On a recent road trip, we were listening to the Bible Project's Sermon on the Mount Series.
This episode: Episode 10, March 4, 2024, Bible Project Sermon on the Mount Series: How is Anger the Same as Murder? Spoiler alert- when Contempt enters the picture. What does the Bible say about Contempt?
https://bibleproject.com/podcast/how-anger-same-murder/

Short animated clip: Anger, Wrath, Contempt: When is Anger the Same as Murder
https://bibleproject.com/explore/video/matthew-521-22-murder-and-contempt/

When does the Bible equate anger to murder? When does anger cross into criticism and contempt? What is the difference in giving a complaint when there is hurt and harm and criticism?

Gottman offers some antidotes to the 4 Horsemen:
https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-the-antidotes/
To Criticism: A Gentle Start-Up with How Something Makes You FEEL vs. Commentary on the person

Contempt: Build a Culture of Appreciation; Wilder would call this gratitude and Joy Building

Defensiveness: Set aside your intentions and explanations- take responsibility for the hurt/harm caused, even if only partial

Stonewalling: Psychological Self-Soothing: Self Care- take a break, work through your issues, come back to the discussion/argument


Quote from Gottman Institute: "Another way that we explain this is our discovery of the 5:1 “magic ratio” of positive to negative interactions that a relationship must have to succeed. If you have five or more positive interactions for every one negative interaction, then you’re making regular deposits into your emotional bank account, which keeps your relationship in the green."
Other clinicians or counselors have called this "keep short accounts".


2 min short clip to explain Gottman's 4 Horsemen that are predicted to kill your relationship: Contempt, Criticism, Defensiveness & Stonewalling
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1o30Ps-_8is

Find out more about your NeuroDiverse Christian Marriage and resources at:

https://www.christianneurodiversemarriage.com/courses