Conversational Counseling

⁠>> Click HERE to get free visuals, handouts and discussion questions for Conversational Counseling sent straight to your email! <<⁠

When communication is falling apart, when your spouse feels more like an enemy than a partner, when illness or circumstances are straining your relationship — that’s when we really feel how the Fall affects our marriages. 

Instead of thinking about delighting in one another, we can place our identity in our spouse, losing our own sense of self in the process. We can fear losing the relationship and compromise on our boundaries to find what we think is peace.

So how do we get back to a “good place” in our marriage? One where we’re delighting in our spouse and our marriage.

We first need to figure out what’s being distorted in our marriages. Then we can work together as we reorient our marriage story in light of God’s bigger story, the Grand Narrative.

Season 13 of Conversational Counseling on “Marriage.”

To sign up for free visuals and discussion questions for this season, click ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Our theme music is by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠As Isaac⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

This podcast is made possible by engineer and producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Shane Selby⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, executive producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Meleah Smith⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠generous donors⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Conversational Counseling⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Alex Kocher⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and Brenda Payne.

⁠>> Click HERE to get free visuals, handouts and discussion questions for Conversational Counseling sent straight to your email! <<⁠

Do you feel like you and your partner are missing each other? 

Both of you are trying to communicate love and communicate what you need. But you’re still feeling distant, unsupported, or undervalued.

It can be easy to lose touch with your spouse, especially when life becomes busy and overwhelming. But we’ve found two tools that are helpful to cultivate connection.

These tools from The Gottman Institute may not feel like grand gestures. Yet they can be small touchpoints throughout the day that help you and your partner feel connected, even in conflict!

Resources:

The Gottman Institute

Season 13 Episode 2 Tool Worksheet

Season 13 of Conversational Counseling on “Marriage.”

To sign up for free visuals and discussion questions for this season, click ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Our theme music is by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠As Isaac⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

This podcast is made possible by engineer and producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Shane Selby⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, executive producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Meleah Smith⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠generous donors⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Conversational Counseling⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Alex Kocher⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and Brenda Payne.

⁠>> Click HERE to get free visuals, handouts and discussion questions for Conversational Counseling sent straight to your email! <<⁠

“If marriage is good, then why doesn’t mine feel that way?”

What should we do when our marriages don’t feel like a delight? When they don’t feel like they’ll ever be a good thing?

When our marriages are difficult, we feel the weight of the Fall. And we can forget God’s original design.

Even though there is sin and conflict in the world now, God still created and intends now for marriage to be a good thing for us and His kingdom. A life-giving thing.

The Grand Narrative, God’s big story of redemption, encourages us to take a 10,000-foot view of our marriage story and to look at God’s design. We are created to be image-bearers, and HE calls us very good. He created marriage between two image-bearers as a good thing.

In marriage, we can strive for what could be. We can delight in the good we see in our spouse and encourage them to grow towards God’s design when they are facing sin, temptation or destructive habits that aren’t helping them flourish.

God’s design for marriage doesn’t excuse sin. But it helps us reframe our view of our spouse to see God’s good design.

Resources:

The Gottman Method

Season 13 of Conversational Counseling on “Marriage.”

To sign up for free visuals and discussion questions for this season, click ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Our theme music is by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠As Isaac⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

This podcast is made possible by engineer and producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Shane Selby⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, executive producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Meleah Smith⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠generous donors⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Conversational Counseling⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Alex Kocher⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and Brenda Payne.

⁠>> Click HERE to get free visuals, handouts and discussion questions for Conversational Counseling sent straight to your email! <<⁠

We don’t just bring two people into a marriage. We also bring our stories. 

Sometimes there is abuse, hurt, sin and suffering on the pages of our stories. Sometimes we bring pictures of marriage that we’ve seen in our own families, pictures that can be good and bad.

When spouses disagree on what their marriage should look like, it’s not because one is completely right and the other completely wrong. Often, we’ve created a picture for doing marriage the “right way” because that’s how our families or experiences have taught us it should be.

That’s why we’re sharing a tool to help you and your spouse discern your Family Culture. 

This tool isn’t to judge you. It’s to encourage you to be kind to yourself as you look back on who and what are influencing you and to help you determine what needs to change for you and your spouse.

