I am very excited to introduce y'all to my beautiful friend, Sam. Sam was my last "bunkie" in institutions. Sam and I met over ten years ago...our rehab was my last rehab, unfortunately it was not Sam's last rehab. In and out now for a the past decade, Sam has made incredible progress...and then used again anyway. Her parents have had custody of her son since 2014 and we talk about the complicated mix of guilt and gratitude involved in that situation. I love Sam, she now has 15 months and I am so proud of her. Let me know your thoughts!

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Interview begins at 4:07

I already know y'all are gonna text and DM me that today's episode is your "new favorite!" 

I had the opportunity to meet and chat with Mackenzie Selby, a woman in recovery since 2009. Mackenzie was the victim of every type of abuse a child can experience. Her mother was a stripper and drug dealer, her grandfather (who was the primary father figure in her life) was a member of the MC Iron Horseman in Memphis, TN. Mackenzie was gifted her first gun around 7 or 8 years old and her mother began teaching her how to make meth at a young age. At age 17, Mackenzie faced either 5 years in adult prison or going to rehab for one year. She chose rehab and has been sober ever since. With zero intention of actually changing her life, Mackenzie is a great example that the program works for those who do it...regardless of feelings about it. I can't wait to hear what y'all think!

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I am so excited for y'all to hear my interview with Hootie & The Blowfish drummer Jim Sonefeld! Jim has been the drummer for Hootie & The Blowfish since 1993, and he actually wrote their hit song "Hold My Hand." Jim lived the ultimate rock star life and I LOVED his book, ⁠"Swimming with the Blowfish"⁠

Convincing himself for years that he couldn't possibly be an alcoholic or an addict was easy - he was a successful musician with multiple home, multiple cars and platinum album sales. At forty years old, his four year old daughter said something that moved him so much, he finally made some changes. Let me know what y'all think!

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Today's interview is with one of our own from the Nod Pod community, Chuck Zamzow. 

Chuck grew up in the midwest and began drinking alcoholically after catching his wife having an affair in his early twenties. The next several years of Chuck's life continued to spiral until a near fatal car accident in 2008 scared him enough to finally stay sober. 

Working with mentors and "old timers" in Twelve Step has given Chuck incredible wisdom and insight into the steps and the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. I learned so much from Chuck and I know you guys will too.

Let me know your thoughts!

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Y'all, I have truly enjoyed my time with Jed :) In this last installment, we see Jed navigating the path of coming clean - again - to friends and family about relapsing again. I have been there so many times...letting people down - AGAIN. Jed shares candidly and vulnerably about the end of his marriage, the insidious return of Kratom into his life and his desperate attempts to get on vivitrol and fully embrace fatherhood. Let me know what you think!

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**depiction of injury and intense skin burn from 46:50 to 47:10

Meet David Riggins! David enlisted in the military the day after 9/11. An early boot camp training injury led to an early medical discharge and prescriptions for morphine and dilaudid. When the US government began cracking down on pain clinics, David was cut off from his legal prescription. David turned to street drugs to mitigate the intense withdrawal. That began a 20 year long addiction filled with stints in jail, homelessness and broken relationships. In December 2022, while nodded out on fentanyl, David experienced an accident that left him an amputee. That's when he had finally had enough. Please let me know what y'all think!

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I can't wait for you guys to meet today's guest, Ashley Walls. I heard Ashley share at a Twelve Step Meeting a few months ago and was absolutely blown away. At just 21 years old, her wisdom and self awareness are remarkable.

Ashley's father was in prison when she was very young, then got out and was sober for many years. Ashley went with him to meetings and fell in love with the program from the sidelines.

After nine years sober, her father's relapsed, sending Ashley spiraling. Consciously deciding to begin using substances, Ashley was strung out on benzos by the time she was 18. An early relationship tragedy led to suicidal ideation and and her first foray into substance abuse treatment. Ashley spent the next few years in and out of treatment and relapsing. Eventually landing at a women's facility in San Diego, there she met Polina White, a friend that would change her life. Through their friendship, Ashley and Polina were able to support each other in early sobriety and both began rebuilding their lives with their newfound friendship as the foundation. Tragically, in September 2021, Polina drowned while swimming at the Corona del Mar beach while Ashley was visiting family in LA. Though devastated, Ashley managed to stay sober through her grief and recently celebrated three years of sobriety. Ashley still credits her friendship with Poline as a cornerstone in her recovery and together with Polina's family, started a scholarship fund in Polina's name. The Polina Fund raises money to send women in need to substance abuse and mental health treatment. Ashley's grasp and insight into the steps, as well as her dedication to service work in recovery, have truly inspired me, and I think she will inspire you too.

I can't wait to hear what you all think of Ashley's episode!

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Part Two!

My husband's story continues...Part One ended with Sky landing in San Diego and beginning the recovery years of his life. Making sober friends, finding a career, and actually working a Twelve Step program for the first time, Sky began his sober journey. We got married, opened our business, his father passed away...basically life happened and Sky's program waned over the years as he got busier and more stressed. Today's episode catches us up today, we celebrated his one year sober last week and the journey continues. Thank you all so much for being a part of my life and for caring about Sky :)

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(If listening through headphones, the first 16 minutes are difficult to hear Scuyler, but then it evens out - stay with me!!)

Part One of my husband's incredible story. Sky grew up in an affluent area of Northern California, spending summers at the family home in Nantucket, surrounded by wealthy families and privilege. A gifted athlete, a knee injury at sixteen threw his entire world off course. Strung out on oxycontin and kicked out of high school his senior year, Sky's world completely crumbled. By the time he was 18 he was doing his first jail term and had a felony strike in California. Not even being extradited at 22 from Florida to California by US Air Marshals and accused of homicide didn't stop his escalating drug use. Part One brings us to Sky turning 29 and beginning a new treatment center in San Diego, the year he also met me. I REALLY want to hear what you guys think of my husband's episode...I am BEYOND proud of him and his vulnerability and strength in this episode.

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As some of you know, last year my husband went through a gnarly relapse - it was HELL on both of us. He spent very little time in our home in 2023 and I was desperate to hide that fact. This week last year, I released an episode sharing what was really going on and that I didn't know if my marriage was going to work. I was in a place of heartbreak and resignation, but also determination to start making moves to stand on my own - without him if need be.

When I released this, he had resurfaced from Mexico, dirty, picked up, emaciated and sick. I allowed him to sleep in the living room downstairs with all of my valuables locked in my car, keys in my bra, while I tried to find him a detox we could afford. Over the ensuing weeks, two things happened - one, we couldn't afford anything nor get him into a free detox, and two, he actually seemed to be finally beaten. Cut to this past Monday, September 2nd 2024, he just celebrated one year sober. I interviewed him on Monday and that episode will release next week. Today's episode is the episode I released last year at this time. I wanted to revisit this time together to catch up anyone who is new to the show, but also to share the true miracle that is recovery. I was totally resigned to the end of my marriage and through recovery, Scuyler has totally turned things around.

The second half of the episode is a breakdown of the Twelve Steps, specifically for anyone who is interested in getting sober but has heard terrible things about the Twelve Step community (AA, NA, HA, etc)

(Twelve Step breakdown begins at 35:40 if you would like to jump to it :)

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