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Boundaries can hurt. But that doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong by setting them.

God has placed in all of us dignity, purpose, agency, and limits, and they’re all worth protecting. Setting boundaries to protect each of these can feel selfish, as if our comfort or our opinions matter more than another person’s. So we often let other people run over us. 

We might recognize that boundaries make sense, but we don’t want to face the grief boundaries bring because of unmet expectations or the loss of a relationship.

Yet boundaries don’t just serve or benefit us. They honor and reaffirm everyone involved in the conflict as an image bearer. They remind other people that God has something better for them than their destructive choices or behavior.

When we set a boundary, we shouldn’t set it expecting a specific outcome. We should set them to preserve, protect, and honor who we are — and who they are — as image bearers. 

Resources:

S12 E5 Worksheet

Season 12 of Conversational Counseling is all about “Boundaries.”

To sign up for free visuals and discussion questions for this season, click ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Our theme music is by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠As Isaac⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

This podcast is made possible by engineer and producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Shane Selby⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, executive producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Meleah Smith⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠generous donors⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Conversational Counseling⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Alex Kocher⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and Brenda Payne.

⁠>> Click HERE to get free visuals, handouts and discussion questions for Conversational Counseling sent straight to your email! <<⁠

Talk about having boundaries is everywhere… it’s all around us in our culture! But how do we actually walk out having boundaries with wisdom and love in real-life situations with real-life people? It’s easy to talk about hypothetical boundaries and frameworks for setting them…until a real person is standing in front of us, waiting for us to share our boundary.

Once we realize we need to set a boundary, the next step is planning. Before going through the motions to set the boundary, determine a simple boundary and a simple way to set it. Start small and remember that the relationship won’t be fixed in one conversation or with one boundary. Then remember to give grace for the inevitable missteps and discomfort.

Setting boundaries is a new skill, one that will feel uncomfortable when we start. Imagine a toddler who’s just learned to walk. She’ll stumble and fall and step on people’s toes. That’s how most of us will feel when we present a boundary.

By creating a boundary, we’re not trying to change another person. We’re changing the dynamics of a relationship and what we will tolerate. We’re choosing love and wisdom in our own lives and providing an opportunity for a loved one to do the same in new ways.

Resources:

S12 E4 Worksheet

Season 12 of Conversational Counseling is all about “Boundaries.”

To sign up for free visuals and discussion questions for this season, click ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Our theme music is by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠As Isaac⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

This podcast is made possible by engineer and producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Shane Selby⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, executive producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Meleah Smith⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠generous donors⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Conversational Counseling⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Alex Kocher⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and Brenda Payne.

⁠>> Click HERE to get free visuals, handouts and discussion questions for Conversational Counseling sent straight to your email! <<⁠

Does love mean that we should allow our dignity and agency as image bearers to be trampled upon? We’ve been conditioned to love and consider others. After all, we’re supposed to love one another and love our neighbor as ourselves! What lines can be crossed before we should set a boundary?

Every situation and relationship looks different!

Still, one thing remains true and consistent: love involves setting healthy limits. Evil or foolish behavior from others can create confusion and pain, especially when the person who is threatening your well-being is claiming to be a follower of Jesus. But healthy boundaries can create safety and clarity. 

In that safe space, we can continue seeking the Lord in prayer for next steps and evaluate the person’s behavior to see if they are receptive to the boundary. Setting these boundaries is never easy, but when your safety, well-being, or conscience are being challenged, then it might be time to set that loving limit.

Season 12 of Conversational Counseling is all about “Boundaries.”

To sign up for free visuals and discussion questions for this season, click ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Our theme music is by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠As Isaac⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

This podcast is made possible by engineer and producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Shane Selby⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, executive producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Meleah Smith⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠generous donors⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Conversational Counseling⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Alex Kocher⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and Brenda Payne.

⁠>> Click HERE to get free visuals, handouts and discussion questions for Conversational Counseling sent straight to your email! <<⁠

Have you ever heard someone argue that boundaries aren’t biblical? Have you ever struggled with feeling like having boundaries made you unloving?

In God’s Word, we see just the opposite. In fact, He’s been instituting boundaries from the very beginning!

