en(gender)ed

Greetings listeners….As 2020 comes to a close, we wanted to thank you for your ongoing support for our podcast, en(gender)ed. Producing, recording, and sharing our interviews and survivor stories with you has been an important part of my personal journey and growth. Your emails and messages have offered thoughtful inspiration for guests, themes, and ways to expand our conversation beyond this medium. Earlier this year, we launched the platform for the Engendered Collective, a community for survivors, advocates, and pro-feminist allies. Through our private platform, our weekly podcast, our Medium Engendered publication, and a variety of other virtual events, our members engage in knowledge-sharing and knowledge-building, collective care and healing, and advocacy to increase accountability of behaviors and actions rooted in sexist exploitation, violence, and oppression. If you think you might want to join our community, fill out our membership form.

Don't forget to follow the en(gender)ed podcast and the Engendered Collective on social media. As always, we would love to hear listener feedback or suggestions. You can write to us at [email protected], share an audio recording through speak pipe on our website, or invite us to your podcast, meeting, or organization. Be sure to stay connected so you won't miss some exciting announcements and listener engagement moments we are planning for the year. Until next time, thank you so much, stay healthy, safe and empowered, and we'll see you on the other side in 2021.

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Thanks for tuning in to the en(gender)ed podcast!

Be sure to check out our en(gender)ed site and follow our blog on Medium.

Join our feminist community of survivors, advocates and allies!

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This year, in recognition of DVAM, the Engendered Collective hosted a series of community conversations to bring greater awareness to domestic abuse and gender-based violence. Today's conversation deals with the intersection of domestic abuse and the Church. Our guests included Debra Wingfield and Julie Owens.

Debra Wingfield, Ed.D. is an Author, Speaker, and Trainer with 46 years of combined experience working with abuse across the lifespan. She counseled children and adults who experienced family violence, abuse, and child maltreatment for over 25 years. She educates and trains professionals across multiple disciplines-mental health, advocates, attorneys, and court professionals on the impacts of coercive control, domestic abuse, and family violence. A former faculty member in psychology and counseling at Regis University and the University of Southern Colorado. The author of healing from abuse books for adults and children include Eyes Wide Open: Help! with Control Freak Co-Parents, From Darkness to Light: Your Inner Journey, and Through a Child's Voice: Transformational Journaling.

Julie Owens is a survivor of domestic violence who has worked in the field of violence against women and women's empowerment since 1989. She has founded a hospital DV crisis response team, a transitional shelter, advocacy groups and training programs. She has worked with trauma survivors and addicted survivors, and was a research co-investigator, project director and trauma therapist on studies at the National Center for PTSD. Julie trains professionals widely and has served as an expert witness in both criminal and civil cases regarding domestic violence and domestic violence-related post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). She was a Site Coordinator for the Lily Endowment-funded RAVE project (Religion And Violence E-learning) during its five years of initial development. Her extensive work with the State of N.C. Department of Administration, N.C. Council for Women, involved oversight of numerous domestic violence, sexual assault and economic empowerment grant programs. She monitored grants, developed grant guidelines, trained non-profit boards, consulted and trained about best practices for working with victims and survivors, built collaborative initiatives and partnered with professionals in many disciplines.

During our conversation, Debra, Julie, and I touched upon the following resources:

• Jess Hill's book, See What You Made Me Do
• Reverend Marie Fortune's Keeping the Faith
• Spiritual and Religious Abuse Wheel
• How the Bible verses are being misinterpreted by some to defend or justify violence against women and/or gender inequality
• Riane Eisler's The Chalice and the Blade
• Julie's packet of Christian domestic violence resources
• Debra's book, Eyes Wide Open: Help With Control Freak Co-Parents
• Debra's book, Through a Child's Voice
• Debra's book, From Darkness to Light: Your Inner Journey
• Teri's suggestions for leaders in the Religious Left including John Pavlovitz and Rabbi Rachel Timoner
• First Corinthians 13 from the Bible, which gives the definition of love

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Thanks for tuning in to the en(gender)ed podcast!

Be sure to check out our en(gender)ed site and follow our blog on Medium.

Join our feminist community of survivors, advocates and allies!

Consider donating because your support is what makes this work sustainable.

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**A word of caution--these conversations contains frank discussions of child sexual abuse and the effects of abuse.**

This year, in recognition of DVAM, the Engendered Collective hosted a series of community conversations to bring greater awareness to domestic abuse and gender-based violence. Today's conversation deals with the intersection of domestic violence and systemic sexism and child abuse. Our guests included Anita, "Annabelle," "Courtney," and Roz.

