I used to think that “conscious uncoupling” was a lame term made up by rich people with enough lawyers to handle their messy breakup. Now, my almost 5 year relationship with someone I love very much is ending. I am conscious. I am present. My heart is broken. And it is messy and hard, but not mean, spiteful, or ugly.

This time I get to choose to be loving instead of angry. I get to choose to be wise hearted instead of blaming and judging. I can choose to see that I am not being abandoned. That this is me choosing myself and you choosing yourself and that is beautiful. That we get to love each other forever because that’s what real love looks like. Allowing someone to be held and free at once.

Relationships don’t become failures because they don’t last forever. I am so grateful to have spent these last years loving and being loved by my person. I am so proud of him and how he moves in the world. I am praying for his path, that he finds peace, happiness, and does whatever it takes to share his medicine with the world. I am so grateful for it all. Thank you for being my most favorite teacher and sacred mirror and lover and best friend. And it hurts. And it’s hard. And I’m not able to show up in my work pretending I am above it all. I am here. In grief. In love. Walking through the portal of death into a new beginning.