Throughout Scripture, God institutes boundaries to protect His holiness and guard the dignity of His image bearers. In the Old and New Testaments, people who crossed His boundaries could be placed outside the covenant community — not in a spirit of hatred but one of love that encourages repentance. 

Scripture can be weaponized to argue against setting boundaries. We hear that loving people shouldn’t build walls between brothers and sisters. Yet when we look more closely at Scripture, we see that boundaries are necessary to live in peace with all people. We see that love doesn’t allow cruelty to continue or sin to abound. Instead, boundaries make love more sustainable, truthful, and God-honoring.

Resources:

S12 E2 Worksheet

“Yes!–And No.” by Dr. Curt Thompson

Season 12 of Conversational Counseling on “Boundaries.”

To sign up for free visuals and discussion questions for this season, click ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Our theme music is by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠As Isaac⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

This podcast is made possible by engineer and producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Shane Selby⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, executive producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Meleah Smith⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠generous donors⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.
⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Conversational Counseling⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Alex Kocher⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and Brenda Payne.

⁠>> Click HERE to get free visuals, handouts and discussion questions for Conversational Counseling sent straight to your email! <<⁠

You’re not too sensitive. You can just say, “NO!” 

In fact, saying “no” might be the most loving thing you can do!

But when we consider saying “no” and setting boundaries, we often think: Shouldn’t I show more grace? I thought I was supposed to turn the other cheek? I should be the bigger person and bear it, right? 

However, a boundary doesn’t imply a lack of love or grace; it instead invites others to remember that they are and we are image-bearers with God-given dignity, agency, purpose, and limitations.

When we don’t set a boundary, we are allowing another person to be less than God created them to be. Just like with a lot of good things, placing limits isn’t always easy, yet these boundaries can bear good fruit. They prevent harm, foster accountability, and model behavior that Jesus Himself demonstrates throughout His ministry on earth.

Resources:

S12 E1 Worksheet

Season 12 of Conversational Counseling on “Boundaries.”

To sign up for free visuals and discussion questions for this season, click ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Our theme music is by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠As Isaac⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

This podcast is made possible by engineer and producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Shane Selby⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, executive producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Meleah Smith⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠generous donors⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.
⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Conversational Counseling⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Alex Kocher⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and Brenda Payne.

⁠>> Click HERE to get free visuals, handouts and discussion questions for Conversational Counseling sent straight to your email! <<⁠

What do we do when God seems silent or even indifferent to our suffering? How should we pray when we feel God has told us to wait or even said “no”?

It’s easy to let doubt, disappointment, or shame creep in when God doesn’t answer our prayers. Sometimes we pray for decades — good prayers for salvation, wholeness, or restoration — and God still hasn’t answered.

But we’re reminded that God’s chosen people waited centuries for their Messiah, and we are even now in a season of waiting for the final restoration. 

When God says “wait” or “no,” His response comes from a place of love and a place of omniscience. He knows what is truly good for us. He knows that in the waiting, we can experience more growth and more hope.

Our questions and our doubts shouldn’t be barriers that keep us from Father. They are instead invitations to continue surrendering control and trusting God’s plan.

Resources:

Conversational Counseling S2: It’s Bigger Than Forgiveness

The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence

Season 11 of Conversational Counseling on “Sacred Access.”

To sign up for free visuals and discussion questions for this season, click ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Our theme music is by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠As Isaac⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

This podcast is made possible by engineer and producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Shane Selby⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, executive producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Meleah Smith⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠generous donors⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.
⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Known Ministries⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Alex Kocher⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and Brenda Payne.

⁠>> Click HERE to get free visuals, handouts and discussion questions for Conversational Counseling sent straight to your email! <<⁠

What can you do when you feel weak or anxious? When your mind is racing and you don’t know what to pray? Guided scripture prayer gives us the support we need to pour our hearts out to God when we don’t know where to start. 

God’s Word is living and active and personal to us. The authors of Scripture were not only speaking to their original audience but also to us, thousands of years later. While we’re praying a passage to God, we can insert our name or someone else’s name to personalize this truth as we pray over the circumstances in our lives.