Anita Gera is a protective mom from Great Britain. In 2014, Anita went to the British police to seek protection when her abusive and controlling ex-husband, an American pilot, threatened to take their children from the UK without her permission. Over the next year, through her ex-husband's use of the Hague Convention, Anita's case brought her back to the USA and resulted in a divorce and custody decision that would dramatically change the course of Anita and her children's lives. She has not been able to see her children, now thirteen and fifteen years old, since August 2015. Anita doesn't know when she will be able to see her children again as she has neither the means nor resources to enforce her parenting time with her children and she fears that doing so would put them at greater risk of harm by their father who has now ceased all contact with her.

"Annabelle" is a divorced Maryland mother who shares custody of two children living with abuse and coercive control. On their weeks with their father, her children have no phone access to their mother, their friends, or 911. They live in fear of having food withheld and of abuse under the guise of corporal punishment.

"Courtney" is a survivor of domestic violence, the family law courts, child protection services and bankruptcy. A judge ordered unsupervised parenting when her son was three, even though he noted that there was a "preponderance of evidence" proving the father was not able to keep him safe. When in the father's care for a few hours at a time unsupervised, Courtney's son suffered more injuries, including concussions, repeated head and face bruises, lacerations, ER visits, rashes and swelling of his genitals and a red and swollen rectum.

Despite multiple medical and mental health professionals filing child protection reports for suspected abuse, and court testimony by Courtney's son's therapist of her concerns about suspected sexual and physical abuse by the father - the father's testimony of a past child sex assault, the judge recently granted the unthinkable - extended, unsupervised, overnight visits. Courtney's goal of telling her story is to help mothers feel they are not alone because the support from protective Moms has given me the ability to continue to find strength and the most effective ways to help my child in a broken system.

Roz Davidson is Director of The Positive Parenting Company Ltd and a National Consultant and a Trainer in the UK implementing the "Community Groups Programme" a therapeutic program for women and children recovering from domestic abuse. It is a child-focused piece of work with the Mother supporting the child and addresses self-blame, attachment, what is abuse, emotional regulation across themed sessions delivered over 12 weeks. You can learn more about the Community Groups Programme here.

During our conversation, Anita, Annabelle, Courtney, and Roz and I touched upon the following resources:

• The definition of a "protective mother"
• Examples of #abusertactics, #signsofabuse, and #upstandertips
• Teri's post on the cultural history of "PAS" or "Parental Alienation Syndrome" as an abuser disinformation tactic to discredit victims' legitimate claims of abuse
• The AFCC and its complicity with enabling the abuser narrative of "PAS" through their codification and institutionalization of this nonscience and fact-based and discredited abuser disinformation tactic
• Examples from listeners of coercive control
• The role of "male supremacists"--the gender equivalent of "white supremacists," but often mischaracterized as "MRA" or "men's rights activists"
• The documentary, What Doesn't Kill Me, which addresses systemic gender bias against protective moms in family court
• The effects of trauma on protective moms and children exposed to abuse

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Thanks for tuning in to the en(gender)ed podcast!

Be sure to check out our en(gender)ed site and follow our blog on Medium.

Join our feminist community of survivors, advocates and allies!

Consider donating because your support is what makes this work sustainable.

Please also connect with us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

Don't forget to subscribe to the show!

This year, in recognition of DVAM, the Engendered Collective hosted a series of community conversations to bring greater awareness to domestic abuse and gender-based violence. Today's conversation deals with the intersection of domestic violence and systemic sexism and racism in communities of color. Our guests included Liz Stewart-Williams, Roman James, and Shia Joyner, all domestic abuse survivors.

Elizabeth Stewart-Williams is a protective mom and the founder of Liz Evonne Dispute Resolution Services LLC, a conflict resolution firm that assist women and families in underserved communities settle disputes. After spending over 12 years in the American Family Court systems fighting her own child custody case, Elizabeth identified her passion to help families avoid the impediments of fighting family disputes in family court systems. Elizabeth believes that conflict can be resolved efficiently, cost-effectively, and peacefully with guided support. She specializes in high conflict mediations and provides ombudsman services with non-profit organizations through her innovative Family Court Ombudsman program.

Elizabeth labors extensively to provide dispute alternatives protections of the abused and survivors of violence after protective or restraining orders have ended. She is an advocate for Parental Rights, Children of Abuse, and Survivors of Domestic Violence. Elizabeth currently collaborates with agencies, churches, supervised visitation centers, and advocacy organizations in promotion of effective dispute resolution services. She has serviced hundreds of families and seeks to transform family court through her new Family Arbitration program that begins in 2021. Elizabeth holds a BA in Political Science from the University of Oklahoma (OU) and a Masters in Dispute Resolution (MDR) from Pepperdine Caruso School of Law.

Roman James is mama to the most wonderful, generous and intelligent light being she ever met. Additionally, she serves as an activist and resistor of the violence imposed on women and children in the archaic American family court system having been radicalized by the institutional betrayal of the legal system. Her purpose is to thrive in her self-possession, rise above the systemic failures and leave everyone she comes in contact with better off for having met her.

Shia Joyner's pursuit of empowering the "new now womxn" after experiencing domestic violence and living from a place of love has guided her through every incarnation of her career as an RYT, Medical Esthetician, Reiki Healer, and Culture Consultant. Shia is an entrepreneur with a passion for coaching "womxn" to manifest their dreams by sharing simple and gentle ways that inspire them to love, heal, and nurture their body by being fully engaged in the power they embody. A fierce advocate of accessible wellness, Shia is also committed to giving back to her community by helping women in underserved areas overcome mental illness and support the needs of domestic violence survivors.

During our conversation, Liz, Roman, and Shia and I touched upon the following resources:

• Systemic racism and sexism and its intersection with communities of color
• Jess Hill's ideas for understanding domestic abuse and how to address systems change in her book See What You Made Me Do
• Violence against women of color and Indigenous women
• The role of the media in influencing and contributing to Black culture, including television shows such as Martin, celebrities such as Bill Cosby
• The intersection of gender justice and racial justice in the Black community's response to accountability for R. Kelly and Michael Jackson abuse allegations
• The Atlanta organization called Men Stopping Violence
• "Defund the Police" or "Justice Reinvestment" as it's called in Australia
• The use of "transformative justice" approaches to address accountability in domestic violence cases and how restorative justice is being weaponized against the Black community in NYC

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Thanks for tuning in to the en(gender)ed podcast!

Be sure to check out our en(gender)ed site and follow our blog on Medium.

Join our feminist community of survivors, advocates and allies!

Consider donating because your support is what makes this work sustainable.

Please also connect with us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

Don't forget to subscribe to the show!

This year, in recognition of DVAM or Domestic Violence Awareness Month, the Engendered Collective hosted a series of community conversations to bring greater awareness to domestic abuse and gender-based violence. This conversation deals with the intersection of abuse and police violence. Our guests included Effy Zarabi, Heather McWilliam, and Nanette Chezum.

Effy Zarabi is a Toronto police officer and has worked for nearly 12 years at the 51st Division. She filed a human rights complaint in 2018 against the Toronto Police Service, reporting sexual assault, harassment, and racism. Effy is currently on sick leave due to her PTSD.

Heather McWilliam served in the Royal Canadian Mounted Police and the Toronto Police Service prior to her medical leave in 2014. While on active service she worked in multiple specialized units including Homicide, Drugs Squad, and the Criminal Investigation Bureau. Her almost six-year human rights case has been called the longest in Canadian history. Heather is now pursuing a career in advocacy which will involve founding a not-for-profit and speaking publicly in support of victims of police culture abuses and sexual violence, those living with post-traumatic stress disorder and mental health injuries. Heather proudly re-initiated her social media voice immediately after the final decision of the Human Rights Tribunal of Ontario in June 2020.

Nanette Chezum is a public speaker educating about Officer Involved Domestic Violence, verbal and psychological abuse, the various types of abuse that fall under the umbrella of domestic abuse, how abuse impacts communities and the early warning signals that manifest in a new relationship.

During our conversation, Effy, Heather, Nanette and I touched upon the following resource:

• Systemic racism and sexism in police culture
• Heather's human rights complaint
• Teri's #SurvivorStories interview with Rosaura Torres Thomas about domestic abuse with a cop
• The docudrama, Unbelievable, which depicts rape culture in general and in policing
• Whether and what kind of training might reduce systemic sexism and racism in policing
• Lack of disciplinary measures towards police officers who are accused of and commit domestic abuse
• Jess Hill's coverage of "women's police stations" and gender parity in policing as a possible response to sexism in police culture
• "Defund the Police" or "Justice Reinvestment" as it's called in Australia
• Laws surrounding rape of a person in police custody
• NYC Civilian Complaint Review Board 2018 decision to allow them to begin investigating sexual assault complaints by Police Officers
• The role the International Association of Chiefs of Police can take in increasing accountability for abuse in law enforcement
• Our interview with Nanette and our interview with Angie Rivers
• The use of "transformative justice" approaches to address accountability in domestic violence cases

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Thanks for tuning in to the en(gender)ed podcast!

