Divorce Coaches Academy

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Many of us (including our clients) have learned all the wrong things about negotiation. We think of haggling over the price of a car where each person gives up a little of their position until an agreement is reached. Essentially we’ve been taught incorrectly that the loudest and most assertive voice wins in any negotiation, or that both sides compromise and end up with less.

In this episode, we're talking about some ways you can help clients develop skills that will not only help them be more effective in mediation, but may help them generate more satisfying agreements. 

Most divorce coaches spend quite a bit of time supporting clients in developing proposals and preparing to negotiate their property settlements and parenting plans. But negotiation is much more than just throwing demands around and successful negotiation requires specific language.

Listen in as we give a client scenario and review use of our 3 favorite techniques:

• EAR statements
• Yes, and...
• Arguing with questions

And don't forget the importance of these magic words: thank you, I hear you, I understand, I apologize, that's news to me, I can own that, and I can live with that.

And finally, it’s critically important that your client understand their BATNA or best alternative to a negotiated agreement. If that’s not a concept you’re familiar with, please go back and listen to Episode #59 from a few weeks ago where we did a deep dive into this concept.

Using the right language in negotiation can determine whether conflict escalates, negotiations stall, and the couple moves toward litigation or ... the conversation continues and other options are explored.

You can learn more about DCA™ or find out about any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)

Today we're talking conflict styles and how helping a client gain insight into their own as well as their partner’s dominant or historical conflict style can be a game changer in divorce.

Most couples have repetitive, unhealthy conflict patterns that have been established throughout their marriage. And those dysfunctional patterns don’t go away during divorce. As a matter of fact, they may become even more problematic when we add in the stress and fear that people experience during divorce.

So how can divorce coaches work with clients to help break those historical patterns and prepare clients for more effective conflict resolution? Well, it begins where all change begins - with awareness.

The Thomas-Kilman Model categorizes individuals into 5 styles: Competing, Avoiding, Accommodating, Compromising, and Collaborating.  Some styles are passive while some are assertive and some are cooperative while others are considered uncooperative. No one style is better or worse - each has both benefits and costs.

By understanding conflict styles, we help clients gain awareness into the dynamics that are causing problems between them and their partner/co-parent and offer choices to strategically use different conflict styles in different circumstances to achieve their goals.

Take the Conflict Management Style Assessment


You can learn more about DCA™ or find out about any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)

Today, we thought it might be fun, interesting, and helpful to demonstrate what it sounds like when a coaching session goes wrong. We were looking back on some of our most popular podcast episodes and we noticed that many of the most downloaded topics were related to effective coaching skills. A few of the super popular ones include:

Ep #50 - You're Not a Cheerleader, You’re a Coach

Ep# 39 - Why We Hate Toxic Positivity (And Why We Think It’s Harmful for Clients)

Ep #27 - Curse Words in Coaching: I Think, I Believe, You Should, and I Understand 

So we’re going to run through a short coaching session demo and then break it down for you. Listen in and see if you can catch the moments when Tracy steps out of the coaching zone. 

What did you notice? Let’s break down some of the problems we hope you were able to identify in this extreme example.

• Dismissive/Invalidating
• No Session Focus
• Directive
• Talking vs. Listening
• Giving Legal Advice
• Conflict Escalation

When we mentor new coaches, these are precisely the missteps we see over and over again. The good news is that by going back to foundational coaching frameworks, we can adjust and provide a much more effective coaching experience for the client.

If you'd like to do some self-reflection and make sure you're staying in the coaching zone with your clients, we invite you to join our Case Consultation & Mastermind Group. This group of professional divorce coaches meets twice a month to discuss difficult cases, best practices, and encourage each other to be their best selves.


You can learn more about DCA™ or find out about any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)

Most bottom lines are generated out of fear and uncertainty.  Clients feel that their well being, identity, status, financial security and more are being threatened in divorce. Today we're talking about helping our clients explore options that meet their core interests while still allowing for flexibility and collaboration - and that means understanding their BATNA and WATNA.

Bottom lines in divorce are not all inherently bad. Sometimes they can play an important role in establishing boundaries or insuring safety during the divorce process. However, when this positional thinking keeps clients in a state of inflexibility and conflict ... it can increase costs, extend time to settlement, impact future relationships (co-parenting), and negatively impact children.