Resources:

Emotionally Healthy Discipleship by Peter Scazzero

Tool 1 Worksheet

Season 13 of Conversational Counseling on “Marriage.”

To sign up for free visuals and discussion questions for this season, click ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Our theme music is by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠As Isaac⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

This podcast is made possible by engineer and producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Shane Selby⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, executive producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Meleah Smith⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠generous donors⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Conversational Counseling⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Alex Kocher⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and Brenda Payne.

⁠>> Click HERE to get free visuals, handouts and discussion questions for Conversational Counseling sent straight to your email! <<⁠

Is marriage even worth it? What should a biblical marriage look like? What does it mean to live as God’s people in the realm of husband and wife? 

Are we missing the bigger story?

This season, we’re exploring what God says about marriage! But we’re not starting where you might think.

Whether you’re married right now or not, we’re sure you’ve heard a lot of teaching on marriage. Maybe some teaching that’s made you weary. 

Some focus merely on roles and responsibility. Some can elevate traditions of men over precepts in God’s word.

But we’re taking a step back from the most referenced texts on marriage to examine marriage through the lens of the Grand Narrative, God’s big story of redemption.

Zooming out helps us develop a richer and more nuanced paradigm for marriage. It helps us see the heart of the Designer and His purpose for us as image bearers inside and outside marriage. 

Because God has a lot to say that applies to marriage!

Resources:

Conversational Counseling Season 7: Grand Narrative

Season 13 of Conversational Counseling on “Marriage.”

To sign up for free visuals and discussion questions for this season, click ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Our theme music is by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠As Isaac⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

This podcast is made possible by engineer and producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Shane Selby⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, executive producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Meleah Smith⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠generous donors⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Conversational Counseling⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Alex Kocher⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and Brenda Payne.

⁠>> Click HERE to get free visuals, handouts and discussion questions for Conversational Counseling sent straight to your email! <<⁠

We often hear “I’m only human” as an exasperated admission. But what if being human isn’t the problem but the whole point? 

Marty Solomon invites us to a theological framework that starts with our belovedness rather than skipping forward to our brokenness. As The BEMA Podcast host shares about his new book, The Gospel of Being Human (NavPress, April 2026), he posited that humanity being made in the image of God is the most real reality about our nature. That sin is real and has real consequences, but that it is not where the story starts. That if we can trust the story and trust the God of the story, we can put our faith into words that are meaningful and that hold the integrity of sound theology.

One of the things our board member and pastor friend, Adam Coppock, calls us to do as we engage ideas and theology, like the concepts in Marty’s new book, is to make sure that we are not just listening to voices from our own specific tradition. So that we can approach discipleship and counseling from a place of curiosity, doing the liberating and hard work of growth and transformation so we can have a bigger view of who God is. 

There’s a playfulness that can emerge when we ask questions of God, which can only shine through when we are comfortable in His presence. When we know that where sin abounds, His grace abounds all the more. 

Resources:

The Gospel of Being Human by Marty Solomon and Reed Dent

The BEMA Podcast

S3 Bonus: Marty Solomon Conversation

Jesus Storybook Bible by Sally Lloyd-Jones

To sign up for free visuals and discussion questions for this season, click ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Our theme music is by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠As Isaac⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

This podcast is made possible by engineer and producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Shane Selby⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, executive producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Meleah Smith⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠generous donors⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Conversational Counseling⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Alex Kocher⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and Brenda Payne.

⁠>> Click HERE to get free visuals, handouts and discussion questions for Conversational Counseling sent straight to your email! <<⁠

Is it unloving or selfish to set a boundary? If I forgive someone, does that mean I must restore the relationship and have no boundaries? How do boundaries work with “honor your father and mother”?

In this episode, we dive into some of the most common questions we hear in the counseling room and in daily conversations!

As you are setting boundaries in your own life, just remember. We have to be Spirit-led in every decision. Boundaries bring clarity to both healthy and unhealthy relationships by helping us take a step back to examine the relationship. No relationship will look the same, and neither will your boundaries. 

When they’re done wisely and done well, boundaries are not selfish. Instead, they establish a place for trust to be rebuilt and reconciliation to be pursued.

Resources:

Conversational Counseling Season 2: Forgiveness

The Place We Find Ourselves with Adam Young: Episodes 75 and 76

Season 12 of Conversational Counseling is all about “Boundaries.”

