June 06, 2023

Emotional Differences, Compassionate Inquiry and Double Empathy in Relationships-Guest Co-host-Greg Fuqua

1 hour 1 minute

This is the last episode with one of the Season 5 guest co-hosts, Greg Fuqua. During this episode, we address a topic from a listener who wanted to explore the way we often look at emotional differences in a neurodiverse relationship as either “logical” or “emotional”. She suggested that maybe it would be helpful to change the way we describe emotional responses and consider using terms like “expressive” or “inexpressive”. To expand this concept further, Mona and Greg discuss how some of us are taught to believe that we are “too much” or “too emotional” and that can lead to hiding our emotions, or becoming less expressive in our relationships. In turn, two unique individuals who come together in an intimate relationship don't always have the tools and foundation to connect with each other emotionally, bridge their differences, and understand each other's way of expressing emotions. Unfortunately, when we get stuck in using stereotypical ways to describe emotions in neurodiverse relationship we don't get to fully understand our partners. Greg talked about how "compassionate inquiry" may help both partners better understand each other's emotions, feelings, and state of being. Dr. Gabor Mate developed the "Compassionate Inquiry" psychotherapy approach, which reveals what lies beneath the appearance we present to the world (for more information on this approach check out: www.compassionateinquiry.com). Greg also shares how he and his wife "attune" and connect with each other by creating rituals of "safe conversation" and he shares how they implement this process.

We also discuss:

Healthy internalization versus toxic externalization

The value of creating bridges around differences and getting out of the blame and shame mode.

Relationship trauma

The value of using the term "allistic" instead of neurotypical

We all haves "parts" of us that hold wounds from childhood.

The importance of "emotional ownership" and not being responsible for your partner's emotions

Why "double empathy" is so important and the value of understanding each other's "whys".

We all have different ways of perceiving, responding and processing.

Why the most powerful and important traits in a relationship may be having a "growth mindset" and an "open mind"

We wrap up the episode with a conversation about how having a child and parenting can dramatically change a neurodiverse relationship and some of the things we have each have learned as parents in a neurodiverse relationship.

Thanks to Greg for being a guest co-host on the podcast and for sharing so much important information with the world. It has been a pleasure to have had so many important conversations together and I hope that the listeners have benefitted from our different perspectives, lived experiences and the lessons we have learned on our respective journey's.

If you would like to contact Greg you can email him at [email protected], check out his website at: www.GregFuqua.com or contact him at www.LifeWorksDM.com. You can also check out his profile on ⁠Psychology Today⁠.

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If you are interested in learning more about the support groups that Mona offers for neurotypical/non-autistic partners or neurodiverse couples, please email her at: [email protected]. If you would like to subscribe to the Neurodiverse Love newsletter go to: www.neurodiverselove.com

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