Welcome back for the next journey of The Family Express Podcast with Kathryn de Bruin and Ronda Evans where our destination is resilient and connected families. Today’s guest is Pendo Galukande, licensed counselor in Uganda and graduate student in the US, and we are talking about loss, genetic mirrors, and maintaining connection with loved ones beyond time and space.

All Aboard !

2:50. Pendo describes the silence around her parent's death and her work to maintain her connection with them in their deaths.

5:50. Pendo describes her frozen, silent response to her mother's death and how this was misinterpreted by the adults in her life at the time. She then describes the disorienting experience of how her home life and environment changed in her new adopted family.

11:15. She expands on how the silence about her mother's death was devastating and traumatic with loss of connection, loss of processing, loss with parts of self, loss of opportunities to grieve.

14:10. Pendo describes that her personal journey into the mental health field led her to read about experiences of the adopted child and the loss of genetic mirrors.

18:27. Pendo tells about the adult in her life who broke the silence about the stories and life experiences of her parents which at first was disorienting too since it was a whole new world compared to the business world of her adoptive family.

20:25. Pendo recalls her first experiences of genetic mirrors as adults exclaim that Pendo looks just like her mom.

23:40. Kathryn reflects on the deep emotional impact that genetic mirrors can have on a person and how it deepens the felt sense of connection with someone who has died, and the impact on identity development and sense of belonging.

24:45. Pendo and Kathyrn reflects on the implicit sense of belonging and security that can be built into sharing genetics and looking similar to those around oneself.

29:45. Pendo and Kathryn acknowledge the yearning to ask about the loved one who died, while silence has been the chosen path, and Pendo expresses gratitude that the adult in her life volunteered to share the stories and reflect the genetic mirrors.

31:40. Kathryn pivots us to the family therapy room and new creative questions we can be curious about when first getting to know a family.

32:40. Pendo remarks on how children need to be helped to grieve, mourn and retain connection in the aftermath of a loss.

35:30. Kathryn provides a recap of the link between death and loss, connection, attachment, belonging and the risk of not feeling that belonging and the link to emotional health and relational health.

37:50. Ronda offers the significance of 'breaking the silence' and how taking the implicit to the explicit in story among families, and in the family therapy room.

Thank you for listening! 

Kathryn de Bruin is an ICEEFT Certified EFT Trainer. Kathryn and Ronda are both licensed marriage and family therapists, EFT supervisors and therapists, and AAMFT Approved Supervisors.

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You can follow Pendo Galukande here:

https://youtu.be/VxSJU4eFSMw?si=yzlN1SOJKwimdgQb

https://www.linkedin.com/in/pendo-galukande-3511916?utm_source=share&utm_campaign=share_via&utm_content=profile&utm_medium=android_app