Durable Dad with Tommy Geary

Your kid is mouthing off to your wife. You hear it from the other room, and you come in hot to shut it down. Then somehow your wife turns on you. This episode breaks down why that happens and what to do instead when your kids disrespect their mom.

In this episode:

• Why mom sides with the kids over dad, and why it isn't about loyalty
• How to control your masculine energy
• Tending your fire before you walk into the room
• Two questions that change how you show up in a family argument
• The difference between parenting with patience and parenting from your stress

Takeaways:

• If you come in angry, your wife will stop dealing with the kid and start dealing with you.
• Ask what your wife needs right now, then ask what your kid needs right now.
• The goal isn't to fix the situation. The goal is to not make it worse.
• Coming in hot builds fear in your kids and resentment in your wife.

You get to decide how you parent. Make sure it's a decision and not a reaction.

Also in this episode: The next adventure trip is live. Joshua Tree, February 2027, with daily hikes and a 10-mile summit of Quail Mountain. Nine spots are left; more details are on the website. 

Stop Losing Your Temper Road Map

This roadmap will teach you how to have more patience.

To give your kids more time and attention.

Anger isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility.

Learn how to manage it so it doesn't get the best of you.

https://www.tommygcoaching.com/roadmap

The Sunday Scaries can show up any day of the week.

You're home with your family, but your brain is already in next week. You're there and not there - all at the same time. And it all comes at one: less patience, sneaking off to get work done, an easy conversation with your partner turning into an argument. This solo episode breaks down three steps to keep next week's to-do list from taking over your weekend with your family.

In this episode:

• The words that signals you're more overwhelmed than you realize
• How unspoken stress shows up in conversations with your partner
• Why a solid plan doesn't always quiet the anxiety
• Joe Dispenza's Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself and the idea of focusing on the feeling instead of the how
• The difference between visualizing and daydreaming
• How athletes rehearse what could go wrong, and why you should too

Mentioned: Episode 56 (What's On Your Calendar) and Episode 96 (A Tool to Prioritize Your Day)

Takeaways:

• When you keep calling your month "crazy," "busy," or "nuts," that's overwhelm talking.
• Get everything out of your head and onto paper.
• Picture what you have to do already finished, and feel what that's like.
• Rehearse how you'll handle the hard moments before they happen.
• Telling your partner what you're carrying can turn an argument back into a conversation.

Don't just plan your month. Picture it finished, feel it, then go do the work.

Stop Losing Your Temper Road Map

This roadmap will teach you how to have more patience.

To give your kids more time and attention.

Anger isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility.

Learn how to manage it so it doesn't get the best of you.

https://www.tommygcoaching.com/roadmap

Your intent is almost always good. That doesn't mean it lands.

You tell your partner to calm down because you want the tension gone. You point out the bright side because you want her to feel better. Neither one works, and you end up defending yourself instead of connecting.

In this episode, we pull apart the gap between intent and impact and the uncomfortable thing beneath it. When you push your partner toward a calmer and more optimistic version of how they're feeling, the honest reason usually isn't for them. It's because their emotion is making you tense, and you want relief.

Highlights:

• Why "calm down" makes things worse
• The difference between wanting your partner to feel better and wanting to feel better yourself
• Why explaining your good intent leaves your partner more misunderstood than before
• What happens when you catch your own tension before you speak
• Two ways to respond that don't ask your partner to change how they feel
• Why the couples doing well are usually the ones talking about this stuff on purpose

Practical takeaways:

• Before you respond, notice what you're feeling. That's the whole first move.
• Ask who you're really trying to settle, them or you.
• Drop the case for your intent. It's not the thing that needs attention.
• Say the harder sentence: "I'm tense, and I want to tell you to calm down, but I know that's about me."

Stop Losing Your Temper Road Map

This roadmap will teach you how to have more patience.

To give your kids more time and attention.

Anger isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility.

Learn how to manage it so it doesn't get the best of you.

https://www.tommygcoaching.com/roadmap

Place the phone down and live your life.

