When we experience loss our first and most intense desire is to get back to who we were before the tragedy. When that isn't possible, we can become lost in an endless loop of desire for our old self. But it is in accepting the loss a building our new self that our hopes for a future self live. Michele Neff Hernandez learned the truth about this when her beloved husband died suddenly. Where was the capable woman who could make things go her way and deal with every problem? That woman died when he did. But as time went on she accepter that she would need to build a new self incorporating the new lessons his death taught her and crafting a future she had never imagined. Her book, Different After You, helps people facing tragedy a way forward.