Be sure to check out our en(gender)ed site and follow our blog on Medium.

Join our feminist community of survivors, advocates and allies!

Consider donating because your support is what makes this work sustainable.

Please also connect with us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

Don't forget to subscribe to the show!

This year, in recognition of DVAM or Domestic Violence Awareness Month, the Engendered Collective hosted a series of community conversations to bring greater awareness to domestic abuse and gender-based violence. This first conversation deals with how we can create systems change and build a culture of accountability. Our guests included Elle Kamihira and Dr. Emma Katz.

Elle Kamihira is survivor, activist, and a multi-disciplinary director who has spent the last twenty years collaborating on a variety of award-winning film, museum, documentary, and theater projects. Current projects include Jennifer 42, an animated documentary that takes a close look at the role of coercive control in the true story of the murder of Jennifer Magnano, and The Most Wicked Problem, a docu-series about femicide.

Dr. Emma Katz, a researcher based in England focused on coercive control of children. Her most recent article When Coercive Control Continues to Harm Children: Post‐Separation Fathering, Stalking and Domestic Violence can be downloaded for free here . Her book Coercive Control in Children's and Mothers' Lives will be published by Oxford University Press in 2021. Follow Emma on Twitter at @DrEmmaKatz

During our conversation, Elle, Emma, and I touched upon the following resources:

• Lisa Fischel-Wolovick's article, Battered Mothers and Children in the Courts: A Lawyer's View
• The difference between primary (stopping violence before it starts), secondary (preventing violence from escalating), and tertiary (minimizing negative impact of violence and trauma) prevention of domestic abuse
• Evan Stark's work on "coercive control"
• A discussion paper from the government of NWS on criminalizing coercive control and Women's Safety NSW's Position Paper on criminalizing coercive control
• Jane Gilmore's work on violence and the representation of women in the media
• Nazir Afzal's work on prosecuting gender-based crimes in Britain
• Britain' efforts to categorize sexist and misogynistic acts as hate crimes
• How Scotland's laws on coercive control have stricter sentencing than England
• The work of the CEDAR Network addressing mother-child victims of abuse
• "Perspecticide" as a manifestation of coercive control
• Using the "Housing First" model to address housing insecurity for victims of abuse

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Thanks for tuning in to the en(gender)ed podcast!

Be sure to check out our en(gender)ed site and follow our blog on Medium.

Join our feminist community of survivors, advocates and allies!

Consider donating because your support is what makes this work sustainable.

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In this "Reflections" episode Part 2, Teri and Michael reflect back on episodes on the topic of sex, womanhood, and femininity: Episode 117: Jennifer Block on "Everything Below the Waist: Why Health Care Needs a Feminist Revolution," Episode 119: #SurvivorStories Series with "Sophia" on navigating the intersection of gender and race in healthcare, Episode 120: Susan Bordo on sex and femininity in politics and its intersection with sexism and misogyny, and Episode 121: Kyl Myers on "Raising Them: Our Adventure in Gender Creative Parenting."

During our conversation, Michael and I touched upon the following resources in our conversation:

• Michael and Teri's prediction that if Trump loses, he won't leave quietly, and why his current refusal to concede matters
• How being a woman was a pre-existing condition before the Affordable Care Act (ACA)
• How the medical and drug industry center profit over women's safety and agency
• Examples of ethically questionable behavior such as the power morcellator or the transvaginal mesh
• How Trump's damage to science could last decades to recover from
• Sexism and misogyny in 2016 elections and in politics in general
• The Brainwashing of My Dad interview with Jen Senko
• Our interview with Jessica Taylor on Why Women Are Blamed for Everything
• The impact of Amy Coney Barrett's confirmation and addition to the Supreme Court on women's rights
• Misogynoir and how Black women have protected men's violence against them to advance Black liberation
• How "sex" is not considered a "strict scrutiny" category under the law and why feminists are fighting for ratifying the Equal Rights Amendment

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Thanks for tuning in to the en(gender)ed podcast!

Be sure to check out our en(gender)ed site and follow our blog on Medium.

Join our feminist community of survivors, advocates and allies!

Consider donating because your support is what makes this work sustainable.

