⁠>> Click HERE to get free visuals, handouts and discussion questions for Conversational Counseling sent straight to your email! <<⁠

How do you create a culture of flourishing in your marriage when you both bring different stories, preferences and goals?

No matter how similar to our partner we think we are before marriage, there are often big differences in vision and preferences for the present and the future.

Building upon the tools from the Gottman Institute, Alex discusses questions and strategies to help you explore your individual goals, navigate differences in opinion and preference and build shared meaning and purpose with your spouse.

Resources:

The Gottman Institute

Season 13 Episode 5 Tool: Creating Shared Meaning and Purpose

Season 13 of Conversational Counseling on “Marriage.”

To sign up for free visuals and discussion questions for this season, click ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Our theme music is by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠As Isaac⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

This podcast is made possible by engineer and producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Shane Selby⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, executive producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Meleah Smith⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠generous donors⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Conversational Counseling⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Alex Kocher⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and Brenda Payne.

>> Click HERE to get free visuals, handouts and discussion questions for Conversational Counseling sent straight to your email! <<⁠

Every day, we feel the weight of the brokenness in our world. Brokenness that strains our relationships.

It can be hard for us to believe the best days are ahead. That one day what’s broken will be made whole — that our broken stories, hearts and relationships will be made whole.

The Grand Narrative reminds us that our lives now are a “trailer” for a greater story. It shows us that our marriages are designed to bring us delight and flourishing, to point us to the oneness we will experience with the Lord and the saints in the new heavens and the new earth.

The sweetness we experience in this life is only a shadow of the beauty we will one day experience. It’s these pieces of heaven we see, in spite of the brokenness, that help us look forward with hope.

Season 13 of Conversational Counseling on “Marriage.”

To sign up for free visuals and discussion questions for this season, click ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Our theme music is by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠As Isaac⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

This podcast is made possible by engineer and producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Shane Selby⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, executive producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Meleah Smith⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠generous donors⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Conversational Counseling⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Alex Kocher⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and Brenda Payne.

⁠>> Click HERE to get free visuals, handouts and discussion questions for Conversational Counseling sent straight to your email! <<⁠

Brokenness and ruptures in relationships are inevitable. 

We live in a world where sin has distorted our relationships. But because Jesus conquered sin and death, brokenness isn’t the end of God’s Grand Narrative and doesn’t have to define our marriage stories.

When our words or actions cause a rift in relationships, we need to make a good repair. But these repairs aren’t always easy.

Sometimes repairs take time. And sometimes, even when repairs are made, restoration isn’t possible right away — or at all.

Alex shares why making a good repair is vital for relationships and how you can navigate conflict resolution with your spouse. 

Resources:

Season 13 Episode 4 Tool: Redemption: Making a Good Repair

Season 13 of Conversational Counseling on “Marriage.”

To sign up for free visuals and discussion questions for this season, click ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Our theme music is by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠As Isaac⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

This podcast is made possible by engineer and producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Shane Selby⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, executive producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Meleah Smith⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠generous donors⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Conversational Counseling⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Alex Kocher⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and Brenda Payne.

⁠>> Click HERE to get free visuals, handouts and discussion questions for Conversational Counseling sent straight to your email! <<⁠

Do you worry that your spouse sees but doesn’t accept you? Do you feel insecure in the relationship? 

When sin entered the world through the Fall, God’s good design was distorted. Our sense of agency, purpose, belonging, and rest was distorted, not only in our individual lives but in our marriages. But the Fall wasn’t the end of our story.

Because of Jesus’ sacrifice and our redemption, we have hope!

Now, Jesus is “untwisting” what the Fall distorted so we can delight in our marriages and flourish in relationship.

When we understand He loves us and delights in us, then we can truly delight in and love our spouses. When we’re secure in Him, we can more confidently approach our spouses to share our sin and pain and suffering.

This one-flesh relationship of marriage doesn’t happen when we walk down the aisle. It requires the daily work of reorienting ourselves to God’s redemptive story while we walk together moment by moment.

Resources:

The Gospel of Being Human by Marty Solomon and Reed Dent

Season 1 Episode 1: The Lens: Saint, Sufferer, Sinner

Season 13 of Conversational Counseling on “Marriage.”

To sign up for free visuals and discussion questions for this season, click ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Our theme music is by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠As Isaac⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

This podcast is made possible by engineer and producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Shane Selby⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, executive producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Meleah Smith⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠generous donors⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Conversational Counseling⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Alex Kocher⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and Brenda Payne.

⁠>> Click HERE to get free visuals, handouts and discussion questions for Conversational Counseling sent straight to your email! <<⁠

How do you handle conflict? Do you face it head-on or does it make you want to leave the room? Do you prefer not to address it and instead do nice things for your partner in hopes that the conflict will just blow over?

We all have different ways we handle conflict, and chances are you and your spouse might have two very different approaches. And when both of you are approaching conflict differently, what started as a disagreement about one thing can turn into a much bigger fight.

Alex explains different relational styles when it comes to conflict and shares healthy, loving communication strategies to help you navigate disagreements in the moment.

Resources:

Season 13 Episode 3 Tool: Fall: Relational Trends

Season 13 Episode 3 Tool: Relational Trends Chart

​​Season 13 Episode 3 Tool: Redemption: Making a Good Repair

Season 13 of Conversational Counseling on “Marriage.”

To sign up for free visuals and discussion questions for this season, click ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Our theme music is by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠As Isaac⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

This podcast is made possible by engineer and producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Shane Selby⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, executive producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Meleah Smith⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠generous donors⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Conversational Counseling⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Alex Kocher⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and Brenda Payne.

