Durable Dad with Tommy Geary

You don’t have to choose between being present and building your future.

You’re home with your family and you want to enjoy it. But you’ve also got goals, a job, and a life you’re trying to create. Focus only on the present and nothing moves. Focus only on the future and you miss what’s right in front of you. 

This  episode breaks down how to hold both by being grateful for the future you’re creating, before it shows up.

In this episode:

• Tony Robbins’s three places to put your focus: the past, the present, and the future
• Why a client’s positive vision “felt fake,” and why his worst-case scenario was just as made up
• The question Tommy asked a CEO who studied meditation for years before returning to corporate life
• Joe Dispenza’s idea that gratitude is the ultimate state of receivership
• The study where only the grateful group chose to wait for the bigger reward
• How gratitude shows up as patience in your business and with your kids

Mentioned: Episode 22 (Clean Up Your Past so You Can Crush Your Future), Episode 23 (How to Better-Leverage Your Future), Episode 118 (You’re Busy, But Not Going Anywhere), and the Joshua Tree trip

Takeaways:

• Focusing on regret and second-guessing the past rarely brings the fulfillment you’re after.
• The present is where fulfillment and appreciation live.
• Your worst-case scenario is just as made up as your best-case one, so pick the one that helps.
• Feeling good didn’t make people more patient. Feeling grateful did.
• Write down what you’re grateful for right now, then what you want to create, and be grateful for that too.

Be grateful for where you are. Be grateful for where you’re going. Then notice how much less rushed you feel.

Stop Losing Your Temper Road Map

This roadmap will teach you how to have more patience.

To give your kids more time and attention.

Anger isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility.

Learn how to manage it so it doesn't get the best of you.

https://www.tommygcoaching.com/roadmap

JOSHUA TREE TRIP

To create a good life, you need time and space to clear the head and create the vision. 

In this bonus ep, we lay out the full day-by-day plan for our Joshua Tree trip and explain why we built it to create both adventure and a real plan for the year ahead. We also break down how the training, accountability, and group talks work so you can show up confident and leave sharper. 

• Arrival flow from Palm Springs and why the first night matters 

• Daily rhythm of workouts, meals, and structured group talks 

• Ryan Mountain as the sunset warm-up hike and a gear test 

• Quail Mountain as the big headlamp summit day and how we manage safety, layers, and pacing 

• Sauna and cold plunge as optional recovery tools 

• Three-month training plan with weekly hikes, a scrimmage hike, and strength work for hiking durability 

• Bi-weekly coaching calls plus WhatsApp accountability and support 

• What’s included on the trip and what you need to book yourself 

If you have questions and are interested in the trip, shoot us an email, [email protected], or check out the trip page here. 

Or you can find the link to the trip website in the show notes. 

Stop Losing Your Temper Road Map

This roadmap will teach you how to have more patience.

To give your kids more time and attention.

Anger isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility.

Learn how to manage it so it doesn't get the best of you.

https://www.tommygcoaching.com/roadmap

Some life changes come with a party and a clean finish line, but most don't.

Becoming a dad, watching your kids grow up, going from the guy you were in your twenties to the man your family needs now. Without a marker, part of you stays stuck in the old version. Craig Spear is back to talk about transitions and a simple framework for actually closing them out.

In this episode:

• What the Yosemite hike taught us about becoming a team
• Why falling back on old habits under stress is a sign you haven’t transitioned fully
• Grief as a tool, and how Marie Kondo can help
• The 5-minute family ritual that closes out summer
• Shutting down the workday so you actually walk into the house as dad
• Why hard challenges mark the shift from who you were to who you’re becoming

Takeaways:

• If you don’t name the transition you’re in, you’ll keep living like the old version of yourself.
• Thank the immature you for what it gave you, then let it go.
• Resentment builds when you never let go of what you lost.
• A marker doesn’t have to be big. A slideshow at the dining room table counts.
• Decide who you are now, then build the habits to stay there.
• This isn’t linear. You’ll slip back. That’s why accountability matters.

Every season ends whether you close it or not. Close it on purpose.

To find out more about Craig head to his website - https://craigspearcoaching.com/ or follow him on LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/craigspear/

Stop Losing Your Temper Road Map

This roadmap will teach you how to have more patience.

To give your kids more time and attention.

Anger isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility.

Learn how to manage it so it doesn't get the best of you.

https://www.tommygcoaching.com/roadmap

Your kid is mouthing off to your wife. You hear it from the other room, and you come in hot to shut it down. Then somehow your wife turns on you. This episode breaks down why that happens and what to do instead when your kids disrespect their mom.