To sign up for free visuals and discussion questions for this season, click ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Our theme music is by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠As Isaac⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

This podcast is made possible by engineer and producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Shane Selby⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, executive producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Meleah Smith⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠generous donors⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Conversational Counseling⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Alex Kocher⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and Brenda Payne.

⁠>> Click HERE to get free visuals, handouts and discussion questions for Conversational Counseling sent straight to your email! <<⁠

Boundaries can hurt. But that doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong by setting them.

God has placed in all of us dignity, purpose, agency, and limits, and they’re all worth protecting. Setting boundaries to protect each of these can feel selfish, as if our comfort or our opinions matter more than another person’s. So we often let other people run over us. 

We might recognize that boundaries make sense, but we don’t want to face the grief boundaries bring because of unmet expectations or the loss of a relationship.

Yet boundaries don’t just serve or benefit us. They honor and reaffirm everyone involved in the conflict as an image bearer. They remind other people that God has something better for them than their destructive choices or behavior.

When we set a boundary, we shouldn’t set it expecting a specific outcome. We should set them to preserve, protect, and honor who we are — and who they are — as image bearers. 

Resources:

S12 E5 Worksheet

Season 12 of Conversational Counseling is all about “Boundaries.”

To sign up for free visuals and discussion questions for this season, click ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Our theme music is by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠As Isaac⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

This podcast is made possible by engineer and producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Shane Selby⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, executive producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Meleah Smith⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠generous donors⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Conversational Counseling⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Alex Kocher⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and Brenda Payne.

⁠>> Click HERE to get free visuals, handouts and discussion questions for Conversational Counseling sent straight to your email! <<⁠

Talk about having boundaries is everywhere… it’s all around us in our culture! But how do we actually walk out having boundaries with wisdom and love in real-life situations with real-life people? It’s easy to talk about hypothetical boundaries and frameworks for setting them…until a real person is standing in front of us, waiting for us to share our boundary.

Once we realize we need to set a boundary, the next step is planning. Before going through the motions to set the boundary, determine a simple boundary and a simple way to set it. Start small and remember that the relationship won’t be fixed in one conversation or with one boundary. Then remember to give grace for the inevitable missteps and discomfort.

Setting boundaries is a new skill, one that will feel uncomfortable when we start. Imagine a toddler who’s just learned to walk. She’ll stumble and fall and step on people’s toes. That’s how most of us will feel when we present a boundary.

By creating a boundary, we’re not trying to change another person. We’re changing the dynamics of a relationship and what we will tolerate. We’re choosing love and wisdom in our own lives and providing an opportunity for a loved one to do the same in new ways.

Resources:

S12 E4 Worksheet

Season 12 of Conversational Counseling is all about “Boundaries.”

To sign up for free visuals and discussion questions for this season, click ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Our theme music is by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠As Isaac⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

This podcast is made possible by engineer and producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Shane Selby⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, executive producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Meleah Smith⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠generous donors⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Conversational Counseling⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Alex Kocher⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and Brenda Payne.

⁠>> Click HERE to get free visuals, handouts and discussion questions for Conversational Counseling sent straight to your email! <<⁠

Does love mean that we should allow our dignity and agency as image bearers to be trampled upon? We’ve been conditioned to love and consider others. After all, we’re supposed to love one another and love our neighbor as ourselves! What lines can be crossed before we should set a boundary?

Every situation and relationship looks different!

Still, one thing remains true and consistent: love involves setting healthy limits. Evil or foolish behavior from others can create confusion and pain, especially when the person who is threatening your well-being is claiming to be a follower of Jesus. But healthy boundaries can create safety and clarity. 

In that safe space, we can continue seeking the Lord in prayer for next steps and evaluate the person’s behavior to see if they are receptive to the boundary. Setting these boundaries is never easy, but when your safety, well-being, or conscience are being challenged, then it might be time to set that loving limit.

Season 12 of Conversational Counseling is all about “Boundaries.”

To sign up for free visuals and discussion questions for this season, click ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Our theme music is by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠As Isaac⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

This podcast is made possible by engineer and producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Shane Selby⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, executive producer ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Meleah Smith⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠generous donors⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Conversational Counseling⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Alex Kocher⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and Brenda Payne.