⁠>> Click HERE to get free visuals, handouts and discussion questions for Conversational Counseling sent straight to your email! <<⁠

Some days we feel like we can handle the stressors in our lives. Other days it feels like if one more thing happens, we’re going to break down, shut down, or lash out.

We all have a window of tolerance. When we’re within this window of emotional and mental stability, we feel we can handle life's challenges. Yes, we might feel stressed and will definitely still encounter problems, yet we feel we can stay emotionally regulated through them.

But when we’re outside this window, it’s a different story. When we try to solve conflict or respond to our spouse when we’re outside our window, it probably won’t end well for either person.

Alex provides a tool to help us first understand our and our partner’s window of tolerance and then to respect when either partner needs to pause.

Resources:

Season 13 Episode 3 Tool: Fall: Taking a Pause

Season 13 Episode 3 Tool: Window of Tolerance

Season 13 of Conversational Counseling on “Marriage.”

To sign up for free visuals and discussion questions for this season, click ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Our theme music is by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠As Isaac⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

This podcast is made possible by engineer and producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Shane Selby⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, executive producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Meleah Smith⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠generous donors⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Conversational Counseling⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Alex Kocher⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and Brenda Payne.

⁠>> Click HERE to get free visuals, handouts and discussion questions for Conversational Counseling sent straight to your email! <<⁠

When communication is falling apart, when your spouse feels more like an enemy than a partner, when illness or circumstances are straining your relationship — that’s when we really feel how the Fall affects our marriages. 

Instead of thinking about delighting in one another, we can place our identity in our spouse, losing our own sense of self in the process. We can fear losing the relationship and compromise on our boundaries to find what we think is peace.

So how do we get back to a “good place” in our marriage? One where we’re delighting in our spouse and our marriage.

We first need to figure out what’s being distorted in our marriages. Then we can work together as we reorient our marriage story in light of God’s bigger story, the Grand Narrative.

Season 13 of Conversational Counseling on “Marriage.”

To sign up for free visuals and discussion questions for this season, click ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Our theme music is by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠As Isaac⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

This podcast is made possible by engineer and producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Shane Selby⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, executive producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Meleah Smith⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠generous donors⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Conversational Counseling⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Alex Kocher⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and Brenda Payne.

⁠>> Click HERE to get free visuals, handouts and discussion questions for Conversational Counseling sent straight to your email! <<⁠

Do you feel like you and your partner are missing each other? 

Both of you are trying to communicate love and communicate what you need. But you’re still feeling distant, unsupported, or undervalued.

It can be easy to lose touch with your spouse, especially when life becomes busy and overwhelming. But we’ve found two tools that are helpful to cultivate connection.

These tools from The Gottman Institute may not feel like grand gestures. Yet they can be small touchpoints throughout the day that help you and your partner feel connected, even in conflict!

Resources:

The Gottman Institute

Season 13 Episode 2 Tool Worksheet

Season 13 of Conversational Counseling on “Marriage.”

To sign up for free visuals and discussion questions for this season, click ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Our theme music is by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠As Isaac⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

This podcast is made possible by engineer and producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Shane Selby⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, executive producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Meleah Smith⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠generous donors⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Conversational Counseling⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Alex Kocher⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and Brenda Payne.

⁠>> Click HERE to get free visuals, handouts and discussion questions for Conversational Counseling sent straight to your email! <<⁠

“If marriage is good, then why doesn’t mine feel that way?”

What should we do when our marriages don’t feel like a delight? When they don’t feel like they’ll ever be a good thing?

When our marriages are difficult, we feel the weight of the Fall. And we can forget God’s original design.

Even though there is sin and conflict in the world now, God still created and intends now for marriage to be a good thing for us and His kingdom. A life-giving thing.

The Grand Narrative, God’s big story of redemption, encourages us to take a 10,000-foot view of our marriage story and to look at God’s design. We are created to be image-bearers, and HE calls us very good. He created marriage between two image-bearers as a good thing.

In marriage, we can strive for what could be. We can delight in the good we see in our spouse and encourage them to grow towards God’s design when they are facing sin, temptation or destructive habits that aren’t helping them flourish.

God’s design for marriage doesn’t excuse sin. But it helps us reframe our view of our spouse to see God’s good design.

Resources:

The Gottman Method

Season 13 of Conversational Counseling on “Marriage.”

To sign up for free visuals and discussion questions for this season, click ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Our theme music is by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠As Isaac⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

This podcast is made possible by engineer and producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Shane Selby⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, executive producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Meleah Smith⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠generous donors⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Conversational Counseling⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Alex Kocher⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and Brenda Payne.

⁠>> Click HERE to get free visuals, handouts and discussion questions for Conversational Counseling sent straight to your email! <<⁠

We don’t just bring two people into a marriage. We also bring our stories. 

Sometimes there is abuse, hurt, sin and suffering on the pages of our stories. Sometimes we bring pictures of marriage that we’ve seen in our own families, pictures that can be good and bad.

When spouses disagree on what their marriage should look like, it’s not because one is completely right and the other completely wrong. Often, we’ve created a picture for doing marriage the “right way” because that’s how our families or experiences have taught us it should be.

That’s why we’re sharing a tool to help you and your spouse discern your Family Culture. 

This tool isn’t to judge you. It’s to encourage you to be kind to yourself as you look back on who and what are influencing you and to help you determine what needs to change for you and your spouse.

Resources:

Emotionally Healthy Discipleship by Peter Scazzero

Tool 1 Worksheet

Season 13 of Conversational Counseling on “Marriage.”

To sign up for free visuals and discussion questions for this season, click ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Our theme music is by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠As Isaac⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

This podcast is made possible by engineer and producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Shane Selby⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, executive producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Meleah Smith⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠generous donors⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Conversational Counseling⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Alex Kocher⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and Brenda Payne.