Guided scripture prayer encourages us to use passages of Scripture to speak to God so our souls can grow towards Him on the trellis of His Word. As we struggle to find the words to say to Him, this tool of imitation helps us to fill our minds with the truth of His character and His promises until these truths permeate our own voice.

Resources:

Guided Scripture Prayer Instructions

Lectio365

Hallow

Abide

One Minute Pause

Pray As You Go

Season 11 of Conversational Counseling on “Sacred Access.”

To sign up for free visuals and discussion questions for this season, click ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Our theme music is by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠As Isaac⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

This podcast is made possible by engineer and producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Shane Selby⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, executive producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Meleah Smith⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠generous donors⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.
⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Known Ministries⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Alex Kocher⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and Brenda Payne.

⁠>> Click HERE to get free visuals, handouts and discussion questions for Conversational Counseling sent straight to your email! <<⁠

We live in a culture of busyness, of doing instead of being. We might fear slowing down and sitting still because the anxiety or emotions we’ve been pushing down often rise to the surface.

But contemplative prayer encourages us to be still in the presence of the Lord. In this quiet stillness, we can find His beauty as we combat our inner restlessness. We’re not emptying our minds or turning inward but reflecting on the Word and sitting in silence with the Spirit before the Lord.

This prayer invites us to simply “be” and not “do” as God welcomes us into His presence like a parent welcomes closeness with their child. It reminds us that God loves us for who we are, not for our performance.

Resources:

AI Counseling Discussion

S11 Ep. 4 / Lectio Divina

Breath as Prayer: Calm Your Anxiety, Focus Your Mind, and Renew Your Soul by Jennifer Tucker

Season 11 of Conversational Counseling on “Sacred Access.”

To sign up for free visuals and discussion questions for this season, click ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Our theme music is by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠As Isaac⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

This podcast is made possible by engineer and producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Shane Selby⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, executive producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Meleah Smith⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠generous donors⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.
⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Known Ministries⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Alex Kocher⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and Brenda Payne.

⁠>> Click HERE to get free visuals, handouts and discussion questions for Conversational Counseling sent straight to your email! <<⁠

In His kindness, God invites us to grieve in His presence through prayer.

When we lament, we’re not complaining to God or blaming Him for the suffering in our lives; instead, we’re grieving with Him. We’re acknowledging that the world is not the way it’s supposed to be in the now and the not yet.

In our grief, we often shut God and others out. But prayers of lament and the tool of process journaling invite God into the messy and the hard so He can bring the comfort and change we so desperately need.

God is not offended by our grief or our anger. He knows our words and our thoughts before we even express them in prayer. He understands our weaknesses, and as we honestly approach God through prayers of lament, we can find hope in His promises.

Resources:

Lament and Process Journal Instructions

Conversational Counseling Season 5 on “Suffering”

Free Known Ministries Lament Class

S5 Ep. 3 / Carol Collier on Lament

Season 11 of Conversational Counseling on “Sacred Access.”

To sign up for free visuals and discussion questions for this season, click ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Our theme music is by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠As Isaac⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

This podcast is made possible by engineer and producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Shane Selby⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, executive producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Meleah Smith⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠generous donors⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.
⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Known Ministries⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Alex Kocher⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and Brenda Payne.

⁠>> Click HERE to get free visuals, handouts and discussion questions for Conversational Counseling sent straight to your email! <<⁠

If you enjoy guided prayer through Scripture or enjoy repetition, the Lectio Divina is the tool for you!

The Lectio Divina reminds us that Scripture is not just information but an invitation to encounter God as we interact repeatedly with a specific passage.

Our lives are full of to-do lists and endless busyness. But each section of the Lectio Divina encourages us to take a step back from our hectic days to reflect, respond to the Holy Spirit’s prompting, and rest.

Resources:

Lectio 365

Lectio Divina Instructions

Season 11 of Conversational Counseling on “Sacred Access.”

To sign up for free visuals and discussion questions for this season, click ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Our theme music is by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠As Isaac⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

This podcast is made possible by engineer and producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Shane Selby⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, executive producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Meleah Smith⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠generous donors⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Known Ministries⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Alex Kocher⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and Brenda Payne.