Buckle up Enneagram lovers – we’re diving into your favorite topic in light of marriage today. If you want to be more self aware, and improve how you operate in your most primary relationship, this episode is for you.

Joining us is Christa Hardin, therapist and Enneagram expert. She is host of the popular Enneagram + Marriage podcast.

Today she helps us understand why understanding our Instincts within each number of the Enneagram is important, why knowing where we are in the Conflict Triad matters, and how we can be more whole and balanced as a couple using the strengths of each group.

From self-soothing techniques to language we can use for greater connection, Christa illuminates how this tool can help us in growing and deepening love.

CHRISTA’S BOOK

The Enneagram in Marriage

  PREVIOUS ENNEAGRAM EPISODES TO LISTEN TO

What’s your number? Understanding the Enneagram 101 with Suzanne Stabile The Enneagram and Spiritual Health with Doug and Adele Calhoun The Enneagram and Your Authentic Self with Marilyn Vancil

A QUICK RUN DOWN DESCRIPTION OF EACH NUMBER

Type 1 – The Improver Type 2- The Giver Type 3 – The Achiever Type 4 – The Individualist Type 5- The Observer Type 6- The Trust Builder Type 7- The Enthusiast Type 8- The Protector Type 9- The Peace Maker

UNDERSTANDING INSTINCTS WITHIN EACH NUMBER

Self Preserving Instinct – take care of you and your family using security measures

Sexual Instinct – the desire to create together; to merge and attract

Social Instinct – the desire for social connection and purpose

CONFLICT TRIADS (HARMONIC GROUP) – KNOWING HOW YOU CAN WORK THROUGH CONFLICT

Types 2, 7, + 9 – Positivity types – think in ideals, comfort, love

Types 1, 3, + 5 – Linear and logical types in conflict

Types 6, 8, + 4 – Emotional reactivity and passion types – deeper and more passionate care- OK putting cards on the table and showing how they really feel.

The best is when we can combine positivity, depth / passion, and maintain logic. When couples do all three, they start to argue in ways that get traction.

“Where there is life, there’s hope.”

-Tolkien SELF SOOTHING TECHNIQUES

• Take deep breaths
• Lament (ie. who your spouse isn’t)
• Take time with the Lord
• Go on a walk
• Take a break from conflict

 

“Focus on what you are together as a couple instead of what you aren’t.”

QUESTIONS TO HELP YOU RISE

1. Within your number, what instinct do you fall in? Self preserving, sexual, or social?
2. Look up your number plus your instince and see what it says to increase your self awareness.
3. Where do you fall in the conflict triad?
4. What can you do to broaden your skill set in conflict (get practical and specific).
5. When can you create a time to discuss the principles in this episode with your spouse?

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