In this episode:

• Why mom sides with the kids over dad, and why it isn't about loyalty
• How to control your masculine energy
• Tending your fire before you walk into the room
• Two questions that change how you show up in a family argument
• The difference between parenting with patience and parenting from your stress

Takeaways:

• If you come in angry, your wife will stop dealing with the kid and start dealing with you.
• Ask what your wife needs right now, then ask what your kid needs right now.
• The goal isn't to fix the situation. The goal is to not make it worse.
• Coming in hot builds fear in your kids and resentment in your wife.

You get to decide how you parent. Make sure it's a decision and not a reaction.

Also in this episode: The next adventure trip is live. Joshua Tree, February 2027, with daily hikes and a 10-mile summit of Quail Mountain. Nine spots are left; more details are on the website. 

Stop Losing Your Temper Road Map

This roadmap will teach you how to have more patience.

To give your kids more time and attention.

Anger isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility.

Learn how to manage it so it doesn't get the best of you.

https://www.tommygcoaching.com/roadmap

The Sunday Scaries can show up any day of the week.

You're home with your family, but your brain is already in next week. You're there and not there - all at the same time. And it all comes at one: less patience, sneaking off to get work done, an easy conversation with your partner turning into an argument. This solo episode breaks down three steps to keep next week's to-do list from taking over your weekend with your family.

In this episode:

• The words that signals you're more overwhelmed than you realize
• How unspoken stress shows up in conversations with your partner
• Why a solid plan doesn't always quiet the anxiety
• Joe Dispenza's Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself and the idea of focusing on the feeling instead of the how
• The difference between visualizing and daydreaming
• How athletes rehearse what could go wrong, and why you should too

Mentioned: Episode 56 (What's On Your Calendar) and Episode 96 (A Tool to Prioritize Your Day)

Takeaways:

• When you keep calling your month "crazy," "busy," or "nuts," that's overwhelm talking.
• Get everything out of your head and onto paper.
• Picture what you have to do already finished, and feel what that's like.
• Rehearse how you'll handle the hard moments before they happen.
• Telling your partner what you're carrying can turn an argument back into a conversation.

Don't just plan your month. Picture it finished, feel it, then go do the work.

Stop Losing Your Temper Road Map

This roadmap will teach you how to have more patience.

To give your kids more time and attention.

Anger isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility.

Learn how to manage it so it doesn't get the best of you.

https://www.tommygcoaching.com/roadmap

Your intent is almost always good. That doesn't mean it lands.

You tell your partner to calm down because you want the tension gone. You point out the bright side because you want her to feel better. Neither one works, and you end up defending yourself instead of connecting.

In this episode, we pull apart the gap between intent and impact and the uncomfortable thing beneath it. When you push your partner toward a calmer and more optimistic version of how they're feeling, the honest reason usually isn't for them. It's because their emotion is making you tense, and you want relief.

Highlights:

• Why "calm down" makes things worse
• The difference between wanting your partner to feel better and wanting to feel better yourself
• Why explaining your good intent leaves your partner more misunderstood than before
• What happens when you catch your own tension before you speak
• Two ways to respond that don't ask your partner to change how they feel
• Why the couples doing well are usually the ones talking about this stuff on purpose

Practical takeaways:

• Before you respond, notice what you're feeling. That's the whole first move.
• Ask who you're really trying to settle, them or you.
• Drop the case for your intent. It's not the thing that needs attention.
• Say the harder sentence: "I'm tense, and I want to tell you to calm down, but I know that's about me."

Stop Losing Your Temper Road Map

This roadmap will teach you how to have more patience.

To give your kids more time and attention.

Anger isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility.

Learn how to manage it so it doesn't get the best of you.

https://www.tommygcoaching.com/roadmap

Place the phone down and live your life.

That's the final line of this episode. Tommy sits down with his friend, client, and fellow dad Greg Chambers in order to have a genuine discussion about the use of mobile phones, not just offering the superficial suggestion of 'put your phone away', but looking at the real mechanisms that draw us to the screen from the start and examining what is needed in order to develop a different relationship with it. In this episode:

• What COVID actually did to phone habits, and why "productive" screen time isn't the whole story
• Boredom, and why avoiding it might be costing you more than you think
• An Apple feature which very few people are aware of, and that can turn your smartphone into a dumb phone all at once. - https://www.facebook.com/reel/1071021452158246 
• What happens when a family does a full week with zero screens
• Why physical separation beats every app-blocker and self-control strategy combined

Takeaways:

• Getting rid of an app is a decision, but physical separation, such as putting the phone in another room, taking it off your body, or getting it out of the bedroom, is a system, and systems prevail.
• A quick check when you're with your family seldom remains quick, and your children pick up on it more than you realize.
• Vacations, trips, and even ordinary evenings can all be used as chances to deliberately be unreachable.
• Take a survey of your family members and find out how present you really are; you could be surprised by the result, whether positive or negative.

The phone isn't the problem; it's the effect it has on your attention. 

Stop Losing Your Temper Road Map

This roadmap will teach you how to have more patience.

To give your kids more time and attention.

Anger isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility.

Learn how to manage it so it doesn't get the best of you.

https://www.tommygcoaching.com/roadmap

Every skill worth having comes with a bill, and the currency is looking bad at it for a while.

You block time to learn a new skill, get derailed by a small interruption, and call it a distraction when it's really an excuse. Underneath is a thought that sounds ambitious but functions as a threat: "I want to be an expert." That thought doesn't motivate; it triggers comparison, a sense of being behind, and makes starting feel unsafe.

In this episode:

• Why the goal of "mastery now" turns a one-hour learning block into ten minutes of effort and fifty minutes of email and snacks
• The real obstacle: it's not the interruption, it's the belief you should already be good.
• Why high performers specifically get stuck here when competence is wired to identity
• What "the tax of not knowing" actually costs, and why avoiding it freezes growth instead of protecting you
• Why the same student mindset applies to delegation and scaling a business
• The identity-language swap that separates who you are from what you're still learning

Takeaways:

• Drop "I'm behind" and "I'm not an expert"; replace with "this is a process" and "one rep at a time"
• Discomfort in learning isn't a signal to stop. It's the signal it's working.
• A visible growth mindset reads as confidence; pretending to know everything doesn't

Stop Losing Your Temper Road Map

This roadmap will teach you how to have more patience.

To give your kids more time and attention.

Anger isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility.

Learn how to manage it so it doesn't get the best of you.

https://www.tommygcoaching.com/roadmap

Kids are more capable than we give them credit for.

Most parenting decisions in the moment aren't really about the moment; they're about our own fear of failure, embarrassment, or losing control. In this episode, we break down a parenting moment. We unpack three markers of overprotective parenting: being overly informed, overly involved, and overly comfortable, and dig into the emotions and old baggage that drive parents to step in before they need to.

Highlights:

• The three markers of overprotective parenting, and how to spot them in yourself
• Why gathering too much information about your kid's life can backfire
• The difference between supporting a kid through conflict and rescuing them from it
• Why physical and emotional struggle are things kids need, not things to prevent
• The thought patterns underneath overprotective actions and where they actually come from

Practical takeaways:

• Before stepping in, ask whether you're protecting your kid or protecting yourself from discomfort
• Let conflicts between siblings or friends play out before intervening
• Notice when "helping" is actually taking away a chance for your kid to build confidence

Parenting isn't about eliminating risk; it's about knowing which risks build resilience and which ones just make you feel better in the moment.

Stop Losing Your Temper Road Map

This roadmap will teach you how to have more patience.

To give your kids more time and attention.

Anger isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility.

Learn how to manage it so it doesn't get the best of you.

https://www.tommygcoaching.com/roadmap

In this episode, we dive into a coaching moment with one dad who was having a hot week and falling back into an old pattern: trying to keep everyone else okay while draining himself in the process. 

Highlights: 

• Why chaos makes your brain shrink its focus 
• The old pattern many men fall into when stress picks up 
• How “I need to do more” creates depleted motivation 
• Why recent wins matter when you’re in a hard week 
• The difference between scattered action and steady leadership 
• A simple way to widen the window and get your head back 

Practical takeaways: 

• When you feel scattered, pause before adding more to your plate. 
• Look back at the last few weeks, months, or year and name the wins. 
• Let those wins create cleaner motivation before you move into action. 

This isn’t about avoiding chaos. It’s about remembering the kind of man you are while you’re in it. Listen to this episode and practice widening the window this week.

Stop Losing Your Temper Road Map

This roadmap will teach you how to have more patience.

To give your kids more time and attention.

Anger isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility.

Learn how to manage it so it doesn't get the best of you.

https://www.tommygcoaching.com/roadmap