BATNA stands for "Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement." In the context of divorce, BATNA refers to the course of action a person can take if they are unable to reach an agreement with their spouse through negotiation or mediation. It is essentially the fallback option or the next best option available to a person if the divorce settlement or terms cannot be agreed upon. WATNA stands for “Worst Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement.”

In essence, the better your client’s alternatives are, the more they may push for a more favorable settlement. The worse their alternatives, the more accommodating they may be in the settlement negotiations.

Listen in as Tracy and Debra review the 5 steps you can use to support a client in negotiation:

1. Identify alternatives
2. Evaluate alternatives
3. Assess the BATNA
4. Assess the WATNA
5. Negotiate from a position of strength

Your client's BATNA and WATNA serve as guiding principles to help them make informed, intentional decisions and have a backup plan in the event that negotiations break down.


You can learn more about DCA™ or find out about any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)

When clients act out of fear, anger, powerlessness, overwhelm, or other emotions, they aren’t making the best decisions for themselves. This week, we’re talking all about triggers - why they happen and what you, as a coach, can do to support your clients in managing those emotional responses.

How many times have you heard a client say, “that triggered me”? Or do you notice they're having a strong reaction to an event that seems out of proportion? It could be their amygdala that's to blame.

The most primitive part of our brain, the amygdala, often called our reptilian or lizard brain, is responsible for our survival. The amygdala is on guard 24/7 scanning the environment for safety. It lights up when a threat (real or perceived) is detected and fires off a series of automatic physical responses that prepare the body to respond to danger.

It makes sense that people feel threatened during divorce and that feeling can cause them to act in aggressive ways, have problems with rational thinking, engage in poor decision making, and damage personal relationships.

As a coach, what’s your first response? Do you roll your eyes and think your client is being overdramatic? Do you overstep the comments because you aren’t sure what to do or how to best support that client? Listen in as Tracy and Debra offer 5 tips and a number of tools you can use to support your clients when their emotions try to run the show.


You can learn more about DCA™ or find out about any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)

We’ve said it before and we’ll keep saying it … if you want to get clients, grassroots marketing is the least expensive and most effective way to go. Today we want to talk about the mistakes we see new coaches make and what you can do to work your two most important referral pipelines - current clients and professional contacts.

There’s really only one thing that’s most likely to provide you with a steady flow of new clients - and that’s referrals. Not a fancy sales funnel, not a big Google Ad words campaign, not social media, and not an expensive business coach.

One of the most common mistakes we see new-ish coaches making is spending time and $$ on the wrong things like a fancy website, a business coach, networking with divorce professionals and trying to start group coaching programs.

Focus on first things first and that's getting one-on-one clients:

• Perfect your elevator pitches
• Talk to everyone you meet everywhere you go
• Master the consult call

Next, increase the chances that current clients will recommend you:

• Be professional
• Provide value and results
• Acknowledge and celebrate progress
• Make the ask

Finally, cultivate a network of professional referral sources:

• Talk to your own contacts - doctors, hair stylist, massage therapist, trainer, bartender - people that people tell their problems to
• Participate in continuing education classes and events through ABA, Mosten-Guthrie, APFM, AFCC
• Offer to speak or do lunch and learns for local business groups

Once you're up and running and have a steady flow of clients, you can consider what steps to take when you're ready to level up. But for now, talk about what you do, get potential clients on the phone, and close the deal. And when you turn clients into raving fans, you'll have started a ripple effect that will effortlessly bring you future clients.


You can learn more about DCA™ or find out about any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)

Why would someone with decades of experience as a family law attorney and family court judge choose to pursue training as a divorce coach? We invited Chandlee Kuhn, a student in our current cohort, to share her perspective and give you some insights.

Chandlee J. Kuhn is the retired Chief Judge of the Family Court for the State of Delaware. Chief Judge Kuhn recently joined the Family Law Advice Center (FLAC), a limited representation law practice. In her legal role, Judge Kuhn evaluates legal matters and advises clients regarding their Family Court matters.  She also coaches her clients to navigate the ups and downs of the legal process and life after Family Court. Judge Kuhn is a Certified Mediator for the Delaware Family Court and the Delaware Superior Court and has devoted her career to serving the community through numerous local and national boards and organizations, including as a Director of the National Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges, the Executive Committee of the Supreme Court of Delaware, the Delaware Court on the Judiciary, the Child Protection Accountability Commission, the Domestic Violence Coordinating Council, and the Criminal Justice Council of Delaware.

