that you are.  Dan ran me all over the court this morning and I couldn't believe how breathless that left me.  Today I feel it in my back, but can't tell if it is a bad thing, or if it is just an awakening of muscles that I haven't used.  I have an 80+ uncle who wants a game with you someday as his cronies can't keep up with him.  He is a Chiropractor and his name is John.  I haven't spent much time with him, but everyone says we are very much alike in our approach to life.  He takes care of my favourite (and crazy) aunt Barbara and provides her with a condo on the beach in New Port Richey.  They are my grandmother's brother and sister.  10 or 12 of them all together.

 

Thank you for your sensitivity and acceptance of my run-in with self-doubt this morning.  I keep trying to remember that the wake behind the boat is not what propels it and that to focus on it really does very little for the forward propulsion.  I believe that we create our own reality and as I look back on what has been my reality I am sometimes stunned at how I could have done this.  Your gentleness this morning allowed me to look at it objectively on the way home and I had something of an epiphany as I turned the second to last turn from the island.

 

I have never had any doubt about my moral character and you reaffirmed that to me when you said that you trusted your instincts because of the way that you have responded to me.  My life has been a wild roller coaster ride because of my choices, and perhaps the most pervasive was in my devotion to Don from the age of 19.  For the first year I thought he was a poor boy, named Bob Martin, who worked for this awful person that he called Don Lewis.  When I found out the truth, it was too late.  I was committed.

 

I learned over the years that his heart thrived on larceny and he would rather lie than tell the truth, even when the truth would have served him better.  I have always been fascinated by the criminal mind and felt that if these geniuses had any moral fiber they could be so much more productive and effective.  That was the niche I created for myself with Don.  I felt I could guide him into channeling his energy into something positive.  Since I had "control" of the paperwork I could insure that things were always done in an equitable manner for him and whoever he was dealing with.  If I had to sum up the entire relationship in one sentence it would be that I spent my life getting him out of trouble.  Most of our properties were held in The Guardian Angel Land Trust because Don always called me Angel and the rest is obvious.  (Mostly, in retrospect, so that he didn't call me Pam, or Dorothy, or Gladys)

 

Even in his absence, I have found myself dealing with all of the same bizarre issues, which has caused me to internalize a lot of the conflict as if I had some control over it.  I created this mess, but did so out of a bad choice of mates and the naivete of believing that I could change him.  As I reflect on the

relationships I have had with men since, I can see that I was trying to fill the void in my life with something familiar.  It wasn't until learning the definition of insanity that I realized I had to break free of what I knew and understood and felt comfortable dealing with.

I've told you before how anxious I would get before coming over; to the point of making myself sick.  You are such a good man that I didn't have any idea how to behave with you.  I couldn't see any way that you needed me and that caused me to feel insecure.  I would rather have never told you anything about me or my past, but as I have come to know you felt that would have been misleading.  Your encouragement to be mys