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**Note: We refer to Ashleigh as "Alyssa" because we recorded this interview prior to the lifting of her gag order. Ashleigh is now not legally prohibited from speaking publicly about her experience.**

On this #SurvivorStories series episode, our guest is Ashleigh Rae, a survivor of sexual violence, childhood rape and sexual assault by multiple offenders. She took her case to court and won not once, but twice. We speak with Ashleigh today about her experience as a survivor of sexual violence, how it is different from other forms of abuse, how her trauma has impacted her, what accountability looks like, and what role forgiveness, community, and feminism plays in her healing and recovery journey. Throughout our conversation, we ask Ashleigh to share #abusertactics, #signsofabuse, and #upstandertips.

During our conversation, Ashleigh and I referenced the following resources and topics:

• Australia's Gag Order law
• Melbourne journalist, Nina Funnell's #LetUsSpeak campaign
• Teri's thoughts as a survivor on healing and recovery and her perspective on what accountability is and should look like
• The impact of sexual assault, rape, and abuse on a victim's family
• How "restorative justice" language is infiltrating domestic abuse advocacy spaces and its reduction of accountability
• Brene Brown's views on accountability and forgiveness
• Our unregulated wellness industry

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Thanks for tuning in to the en(gender)ed podcast!

Be sure to check out our en(gender)ed site and follow our blog on Medium.

Join our feminist community of survivors, advocates and allies!

Consider donating because your support is what makes this work sustainable.

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On this episode of the en(gender)ed podcast, our guest is Jess Hill, an investigative journalist who has been researching and writing about domestic violence since 2014. We speak with Jess today about her book, newly released in the US "See What You Made Me Do: The Dangers of Domestic Abuse That We Ignore, Explain Away, or Refuse to See" which offers a primer on the gendered nature of violence, the ways in which society enables and excuses male entitlement to power over, and the normalization and erasure of men's violence against women our media and discourse. Jess and I also delve into a systems approach to confronting and preventing abuse, including examining proposals for criminal justice reform, such as women's policing, the Highpoint Model, and a justice reinvestment model in Australia.

During our conversation, Jess and I referenced the following resources and topics:

• The intersection of domestic abuse and gun violence
• Neo-liberalism and the US tendency favoring individualism as a factor in contributing to domestic abuse
• The importance of context in identifying "situational couple violence" versus "coercive control" or "intimate partner violence"
• PSA from Britain called "Timekeeper" on coercive control against women and children (Scroll to bottom to view and click on upper right to unmute)
• Our recent #SurvivorStories episode with protective mom, "Courtney"
• bell hooks' "Communion: The Female Search for Love"
• bell hooks' "The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love"
• The coercive controller typologies of the "Pitbull" and the "Cobra"
• Amy Holtzworth-Munroe's typologies of abusive behavior
• High rates of domestic abuse in Indigenous communities
• Frances Power Cobb's coinage of the term "wife torture" to describe domestic abuse
• How a study of babboons showed cultural norms can end abuse
• Australia's effort to criminalize coercive control
• Gender-based policing and women's police stations
• Focused Deterrence Model in Highpoint, NC
• Justice Reinvestment Model in Bourke, Australia, the equivalent of "Defund the Police" model in the US
• Jacinda Ardern's use of the "well-being" index instead of GDP to measure her success as a leader

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Thanks for tuning in to the en(gender)ed podcast!

Be sure to check out our en(gender)ed site and follow our blog on Medium.

Join our feminist community of survivors, advocates and allies!

Consider donating because your support is what makes this work sustainable.

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**Trigger Warning: This episode discusses child sexual abuse and symptoms of it.**

On this #SurvivorStories series episode, our guest is "Courtney," a survivor of domestic and institutional abuse. Courtney speaks to us about her experience navigating the family court, child welfare, medical and mental health systems, as a protective mom of a son who was allegedly physically abused, neglected, and sexually abused by his father. We explore the ways in which family courts ignore evidence of abuse, minimize it, and act as a source of institutional abuse and re-traumatization for victims and their children. We also look at the impact it has on the protective parent, child, and society as a whole. Throughout our conversation, we ask "Courtney" to share #abusertactics, #signsofabuse, and #upstandertips.

During our conversation, "Courtney" and I referenced the following resources and topics:

• How abusers often use pets as a source of coercive control
• How the family court disbelieves survivors' claims of abuse, especially when it's mothers reporting, and then penalize them for speaking out
• How coercive control is a form of intimate partner terrorism

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Thanks for tuning in to the en(gender)ed podcast!

Be sure to check out our en(gender)ed site and follow our blog on Medium.

Join our feminist community of survivors, advocates and allies!

Consider donating because your support is what makes this work sustainable.

Please also connect with us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

Don't forget to subscribe to the show!