Whether you're questioning who you're attracted to or wondering why someone incredible on paper leaves you feeling nothing below the waist, you're not alone. In this episode, I unpack the messy, confusing space between wanting someone and wanting to build a life with them—and why those two things don't always line up.

From a woman who's always identified as straight but can't stop fantasizing about women, to a listener who's been getting nothing but one-arm hugs after six dates, I get into the questions most people are too afraid to ask out loud. I also share what the science actually says about attraction—including why your post-gym crush might not be as real as it feels, and what your birth control could be doing to your "type."

In this episode, you'll learn:

 • Why putting a label on your sexuality might be the last thing you need to do right now—and what to try instead

 • The conversation that can save you months (or years) of wondering where you stand with someone who won't make a move

 • What to do when you and your partner are both waiting for the other person to take control in bed

More Dr. Emily: 

• Shop With Emily! Explore Emily’s favorite toys, pleasure accessories, bedroom essentials, and more — designed to support your pleasure and confidence. Free shipping on orders $99+ (some exclusions apply).

• Join the SmartSX Membership: Access exclusive sex coaching, live expert sessions, community building, and tools to enhance your pleasure and relationships with Dr. Emily Morse.

• Interested in 1:1 Coaching with Emily? Head to sexwithemily.com/coaching to apply today!

• Sex With Emily Guides: Explore pleasure, deepen connections, and enhance intimacy using these Sex With Emily downloadable guides.

• The only sex book you’ll ever need: Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your Pleasure

• Want more? Visit the Sex With Emily Website

• Let’s get social: Instagram | X | Facebook | TikTok | Threads | YouTube

• Let’s text: Sign up here

• Want me to slide into your email inbox? Sign Up Here for sex tips on the regular.

Timestamps:

0:00 - Introduction 

1:56 - The science of sexual attraction 

5:01 - You can want someone without wanting to date them 

6:12 - Surprising facts about who you're attracted to (and why) 

9:19 - "Am I bisexual or do I just think women are hot?" 

10:50 - The one-arm hug situation 

15:25 - When your partner's meds killed your sex life 

20:40 - 19 years married and ready to give up 

25:31 - How to rekindle the spark after years together

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices