Durable Dad with Tommy Geary

I was talking to a buddy the other day about his son’s cleanliness (or lack of), and he said something that I think every dad can relate to. 

He said he just wants his kids to be decent humans. 

When our kids go off into the world, we wanna know that we’ve raised a decent person. 

And this desire can lead us to correct our kids at every opportunity. 

If we let something slide, we’re not doing our job as a dad to guide them.

But actually the opposite is true. 

The more we nag our kids, the less impact we have on them. 

When we ride them at every opportunity, it starts to knock down their confidence and degrade our relationship. 

Instead, we want to pull back and ask, what does my kid really need from me right now?

This will allow you to let most things go. 

Today's episode will help you to lay off a bit, and support your kids where they need it most.

Stop Losing Your Temper Road Map

This roadmap will teach you how to have more patience.

To give your kids more time and attention.

Anger isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility.

Learn how to manage it so it doesn't get the best of you.

https://www.tommygcoaching.com/roadmap

When we snap, it seems to happen suddenly.

Like it's the last straw, and there's no stopping the volcano eruption.

But there are ways to stop it. 

Today's episode will do a quick review of the thinking cycle – the triad of the only aspects you can control in your life: your thoughts, emotions, and actions. 

This thinking cycle is the key element in getting in front of the blow-ups and choosing a better way to communicate when you're mad. 

This is how we slow down time and see the world as Neo saw it in the Matrix.

Listen in and learn to choose your reaction rather than feeling like it just bubbled up and came out of nowhere.

Stop Losing Your Temper Road Map

This roadmap will teach you how to have more patience.

To give your kids more time and attention.

Anger isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility.

Learn how to manage it so it doesn't get the best of you.

https://www.tommygcoaching.com/roadmap

Can watching Netflix or scrolling through social media really help you unwind? Today's episode will look at common strategies men use to unplug at the end of the day, and you'll walk away with better options. 

Imagine you're an archer, and you have a quiver of arrows on your back. Each of these arrows is a strategy to unplug for a moment. Some of these arrows leave you with a net negative impact (aka less energy), and some leave you with a net positive impact (aka more energy.

The struggle is, most net negative arrows are within easy reach. You've got to work a bit harder for the net positives.  But the good news is, the more you reach for your net positive arrows, the more you start to crave them. 

Stop Losing Your Temper Road Map

This roadmap will teach you how to have more patience.

To give your kids more time and attention.

Anger isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility.

Learn how to manage it so it doesn't get the best of you.

https://www.tommygcoaching.com/roadmap

Are you screwing up enough?

We’ve seen all the memes about “failing forward” and “using failure as a stepping stone.” But STILL, subconsciously, we let the fear of failure hold us back. 

That fear is hardwired into us, and until we put ourselves out there and fail over and over, that fear will lock us down. Because deep down, we believe failure is a problem.

But failure is not the problem. What we make failure mean is where we’ll find our problem. 

Today’s episode gives three real life examples of failures so you can continue to reframe how you think about your misses, and get after whatever you’ve been backing away from. 

Stop Losing Your Temper Road Map

This roadmap will teach you how to have more patience.

To give your kids more time and attention.

Anger isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility.

Learn how to manage it so it doesn't get the best of you.

https://www.tommygcoaching.com/roadmap

While we can’t control other people, we CAN influence them.

In fact, we’re influencing others at all times, whether we want to or not – Especially our kids.

Our influence happens because of a function in our brain called neuroception.

Neuroception is constantly reading the room – assessing the people and surroundings to evaluate: safe? Or not safe?

Neuroception takes in another person’s body language, tone of voice, eye movement, every micro-expression. 

And it all happens subconsciously, without effort so we can read whether another person is calm and in control, or if we should be on high-alert. 

This is why, as dads, leaders, husbands, it’s so helpful to learn to regulate our own nervous system. 

To recognize our triggers and learn to control our temper.

When our kids, employees, and spouse feel safe, the whole room can relax. 

After a few weeks of working together, one guy said, “the whole house feels better.” 

Listen to today’s episode to better understand the power of your influence on others, and how you can create an environment of safety and trust for your family.

Stop Losing Your Temper Road Map

This roadmap will teach you how to have more patience.

To give your kids more time and attention.

Anger isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility.

Learn how to manage it so it doesn't get the best of you.

https://www.tommygcoaching.com/roadmap

We have impact (not control) over our employees. 

And as their leader, THE most IMPACTFUL thing we can do, is clean up our thoughts about them – especially if it’s an employee that can get under our skin. 

Here’s why: When we’re mildly annoyed by an employee, they feel it. 

Humans can tell if they’re wanted in the room, or not.

And if they’re not wanted, they aren’t able to open up to their best, most authentic self. And they’re not set up to do their best, most inspired work. 

The way to fix this is to fix the subconscious playbook you have for them.

Get all your judgements out on the table so you can address them or eliminate them. 

Listen to today’s episode to bring the best out of your employees (and your kids).

Stop Losing Your Temper Road Map

This roadmap will teach you how to have more patience.

To give your kids more time and attention.

Anger isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility.

Learn how to manage it so it doesn't get the best of you.

https://www.tommygcoaching.com/roadmap

A playbook is a set of expectations we have for another person.

If you were the coach of a football team, you’d have a set of playbooks, and you’d expect your team members to play the game accordingly. 

We do the same thing in life with ordinary people, except they rarely play according to our expectations. 

And that’s why our kids’ can be friggen frustrating. Or our wife, employees, or parents…

The helpful thing to do is to take a look at your playbooks.

For example, if you’re holding a playbook for your wife, ask yourself:

- If I could wave a magic wand, how would I want my wife to act?

- If she behaved exactly the way I wanted, how would I feel? And what would I believe?

For for the final, big-kicker question:

- Can you believe that right now? Can you find evidence to support that belief without her changing?

The answer is almost always “yes.”

This is how we release tension from a relationship and stop trying to control the other person. 

Listen to today’s episode so you can stop wishing the other person would change. You’ll both feel better, and it’ll be on your own terms. 

Stop Losing Your Temper Road Map

This roadmap will teach you how to have more patience.

To give your kids more time and attention.

Anger isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility.

Learn how to manage it so it doesn't get the best of you.

https://www.tommygcoaching.com/roadmap

Men have a list of things to worry about. Take your pick:
- Are you saving enough money?
- Will your kids turn out okay?
- Will your kids have fond memories of you?
- Are you failing in your career?

If you really pay attention and listen to the voice in your head, it’s probably worrying. A lot. 

Yet, worrying is the most useless action we can take. 

Today’s episode will teach you how to use the worry matrix – a series of three questions that’ll snap you out of worry and into action. 

Stop Losing Your Temper Road Map

This roadmap will teach you how to have more patience.

To give your kids more time and attention.

Anger isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility.

Learn how to manage it so it doesn't get the best of you.

https://www.tommygcoaching.com/roadmap

School probably taught you how to read and write, but skipped over how to handle bad news, failure, or disappointment.

This is where stoicism comes in. 

Stoicism teaches us how to handle the difficult things in life. 

One of THE hardest skills to develop is to focus on what’s in our control rather than what’s out of our control. 

It’s a core principle of stoicism, and discerning and focussing on what you control will free you of the bulk of your difficulties.

Listen to today’s episode for stoic insight on managing anger, anxiety and fear. 

You’ll find that it all boils down to perception, because perception runs your life. 

This is good news because perception is also in your control. 

Stop Losing Your Temper Road Map

This roadmap will teach you how to have more patience.

To give your kids more time and attention.

Anger isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility.

Learn how to manage it so it doesn't get the best of you.

https://www.tommygcoaching.com/roadmap

One dad told me, “I wake up at 4:57 each morning, put on my pants, and go nonstop until 9pm when I watch 30 minutes of Netflix and crash. Then I wake up and do it again.”

And I think 99% of dads can relate.

The list of todos is exhausting. At least some days. 

That feeling’s not going to go away unless we make a few changes. 

The first is to take ownership of our situation. There is no “have to,” or “I got dragged into it.” We’re there by choice.

The second is to learn why we say yes to too many things. 

This week’s episode will pose several powerful questions to help you uncover the root of your exhaustion so you can create more space in your life. 

Stop Losing Your Temper Road Map

This roadmap will teach you how to have more patience.

To give your kids more time and attention.

Anger isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility.

Learn how to manage it so it doesn't get the best of you.

https://www.tommygcoaching.com/roadmap