Those are some serious credentials, so we had to ask ... why divorce coach training? Not only does Chandlee have a love of learning, but as she transitions her work with clients to a limited law practice that doesn't litigate, she wanted to have the ability to both approach her cases from a new perspective and market her practice differently.

As an attorney, she is used to giving advice and telling clients what to do. She says one of her biggest AHA moments so far has been that in divorce coaching we teach our clients to navigate for themselves. She's looking forward to letting the client lead their own journey of self-discovery and trust that they have their own answers.

Chandlee was attracted to the DCA certification program because we are aligned with the ABA definition of divorce coaching as a method of alternative dispute resolution. She recommends coaching training to other divorce professionals because she believes it will allow them to get more satisfaction from a field that can be extremely draining.

You can reach Chandlee at: [email protected]


You can learn more about DCA™ or find out about any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)

Well, we couldn't be more excited to have THE Susan Guthrie joining us on the podcast this week. TBH we were fangirling a little bit, but we had the most incredible conversation about how she transitioned from litigation to ADR and why Susan believes a divorce coach should be everyone's first call.

Susan is a nationally recognized Top Family Law Attorney and Mediator with over 32 years of unparalleled experience. And now as one of the world's foremost family, collaborative, and mediation trainers, Susan is dedicated to helping legal and dispute resolution professionals elevate their practices for a more fulfilling and prosperous career.

Susan talks about the moment that changed the trajectory of her career from a burned out litigator to a mediator and how her own personal experiences with divorce and being part of a blended family have continued to impact her work.

She also share why she believes a team approach to divorce is the best approach for families and why a divorce coach trained from an ADR perspective is the right fit for that team. We couldn't be more honored that Susan is such a big supporter of DCA's new ADR divorce coach certification program.

And if you've been curious about artificial intelligence like ChatGPT, Susan will be holding a training on June 28 through Mosten-Guthrie Academy so you can learn how to incorporate this new tool into your practice.


Susan's website: susaneguthrie.com
Mosten-Guthrie Academy website: mostenguthrie.com
ChatGPT Training: ChatGPT and Your Practice


You can learn more about DCA™ or find out about any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)

Have you ever had a client who is timid about going into mediation because they believe their spouse or co-parent will over-power or try to dominate them? Perhaps they don’t feel like they have the confidence to advocate for themselves? Today we're talking about the concept of psychological power and that’s where we can look to Sasha Fierce for inspiration to help clients prepare to go into that mediation room with confidence.

For those of you who may not know who Sasha Fierce is, she is Beyoncé’s alter ego. She created Sasha Fierce to help her separate her confident on-stage persona from her more timid at-home personality.

And if you've ever seen Beyoncé perform, you may be wondering…timid???? There is nothing timid about her performances; they are bold, sexy, and confident. Well, that's thanks to Sasha Fierce.

As divorce coaches, we can help our clients create their own alter ego and embody a temporary sense of power when they are preparing to mediate. Research has shown that being powerful and feeling powerful have essentially the same impact in negotiations. So whether your client channels Oprah, the Dalai Lama, Batman, or their best friend, the point is that they can increase their perceived psychological power.

Next time you watch a Beyoncé video, think about that. Is she timid or is she Sasha Fierce?

TED Talk on Confidence

You can learn more about DCA™ or find out about any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)

The quickest route to jeopardizing your business is crossing the line and giving clients legal advice. Yes, as divorce coaches, we do support clients through the legal process and we do provide general divorce education, but we need to be very cautious to avoid acting as a legal advocate.

In this week's episode, we review the concept of the unauthorized practice of law, discuss what we can and cannot do as divorce coaches, and talk about the potential outcomes if you overstep your role.

Because divorce is a legal process, the only folks who are permitted to give legal advice are licensed attorneys. While requirements differ slightly from state to state, all states make it illegal to engage in the practice of law without first obtaining a license. Illegal! Anyone engaged in the practice of law without a license is committing a criminal act and is subject to penalties that range from fines to jail time.

Listen in as we talk through a common client scenario and illustrate the difference between coaching and UPL.

The bottom line is this ...  if you're staying in the coaching zone and adhering to the principle that we don't tell clients what to do, you won't be in the danger zone.


You can learn more about DCA™ or find out about any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]