That's the final line of this episode. Tommy sits down with his friend, client, and fellow dad Greg Chambers in order to have a genuine discussion about the use of mobile phones, not just offering the superficial suggestion of 'put your phone away', but looking at the real mechanisms that draw us to the screen from the start and examining what is needed in order to develop a different relationship with it. In this episode:

• What COVID actually did to phone habits, and why "productive" screen time isn't the whole story
• Boredom, and why avoiding it might be costing you more than you think
• An Apple feature which very few people are aware of, and that can turn your smartphone into a dumb phone all at once. - https://www.facebook.com/reel/1071021452158246 
• What happens when a family does a full week with zero screens
• Why physical separation beats every app-blocker and self-control strategy combined

Takeaways:

• Getting rid of an app is a decision, but physical separation, such as putting the phone in another room, taking it off your body, or getting it out of the bedroom, is a system, and systems prevail.
• A quick check when you're with your family seldom remains quick, and your children pick up on it more than you realize.
• Vacations, trips, and even ordinary evenings can all be used as chances to deliberately be unreachable.
• Take a survey of your family members and find out how present you really are; you could be surprised by the result, whether positive or negative.

The phone isn't the problem; it's the effect it has on your attention. 

Stop Losing Your Temper Road Map

This roadmap will teach you how to have more patience.

To give your kids more time and attention.

Anger isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility.

Learn how to manage it so it doesn't get the best of you.

https://www.tommygcoaching.com/roadmap

Every skill worth having comes with a bill, and the currency is looking bad at it for a while.

You block time to learn a new skill, get derailed by a small interruption, and call it a distraction when it's really an excuse. Underneath is a thought that sounds ambitious but functions as a threat: "I want to be an expert." That thought doesn't motivate; it triggers comparison, a sense of being behind, and makes starting feel unsafe.

In this episode:

• Why the goal of "mastery now" turns a one-hour learning block into ten minutes of effort and fifty minutes of email and snacks
• The real obstacle: it's not the interruption, it's the belief you should already be good.
• Why high performers specifically get stuck here when competence is wired to identity
• What "the tax of not knowing" actually costs, and why avoiding it freezes growth instead of protecting you
• Why the same student mindset applies to delegation and scaling a business
• The identity-language swap that separates who you are from what you're still learning

Takeaways:

• Drop "I'm behind" and "I'm not an expert"; replace with "this is a process" and "one rep at a time"
• Discomfort in learning isn't a signal to stop. It's the signal it's working.
• A visible growth mindset reads as confidence; pretending to know everything doesn't

Stop Losing Your Temper Road Map

This roadmap will teach you how to have more patience.

To give your kids more time and attention.

Anger isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility.

Learn how to manage it so it doesn't get the best of you.

https://www.tommygcoaching.com/roadmap

Kids are more capable than we give them credit for.

Most parenting decisions in the moment aren't really about the moment; they're about our own fear of failure, embarrassment, or losing control. In this episode, we break down a parenting moment. We unpack three markers of overprotective parenting: being overly informed, overly involved, and overly comfortable, and dig into the emotions and old baggage that drive parents to step in before they need to.

Highlights:

• The three markers of overprotective parenting, and how to spot them in yourself
• Why gathering too much information about your kid's life can backfire
• The difference between supporting a kid through conflict and rescuing them from it
• Why physical and emotional struggle are things kids need, not things to prevent
• The thought patterns underneath overprotective actions and where they actually come from

Practical takeaways:

• Before stepping in, ask whether you're protecting your kid or protecting yourself from discomfort
• Let conflicts between siblings or friends play out before intervening
• Notice when "helping" is actually taking away a chance for your kid to build confidence

Parenting isn't about eliminating risk; it's about knowing which risks build resilience and which ones just make you feel better in the moment.

Stop Losing Your Temper Road Map

This roadmap will teach you how to have more patience.

To give your kids more time and attention.

Anger isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility.

Learn how to manage it so it doesn't get the best of you.

https://www.tommygcoaching.com/roadmap

In this episode, we dive into a coaching moment with one dad who was having a hot week and falling back into an old pattern: trying to keep everyone else okay while draining himself in the process. 

Highlights: 

• Why chaos makes your brain shrink its focus 
• The old pattern many men fall into when stress picks up 
• How “I need to do more” creates depleted motivation 
• Why recent wins matter when you’re in a hard week 
• The difference between scattered action and steady leadership 
• A simple way to widen the window and get your head back 

Practical takeaways: 

• When you feel scattered, pause before adding more to your plate. 
• Look back at the last few weeks, months, or year and name the wins. 
• Let those wins create cleaner motivation before you move into action. 

