I wanted to call this “how to win an argument” but I realised it’s not all about winning or losing but finding common ground, or ground you can both tolerate to be on. In this episode I talk to psychotherapist Gabrielle Rifkind who is a mediator and conflict resolution expert, having worked in war zones in the Middle East, Asia and Europe.

Gabrielle and I talk about how to manage differences between friends and family, how to start the conversation (she shares a brilliant technique), we look at what it’s not always about being right and how words don’t always make it better. Gabrielle was also my very first therapist when I was just out of my teens.

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I get so many problems about this, not just through my column, but in real life. Some people have difficult family members who get more difficult as they get older.

Note: this isn’t about dementia this is about trying to navigate the difficulties you may face with an intransigent relative as they get older.

Maybe they need some care but won’t acknowledge it, or maybe they’ve become dangerous behind the wheel of a car and should give up driving, but don’t want to. Psychotherapist Chris Mills helps us look at what we can and can’t do, and how to separate out our emotions from the practicalities.

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It’s only in the last few years that I’ve really looked into intimacy and what it actually, practically, means. A lot of people use it as a by-word for sex but here’s where it gets interesting because intimacy and sex aren’t the same thing. In fact a lot of people use sex to avoid intimacy.

Stephen Blumenthal and I discuss what is and isn’t intimacy, how to know if you’ve got it and maybe, how to find it if it’s so far eluded you. Stephen is a clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst , accredited by the British Psychoanalytic Council. He has specialist expertise in treating people who have problems with relationships and intimacy, difficulty expressing emotions, sex addiction and compulsive use of pornography.

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Blended families, bonus families, step families whatever you call them, joining together two or more families can be tricky. What do you call your “new” mum/dad/sibling, how do you cope with issues that may come up, what’s the delicate line between being accepting and having boundaries?

I discuss all this and more - including the positives - with psychotherapist Katherine Walker who is accredited by the UKCP and BACP and whose area of interest is blended families and helping them develop healthy bonds and attachments; so much so that she did an MA on the “psychological impact of being a member of a blended family from the perspective of the stepmother.” 

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We are so focused on the parent/child relationship we often overlook the sibling one, even though it is often the longest lasting relationship of our lives and can divulge various insights - if you know what to look for. A good sibling relationship can support and encourage you, a bad one can have profound and long-lasting effects.

In this episode I talk to psychotherapist Nicole Addis and we discover how looking at the relationship between you and your siblings - whatever age you are.

We also learn how, by looking at your children's sibling relationship it can teach you a lot about how they feel about you; why you should never express having a favourite child and how to foster a good sibling relationship or repair a rupture.

This episode concludes Series 1.

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I used to think of trauma in terms of war and soldiers but actually trauma can affect anyone and impact every day life. Its effects can be felt in the brain and the body.

In this episode I talk to Dr Jo Stubley, who leads the adult section of the Trauma Service at the NHS's Tavistock Centre. Find out what trauma and PTSD is and what might make some people more susceptible to it. We also talk about how trauma memories are stored in different way to normal memories and perhaps most important of all, how to recognise trauma and begin to heal.

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We're always told relationships need work, but how do you know when yours is over or does, indeed, need working at? In this episode we look at how a good relationship should make you feel, the signs that it may be beyond repair and how to better communicate your needs. I speak to psychotherapist John Paul Davies, who specialises in relationships.

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This episode was a highly personal project, borne out of sitting with my dad as he was dying and realising I didn't know what to expect. I learnt that night that dying is a bit like birth, but in reverse. It's a process. Finding out about death and dying really helped me not only understand what was happening but make some sense of it. Here I speak to palliative care doctor Kathryn Mannix who has witnessed many people dying. If you think this might be scary, trust me it's actually reassuring and strangely calming.

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The teenage brain goes through incredible changes during adolescence. This not only explains their behaviour but, knowing what these changes are means you can help support them or - if you are the teenager - might help you understand yourself better. Rachel and I chat about what those neurological changes are and how they manifest. I also spoke to some teenagers who give invaluable insights into how to get the best out of them, what they find challenging about adult behaviour and why they always like to start up difficult conversations when you're already busy doing something else.

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Listening is a skill not everyone has and yet it's so important to every day relationships - and is at the core of 99% of the problems I hear about. In this episode I talk to Chris Mills, a psychotherapist about how to be a better listener, how to be heard (and learn how I got myself heard as a child in a noisy Italian family) with exercises you can try straight after listening. 

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