Embrace the Mud

Have you ever been on the receiving end of controlling behavior? Have you ever been controlling in a relationship? Well control is the weed we are going to be addressing today. Maybe this is a weed that you’re dealing with in some way right now! Let's talk about what control is all about and what to do about it when it shows up in your relationships. 

Have you ever had a huge fight with your significant other on a major holiday? Have you looked forward to a day and spent a lot of time preparing and being excited only to have the day arrive and you had a miserable time? Maybe you have even injured yourself leading up to it or had gotten really sick and were unable to participate. In this week's episode we are talking about self-sabotage and how to prevent it or stop it in its tracks this holiday season, and anytime there’s a big day in your life— be it a birthday, holiday, or a vacation. Self-sabotage is incredibly common around important days and events and I don’t think it’s spoken about nearly enough. So we’re gonna define what self-sabotage is, give some examples of it, and address how to prevent or interrupt it. 

What does it take to achieve a mutual sense of safety in a relationship? How do you build a relationship that energizes you, that feels like a calm sanctuary in a troubled and chaotic world, and that helps you flourish and thrive as individuals and as a couple? Today we are talking about what it takes to begin creating this kind of a relationship— a secure-functioning relationship.

There are several quite costly mistakes we can make in relationships, and in today's episode I am talking about one of them. How do you and your partner recover after you've had a fight or argument? Are you distant for awhile afterward and then slowly return to normal? Do you make up by offering blanket apologies but still feel disconnected afterward? Do you pretend like the conflict never happened and just go about life as usual? These are common scenarios in relationships but there's a problem— they weaken your connection. In today's episode we'll talk about what to do instead so that conflict can actually serve a valuable purpose in your relationship and that is to build trust, increase safety and bring you emotionally closer to each other.

Have you ever had one foot in and one foot out of a relationship, uncertain if you should stay or go? I know I have. Maybe you're there right now. Many of my clients come to me to work out whether there relationship is good enough or not. But what does good enough mean? How do you determine if a relationship is worth continuing to stay in and work on? What do you do if you realize it isn't good enough right now but you'd like it to be? These are the questions we'll be answering in this episode of the Embrace the Mud Podcast. 

Today's quickie episode is a short and spontaneous share of some thoughts that came out of a conversation that I had with myself about my approach to my own relationship and in particular my mindset towards caring for my relationship and nurturing my bond with my husband. I realized I needed a mindset adjustment and I wanted to share about it with you. I think it's a mindset shift every couple needs to make if they want to create and maintain a healthy, joyful, life-giving relationship. 

So much of the disappointment experienced in relationships stems from unmet expectations. When it comes to getting your needs met, it's fair to expect your partner to participate and hold up their end of the agreements you make as a team. In today's episode we discuss what it looks like to take a responsible and mindful approach to creating healthy expectations and how doing so can promote more peace and ease for you internally and between you and your partner. 

What Dara has written about expectations

Do You Have Unrealistic Expectations in Your Relationship? Here's How to Tell

In part 3 of the series Dealing With Unmet Needs, we are talking about 2 foundational aspects of getting your needs met adequately and consistently in your relationship: taking care of your own needs and helping fulfill your partner's needs. Very often we are so focused on getting our own needs met, we don't realize that we aren't fulfilling our partner's needs and they are also focused on getting their needs met and neglecting to help us fulfill ours. So what do you do to get unstuck and get the love and generosity flowing in all directions? We answer that question in today's episode. 

Dealing with unmet needs can be frustrating and confusing and so can knowing exactly how to let someone know what it is you need from them in a way that gets heard and understood. In this episode of the Embrace the Mud Podcast we are continuing our 4 part series, Dealing with Unmet Needs, and we’re focusing on what it looks like to clearly communicate your needs to a partner or other person in your life. Last week, we got clear on what your needs actually are. This week we are setting you up to successfully communicate your needs using what I call needs-based communication.

Dara's Blog Posts on Unmet Needs:

8 Questions to Help Get Your Needs Met In Your Relationships

How To Talk To Your Partner About Your Needs Not Being Met

This is part 1 of the series Dealing With Unmet Needs where we are talking about unmet emotional needs in relationships and how to deal with a situation where your needs are not being fulfilled in your partnership or another relationship. In this episode the focus is on the importance of being clear on what your needs actually are, how to find that clarity, and how to take ownership of what you need.

Dara's Blog Posts on Unmet Needs:

8 Questions to Help Get Your Needs Met In Your Relationships

How To Talk To Your Partner About Your Needs Not Being Met