Ep.02 ~ How Does love Relate to Life 

That’s the other thing that happens, you also start to accept all the parts of your life a lot more easily. All the shadows. You know, the shadows, if we don’t see them, they just keep pushing us around and they don’t go away by themselves. They must be looked at, they must be released, consciously released to some degree. So, when Maharajji sent me back to America after two and a half years, he said, “You go back to America. You have attachment there.” So, this is, this is what’s left after 50 years of dealing with attachment. Just, me and my main squeeze here. And my life, you know? But I think one of the things you’re asking, I’m not looking for that love in anybody anymore, in a person, in a human being – Krishna Das

Transcription:

Q:  So you mention about having a void and seeking to fill that void and so having had the experience with Maharajji, to piggyback on this gentleman’s question, how did that experience then translate back into, and this doesn’t have to be personal to you, per se, but in your experience, how does it all translate back into the romantic relationship, in your opinion.

KD: Well, what about just any relationship? What about, how does it translate at all to life, you know? It changes everything on one hand but it didn’t eradicate the karmas that I had already, you know, that were still to work themselves out. They still were coming. You know, looking back, you know, at that time, it changed a lot. First of all, I knew that there really is something to find that is real. And all I had to do is clean my heart and calm my mind, right? So, I’m still waiting. I think tomorrow I’ll start meditating. Maybe the day after. I’m busy tomorrow.

But on the other hand, on one hand, like I said, it changed everything because now there was a context for being alive, whereas before there wasn’t. I mean, I was hoping there was, but I didn’t really know that. But then after that, being there in India and those years and everything, you know, was different. My whole way of living in the world changed to some degree. But it didn’t obliterate a lot of the heavy darkness in my heart.  And that darkness manifested very fiercely over the years and it took me down a lot of places, you know, I would have never thought I would have gone. After being with Maharajji. Most people get fucked up before. But I was too scared to do that. I had to wait til afterwards to get screwed up. And I did. Royally.

So, but then there’s, as bad as it gets, most of the time you know that, you have a sense that these are your karmas manifesting and the more you deal with them, the better it is. The more ways you find to deal with them and be present with it as much as you can, the easier it gets but that’s not easy.  Give him the mic, he wants to say more.

Q: I almost feel as if this could be a conversation actually?

KD: what else is it? Isn’t this my living room?

Q: So be it.

KD: Or your living room?

Q: So it sounds like life only began at that point, per se?

KD: no, it sounds like the lights went on for a minute and then they went off again. You know? But once they’ve gone on, you see what’s in the room, to some degree. And then it’s not so, it changes a lot. First of all, you know there’s a door over there. You just have to get to the door to get out. Before you didn’t know what was there. So, you’re bumping around trying to find a way out but you don’t even know if there is a way out, so you might give up very easily, which most people do.

Q; So on that note, then, in terms of your relationship with life in general, just as opposed to just, a romantic side of things.

KD: Ok, what do you mean by? You’ve said that twice. What do you mean by romantic?

Q: Well, actually, just based on his question, so you know, in life one of the things that we seem to accomplish, let’s say for me,