This isn’t about avoiding chaos. It’s about remembering the kind of man you are while you’re in it. Listen to this episode and practice widening the window this week.

Stop Losing Your Temper Road Map

This roadmap will teach you how to have more patience.

To give your kids more time and attention.

Anger isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility.

Learn how to manage it so it doesn't get the best of you.

https://www.tommygcoaching.com/roadmap

Most blow-ups do not come out of nowhere. Your body usually gives you a warning first.

In this episode, Tommy breaks down how to notice the physical signs of emotion, name what is happening, and respond before the fire takes over. The goal is not to suppress what you feel. It is to take responsibility for how you carry it into your marriage, parenting, work, and decisions.

Highlights:

• Why raised voices, defensiveness, and shutdown are often late-stage signals
• How to build emotional intelligence. 
• Why naming the emotion helps you respond with more control
• What to do when your internal fire is running hot
• How to rebuild momentum when the fire has gone dim
• Why small next steps work better than trying to fix everything at once
• How emotional awareness changes difficult conversations at home

Practical takeaways:

1. Revisit one recent moment when you snapped, shut down, or numbed out.
2. Identify where you felt the emotion in your body and put a clear name to it.
3. Decide what the moment needed: a pause and long exhale, or one small action to rebuild momentum.

Think about the last conversation you wish you had handled differently. Before you judge the reaction, go back and find the first signal your body gave you.

Stop Losing Your Temper Road Map

This roadmap will teach you how to have more patience.

To give your kids more time and attention.

Anger isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility.

Learn how to manage it so it doesn't get the best of you.

https://www.tommygcoaching.com/roadmap

The call to change usually shows up before we’re ready for it.

The hero’s journey is a way to understand career changes, marriage growth, fatherhood, health goals, and the hard decisions men keep putting off. 

Highlights:

•  Why the “ordinary world” feels safe, even when it’s draining you 
•  How avoidance shows up in work, marriage, health, and parenting 
•  The difference between being grateful and using gratitude as an excuse 
•  Why most men refuse the call before they answer it 
•  How mentors, coaches, books, and honest conversations help you move 
•  Why the hardest part of the journey is often an identity shift 
•  What changes after you stop trying to carry the whole thing alone 

Practical takeaways:

•  Look at the area of your life where you keep saying, “It’s fine,” when it is not. 
•  Make a real commitment: write it down, tell someone, invest in support, or put something on the line. 
•  When the hard part hits, don’t treat it as proof you should quit. Treat it as part of the path. 

References:
• Book - The Power of Myth
• Podcast - Joseph Campbell Interview on The Tim Ferriss Show

This episode is a reminder that the hero’s journey is not just a movie structure. It is how men change. You leave what is familiar, face what you’ve been avoiding, and come back steadier, clearer, and more honest about who you are becoming.

Listen to the episode and look at where you are refusing the call right now.

Stop Losing Your Temper Road Map

This roadmap will teach you how to have more patience.

To give your kids more time and attention.

Anger isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility.

Learn how to manage it so it doesn't get the best of you.

https://www.tommygcoaching.com/roadmap

Most dads don’t lose it because the situation is too big.

They lose it because something inside them takes over before they can choose how to respond.

In this episode, Tommy breaks down the inside game of parenting: the thoughts, fears, and pressure that show up when your kid is upset, disrespectful, disappointed, or struggling. Wanting your kids to be happy, respectful, successful, and tough is not the problem. The problem is when those desires turn every hard moment into a test you feel like you have to control.

Highlights:

• Why your kid’s mistakes can feel like a problem to solve
• How good intentions can turn into pressure, anger, and overreaction
• What is often sitting underneath a dad’s anger
• Why small parenting moments can start to feel like big future warnings
• How to stay steady without giving in or coming in hot
• Why your emotional capacity has to come before your kid’s emotional capacity

Practical takeaways:

• Pause before you fix, correct, or lecture.
• Look for the fear underneath your anger before you act.
• Let your kid feel disappointment without making it your job to erase it.

The next time your kid sets you off, start with what is happening inside you. Get steady first. Then handle the kid in front of you.

Stop Losing Your Temper Road Map

This roadmap will teach you how to have more patience.

To give your kids more time and attention.

Anger isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility.

Learn how to manage it so it doesn't get the best of you.

https://www.tommygcoaching.com/roadmap